Code Red "French Toast Alert" in New England Blizzard

As anyone who has had the slightest contact with the Weather Channel knows, southern New England is about to get hit by a blizzard and EVERYBODY IS GOING TO DIE!!!!!!

The Blizzard of '78 in South Boston.
Will things look the same there by Saturday?

Well, not really. But if everybody is going to hype this storm to death, I might as well, too.

New England has unique ways of dealing with storms, and storm warnings in particular. I especially like the French Toast Alert system in place to tell people how excited they ought to get about an impending storm.

The alert system refers to the rush to get milk, eggs and bread, all ingredients in French Toast in advance of a big storm.

The French Toast Alert System ranges from low to Guarded to Elevated to Severe, and the Boston area is in full Severe French Toast Alert mode.

According to the alert system, Severe means this: "RUSH to emergency supermarket now for multiple gallons of milk, cartons of eggs and loaves of bread.....IGNORE cries of little old lady you just trampled in mad rush to get last gallon of milk. Place pets in basement for use as emergency food supply if needed."

Up in far northwestern Vermont, where I live, I'm feeling left out of this hoopla because my area is on the outer fringes of the storm. That means I can expect four inches of snow with a 30 mph wind. Yawn. Especially compared to the two feet of snow and 60 mph winds in coastal New England.

So, I'll just watch the storm vicariously, as the Weather Channel's Jim Cantore ensures Boston's doom by showing up there, like he does in every city threatened by some sort of weather apocalypse.

In the New England vernacular, I'm sure Cantore won't say "blizzard warning." He'll just say, "Wicked stahm comin'"