Jello Theft Creates Fear, Dismay In Pennsylvania

Pennsylvania is in the midst of a crime epidemic, apparently.

The Crime of The Century in Upper Macungie Township, Pennyslvania was the theft of Jell-O from a workplace refrigerator.

Jell-O like this went missing in a Pennsylvania work place
Detectives are actively investigating.  

We know this because the victim called police to report the theft.

KYW-TV breathlessly reported on the heinous crime:

"The victim, a 39-year-old man, was irate because this wasn't the first time his food had been stolen fron the refrigerator. Unfortunately, police were unable to catch the thief, as the "the incident remains under investigation."

I swear this is not an Onion satire piece.

What are police going to do? Test the poop of all the guy's co-workers to see if there are any traces of the strawberry flavored Jell-O snack?

I wouldn't want that job.

I wonder if this guy's workplace will have to institute new rules on bringing food to work. Only store it in a safe? Only bring it if it's not worth any money?

In case the food is still out there, police are on the lookout for the strawberry flavored Jell-O snack.

The best part of the Great Jell-O Crime of 2013 is the scene of the outrage: It was inside a large food warehouse.

He couldn't just nosh on something else in the warehouse?