Headline Funnies

I was playing around on line, and saw a news headline from the oh-so-serious news agency Reuters.
"Nicolas Cage Awoken By Naked Man With Fudgsicle."

If that's not a headline that just begs you to read the story, nothing is.

You can't make this stuff up, which is great about the news business.

Some other headlines in the news this week keep me reading: I swear none of them are from "The Onion"

"Gumby Creator's Son: Robbery Out of Character." (Huffington Post)
For Gumby or creator's son, is what I want to know.

"Jewish Prof Forced to Defend Himself Against Anti-Semitism Claim" (thestar.com of Toronto.)
Article said accuser claims prof is anti-Semitic because the prof said that a person who says a Jewish person should be sterlized is basically a scumbag. Accuser says just bringing up the subject even in that context is anti-Semetic. We're a bit sensitive, no?

"Man Who Threatened to bomb Long Island Power Authority Claims He Did It for His Granny" (New York Daily News)
Love your grandma. Even if it means going to jail, I guess.

"No More Cigarettes For Smoking Malaysian Orangutan." (Associated Press)
I'm glad the headline didn't say. Smoking Hot Malaysia Orangutan. That would be awkward.

"Shopper Arrested With Live Lobster in Shorts" (Associated Press)
I guess the guy was inspired by that old song by Fred Schneider of the  B-52s. "Monster in My Pants"

"Speed Dial: Dutch Woman Reportedly Calls Ex 65,000 Times."
Maybe because the Ex has a monster in his pants?