"Crisco Cops" Coating Philly Telephone Poles Because Football

"Crisco Cops" coasting telephone
poles in Philadelphia with
vegetable shortening because NFL

If you're in Philadelphia today, don't touch the telephone poles.

I know that's strange advice, but really, listen to me. Because of the NFL utility poles in Philadelphia are now coated, in of all things,  Crisco.   

No, they're not going to bake pies on the telephone poles, and it's not some weird sex thing. No, the issue is that late this evening, the Philadelphia Eagles will face off against the Minnesota Vikings in the NFC Championship.

Especially if the Eagles win, there will be big celebrations in Philadelphia. In the past, such parties involved lots of people climbing utility poles.

Which of course can be dangerous. A drunk guy climbing a pole and getting entangled in the wires above? With a crowd below. Yeah, you can see the problem.

So, if the telephone poles are coated in Crisco, people won't be able to climb them so easily. They'll be too slippery. So the "Crisco Cops" were out today, coating the poles with the vegetable shortening. 

Of course, I think Crisco can burn, so I'm not sure what will happen if people light the poles on fire. You never know what people will do.

So, if your favorite team wins, enjoy the celebration. Just try not to climb telephone poles, whether or not they have Crisco on them.