Bieber And Toronto Mayor Would Make AWESOME Comedy Duo

Ok, I have to go with celebrity news today since that's all anyone is talking about, and apparently, it's national Discuss Justin Bieber's Antics Day.

The Biebs looking pretty happy in his
mug shot photo last night.  

As you surely heard, Justin Bieber, that bad singer who looks like an undernourished, not terribly with-it drag queen, faces DUI and other charges for drag racing in a Lamborghini in Florida. 

Since Bieber is Canadian, and he's overstayed his welcome in the United States, what with all his egg throwing and pathetic pseudo thuggery posing, he should go back to his native land.

This could be a good thing, since his singing career is crashing. Really, how many screaming teen and tween girls are honestly Bielebers anymore?

So Biebs, you've still got money, so throw me a bit because I'm about to give you some career advice that will keep you rolling in the cash and in the public spotlight.

Form a comedy duo with buffoonish Toronto Mayor Rob Ford! It will be the most awesome comedy pairing since Abbott and Costello, let me tell you!

Granted, Abbott and Costello were much less erratic that The Biebs and Ford and their comedy was well done, but we're used to substandard things nowadays, aren't we?

The physical comedy between Bieber and Ford  would be awesome. Biebs, according to his Florida arrest report weights 140 pounds. (I thought it was less than that, but what do I know?)

Ford, that galump, is, well, portly, to say the least. Can you imagine an oil wrestling skit between Bieber and Ford? I'd pay good money to see that!

Judging from the videos, Ford sings (as witnessed by that Jamaican little performance the other night) and dances (another of his famous videos) so this would work well with Biebs, who also seems into singing and dancing. (though not particularly well)

Rob Ford and Justin Bieber would be
boffo as a comedy duo.  

Abbott and Costello's most famous routine was "Who's On First" which was hilarious take on confusion about the names of people on a fictional baseball team.

Biebs and Ford can do their own "Who's On First" by doing some sort of routine on the confusion brought on by the substances they are on. Booze? Crack? Sizzurp? Prescription drugs? Oh, the possibilities!

Biebs and Ford could also play up their Canadian roots, eh?  I imagine some sort of comedy routine between them involving poutine, Royal Mounted Police and hockey.

I think they just have to somehow play with their most famous quotes. Bieber will be forever remembered for telling a cop during his arrest last night, "Why the fuck are you doing this?"

And Ford will always be remembered for his crack cocaine quote: "Yes I have smoked crack cocaine. But do I? Am I an addict? No. Have I tried it? Probably in one of my drunken stupors."

They should also do a road trip buddy movie together. Biebs and Ford, in a yellow Lamborghini, traveling cross country, drag racing bros and finding the best crack houses in every major North American city.

And in the end, they can pull off a Thelma and Louise ending and zoom off the edge of a cliff, so we never have to endure the antics of Biebs and Ford ever again.

Toronto Mayor Has Best Excuse For Smoking Crack: Was In Drunken Stupor

A big shoutout this morning to Toronto Mayor Rob Ford for offering the best excuses for misbehavior.

Crack and booze: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford
LOVES to party. 

After months of allegations, you might have heard that he finally admitted that he smoked crack.  His excuse was precious: "I was in a drunken stupor."

Oh, that makes it OK, then.

Residents of most cities probably wouldn't like it if their mayor was in a "drunken stupor" but in Toronto, at least for Ford, the drunken stupor is a good thing, because it excuses him for the crack smoking.

Pretty much everybody in Toronto wants Ford to resign, because no city likes to have a laughing stock as mayor. But good ol' Ford says he's going to stay on and run for re-election in 2014. Hey, booze and crack is expensive, you need a job to pay for it all, right?

According to the Associated Press, the crack smoking isn't the only example of Fords, um, colorful behavior:

"Ford apologized over the weekend for excessive drinking. He said he should not have been "hammered" drunk in public when he appeared at a street festival in August, calling it "pure stupidity."

He also said he got "a little out of control" after St. Patrick's Day in 2012, when city hall security guards said they witnessed a "very intoxicated' Ford having trouble walking and swearing at aides.

The mayor has also been accused of making an obscene gesture from his car and texting while driving. In 2011, Ford angered the city's gay community by declining to attend Toronto's gay pride parade, breaking with tradition observed by three previous mayors.

Earlier this year, the mayor was fired from his cherished side-job as a volunteer high school football coach after he made disparaging remarks to a TV network about parents and their kids."

 I'm not sure sure Ford will win the 2014 election, but he does sound like the life of a frat party, no?

On the bright side, if you're looking for a job, head to Toronto and run for mayor. You don't even have to be qualified. If you don't stumble around in public in a drunken stupor, and are not a fan of crack cocaine, that's an improvement over Ford. 

Your lack of drunkenness and drug abuse might just get you elected.