Don't Let Your Dog Drive. You'll Get Dizzy

A man in the foreground tries to figure out what to do as a dog in the
car drives backwards in circles around a Florida cup-de-sac.
Police eventually stopped the car, and the dog, named Max,
was miraculously not charged with reckless driving. 

I do love this report from Florida that came out last month.

A dog decided to go for a drive.  Maybe the dog wanted to be a little mavericky, too.

A Port St. Lucie man arrived home one day and left his dog Max temporarily the car while he ran into the house for a minute.

Police said:

"The dog named Max accidentally hit the shifter into reverse causing the car to circle the cul-de-sac, leaving the owner locked out of the car.....As the car circled the cup-de-sac, it struck and damaged a mailbox."

I guess police in Port St. Lucie are pretty mellow and understanding.  They entered the code on the key pad of the door and managed to stop the car.

Max, who was not wearing a seat belt, wasn't hurt and wasn't issued a citation, despite the obvious dangerous driving and lack of a seat belt. I guess dogs get a pass, which I can understan.

 Here's a video from Good Morning America:

Florida Weirdness Continues As Usual. Alligators And People Uphold The State's Reputation.

Florida is famous for its weird news, of couse.  Half of the time, the weirdness involves alligators.

I've got three examples. I'm sure there are dozens of examples, but three is all I have the energy for.

So let's go: Even routine traffic stops are practically never routine.'

Take one case last month in which a car blew through a stop sign in Punta Gorda, Florida.

One of the standard questions the police ask you during traffic stops is whether you have anything else on you. The cop wants to make sure there aren't any dangerous guns or other weapons in case things go south during the traffic stop.  

The Charlotte County Sheriff's Office said Ariel Machan-Le Quire, 25, answered that she did. Ariel told police she and her companion had been collecting snakes and frogs beneath a nearby overpass. OK. Then she pulled a live, foot-long alligator out of her yoga pants.

The pair were warned against blowing through stop signs, and the state Fish and Wildlife agency was called in to investigate. Possibly in that order. In Florida, hiding alligators in yoga pants could well be as common as people blowing through stop signs.

She and her companion were cited for violating the bag limit on reptile collecting, which is regulated.

The alligator and all the other animals the couple found were released back into the wild.

The next alligator crisis came last month when police in Clearwater, Florida responded to a report of a home break-in.

Homeowner Mary Wischhusen heard a crash in her kitchen around 3:30 a.m. one morning and discovered the burglar in her kitchen. She retreated to a bedroom and called 911.

When police got there, they found the home had indeed been broken into, and the perp was still there. It was a ten-foot-long alligator, and it had broken into the house through a low window.

Ten police officers and two trappers spent two hours trying to coax the alligator out of Wischhusen's kitchen. Her only regret is the alligator toppled a wine case, smashing all the bottles of red wine inside. It was the good stuff, she said.

Nobody is sure why the alligator targeted Wischhusen's house. My theory is it likes red wine.

Finally, this week, a Gainsville, Florida couple decided it would be a nice idea to have a picnic on the shores of a lake.

Then an alligator decided to join the party. The couple wisely retreated, so the alligator came up and helped itself to a block of cheese, salami, half a watermelon and an entire bowl of guacamole. 

Luckily, the alligator was full after that, so instead of eating the picnicking couple, the little monster went back down to the lake.

For now, anyway.

Another Reason To Avoid Florida: Poison Toads

Another reason to "love" Florida: Hordes of poisonous toads are
invading some neighborhoods 

Generally speaking, I'm the kind of person who likes frogs and toads.

Where I live in New England, they never cause much trouble at all. They just eat annoying mosquitoes and other biting and damaging insects. What's not to love?  

Florida, of course, does everything differently, and often, worse. Which brings me to some toads in the Sunshine State that make me want to stay far, far away.

They're called cane toads, and lately, they've been taking over neighborhoods in much of southern Florida. Worse, they're poisonous. Dogs and cats love to catch toads. They put these toads in their mouths, the toad secretes a toxin, and the pet dies.

Humans can get ill from these things, too.

Since these toads are invasive, they have few natural predators and are overwhelming some areas.  As USA Today notes, local news stations in Florida have been broadcasting images of these toads clogging pool filters, hopping in large crowds across driveways and partly covering lawns.

Individually, the toads look cute, even though they are poisonous. The huge numbers of them look like a horror movie.

This outbreak of marauding toads was probably brought on by humid weather, a rainy spell and a surge in temperatures into the 80s and low 90s. The epicenter of this invasion seems to be Palm Beach Gardens neighborhood of Mirabella where people can't bring their pets outside and children can't play outdoors because there's so many poisonous toads.

One resident, Jennie Quasha, told television station WPTV, "I just see a massive amount of toads and frogs everywhere, covering every square inch....You can't even walk through the grass without stepping on one."  Quasha said hundreds of them were in her swimming pool. So much for a nice leisurely dip in the pool on a humid Florida afternoon.

Exterminators can get rid of some of the toads, but it looks like people will have to let nature take its course. The numbers of toads will go down, but they won't disappear entirely.

Which is another reason to not enjoy the Sunshine State.

A Sinkhole Turns Into A Bank Robbery Investigation

This "sinkhole" in a Florida bank driveway turned out to be part
of a tunnel. Somebody was digging the tunnel in an attempt
to rob the bank. 

As will become obvious, given Florida's weirdness, the following incident took place in the Sunshine State.

A sinkhole recently opened up in the driveway of a Pembroke Pines, Florida bank. That's not unusual. The geology of Florida makes the area prone to sinkholes.

It turns out, though, that geology had nothing to do with this sinkhole. It turns out somebody was digging a tunnel from an embankment toward the bank in an attempt to rob it.

But: Curses! Foiled again! The tunnel was too close to the surface. The dirt and the pavement in the driveway collapsed, which was the "sinkhole."

They haven't figured out who dug the tunnel yet. The tunnel extends 50 feet from an embankment to near the bank. It looks like whoever it was was trying to access an ATM.

The person who dug the tunnel wasn't claustrophobic, apparently. The tunnel was only two feet across or so, so you really had to shimmy and squeeze your way through it.

The FBI is investigating.

And thus, Florida continues to uphold its reputation for weirdness.

Florida Again: Woman Has Gross Way Of Ruining Kid's Birthday Party

Heather Carpenter of Florida, naturally, is accused of spreading
crap all over tables and grills at a park because a school principal
she hates planned a birthday party for her daughter at the
park later that day. 

A now presumably former substitute teacher in, yes, Florida apparently really hates the principal at the school where she worked. 

This idiot, Heather Carpenter showed up at Urfer Park in Sarasota County, Florida at 6:30 a.m. on December 1 and spread feces all over the wooden tables and grills at the pavilion in the park, says Fox 13 News in Tampa. 

The alleged reason: The principal at the school where she worked planned a birthday party for her daughter at the park. All the kids in the class were invited, including Carpenter's kid. But Carpenter was having some sort of dispute with the principal, so she decided to act like the shitty person she is.

The party had to be canceled, and the county had to replace all the tables and grills. They were too far gone to be cleaned. In all this cost the county $2,310, including labor costs. And the principal's poor kid didn't have her birthday party.

Lots of people use parks in a busy place like Sarasota County, and there's people milling about, even at 6:30 in the morning. One of them was a guy named Mike Hutchinson, who caught Carpenter doing this, spreading the crap around while wearing a surgical mask and blue rubber gloves.

She fled, but police later figured out who she, in part because of Hutchinson's description of her, and they arrested her. She faces felony criminal mischief and properth damage charges, Fox 13 says.

On the bright side, of sorts, she upheld Florida's reputation as a place where people go to commit weird, weird, crimes.

Florida Man Outdoes Florida Man

This Florida man broke into a restaurant, got naked
ate a meal he brought with him, and played the
bongos. He won't be criminally charged because
he didn't rob or damage the restaurant, and
put everything away neatly when he was finished.

You know Florida crime weirdness is bad, when cops there investigating one weird crime find something even more odd.  

But this is Florida, after all. It's the land of Florida Man. You know the headlines see all the time. It's every day "Florida Man Does (Insert Very Weird And Novel Thing Here)"

So it was that a St. Petersburg, Florida was reviewing surveillance video because he was investigating a burglary at The Chattaway restaurant in which the intruder broke in, ate a plate of chicken wings, ad grabbed a beer to enjoy.

By Florida standards, this kind of thing is pretty routine, for sure.

But then, the police officer found something unrelated, but much more interesting in the surveillance footage.

I'll let TampaBay.com pick it up from here:

"The video shows a man riding his bike up to the restaurant at 358 22nd Ave. S, pedaling around the parking lot for 10 minutes, then slipping in through the back gate. After wandering around a bit, he opens the door to a shed for storing odds and ends, and removes them one by one. 

Then the man gains access to a restaurant bathroom. And exits without his clothes." 

Well, I guess a little nudist burglary is a thing. Who knew?

TampaBay.com continues:

"He proceeds to sit naked at one of the restaurant's picnic tables and digs into a meal he brought with him - Maruchan Instant Lunch ramen."

I've got to hand it to the TampaBay.com reporter, McKenna Oxenden, who was able to get such detail on what the guy was eating. As if that was the most important part. Then again, it's good Naked Florida Man didn't steal the food from the restaurant.

The video also shows the man, still naked, playing bongo drums. Not sure what the neighbors thought of that.

The money quote comes from Chattaway waiter Chad Pearson: "He came in with pants on but he rode off on the bike without pants....I'm not sure if he took his pants with him, but we didn't find them. We still don't know where his pants are."

Maybe the other guy who broke in and ate chicken and drank the beer stole the pants. It's a theory, anyway.

Police figured out who the naked guy is, but did not release his name. The restaurant isn't pressing charges, because Naked Florida Guy caused no harm, and even put everything back neatly when he was finished.

The (presumably) clothed guy the cops were initially looking for has not yet been caught. Authorities and the restaurant DO want to press charges against the Florida Chicken Eater Burglar because he stole cash tips, a laptop, a tablet and a grocery bag full of beer, all collectively worth more than $500.

The Florida Chicken Eater Burglar also tried unsuccessfully to break into a safe.

I bet the cops want to review Chattaway surveillance video every day, just to see what they'd find next.

Classic Florida Crime, Classic Canada Crime

This advice should be obvious, but a Florida man learned you should
never bake cookies on a George Foreman grill indoors while
drunk, high and naked. 

Both Florida and Canada have reputations for seeing some of rthe world's most unique crimes and police incidents.

The two locations have crimes that are totally different from one another, but they can be entertaining.

The following two incidents perfectly tell us the difference between Florida and Canada. Let's start with Florida.

The headline in nwfdailynews.com gets us started perfectly: "Naked man starts house fire while baking cookies on George Foreman grill."

Boy, you want to read more after seeing that headline and nwfdailynews.com delivers. Here's an excerpt:

"When firefighters got to the home around 5:30 p.m., they could see smoke coming from inside. A naked man opened the front door, said, 'I'm sorry' and closed the door. Police arrived shortly after to assist. The man came to the door again, left it open and went back into the house."

Police said since the man showed no signs that he cared for his safety, they removed him from the house.

It turns out the guy drank two liters of vodka and smoked marijuana for three hours when he decided to bake cookies indoors on his George Foreman grill. That started a fire. The moron put dry towels on the grill in a failed (obviously!) attempt to put out the fire. The towels caught fire, naturally.

Somehow, the man was not hurt.

Yes, this is classic Florida: It's bizarre, and to most people there, the bizarre seems routine

Meanwhile,  Canada had its own quintessential crime caper. This one involves bear spray, a glass bong, inept robbers and an intrepid pot shop owner.

In this still from security camera footage, the guy on the right
wields a glass bong to ward off the guy on the left, who
is trying to rob the pot store with bear spray as a weapon. 

According to the CBC, a clerk at a Shannonville, Ontario cannabis dispensary used a glass bong to fight off thieves who were attacking him and another clerk with bear spray.

No, we don't have armed robberies in Canada. No guns. They use bear spray, apparently.

Says the CBC: "A security video shows the suspects approaching a man and woman standing behing the counter, then squirting them with what appears to be bear spray. The male clerk came from behind the counter and found the men off, swinging the bong at them until they fled the store."

I think of people who are involved with pot to be pretty mellow, but watch the security camera video below. Look at the store clerk's face towards the end. This guy is fierce!

Florida Teens Giving Me A (Slight) Glimmer Of Hope

Articulate teenagers like Cameron Kasky are trying - and
might succeed - at doing bribed, stupid and dumb politicians
won't do: Create sensible gun laws that don't
violate the Second Amendment 

Teenagers across America, particularly in Florida, have been embarrassing the rest of us this past week, and I couldn't be more delighted that they're doing so.

As you sadly know too well, we had another mass shooting last week, taking the lives of 17 high school students and teachers in Florida.

As always in these cases, which now seem to happen every day, the people who are supposed to be the adults in the room, especially many politicians, fail us.

They're supposed to lead us, but instead offer empty thoughts and prayers, clutch their pearls over people with mental illness, and above all, quake in fear over angering the National Rifle Association.

The NRA has long since decided that their ability to provide - and make plenty of money - from making sure everybody has unfettered access to any kind of weapon is worth a few dozen people getting killed in mass shootings every year.

After the Parkland, Florida mass shooting, teenagers in Florida are having none of it. The dignified rage, the logic and the resolve of these kids are putting us all to shame.

Current politicians will continue to kowtow to the NRA and nothing will immediately change. The millions of dollars politicians get from the NRA will grease the wheels to Capital Hill, with a gentle additional push from timid voters. Want an AR-15 to shoot up a school, concert or church? Knock yourself out!

For now.

These kids not only those in Florida, but the ones that are now part of a groundswell nationwide, will soon be old enough to vote. They've taken an activist cue from older people who are resisting the Trump administration, the Nazis, the white supremacists that seem to be gaining strength in this country.

The resistance from high school students in particular gives me a glimmer of hope that these teenagers will change things.

Their anger is building. And their message is getting more powerful. There's lots of examples.

Parkland student Cameron Kasky, interviewed by CNN's Anderson Cooper, didn't mince words. Kasky did heap deserved praise on teachers, staff and first responders, but has no patience for the thoughts and prayers crowd.

"Everything I've heard where we can't do anything and it's out of our hands and it's inevitable, I think that's a façade that the GOP is putting up."

Kasky pressed on: "After every shooting, the NRA sends a memo saying 'send your thoughts and prayers.' This is the only country where this kind of thing happens. I've heard from other people, and they don't have gun drills. We had to prepare extensively at Stoneman Douglas. This something that can be stopped and will be stopped.

"There is a segment of this society that will shrug this off and send your thoughts and prayers but march for hours over a rainbow wedding cake."

That last line crystalizes the hypocrisy in the GOP more than anything. (By the way, the entire Kasky/Cooper interview is definitely worth the watch. 

As Wired notes, teenagers are more savvy at social media, and media in general, and know how to fight back against lies, gaslighting and self-puffery.  These students, amid the shock and terror of the attack, literally began to fight back against the NRA and their politician patsys as the rampage was ongoing.

David Hogg, a Parkland senior and reporter for the school's paper, interviewed students barricaded in a culinary classroom during the shooting. "No amount of money should make it more easy to get accessibility to guns," one frightened student told Hogg in that room.

Many of the students are wonderfully through with respecting some of their elders. But only the elders that are failing them.  The teens, gloriously, are not afraid to be blunt.

Professional idiot and, I guess, right wing pundit Tomi Lahren spewed the usual talking points, saying liberals and morons and the mentally whacked out are to blame for Parkland, not guns.

This prompted one student to respond on Twitter: "A gun has killed 17 of my fellow classmates. A gun has traumatized my friends. My entire school, traumatizes from this tragedy. This could have been prevented. Please stfu  tomi."

Yeah, Tomi, probably best to listen to that student. I would, if I were in your shoes.

Here's another Twitter post from a Parkland student named Sarah Chad:

"I don't want your condolences you fucking piece of shit, my friends and teachers were shot. Multiple of my fellow classmates are dead. Do something instead of sending prayers. Prayers won't fix this. But gun control will prevent it from happening again."

As if you need more, a teen at the school was quoted as follows:  “I’m not a Russian computer, so I can’t vote but will push elected officials on gun control."

High school students across the nation are planning a walkout from their classes sometimes in March to demand changes to gun laws. They all know that almost nobody wants to repeal the Second Amendment. Most of the students don't want that.

But every Constitutional right has its responsibilities as well. You can't just do whatever you want, including mass murder. These teenagers understand this, because it's common sense.

Too bad the NRA and their puppet politicians don't understand this. Or pretend not to. The activism of teenagers across the United States give me a glimmer of hope that this will one day change.

Irma Emergency Sign Language Interpreter Not Up To The Job

The guy in the yellow shirt was definitely not qualified to
be a sign language intepreter duirng an Irma briefing.  

Often during important announcements and press briefings, you'll often find a sign language interpreter there, too, relaying the crucial information to people who are hearing impaired.

In the video you'll see below, the interpreter clearly wasn't up to the job. You'll hear what the Manatee County, Florida emergency manager has to say, and what the sign language interpreter in the yellow shirt was relaying.

For instance, the emergency manager said, "You need to be safe." The interpreter came up with "Need to bear monster."

To be fair to the intepreter, he was not a professional, and he knew it. He was just some random guy who works as a marine rescuer for Manatee County who happens to have a hearing impaired brother.

The emergency operations center asked him to intepret, he said no because he was not qualified enough, but they coerced him into doing it, with disastrous results.  So it's not really the fault of the guy in the yellow shirt.

Advocates for the  hearing impaired said the county should have used the services of a company that provides certified interpreters. One was available, says ABC News.

But here's the video anyway:

Florida Man (Of Course!) Shoots Utility Truck Tires Because Who Knows Why

An image taken from a cell phone video shows Jorge Jove,
64, shooting utility trucks in front of his house for
reasons only he seems to know. 

Some utility trucks, parked legally on a Hialeah, Florida street, came under assault the other day because some guy who lives there didn't like them parked in the neighborhood.

As you can see in the remarkable video below, the guy, age 64, opens fire on the tires and radiator of at least one of the trucks.

Guy seemed to be having a bad day.

According to NBC Miami, one of the AT&T utility workers was trapped in the bucket above the truck while another shot cell phone footage while waiting for police to arrive.

Says NBC Miami: "The suspect, identified as Jorge Jove, reloaded his weapon several times, police said. Moments later, officers arrived at the home....and took Jove into custody."

According to an arrest report, Jove told detectives he went 'bananas' and shot at the tires and trucks to stop them from leaving. 

'He just lost his mind for a moment. We don't know what the deal is with him,' said Hialeah Police Detective Carl Zogby."

We don't know either. If Jove didn't want the trucks there, why did he shoot them to make them stay?

Anyway, logic doesn't apply here, does it?

Here's the video:

Bomb Squad Makes Beeping Easter Eggs So Visually Impaired Kids Can Hunt

Bomb squad members in Missouri make beepig Easter eggs
last year so that visually impaired children can participate
in Easter egg huts. 

Hats off to a Tampa, Florida areas bomb squads for making a bunch of Easter eggs that visually impaired children can find during this weekend's Easter egg hunts.

This has actually been going on for more than a decade after a special agent learned his newborn kid was blind.

So he and his buddies decided to make an Easter egg hunt work for visually impaired children.  

The eggs beep, so children can find them. They are "hidden" in an open field at a park in Tavares, Florida for the kids to find.

Obviously, the bomb squad's work is usually more dangerous than beeping Easter eggs, so this is a break for them, too.

The beeping is annoying when the eggs are in the police station, waiting to be hidden, but it's worth it.

The officers from five Florida bomb squads build the eggs, soldering and installing wiring that make the plastic eggs beep

This bomb squad beeping egg movement seems to be growing in recent years, which is always a good thing.  Charles County, Missouri bomb squad members made the eggs last year, for instance

Here's a video of such an egg hunt last year:

Lawyer, Lawyer, Pants On Fire!

Attotrney Steven Guitierrez'a pants caught on
fire when he was litigating a Florida
arson case.

The sometimes unfair stereotype of lawyers is that they're liars, that "lawyer" is just another way of saying "liar."

And we've all heard the chant directed at the dishonest: "Liar, liar, pants on fire!"

Well, in Florida,  (where else would something like this occur?) while a defense attorney was litigating an arson case of all things, his pants caught on fire.

Literally.

According to the Miami Herald:

"Stephen Gutierrez, who was arguing that his client's car spontaneously combusted and was not intentionally set on fire, had been fiddling in his pocket as he was about to address jurors when smoke began billowing out his right pocket."

As you might expect, Gutierrez rushed out of the courtroom. Jurors were ushered out out, and soon, Gutierrez returned, without injury but definitely with singed pants. '

This was not an elaborate defense demonstration, the Miami Herald said. It was a faulty battery in an e-cigarette in Gutierrez's pocket.

The Miami Herald tried to contact Gutierrez, but he didn't return the calls.

Whatever happened, it didn't help Gutierrez'a client, Claudy Charles. He was convicted of second degree arson.

Gutierrez could be held in contempt of court because of the incident, the Miami Herald says, but this isn't the first time e-cigarettes have caused trouble.

As I noted back in November, e-cigarette batteries do seem to have a nasty habit of exploding and/or catching fire, which isn't a good thing for e-cigarette enthusiasts.

I guess that's one habit I won't take up, then.

 Repeated calls to Gutierrez’s cellphone went unanswered. Miami-Dade police and prosecutors are now investigating the episode. Officers seized several frayed e-cigarette batteries as evidence.

“A lot of people could have been hurt,” another observer in court told the Miami Herald.Gutierrez was representing Claudy Charles, 48, who is accused of intentionally setting his car on fire in South Miami-Dade. He had just started his closing arguments when the fire broke out. Jurors convicted Charles anyway of second-degree arson.

Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Michael Hanzman, in the coming days, could decide to hold Gutierrez in contempt of court.

The 28-year-old lawyer graduated from Florida International University’s law school in 2015.

With millions of users across the country, e-cigarettes deliver vaporized nicotine through a heated liquid solution. But questions about the health and fire risks of the products have mounted, with the U.S. Department of Transportation recently banning e-cigarettes from checked bags on airplanes.

Last year, a Naples man filed suit in Miami-Dade after an e-cigarette exploded in his mouth, leaving him in a coma.

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article137317553.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article137317553.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article137317553.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article137317553.html#storylink=cpy

Another Overreaction: Woman Drives Through T-Mobile Store Because iPhone Cracked

Screen shot of a woman driving into and through at
T-Mobile store in Florida because they wouldn't give
her a replacement phone. 

It seems like every time I turn around, somebody is upset with a retailer or other service provider and just totally overreacts.

I mean, big time.

The latest, as you'll see in the video at the bottom of this post, involves a woman in Florida (it's always Florida, isn't it?) who got a new iPhone but its display was cracked.

She went to a T-Mobile store in Palm Springs, Florida seeking to get it replaced, but she said the store wouldn't do it, even though she had insurance.

Now, most people who are dissatisfied with a retailer do things like never shop there again, tell their friends about the lousy experience, or maybe write a nasty Yelp review.

But this woman, Shinobia Montoria Wright, 26,  took it a BIG step forward. She returned to the store, drove her SUV through the front window and into the showroom and started smashing glass display cases with a squeegee, said police, according to the Palm Beach Post. 

She still doesn't have a new phone at last report, but she now DOES has a variety of criminal  charges, including aggravated battery, battery, burglary, criminal mischief, and of course, reckless driving.

Wright hasn't been arraigned yet because she's still hospitalized for arm injuries from the incident. Plus - Surprise! - she is undergoing a mental health evaluation.

Two employees at the store had minor injuries. The store suffered $30,000 in damage and was declared temporarily unsafe by Palm Beach County officials.

The Palm Beach Post said Wright told police that she did all this because of the phone and because she was having a "bad day."

Next time she has a bad day, she ought to just climb back into bed. It's safer that way.

Here's the video:

Announcing The Worst Maid Of Honor At Wedding World Champion!

Amanda Willis is likely the world
record holder as worst wedding
maid of honor ever. 

Everybody wants their wedding to be memorable.

Mine was!        
 
Fortunately, my wedding four years ago was memorable in a great way, thanks to the wonderful people who helped us celebrate.

Sometimes, though, the people who are supposed to help most at a wedding fail at the job.

We now have the world record holder for the person who does the worst job at this.

The good news is the actual wedding ceremony for David and Jennifer Butler in Florida went off beautifully.

The bad news is maid of honor Amanda Willis turned things into a nightmare as soon as the reception started.

However, as NBC News 2 in Fort Myers, Florida explains it, bride Jennifer Butler said Willis hit the bottle hard as soon as the reception kicked off.

"She was drun within 20 minutes to a haf hour," Butler said.

"She was a mess. She drank almost a whole entire bottle of Fireball," said wedding guest Robert Templeton.

From there, Willis went up to the Best Man, Brian Butler (David's brother) and grabbed his car keys and jumped in his car.

Brian Butler chased after her, and Willis almost backed over him. He then grabbed onto the car and hung on. He was dragged a bit, but somehow reached into the car and cranked the emergency brake.

Phew!

But it wasn't over yet! Oh no. Bridesmaidzilla had MUCH more work to do.

Guests wrestled Willis out of the car, and she went back into the reception, grabbed a big bottle of Captain Morgan and started guzzling.

She then threw a punch at Templeton, the wedding guest.

That's when someone called the police.

On the way to jail, Willis pretended to have asthma and a seizure, she exposed herself to deputies, assauted two medics and kicked over her bed pan..

Geez.

NBC News 2 said Butler and Willis had been best friends before this incident, but Butler no longer considers Willis a friend.

Ya think?

Although it might not have hurt if Butler had done a background check on Willis. This was Willis' ninth arrest in Charlotte County, Florida.

Florida Walmart, Texas Mattress Store "Celebrate" 9/11 With, Um, Interesting Gimmicks

This probably wasn't the best way to homor 9/11 

I suppose their heart was in the right place.

As we approach the 15th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, some people at a Panama City Beach, Florida Walmart, and the local soda distributor, came up with a striking way to "honor" the memory of 9/11.

So they constructed in the store the two World Trade Center towers built out of Coke Zero packages, notes the Associated Press.

The backdrop of the American flag was made with red regular Coke, silver Diet Coke and blue Sprite. A banner above the display that read "We will never forget" with the Coke and Walmart logos completed the look.

Why does this kind of weird, tacky thing always seem to happen in Florida?

Of course right away there was (surprise!) a backlash. A lot of people were appalled.

Others mocked it:

"We will never forget.....These great rollback prices y'all!" was one Twitter reaction.

Amid the hubbub the Coca-Cola company apologized and said the display was meant to honor local firefighters and support that organization's upcoming event.

The store and the distributor said they never intended any disrespect, which I believe, but what the hell were they thinking?

Well, they were probably thinking more than the folks at a Texas mattress store. They decided to hold a mattress sale, and did quite a little TV ad that you can see in the video at the bottom of this post.

As the Dallas Morning News tells us:

"Store manager Cherise Bonanno says that there's no better way to remember the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks than the sale, which offers any size mattress for the price of a twin mattress. Two employees stand in front of a pair of towers of mattresses and an American flag.

At the end of the video, which has since been removed from the store's Facebook page, Bonanno swings her arms and the employees tumble into the mattress towers, knocking them over. 

Banana shrieks, then turns to the camera and says, "We'll never forget."

Well, it's hard to forget the mattress ad you're about to see. Do you think it's a bit much?

Florida's "Treasure Coast" Is A Disgusting Goop Of Toxic Algae

The gross algae bloom in Florida. Photo
by Terry Spencer/AP 

Nobody's going in the water and everybody's pointing fingers of blame in Florida for something truly disgusting:

A soupy, icky, possibly toxic algae bloom is gumming up the shoreline at the peak and heat of summer.

As if alligators and unrelenting humidity weren't enough, now you can't go in the water.

Or even near it.

Florida Gov. Rick Scott has declared a state of emergency because of the blue in southeast parts of the state.

And everybody's pointing fingers at each other in blame for the ickiness.

The algae is there because of polluted, phosphorus-laden water coming from Lake Okeechobee, about 35 miles away from the affected areas.

The governor says it's the federal government's fault for neglecting repairs to the lake's old dike system.

He could have a point, since the Army Corps of Engineers is inadequately funded for this type of thing. Plus, there was tons of rain in Florida this past winter and spring, so with their inadequate system, they had to release more tainted water from the lake than usual.

But lots of state officials have looked the other way as farming and other interests have dumped pollution and phosphorus in the Lake Okeechobee. Had they cracked down on that, this not have been such an issue.

As local public radio station WQCS noted, there was a deal in the works back in 2011 for the Florida Legislature to buy more land around Lake Okeechobee for water storage, but Governor Scott's administration came in and put an end to that idea.

So yeah, this might be Scott's fault, too.

Area residents say the algae smells so bad that they  have to stay indoors, and when they do go outside, some of them get watery eyes and respiratory problems.

Plus, wildlife is suffering, too, and some marine animals are probably dying because of the algae.

This kind of thing happens elsewhere due to poor pollution controls, mostly from agricultural, sewage treatment plant and industrial runoff.

There was a big algae bloom on Lake Erie last summer, which threatened Toledo, Ohio's drinking water supply.

Here where I live in Vermont, toxic and thick algae have lately made appearances in and around St. Albans Bay, which I  can see from my hillsice home, in the past few summers. That has caused swimming bans and warnings to keep children and pets away from the algae-slimed water.  It could hurt or kill them.

Of course, it's expensive to enact pollution controls that would prevent all this phosphorus and other bad stuff from getting into waters around Florida, the Great Lakes, Vermont and elsewhere.

But do we really want to spend our summers holding our noses and worried about our health because of all this algae in the water?

Heres an aerial view of the algae in Florida to give you an idea of the scope of the Algae From Hell



And he's a sad video of a manatee trapped in the algae goop and a family trying to hose it off to give it some relief. It's unclear if the manatee made it out of the algae and survived or not:

Terrible Road Rage Incident Video: Miraculously No Injuries

A YouTube video shows one of the most dangerous road rage incidents I have yet found online

Gawd, people calm down.

Kristian Rosa, in the car, tries to cut off the motorcyclist
filming the incident. A chase between the two
ensued, reaching speeds of over 100 mph.  

In it, Rone Gonzalez, 23 has a GoPro, or cell phone or some other video device on as he's driving his motorcycle around Homestead, Florida.

The  wild video recorded by Gonzalez is at the botom of this post. Worth a terrifying watch.

Something happened that annoyed an idiot named Kristian Rosa, 30, in a red car, to start trying to chase Gonzalez and cut him off and knock him off his bike.

Both guys really put a lot of motorists in grave danger. In a desperate attempt to get away from Rosa, Gonzalez goes top speed down a four lane road, in the wrong lane, nearly causing head on collisions with several vehicles.

He was right to try to get away, and I guess his hands were tied by Gonzalez swerving all over the road to try t run him down, but still.

Meanwhile Rosa persists for miles and miles. I don't know what got him so angry, but he really needs some help with anger management.

Gonzalez, the motorcyle driver was charged with misdemeanor reckless driving and Rosa, in the car, faces a felony aggravated assault charge and misdemeanor reckless driving.

Both guys later said they regret what they did, says local10.com, the ABC affiliate in the Miami area.  A little late now.

Gonzalez said he is an inexperienced rider and panicked when the chase started. "I will admit when I am wrong. All of this stuff wasn't on purpose but an attempt to get away.....I didn't choose to get on to oncoming traffic. He blocked my path in both lanes. I didn't want to harm myself or other people."

As for Rosa:

"I'm not proud of what I did....All I can say is that I learned a big lesson. A lot of things could have happened in that short time. It only takes a second for an accident to happen, yet we both took no consideration over our loved ones or the people around us at the time."

Remember that, kiddies, before you act on  your anger at other drivers, no matter how stupid they might be.

Here's the video:

Thin-Skinned Rick Scott Freaks Over Rude Woman; Attacks Back

Florida Gov. Rick Scott, bald guy on the far left of
this photo, being berated in a Starbucks by Cara
Jennings, in the green shirt. Scott's people
later released an attack an against Jennings.  

The other day, Florida Gov. Rick Scott went to a Starbucks to get a coffee.

While he was there, a woman started yelling at him for what she said was a terrible job he is doing as governor, how he's screwing low income residents, that he's a jerk and an "embarassment to the state"

Based on the evidence, the woman might well be right, but still, it was kinda rude of her to cause a scene when the gov was just trying to get a simple cup of coffee for crissakes.

Especially since she yelled at the gov that he is a, quote, "asshole."

The video of this incident went viral, so a lot of people saw it. Most normal politicians, if there is such a thing, would have let it go by, and the whole thing would have quickly been forgotten.

But Gov. Scott, Important Man that he is can't let it go. How dare somebody insult the Exalted Governor Of Florida!

So, in a very Trumpian move, he, or at least his political action committee,  quickly issued an attack ad against this woman, reports The Hill.

Both the original video of the woman yelling at Scott, and Scott's response attack ad are at the bottom of this post for your viewing pleasure.

The governor's ad, up on Scott's official YouTube channel,  pulls no punches. 'Well, that woman clearly has a problem, and it turns out she's a former government official who refused to recite the Pledge of Allegiance and calls herself an anarchist!"

Ooooh! She won't recite the Pledge of Allegiance! That automatically disqualifies her for expressing her First Amendment rights. Especially since her First Amendment exercise was demonstratively rude!

Will we have another Donald Trump in Rick Scott? Trump thinks Megyn Kelly of Fox News insulted him during a Republican debate last year and he still can't let it go. Will Rick Scott forever hold a smoldering, hateful grudge against the woman in Starbucks for preventing him from enjoying that All Important cup of coffee?

The woman in the video is Cara Jennings, who told the Florida Sun-Sentinel she's a bit perplexed about why the goverorn would release a video attacking a private citizen.

"So I guess he doesn't want to meet me for coffee?" she asked.

Um, probably not.

I just hope Rick Scott won't make an attack ad against me now because I'm criticizing him. Hey Ricky! (Can I call you Ricky?) I promise not to call you an off-color name.

I'll just call you way, wayy too sensitive. Sorry you got your feelings hurt.

Maybe Jennings can make a retaliatory attack ad against Rick Scott. Won't that be fun!

Here's the original viral video of Jennings yelling at the governor:



And here's the attack ad against Jennings from the governor's camp:

Harsh: Toll Collector Fired For Undercharging Driver And Paying Difference From Own Pocket

Sam Samsonov became an Internet sensation
this week aftere being fired for using $5.50 of his
own money to fix a mistake he made in the toll booth
where he worked.  

It sounds like the people who run the toll booths at the Gasparilla Island Bridge in Florida really wanted to get rid of one of their toll collectors, Vladislaw "Sam" Samsonov.

Samsonov, 77, worked in the toll booth for 30 years and people really liked him. He'd hand out dog treats to cars with dogs in them, and sometimes lollipops to children.

He was fired a few days ago, though.

Why?  He accidentally forgot to charge $5.50 for a trailer being towed behind a vehicle.

OK, so he shorted the toll booth company $5.50?

Not exactly. To fix the mistake, he just took $5.50 out of his own pocket and put it in the register to make up for the shortfall. He figured he made the error, so he'd make up the difference.

That, apparently, is against the rules, says the Huffington Post.

I guess Samsonov has got a record of "breaking the rules." He has occasionally ponied up a little money when motorists have driven up to the toll booth and realized they didn't have enough money with them to pay the toll.

According to the local NBC affiliate, he knew it was against the rules to pay the tolls, but he'd never been written up for the "transgression." I don't know why it's against the rules, because his former employer, the Gasparilla Island Bridge Authority, still gets all the money that's due.

However, the local paper, the Boca Beacon, interviewed his bosses, who said that under auditing rules, putting your own money into the till is considered fraudulent. Instead, he shouldn't have noted his mistake as an explanation as to why the books that day were off by $5.50.

The bosses said everyone makes mistakes, that's OK, but putting your own money in the till is NOT OK.

I don't know accounting, so I still don't know why this is "fraud."

In an age when it seems like big banks get away with murder through accounting tricks, it seems a little odd that taking ownership of and fixing a $5.50 mistake is fraudulent.

As punishment, the Authority offered Samson work two days a week instead of five, but Samsonov didn't go for it. "If I can't be trusted for five days, how can I be trusted for two days,?" he asked.

Of course, this information comes from Samsonov's daughter's Facebook page. The Gasparilla Island Bridge Authority says it doesn't talk about personnel matters, so maybe there's more to the firing than this.

Still, people in the area love the guy. This is the first time I'm aware of that people actually like a toll collector and are trying to reinstate him.

The Boca Beacon, ran an editorial praising him:

"You represent part of what so many llike about Boca Grande - a person can be gone for years, but once they cross that bridge they're back in the land of familiar faces. It's people like you that we took for granted would always be there in the booth on weekday mornings."

Although the Internet is riled up about what happened to Samsonov, don't worry about him. His wife said he was working too hard anyway. He's got a nice military pension to live on, he says, so money isn't going to be a worry.

He says, though, it's nice to know his community has got his back.

Couple Thinks Good Parenting Involves Bribing Kids With Pot and Cocaine

Police say these parents gave their teen
daughters drugs for doing their chores
and doing well in school. This all
happened in Florida, of course. 

Let's face it: Almost every parent has resorted to bribery to get their kids to do what they want.

"OK, Johnny, if you clean up your room you get a nice big ice cream cone."  

Or something like that.

According to The Smoking Gun, a Florida couple went in a little further with the bribery trick.

Why is it always Floridians who do strange things?

Anyway, The Smoking Gun says mom Joey Mudd gave their teenage daughters, ages 13 and 14 for jobs well done when they cleaned their rooms.

Bonus: The pot probably mellowed the girls out, too. No more shreiking about potential boyfriends. Then again, pot isn't exactly healthy for a kid, and pot is illegal for kids everywhere so I can see why the mom is in trouble with the law on this one.

Apparenty, dad Chad Mudd took this even beyond the level of mom. He gave the cocaine. It was a lovely dad/daughters outing: The trio snorting cocaine in dad's truck. Wonderful.

Needless to say, the parents were jailed, though mom at last report was out on bail. The kids are being cared for by a relative, who is such a hard ass that the relative is not providing the teen girls with drugs, booze or anything else like that.

Imagine that. Having to clean your room without a nice bong hit afterwards.

I'm also thinking the Mudds won't get a contract to write a book about novel parenting skills.