Four Men, Four Ideas, Possibly Four Bad Ideas

Today, we offer four men with four unique ideas who are pursuing their goals with gusto.

You gotta admire that.

The only questions are whether the ideas are indeed good ones, or are they on to something?

I hate to be negative and shoot down some unique ideas, but I feel like I must critique these guys anyway.

Our first man recently appeared in the Huffington Post as a man holding a sandwich board, advertising for a wealthy woman who he would like to become his bride.

This guy's looking for a wealthy
bride. Think he'll get her?

On the whole, this is a good idea, as you do want to put yourself out there, making as big a pool of people aware that you're available. That's why God created  Match.com, Grindr and swingles bars.

However, I might be working with stereotypes here, but if you're marketing toward a certain demographic, namely wealthy women, you've got make your advertising appeal to them.

I don't know if his sign accomplishes this. I'm guessing these wealthy women would respond to a sign or logo that suggests luxury, but the sign looks battered, as if it was a piece of debris from a tornado.

Though I'm no expert, trust me. Tornado debris does not attract wealthy women, unless they want to donate money to the storm victims.

The lettering on the sign has an messy, unkempt quality to it, so I don't know if that's helping. And his telephone number has obviously changed, with a piece of paper over the original sign displaying the new number. It just seems amateurish.

Our next man's idea is one of kindness. He wanted to take his girlfriend and her two children on a Disney cruise ship. Sounds very nice. And generous. We all like kind, generous people, right?

Here's the problem: At the last minute our guy, Cedrick Royce Swinson, 37, of Charlotte, N.C. discovered   some money he anticipated didn't come through. He apparently said it was in the bank, but for some reason didn't have access to it for withdrawal.

He didn't want to disappoint the girlfriend or her kids, especially since they were already in Florida on the way to the trip, so to come up with the money, he robbed a credit union, according to Florida Today.

The Florida Today article included the perspective of the girlfriend and the kids after the failed bank robbery:

"She was horrified and the children were upset. They watched as we took him into custody. They drove here overnight from Charlotte for a cruise. But they didn't know he was going to do this," said (Satellite Beach Police Cmdr Brad) Hodge, adding that police were searching Swinson's bank records to verify his claim."

Hmm. I wonder if they'll let Swinson watch Disney movies from jail, as sort of a consolation.

This guy's eyes are closed. He tattooed images
of eyes on his eyelids.  

Next we go to Chicago, where a man named Cesar Ruelase is going through extraordinary efforts to demote popular Chicago television meteorologist Tom Skilling to something called "weather guesser."

It seems Ruelase is frustrated by some fairly inaccurate weather forecasts of late. 

I'm not sure what changing Skilling's title would do to improve weather forecasts, but I guess you have to try something. And since weather is inherently unpredictable, I don't thing there's a chance Ruelase will ever get 100 percent accurate forecasts all the time.

And you can bank on the prediction I just made.

Finally, we have a man who's come up with the perfect solution for those of you who fall asleep at work during long, boring meetings, yet the Powers That Be expect you to be fully alert while they drone on with the PowerPoint presentation of the marketing department's annual budget projections

A man has tattooed an image of open eyes on his eyelids. When he closes his eyes, it looks like his eyes are open. Photo is here on this post.

I think I'd rather just fall asleep during the staff meeting and let nature takes it course.

Could This Be My Perfect Summer Job?

In a job posting that at intial glance sounds just perfect for me, they're looking for someone who loves the outdoors and has a loud voice.

That's me!

A nice cool summer job is available in Norway
if you are good at spotting one of these.  

The summer job in question is for a Norwegian polar bear spotter.

The polar bear spotter is needed so that researchers on a remote island can do their work without constantly looking over their shoulders to see any polar bears that might think the researchers are lunch.

Of course, the fine print for the job posting has one necessary qualification that might put me at a disadvantage. First of all, the successful candidate needs to have good polar bear spotting skills.

I don't know what that means. If such skills refer to seeing a big white bear and going, "Oh, my gosh! That's a polar bear!" I can do that. But I don't know if there's more to it than that.

The best candidate for this job should also be proficient with firearms, just in case the polar bear manages to attack.

That could be problematic, because I fear I might be clumsy with guns.

On the bright side, the people offering the job say the polar bear spotter might not ever have to use a firearm "as long as they have a loud voice."

I hope the job application isn't in Norwegian.

Mr. Sno Cone vs. Mr. Ding a Ling: Ice Cream Truck War Turns Vicious

My favorite news headline of past few weeks comes from the Albany, New York, Times Union:

"Cops: Sno Cone Joe Stalked Mr. Ding a Ling. 

The story itself, by Bryan Fitzgerald,  is as entertaining as the headline, as long as you are not Gloversville, New York's version of Mr. Ding A Ling, the ice cream truck guy.

Police say this guy, an ice cream truck driver
wants NO competition along his route
in Gloversville, New York.  

Who knew the ice cream truck business could be so cutthroat?

It seems Mr. Sno Cone, also known by his real name, Joshua Malatino, does not like competition from other ice cream trucks in the fine community of Gloversville, and he does everything he can, apparently, to not let another ice cream truck roll into town.

Along comes Mr. Ding a Ling, also known as..... and the trouble began.

According to Fitzgerald's article:

"You don't have a chance!:" Malation yelled to the 53-year old Mr. Ding-a-Ling driver on one of his first days in Gloversville, according to court documents. "This is my town!"

It got worse:

"Police said Malatino called the Mr. Ding-A-Ling headquarters in Latham and told them 'I own this town!', claimed 'that this business controls the ice cream sales market in the city of Gloversville."

For the record, Gloversville officials allow any ice cream truck within its borders as long as they have the proper permits.

The Times Union says this isn't the first time Malatino has used strong arm tactics to control the Gloversville ice cream truck market.

"In the past, Malatino has been warned for this type of behavior," said Capt. John Sira, adding Malatino drove a different ice cream vendor truck out of town last summer.

"We warned him before that this type of behavior would not be tolerated,'" Sira said.

Malatino and his girlfriend, Amanda Scott, 21, are charged with harassment and misdemeanor stalking, police said.

Next time you hear that annoying, tinny sound of an ice cream truck approaching, remember, it might not be all sweetness and light. Behind the smiles and the ice cream could be a nasty business struggle that could make a mafia don blush.

Rejoicing In My Spring Flowers

It's finally that time of year. When, instead of making sure my gardens are growing properly, or expanding, or have enough water, I'm chasing around the yard photographing the hell out of everything that's blooming.

That's par for the course in my life, but what are you going to do?  I might as well perserve some of the fruits of my labor for posterity.

So I take photographs

I took the photos in this post about three days ago. Since then, I've uploaded more than 150 from my camera, all of which I haven't processed yet. So there's more to come.

My camera had better not wear out.

Meanwhile, hope you like these floral moments from my gardens in St. Albans, Vermont

Will This Student's "Zero Tolerance" Case Finally Be The One That Ends the Insanity

A smart 16 year old girl in Bartow Florida named Kiera Wilmot did a dumb thing, as even the smartest teenagers sometimes do.

Kiera Wilmot's school is trying to ruin her
entire life because of her ill-conceived science
experiment which resulted in a tiny explosion and
no harm.  

Wilmot's a bit of a science geek so she mixed up some household chemicals in a bottle as a sort of ad hoc science experiment. It caused a really small explosion outside, away from everybody, and a little puff of smoke.

Nobody got hurt, and there was no property damage, and she didn't intend to cause any harm.

But, due to the school's zero tolerance laws,because of her actions, and she's as horrible a person as the Boston Marathon bomber, at least in the eyes of school administrators.

The promising student has been expelled, felony charges have been brought against her, which means Wilmot is probably going to basically lose her chance at a decent life if this sticks.

Yeah, go get her, school administrators. Kill that gnat with a nuclear bomb!

For its part, the Polk County School District is hiding behind the usual "rules are rules" line when zero tolerance punishments go over the top.

According to the Miami New Times:

"The letter of the law demanded the punishment, and school administrators believe kids should learn 'there are consequences to their actions.'

Yes, everybody should know there are consequences to their actions. But I suspect the school officials are too dumb to realize the consequences should match the crime. And if the school administration is dumb, I don't hold up much hope the students they are allegedly teaching are going to be that bright, either.

Following their reasoning to its logical conclusion, I guess I should get the death penalty if I get caught doing 80 mph in a 65 mph zone in my truck, rather than merely getting a ticket and paying a fine.

As Jesse Walker writes in Reason:

"No one was hurt. There's no sign that Wilmot was up to something malevolent. The kid's own principal thinks this wasn't anything more than an experiment, and he says she didn't try to cover up what she had done. What punishment do you think she received? A stern talking-to? A day or two of after-school detention? Maybe she'll have to help clean up the lab for a week?"

All of Walker's suggestions make sense. The girl broke the rules, and she does need to suffer some reasonable consequences.

But a felony, in which the intent of the school seems to be to ruin her life rather than guide her?  And exactly why is the school so intent on throwing this girl's life away?

This case might be an important step in finally eradicating the silliest, most stupid applications of zero tolerance that serves to ruin kids' lives rather than teach them the difference between right and wrong.

Why? Because scientists are pissed. 

Ashutosh Jogalekar, writing in Scientific American says:

When you arrest and expel students for slaking their scientific curiosity, whatever the other consequences of that action, be advised that you are almost certainly sacrificing a valuable scientist at the altar of arbitrarily wielded state and school power.

Jogelekar also says this, which makes total sense:

Yet we as a society are grabbing on to the Precautionary Principle at every opportunity. We seem to believe that ignorance is better than knowledge since ignorance involves doing nothing and always erring on the side of safety. We think this is ostensibly the safest state of affairs, but it is one which is very much illusory since it’s that same ignorance that unfavorably impacts our long-term security and progress. 

All this extreme discipline and extreme punishment is robbing our nation of future scientists. Here's another take on it, from Scientific American's Urban Scientist blog:

"I can't name a single scientist or engineer who hadn't blown up, ripped apart, disassembled something at home or otherwise cause a big ruckus at school all in the name of curiosity, myself included. Science is not clean. It is very messy and it is riddled with mistakes and mishaps.

I also love how a whole bunch of scientists are Tweeting about their youthful science mishaps, with the hashtag #KieraWilmot.

Let's hope she escapes this horrible school intact.

Xena The Warrior Puppy Rescues Jonny and Our Hearts

When I'm playing with our dogs Jackson and Bailey at home, the two boys pretty much decide what kind of game we play and how long it will last.

"Who controls who,?" my bemused husband will often ask.

The larger question on this topic came to me when I read a bumper sticker about animal rescues. "Who rescue who?" was the text on the paw print shaped sticker.

Best buddies Xena and Jonny

I bring this up because of an initially horrifying and ultimately beautiful story I saw on Buzzfeed about Xena the Warrior Puppy and Jonny, an eight year old boy

I'm a sucker for stories like this. That's because I love hearing confirmation of my belief that dogs are among the most powerful beings in the universe. If you think about it, dog rescues that have good outcomes are really cases of the rescued dogs rescuing the rescuers.

Got that?

Xena was four months old when someone found her discarded and terribly emaciated on the side of the road. She'd been held in a crate and starved for her first months of life, then dumped and left for dead.

Gawd, I wish I could get my hands on the people who did that. But the cruelty done to that dog led to some beautiful things

When found, the puppy was in such bad shape that it was assumed the rescuers were too late. The photos of the battered, skeletal puppy in the Buzzfeed story are an absolute horror. People at Animal Services of DeKalb County, Georgia assumed she would die a sad death.

This quote about Xena when she was found, according to the Today show:

“I’ve been doing rescue probably for about 12 years, and I had never seen a dog that young in that sort of condition,” said Chrissy Kaczynski, who works for Animal Services and is a founding member of the rescue group Friends of DeKalb Animals. “I brought her home with me and I didn’t think she’d make it through the night.”

But nope, Xena was a fighter. Presumably egged on by a Facebook page started in her honor Xena recovered beautifully. Her name actually came once she largely recovered. People were so impressed by her fighting spirit that the name came naturally.

Finally it was time for Xena to get a new family, one that would treat her well. Animal Rescue of DeKalb County held an open house, where people could meet Xena.

Xena took control, running up to the Hickey family who were at the open house after following her saga on Facebook. A news crew doing a feature on Xena and her recovery showed the dog running right up to Jonny and his father as soon as they arrived.

Another shot of Xena and Jonny  

The Hickey family could do nothing else but rescue Xena and bring her home to be part of her family.

Here's what Mrs. Hickey wrote on Facebook after they brought Xena home. She is an awesome woman, judging from the post. 

Then there's the effect Xena had on Jonny. Like many people with autism, Jonny shied away from people, from communicating. But Xena and Jonny became fast, intense friends, and Xena totally drew Jonny out of his shell.

Watch this absolutely charming video of Jonny singing "You've Got a Friend In Me" then tell me who rescued who in this scenario. Seems to be mutual.





In my life with our two dogs, there's no dramatic turnaround, no incredible stories. My life with my dogs is no more remarkable than millions of other people with their pets.

But the predictable, wonderful moments with The Boys just really help everything. When I'm working in my home office, Bailey, the older, wiser one, comes in to the office every once in awhile, just to check in on me, get a chest rub and a kiss.

When I sit down on the couch to watch TV after a long day, here comes energetic cocker spaniel Jackson to leap up onto my lap, get a nice, long backrub, then fall asleep.

Yes, the two Boys are acting "selfishly."  Bailey wants the reassurance that we're still there for him, which is why he comes into the office to check. Jackson knows the back rubs feel so good, and I'll reliably give them, and plus the close contact with me reassures him.

But these routines give me a chance to stop, forget the craziness of my life for a few minutes, and just live in the moment.  The Boys always remind me that just stopping and breathing and enjoying life is always the best option.

So again, who rescued who here?

Another Bizarre Florida Crime Keeps That State Way On Top For Weirdness

Florida has a well deserved reputation of having by far the weirdest people, weirdest crimes, weirdest activities perhaps in the world.

Police accuse Jason Vickery of a rather
unique visit to a home that was not his, contributing
to Florida's reputation for wackiness. 

And we can thank a guy named Jason Vickery, 23, for maintaining Florida's wildly crazy reputation

According to police, and WTEV Action News in Jacksonville, Vickery supposedly broke into a St. Augustine house and started masterbating in the bathroom. That is until he spotted a toy helicopter and played with that for awhile.

Then he beat off again. Oh, and he also stopped his activities in the house for a bit to enjoy a nice salad.

Police said they found some drug paraphernalia on Vickery. Shocking.

Of course, all this is par for the course in Florida. It's easy to find dozens of examples of weird Sunshine State News, as this slide show of 16 or so odd items demonstrates

Among the unique news items from Florida in just the past year or so:

---A woman was arrested for riding on the back of a manatee.

---Miami Gardens megachurch Pastor Rich Wikerson offered to eat a cockroach to gain new congregants.

---An elderly man tried to smuggle 16 birds from Havana, Cuba to Miami by sewing them into his trousers (TSA agents found the birds during a patdown)

----A guy named Eddie Gonzalez was trounced in his bid during the November elections to unseat Republican Florida Congressman Mario Diaz Balart. This is despite Gonzalez's effort to win by changing his name to VoteForEddie.com, which is the name that appeared on the ballot.