"Meth: We're On It" Still A Big Talker In South Dakota

This very unfortunate drug awareness ad is still the talk of
South Dakota, to their chagrin.

I'm in South Dakota this week, and one thing I notice is people are still talking about the state's "Meth:  We're On It" campaign.

This caused a nationwide stir a month ago, when the state of South Dakota released its meth drug awareness campaign.

The campaign shows photos of iconic or typical South Dakota-type people with a tagline: "Meth: We're On It."

This naturally made South Dakota a nationwide butt of jokes, but the governor here, Kris Noem, says the campaign is working.

"The mission of the campaign is to raise awareness - to get people talking about how they can e part of the solution and not just the problem," Noem told the Sioux Falls Argus Leader last month.

Noem said the meth campaign, which cost something like $449,000 is a "bold, innovative effort like the nation has never before seen."

I suppose that last statement is true.

That $449,000 price tag seems high, and that prompted the predictable jokes. "The ad agency spent $1,000 on the PSA campaign and $448,000 on meth," wrote @MatthewHekerman on Twitter.

Another twitter denizen, Ian Boudreau (@iboudreau) suggested other ideas "Meth: It's What's for Dinner," "Where's the Meth" and "Meth: The Other White Drug."

According to the Sioux Falls Argus Leader, businesses are capitalizing on this, so that's good.

A bicycle business called Spoke-n Sport -did an ad with the tag line Bikes; We're On It with a photo of a grinning mountain biker in what looks like the Badlands.

Somebody in Minnesota cooked up this idea
for a Meth ad as a companion to South Dakota's.

Even the cheap beer Natural Light tweeted a slogan "Natural Light: We're On It" which to me would be almost as bad as being on meth.

A t-shirt company is offering shirts that say "South Dakota is apparently on meth" and "Don't meth with South Dakota."

I don't know what it is about South Dakota. This isn't the first time the state came up with an ad with a questionable double entendre.

Back in 2014, wintry South Dakota was worried about motorists making unsafe, abrupt moves on icy roads. So, the catch phrase was "Don't Jerk And Drive." Yes, they meant don't jerk the steering wheel.  But really?

Also, in 2015, South Dakota promoted itself as a place to live and work because, at least unlike Mars, there is air in South Dakota. (It's true! I'm in South Dakota as I write this and I am having absolutely no trouble breathing. There is indeed air here!)

The way things are going, I can't wait to see what the next South Dakota slogan will be.  Whoever comes up with it, I'm guessing meth - they'll be on it.

Another Reason To Avoid Florida: Poison Toads

Another reason to "love" Florida: Hordes of poisonous toads are
invading some neighborhoods 

Generally speaking, I'm the kind of person who likes frogs and toads.

Where I live in New England, they never cause much trouble at all. They just eat annoying mosquitoes and other biting and damaging insects. What's not to love?  

Florida, of course, does everything differently, and often, worse. Which brings me to some toads in the Sunshine State that make me want to stay far, far away.

They're called cane toads, and lately, they've been taking over neighborhoods in much of southern Florida. Worse, they're poisonous. Dogs and cats love to catch toads. They put these toads in their mouths, the toad secretes a toxin, and the pet dies.

Humans can get ill from these things, too.

Since these toads are invasive, they have few natural predators and are overwhelming some areas.  As USA Today notes, local news stations in Florida have been broadcasting images of these toads clogging pool filters, hopping in large crowds across driveways and partly covering lawns.

Individually, the toads look cute, even though they are poisonous. The huge numbers of them look like a horror movie.

This outbreak of marauding toads was probably brought on by humid weather, a rainy spell and a surge in temperatures into the 80s and low 90s. The epicenter of this invasion seems to be Palm Beach Gardens neighborhood of Mirabella where people can't bring their pets outside and children can't play outdoors because there's so many poisonous toads.

One resident, Jennie Quasha, told television station WPTV, "I just see a massive amount of toads and frogs everywhere, covering every square inch....You can't even walk through the grass without stepping on one."  Quasha said hundreds of them were in her swimming pool. So much for a nice leisurely dip in the pool on a humid Florida afternoon.

Exterminators can get rid of some of the toads, but it looks like people will have to let nature take its course. The numbers of toads will go down, but they won't disappear entirely.

Which is another reason to not enjoy the Sunshine State.

Burned Up Toasted Tesla On Lake Champlain Getting Lots Of Attention

A burnt up Tesla on the ice, Shelburne Bay, Lake Champlain
 

Vermont seems to be a bit of a magnet for weird mishaps.

Which is why I wasn't totally, 100% shocked when a 2019 Tesla Model X recently went up in flames atop the ice on deeply frozen Shelburne Bay in Lake Champlain.  

I guess it was such a big deal that web sites all over the place picked up on the story. This includes Jalopnik and Popular Mechanics wrote up articles about this unfortunate Tesla.

Popular Mechanics had this likely explanation for the blaze

"The specific cause of the fire is as yet unknown. People on Tesla forums who saw the crazy pictures began to speculate about insurance fraud or someother oddball explanation, but the most likely explanation would be battery failure. If damaged, lithium-ion batteries can rapidly discharge their stored energy in the form of heat, leading to an inferno. The bigger the battery, the bigger the fire.

Teslas necessarily have a giant battery pack, so if the car suffers sufficiently severe impact, it can go up in flames."

The driver of the car reported hitting something on the road, perhaps a rock or a big pothole or frost heave, reports Seven Days. The motorists said he smelled something odd after hitting whatever he hit. That might have damaged the battery, leading to the Tesla fire a little later on Shelburne Bay.

As the fire raged, the Shelburne Fire Department wisely decided not to drive their 50,000-pound fire truck out onto the ice to put out the blaze, notes Seven Days.  So the Tesla burned to a crisp.

By the way, the fire didn't melt too much of the ice and let the Tesla fall through because most of the heat of the blaze was directed upward, away from the ice.

It's the owner's responsibility to get the Tesla off the ice. And you wouldn't want it to sink into the water when the ice melts, due to a pollution risk.

The Burlington Free Press says a towing company got the wreckage off the ice a few days ago, but it wasn't easy. It had frozen back onto the ice, and had to be pried loose.

Here's a YouTube video, taken on the day they were trying to get the remains of the Tesla off the lake:

Mad Gardener Might Have Booby Trapped The Pansies With Bombs

Gardening usually makes people happy, like the pair in this stock photo.
But a German gardener apparently took his job very, very angrily. 

One of my jobs, in the warmer time of year, is to tend peoples' gardens.

I'm happy to report I've never had any kind of serious dispute with any of my clients. But if I did, rest assured I wouldn't go to the lengths a gardener in Germany seems to have done.

BBC reported this about the German gardener:

"Bernhard Graumann 59, was found dead on Friday. Police believe he may be behind an explosive trap that killed a 64-year-old doctor on the same day. Two other people with connections to Graumann were injured by an exploding piece of firewood in their home."

A 37-year old woman threw the log in a wood stove, unaware it was booby trapped. It exploded, injuring her and her daughter, age 4. The mother and daughter's injuries weren't life threatening, but still.

Another booby trapped log was found at another house where Graumann had dispute with the homeowner, but the homeowner found it. Police were called, and they blew it up away from anyone and anywhere it could cause harm, the Associated Press reported.

At least 60 people have called a hotline set up after these incidents. The people were worried they'd had a dispute with Graumann and might have been targeted.

Authorities suggest anybody who had a conflict with Graumann while he tended their gardens maybe ought not totally trust their plots of daffodils and early spring vegetables.

You never know what might explode.

Police searched Graumann's home, where they found gunpowder and other items covered by German explosive regulations, says the BBC.

I've always thought of gardening as a peaceful endeavor. It gives me a sense calm, serenity, even when I'm working for a nitpicky client. I think that's true of just about everybody who gardens.

Which tells me this Graumann character in Germany really had problems.

Crazed Man Holding Pillow Outside In Minnesota? Maybe

People in Jordan, Minnesota thought this was a deranged man
standing out in the street. It was just a cardboard cutout,
but I suppose the mistake was understandable

Police in Jordan, Minnesota got a weird call the other day.

It was freezing cold, and a person reported a deranged man standing motionless outdoors, with no coat on, hugging a pillow.

Police raced to the scene, only to find a cardboard cutout of MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell.

Well, that was an easy mistake. If you've seen any of the company's TV ads, he does look like he's a bit much. And the premise of the ad is something: A sleepy couple encounter Lindell inside their bathroom medicine cabinet.

I don't know about this company's pillows, but I do know if this medicine cabinet encounter happened to me, I'd probably never be able to sleep again.

According to Jordan, Minnesota police, "Those cardboard cutouts sure can look real from a distance and the caller certainly was not wanting to get too close thinking who is this deranged person standing outside in the cold hugging a pillow."

Or, for all we know, the person who called police knew it was a cardboard cutout but was still freaked out anyway. A plausible scenario, don't you think?

President Trump Just Proposed An Original, Awesome Idea For The Fourth Of July

President Trump proposes making the Fourth of July
all about him because of course. 

How's this for an idea to celebrate our nation's birth.

On July 4, have a nice, big parade, with bands, floats and cheering crowds. Throw in a great afternoon of picnicking and partying, then top it all off with a big fireworks display.

Nobody thought of this great idea until our fearless leader, President Donald Trump announced the idea today. 

Well, OK, there have been juuuusst vaguely similiar events on the Fourth of July for many years.

Such as what happens on July 4 every year: A nice, big parade, with bands, floats and cheering crowds. Throw in a great afternoon of picknicking and partying, then top it all off with a big fireworks display.

But Trump announced the idea today. So it's new! And his idea has an added bonus: "An address, by your favorite president, me!"

Of course, if Trump isn't your favorite president, I guess you're not invited.

Never mind that Washington DC has been home to a Fourth of July celebration for decades at least. Now, it's going to be all about Trump. Because everything has to be all about Trump. I mean this blog post is all about Trump. See?

Trump's Fourth of July idea seems to have garnered a few skeptical responses on Twitter and elsewhere.

Most of the comments are along the lines of, you idiot, we do that kind of thing every year.

U.S. Rep. Eric Swalwell, D-CA wrote on Twitter:

"If this goes well, I think we should follow it with a big party in Times Square the night before New Year's Day."

Wow! All these great ideas emerging! What will they think of next?

Insurance Fraudster Won't Win An Oscar

Alexander Goldinsky seen here "falling" on spilled ice in a break room
is accused of insurance fraud. 

A gentleman in New Jersey put on an act to commit insurance fraud, authorities said. But judging from the surveillance video that caught him in the act, I doubt he's Oscar-winning material.

Numerous news outlets, like ABC News, said the following:

"Alexander Goldinsky, a 57-year-old independent contractor, was working for a company in Woodbridge, New Jersey, about 30 miles northwest of Newark, when he allegedly orchestrated the scam, according to the Middlesex County Prosecutor's Ofice.

The office released surveillance video Thursday from the company's empty break room, showing Goldinsky throwing the ice and strategically sprawling himself across the floor."

Thinking nobody was around and apparently not realizing there were security cameras, Goldinsky looks pretty obvious in the video as he sprinkles the ice cubes on the floor, and then almost gingerly falls to the floor to sustain his "injuries."

Authorities said Goldinsky filed a false insurance claim for ambulance services and the treatment he received for injuries he said got from the "fall."

Goldinsky is scheduled for an initial court appearance on Thursday.

I'm also guessing he won't be at the Oscars when they are presented on February 24.

Here's the video:

A Sinkhole Turns Into A Bank Robbery Investigation

This "sinkhole" in a Florida bank driveway turned out to be part
of a tunnel. Somebody was digging the tunnel in an attempt
to rob the bank. 

As will become obvious, given Florida's weirdness, the following incident took place in the Sunshine State.

A sinkhole recently opened up in the driveway of a Pembroke Pines, Florida bank. That's not unusual. The geology of Florida makes the area prone to sinkholes.

It turns out, though, that geology had nothing to do with this sinkhole. It turns out somebody was digging a tunnel from an embankment toward the bank in an attempt to rob it.

But: Curses! Foiled again! The tunnel was too close to the surface. The dirt and the pavement in the driveway collapsed, which was the "sinkhole."

They haven't figured out who dug the tunnel yet. The tunnel extends 50 feet from an embankment to near the bank. It looks like whoever it was was trying to access an ATM.

The person who dug the tunnel wasn't claustrophobic, apparently. The tunnel was only two feet across or so, so you really had to shimmy and squeeze your way through it.

The FBI is investigating.

And thus, Florida continues to uphold its reputation for weirdness.

The Most Canadian Possible Highway Wreck: Hockey Game Breaks Out Amid Stopped Traffic

Cars on Highway 40 northeast of Montreal were caught for hours
behind a highway wreck. This being Canada, the obvious thing
that happened was a hockey game broke out on the
icy highway while people waited for the wreck to be cleared.

A couple days ago, Highway 40  in Quebec was terribly icy. Not surprisingly, a 40 to 50 car pileup occurred on the icy road about 25 miles northeast of Montreal.

Of course, I won't make light of that. Several people were hurt, thankfully none seriously. And hundreds of cars were trapped on the highway for hours, until the wrecks were cleaned up.

However, I do have to make light of one aspect of this crash.

This being Canada, people made the best of the situation in the most Canadian way possible. The highway really did resemble a skating rink, so people trapped in their cars dragged out their hockey sticks and play began on the rink, er, Highway 40. 

They tell us to have an emergency kit in our car during the winter. You know, things like blankets, a shovel, snacks, a weather radio, that kind of thing. If this is any indication, a Canadian car winter emergency kit consists of hockey sticks and a couple of pucks.

Here's a quick recap video of the game.

Bad 1958 TV Program Has Oddly Familar Trump Bad Guy

A character in a 1958 show "Trackdown" was named Walter Trump,
who was a con man trying to steal all the wealth from an Old West
town. The script has eerie similarities to the life of Donald
Trump, who some think is a con man. 

Some TV script writer in the 1950s seemed to be able to channel to 2018 when he wrote  an episode of a forgotten television show called "Trackdown."

The western ran on CBS from 1957 to 1959. An episode of "Trackdown" called "The End Of The World" aired on May 9, 1958.  It features a villain named Walter Trump. Video of this show is at the bottom of this post.

I'll let Quartz give you a thumbnail of the episode's story:

"Trump is a con man - we're talking about the show - who comes to ranger Gilman's town to warn people that the end of the world is nigh, and offering his services to prevent it. And how will 1958 TV con man Trump stop the end of the world? By building a wall, of course!"

The Trump in "Trackdown" also has a familiar cadence in his speech: "I am the only one....Trust me I can build a wall around your homes that nothing -nothing! will penetrate."

Townspeople in the show fell for the con hook, line and sinker.  The town judge tells Ranger Gilman "Trump sure is having his way."

The TV Trump also threatens to sue Texas Ranger Sheriff Hoby Gilman for daring to call Trump out on his con.

Despite most of the town falling for Trump's scam, Ranger Gilman eventually manages to arrest the 1958 TV Trump for what Gilman says is "grand theft, fraud - I think a jury would find it stealing."

I won't give away the ending. I don't like being a spoiler. You can watch the show.

No word yet if there will continue to be eerie parallels between the 1958 Trump and the current presidential version.

Here's the episode:

Florida Again: Woman Has Gross Way Of Ruining Kid's Birthday Party

Heather Carpenter of Florida, naturally, is accused of spreading
crap all over tables and grills at a park because a school principal
she hates planned a birthday party for her daughter at the
park later that day. 

A now presumably former substitute teacher in, yes, Florida apparently really hates the principal at the school where she worked. 

This idiot, Heather Carpenter showed up at Urfer Park in Sarasota County, Florida at 6:30 a.m. on December 1 and spread feces all over the wooden tables and grills at the pavilion in the park, says Fox 13 News in Tampa. 

The alleged reason: The principal at the school where she worked planned a birthday party for her daughter at the park. All the kids in the class were invited, including Carpenter's kid. But Carpenter was having some sort of dispute with the principal, so she decided to act like the shitty person she is.

The party had to be canceled, and the county had to replace all the tables and grills. They were too far gone to be cleaned. In all this cost the county $2,310, including labor costs. And the principal's poor kid didn't have her birthday party.

Lots of people use parks in a busy place like Sarasota County, and there's people milling about, even at 6:30 in the morning. One of them was a guy named Mike Hutchinson, who caught Carpenter doing this, spreading the crap around while wearing a surgical mask and blue rubber gloves.

She fled, but police later figured out who she, in part because of Hutchinson's description of her, and they arrested her. She faces felony criminal mischief and properth damage charges, Fox 13 says.

On the bright side, of sorts, she upheld Florida's reputation as a place where people go to commit weird, weird, crimes.

"Megakota?" Latest Weird Move To Alter United States Map

A dumb Change.org petition is advocating that North and South
Dakota be merged into one state, called MegaKota. 

People are always coming up with daft ideas to alter the map of the United States.

The latest: Merge North Dakota and South Dakota into one big state, called "MegaKota."

Obviously, this idea will go nowhere, but that's not going to stop people from trying.

A Change.org petition was recently posted by Dillan Stewart of Fargo, North Dakota. This doesn't sound like a fully formed proposal, if you ask me. Stewart wrote: "I think itd (sic) be pretty cool to have a state called MegaKota so yeah.  oh (sic) yeah and then maybe Puerto Rico can be a state and we won't have to change our flag."

Uh, right.

As of late morning Thursday, the petition had nearly 7,000 signatures and it was increasing rapidly,   , so some people like this idea.  A few people think there's zero difference between North and South Dakota, so you might as well merge them. Still, people from both states would beg to differ on that assessment.

If MekaKota came into being, it would be the fourth largest state by land area, the 37th largest economy  and the sixth biggenst farm economy according to journalist David H. Montgomery.

My husband Jeff, originally from South Dakota, points out that "Megakota" is an insult to Native Americans in the region. After all "Dakota" refers to one of several tribes among the Sioux,  others being Lakota and Nakota.

"MegaKota"  to me sounds like a real slap in the face to these tribes.

There's been all kinds of weird merger or secession proposals around. One ballot proposal that might be in the works would make California secede from the union, a Calexit of sort.  Of course, nobody thinks that will get anywhere, either.

It looks like Russia was trying to encourage this, too. Which is something you'd kind of expect from Putin and his ilk.

Another harebrained scheme would split California into three parts - the northern third, coastal southern California and inland southern California. Why, I don't know.

There's also been a weak movement to have Texas secede from the union. That won't go anywhere either. The "logic" behind the Texas movement is the federal government is taking away too many rights for liberty loving Texans, or something like that.

And, wouldn't you know! Russia was trying to encourage Texas secession, too. 

No word yet on whether the Russians will sign on to "MegaKota. Probably not, because the Dakotas are not trying to split off from the Union.

Why Did This Weirdo Lick A Doorbell For Three Hours?

This weirdo was caught on home security cameras licking a
doorbell for three hours. I'm sure when they catch this
guy some people will want to know why. 

This story has gone viral, and I can see why.

People in Salinas, California, and pretty much everywhere else are wondering why some weirdo was licking a doorbell on a pleasant looking house in that city.

The homeowners had installed video surveillance about a month ago. They weren't home when this happens, but they get alerts on their phone when there's a lot of activity at the house.

They reviewed the surveillance footage, and found this idiot licking the doorbell. For three hours.

The video went viral and this guy now has a nationwide reputation as being, well, EWWWWWW!!

Police said the images on the surveillance video were pretty damn clear, which helped lead them to Roberto Daniel Arroyo, 33, who is the alleged doorbell licker. He could face two misdemeanor charges of petty theft and prowling.

He didn't take anything except for an extension cord, which was later found at a nearby neighbor's house. Arroyo did apparently stop his doorbell licking long enough to take a pee on the front lawn.

The family that owns the house, as you might imagine, spent quite a bit of time cleaning the doorbell with antiseptic cleanser.

Here's the news video, with some footage of the oddball doorbell licker:

Why Do Some Trumpsters Hate Ocasio-Cortez Dancing?

Two images sure to upset a few people in the Trump crowd: Left image
is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in a college dance video. Right image is'newly
seated Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez dancing outside her
congressional office door this week.

Conservatives tend to really hate newly seated member of Congress Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of New York.

She's pretty darn liberal, so I can see why the Trump crowd wouldn't like her.  However, some of them had better come up with a better reason to oppose her than the following: It turns out, Ocasio-Cortez sometimes likes to dance.

It started this week when some nitwit on social media named AnonymousQ called Ocasio-Cortez a nitwit. Here's the quote from AnonymousQ, since deleted. "Here is America's favorite commie know it all acting like a clueless nitwit she is...High School video of 'Sandy' Ocasio-Cortez"

There was a link to a video showing her in a music video when she was in college, not high school, dancing on a roof with other people. She looks like she was having fun.

To their credit, most normal conservatives didn't give a damn whether Ocasio-Cortez likes to dance or not. But the Trumpy troll wing of the conservative movement pretty much though her dancing was as bad as if she was strangling babies.

To her credit, Ocasio-Cortez, didn't give a damn what people thought of her dancing. She did a brief jig outside her Congressional office door and also said,  "It is not normal for elected officials to have a reputation for dancing well, and I'm happy to be one."  

To the credit of most of the general public, most people either ignored this fake controversy or thought it was fun that Ocasio-Cortez was in that silly dance video.

I'm not quite sure why Ocasio-Cortez has been targeted as the Top Villian by some of the Trump crowd. True, she's a Democrat-Socialist, so that would understandably rile up the right wing.

But she's a freshman congresswoman, just now getting her feet wet in politics. She doesn't yield much power at all, at least not yet, so she's not much of a threat to conservatives.

I think there's two basic things going on.  I wish I remember who it was on Twitter who said that when a female politician is very serious, she is "unlikeable." When a female politician is outgoing and friendly, she's too frivolous to be taken seriously.

Male politiians don't seem to have this problem as much.

An even bigger issue is the the mood of many of the Trump supporters. They always seem angry to me. I don't know why. Up until this week, Trump and the Republicans controlled the Executive and Legislative branch. They're getting tons of federal judges appointed by Trump.

However, Trump and his supporters seem so negative. He's always insulting people. At rallies, his supporters keep yelling "Lock her up!" or scream at the "fake news media." The most rabid Trump fans are always snarling, always volcanic. It must be exhausting to be that angry all the time.

They never seem to have fun. Or experience joy. And they seem to resent anyone who is joyful.

Yeah, there are a lot of problems in this world, but can the Trump crowd not see any sunshine? Is their worldview always so dark? Why?

Maybe that's the real problem they're having with Ocasio-Cortez. I think she takes her politics seriously. But she also knows how to have fun. Some of the people in Trump world can't stand that exuberance.

As Trump himself might tweet: Sad!

New Hampshire City Not Sure About Name Of New Business

Pho is a delicious Vietnamese soup. Some people in New Hampshire
aren't pleased, though, with how Pho is used in the name
of a soon-to-be open restaurant in Keene. 

One of the tricks of opening a new business is coming up with a name for your enterprise.

You want it to be memorable, so you get name recognition. You don't want it to be too offensive, at least usually, and you want the business name to succinctly tell people what you're up to.

Owners of a new restaurant in Keene, New Hampshire thought they came up with the perfect moniker for their business.

It's a Vietnamese restaurant. They started with a play on the word "Pho" which is a Vietnamese soup. "Pho" is pronounced "fuh."  Remember, this restaurant is in Keene. The restaurant isn't open yet, but owners put up a sign saying it's coming. So the name of the restaurant?

"Pho Keene Great."

Yeah, I know what that sounds like and so do you.

According to the Associated Press, Keene City Manager Elizabeth Dragon said restaurant owner Isabelle Jolie didn't have permission to put up the sign, and it might run afoul of city regulations because it's intended to sound like profanity.

The restaurant owners put up a poll on Facebook asking people if they thought the name is offensive. Most respondents said it isn't.

The Facebook post read: "We liked the name because it's lighthearted and fun. It's a name that reflects Vietnam's national dish, comfort food and our most popular culinary product, pho."

Jolie and Dragon are scheduled to meet to figure this kerfuffle out. Stay tuned.

Apparently, Washington DC Marriage Bureau Is Bad At Geography

This man, Gavin Clarkson, is from New Mexico.
A depressingly large number of people
apparently don't know New Mexico is
part of the United States. 

You might not be surprised, but a lot of people who should know better are remarkably bad at geography.

This is a story that is more than a month old, but it's still worth looking at, because it's an illustration of how bad we are at it.

According to the Las Cruces (NM) Sun News, a guy named Gavin Clarkson of Las Cruces, New Mexico went with his then-finance to Washington DC, because they wanted to get married there.  On November 20 they went to the DC Courts Marriage Bureau to apply for a marriage license.

This is something that should have been a mere formality.

Clarkson was required to show his driver's license as proof of his identity. Here's where it gets weird: The clerk at the DC Courts Marriage Bureau said that Clarkson ws a foreign citizen and that he would need to provide an international passport to get his marriage license, reports the Sun News.

Last I checked, New Mexico was one of the 50 states. It is clearly part of the United States of America, right?  It's also not breaking news. New Mexico has been a state since 1912.

The DC Courts Marriage Bureau apparently does not know that. The clerk summoned her supervisor, who confirmed that yep, Clarkson is a foreign citizen who needed his passport. Nobody in this office seemed aware that New Mexico is part of the United States.

Says the Las Cruces Sun News:

"'She thought New Mexico was a foreign country,' he said of the clerk. 'All the couples behind us waiting in line were laughing.'"

I guess the fact that those couples were laughing reassures us that some people know New Mexico is part of the United States.

Clarkson has lived in the United States all is life and English has always been his language. The clerk at the marriage bureau still just had to remark about how well Clarkson spoke English, considering that he is from a "foreign country."

His now-wife, Marina was confused by that, as you might expect. She is a U.S. citizen, but is originally from Argentina and speaks English with a slight accent.

The couple tried going to the marriage bureau the next day and luckily, found a clerk that knew New Mexico was in the United States. The marriage was on!

Apparently, people not knowing New Mexico is a state is a thing. New Mexico magazine reports on many people who encounter New Mexicans in other states who think the state is part of a foreign nation.

New Mexicans bring up things and places like Alburquerque, Santa Fe, Roswell and Los Alamos to prove the New Mexico is in the United States.

But there's one reference that always seems to convince doubters that New Mexico is a state. Just mention either Walter White, who was the lead character in "Breaking Bad" or the show itself.

"Breaking Bad" was set in New Mexico.

There is a lot of confusion across America about all kinds of places. I live in Vermont. Once, when I was in South Carolina, somebody asked, "Where you from, boy?"

"Vermont," I replied.

"VER-mont!! Ain't that part of Killington?"

To make it easy on everyone, I just said, "Yes."  At least the guy had heard of Killington, the ski area.

A lot of people when I'm traveling ask if Vermont is part of Canada. No, but I'm so far north in Vermont that I can see Canada from my house (true!). Does that count?

When I visiting another state in July in August, people sometimes ask me how much snow is on the ground back home in Vermont. As if the Green Mountain State is at the North Pole or something.

Clearly, it's going to take more than a few episodes of "Breaking Bad" to get Americans caught up on their geography, though.

Giant Middle Finger Greets Visitors To Westford, Vermont

Ted Pelkey's middle finger lights up the
skyline of Westford, Vermont 

Vermonters by and large have a reputation for civility. We might not be the warmest people on the planet- we're New Englanders, after all. But we tend to shy away from big public confrontations here in the Green Mountain State.

For the most part, anyway. One exception is in Westford, Vermont, where a giant wooden middle finger on a 16-foot pole greets travelers passing through this pleasant northwestern Vermont town.

As Boston.com and numerous other media outlets have noted, the middle finger along Route 128 in Westford is not meant for you. Unless you are on the town's Selectboard or Development Review Board or a few of the other town's leaders.

The owner of the property with the middle finger, Ted Pelkey, says he put up the 700-pound wooden middle finger because he's fought a ten-year battle to get permits so he can build a garage on his property. He wants to move his truck repair and monofilament recycling business from Swanton to his Westford property.

The town says no. He can't do that.  Westford officials say he hasn't give them enough detail on what he plans to do with the garage, how big it will be, and other details. Pelkey says some town officials have a vendetta against him. He apparently has a pretty negative history with at least one member of Westford's Development Review Board.

"I've been put through the wringer by all these people, and it's just not right....I haven't been treated fairly at all,"  Pelkey said.

Fed up, Pelkey and his wife commiserated in a bar one night. He said, "Hey, I want to get a statue made of a middle finger, and I'm going to put it up on the lawn," he told Boston.com

And so he did. The whole thing cost Pelkey about $4,000, but he thinks it's worth it.

There's not much anyone can legally do to make Pelkey take the middle finger down. There's a strict billboard law in Vermont, which seeks to get rid of visual clutter along highways by banning businesses from putting up billboards along highways to advertise their services.

But Pelkey's middle finger is not advertising a business, which means it does not fall under the billboard law.  Towns like Westford can enact sign laws more stringent than state law, but Westford has nothing like that. On top of all that, Pelkey's middle finger is political speech, which falls under First Amendment protections.

So the big middle finger remains up in Westford, glowing in the nighttime floodlights along Route 128.

If you ever drive through Westford, just remember it's notbing personal toward you. It's just somebody in town really has an axe to grind.

Worst First Name Ever For Kid Causes Family Strife

An expectant mother wants to give her son the first name "Squire
Sebastian  Senator" with no shortened nicknames, please. Ugh! 

I so wish this story, gleaned from the unreliable Internet wasn't true. But since some pretty responsible news outlets have picked up on this, so I  suspect the following stupidity is true.

An unidentified woman says she wants to name her son Squire Sebastian Senator.  

If you think that seems pretentious, you're right. Even worse, this woman says those three names are really just his first name.  

According to Newsweek and many other new sources, The woman in question says this is her son's first name and "he will not be allowed to have a nickname."

Most of us address our friends by their reasonable first name: "Bob" "Jane." Somewhat unusual first names are OK, too.  Hi, Maverick! Hi, Harmony! It's all good. Many parents name their kids according to their ancestry, race, personal interests, references to Greek or Roman or other gods and it's all cool.

Usually, all these names are easy to say. Even if they aren't, it's usually for a good reason. The kid is named after a beloved living or deceased relative, or somebody who made history, or named in a way that shows pride in the famiy's heritage. Within reason.

But when this kid is born, do you really always want to refer to him as "Squire Sebastian Senator?" When anybody addresses a kid with two or three names, it means they're in trouble for some reason. I still shudder rememberingwhen my mother yelled, JOHN MATTHEW!!!!! Do we really want this kid to think he's always in trouble?

Apparently, we do, or at least mom does.. As she explained on Facebook: "We come from a long lasting family of both squires and senators. If you look back in our family tree, the survival of the clan is literally rooted in squiredom. We are all related to senators, too....This name conveys power. It conveys wealth. It conveys success."

It also conveys the fact that this kid will be mercilessly bullied.  And ultimately messed up. Think about it. Would you like to address this kid like that? Never bully a kid, or anybody for that matter. But you know quite a few people will take the bait and abuse this kid. Not his fault. But it will be mom's fault.

Mom plows on in her Facebook post:

"Squire Sebastian Senator will live a powerful, wholesome life. His confidence will not diminish simply because his name is out of the ordinary. Instead, he will become extraordinary."

Extraordinary is one way to put it.

This name mom wants to give to this poor boy is just an exercise in his parents' ego, and nothing more, which is sad. You can tell by the mom's social media post in which she cancels a planned baby shower.

"It brings me pain to have to tell you this, but I am cancelling this event....Why am I doing this? Because y'all have been talking shit about my unborn baby. AN UNBORN CHILD. How can you judge an unborn child?? What is wrong with you?

Talk about not getting it!! As is obvious to everyone except to mom, nobody is judging the kid. To spell it out, he hasn't been born yet. Nobody's met him yet. How can you judge a person who have not met?

What people are really judging is the mom, which is totally fair. She's the one playing this tragi-comic name game with the unborn son.  For most parents, it's all or mostly about the kid. For this mom, it's all about her. Not a good omen.

This mom goes on relentlessly in her Facebook post: "My baby's name WILL be a revolution.....It will push people to question everything."

Well, it does push me to question some things. Like should this woman actually be a mother? Is there a way we can help this poor kid? Would it violate the First Amendment to force parents to change a kid's name if it is unsuitable? What does this woman mean by "revolution?"

 On Reddit, where this whole thing went viral, the reviews are understandably pretty negative:

"This could be the first child ever to run away from home before he's born," one person commented.

Another person said, "He's the first kid ever to come from school with the nickname 'Stinky' an be happy abou it."

I just pray that when this kid is born and people get to know him, they won't fault this stupid name game on the kid.

And I hope this is the first and last time this mom saddles her kid with something stupid, born from her own ego.

Florida Man Outdoes Florida Man

This Florida man broke into a restaurant, got naked
ate a meal he brought with him, and played the
bongos. He won't be criminally charged because
he didn't rob or damage the restaurant, and
put everything away neatly when he was finished.

You know Florida crime weirdness is bad, when cops there investigating one weird crime find something even more odd.  

But this is Florida, after all. It's the land of Florida Man. You know the headlines see all the time. It's every day "Florida Man Does (Insert Very Weird And Novel Thing Here)"

So it was that a St. Petersburg, Florida was reviewing surveillance video because he was investigating a burglary at The Chattaway restaurant in which the intruder broke in, ate a plate of chicken wings, ad grabbed a beer to enjoy.

By Florida standards, this kind of thing is pretty routine, for sure.

But then, the police officer found something unrelated, but much more interesting in the surveillance footage.

I'll let TampaBay.com pick it up from here:

"The video shows a man riding his bike up to the restaurant at 358 22nd Ave. S, pedaling around the parking lot for 10 minutes, then slipping in through the back gate. After wandering around a bit, he opens the door to a shed for storing odds and ends, and removes them one by one. 

Then the man gains access to a restaurant bathroom. And exits without his clothes." 

Well, I guess a little nudist burglary is a thing. Who knew?

TampaBay.com continues:

"He proceeds to sit naked at one of the restaurant's picnic tables and digs into a meal he brought with him - Maruchan Instant Lunch ramen."

I've got to hand it to the TampaBay.com reporter, McKenna Oxenden, who was able to get such detail on what the guy was eating. As if that was the most important part. Then again, it's good Naked Florida Man didn't steal the food from the restaurant.

The video also shows the man, still naked, playing bongo drums. Not sure what the neighbors thought of that.

The money quote comes from Chattaway waiter Chad Pearson: "He came in with pants on but he rode off on the bike without pants....I'm not sure if he took his pants with him, but we didn't find them. We still don't know where his pants are."

Maybe the other guy who broke in and ate chicken and drank the beer stole the pants. It's a theory, anyway.

Police figured out who the naked guy is, but did not release his name. The restaurant isn't pressing charges, because Naked Florida Guy caused no harm, and even put everything back neatly when he was finished.

The (presumably) clothed guy the cops were initially looking for has not yet been caught. Authorities and the restaurant DO want to press charges against the Florida Chicken Eater Burglar because he stole cash tips, a laptop, a tablet and a grocery bag full of beer, all collectively worth more than $500.

The Florida Chicken Eater Burglar also tried unsuccessfully to break into a safe.

I bet the cops want to review Chattaway surveillance video every day, just to see what they'd find next.

Cats Belong On Fashion Catwalks, A Cat Announces

We're sorry you missed the recent Esmod International Fashion Show in Istanbul, Turkey.

You can see Random Cat on a Istanbul fashion show
catwalk does NOT like this piece of fashion. 

No big deal, I hear you saying. You're not that into fashion anyway.

But this was the best fashion show ever, thanks to a random cat.

According to The Dodo, this cat decided that if there's a catwalk, the cat should be on said catwalk, duh!

As human models strutted down the catwalk at the fashion show to dreary, plodding electronic music,  Random Cat decided to mess up that mood and inject a little humor.

Nobody knows where Random Cat came from but she was a natural on said catwalk.

Random Cat showed who's boss, attacking some of the fashions that she didn't care much for, then strutted down to the end of the catwalk like the diva she is.

I saw one Tweet describing what the Random Cat was thinking at that moment: "No, no, no dahling. THIS is how you walk."

I sometimes watch the show "Project Runway," in which contestants design clothes for sometimes ridiculous situations using ridiculous material. The show is on hiatus until 2019, but when it returns, I think there should be a cat episode of "Project Runway."

Here's the video from Istanbul: