Thoughts on the Great Twinkie Crisis of 2012

The Great Twinkie Crisis of 2012 rolls on, and nobody is sure if the company that makes Twinkies and a bunch of other really bad for you stuff, Hostess, will stay in business, or whether somebody else will take over Twinkie production.

Like millions of deeply concerned Americans, I have many questions about this dire sitution. Among them:

Who knew this would become the biggest
crisis of 2012?

Could we raid all the old abandoned Cold War bomb shelters and take the Twinkies out of there and serve them to a desperate nation?  I'm sure they haven't spoiled yet. My colleague Aki Soga raises another point: If we remove Twinkies from Cold War bomb shelters, what will keep the radiation out of said bomb shelters?

What does Little Debbie think of this whole situation? Sure, she looks like a sweet, innocent girl, but I bet she did something underhanded to Hostess to increase her market share.  Never trust a 1930s or 1940s girl in a cute hat. They'll get you every time.

Was the underhanded Little Debbie involved
in the potential death of Twinkies?

If Hostess executives get in trouble for allegedly give themselves big fat pay raises when the company was going under, can they use the Twinkie defense and get off scott free?" For that matter, if union representatives made too many unreasonable wage and benefit demands, could they also use the Twinkie defense?

Will the fortunes of Dow Chemical plummet because, at least for now, they are not supplying Hostess with critical Twinkie ingredients?

Will the worst Twinkie hoarders be featured on the television show "Hoarders?" If so, will any of the hoarders kill the host of Hoarders for trying to eat one of their Twinkies?

If Twinkie production resumes, can we use Twinkies as sandbags to protect property from the next really bad storm?

Or, if Twinkie production resumes and the United States gets even more ticked off at Iran for possibly developing nuclear weapons, can we bomb Iran with millions of Twinkies so that everybody there gets so fat on them they will become incapable of making, moving or launching nuclear warheads?

Hostess makes Wonder Bread, too. If sales of Wonder Bread have been lackluster, could they rebrand Wonder Brand as a wonderful kitchen sponge? The bread is perhaps even a Quicker Picker Upper than Bounty.

If Hostess and Twinkies become just part of American history, will the Smithsonian build a Twinkie museum? If so who would guard the Twinkies without being tempted to eat them?

I'm sure readers here have other questions. If you are concerned like the rest of America, please feel free to post your urgent questions in the comments section.