Schools And Authority Figures Contnue To Torture Teens Because What The Hell.

Aliya May, 14, left and her mother Karrie. Aliya faces
felony charges for throwing a baby carrot at a teacher.  

In the never ending quest of schools and authority figures to screw kids we have a few more examples:

CARROT TOSS VIOLENCE:

In Henrico County, Virginia, we have the case of a bratty 14 year old girl who threw a baby carrot at a teacher and hit the educator in the face.

The teacher wasn't hurt, but yeah, we need to get this girl in trouble. Detention! A letter of apology. Maybe even suspension from school for a coupla days.

All those ideas seem perfectly reasonable to me. But in the zeal of zero tolerance that I always whine about, we have to go much, much further than that.

We have to charge the kid with assault and battery with a weapon. We MUST ruin the kid's life because she stupidly threw a 1.75-inch long carrot.

After all, we shouldn't worry about gun violence. Who cares if 30,000 people or so die in gun violence each year. We shouldn't worry about guns. We should worry about carrots.

Television station WTVR even turned to legal expert Todd Stone to analyze this complex carrot law enforcement situation.

"If it's a soft carrot, it may not be as offensive.....But if it's a raw carrot, you don't have to have an injury or show you were hurt to prove a battery. It just has to be an offensive, vindictive touch. That's what the law says."

Got that? You can throw cooked carrots at your teacher, but throw a raw one, no matter how small, and you will spend years, YEARS in jail.

BoingBoing joked that something called The National Root Vegetable Association (There's an Association for everything) helpfully weighed in on this crisis.

Echoing the National Rifle Association in a tongue in cheek way, the National Root Vegetable Association says although it does seem like the time for a political debate on carrot violence, this question would not have arisen had teachers armed themselves and were trained in the use of small taproots and rhizomes.

The school district involved declined to comment, as dumb school districts always do when confronted by reporters reporting on administrators killing behavioral gnats with nuclear bombs.

GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP DISCOURAGED

Over in Iowa, high school student Zach Hougland was doing well in a cross country running race and was nearing the finish line recently. Yay! Go Zach!

Iowa high school cross country
 runner Zach Hougland was disqualified
from a future competition for aiding a member
of an opposing team who needed help.  n

But at that point,  he saw that a competitor from another school, Garret Hinson, was in distress and crawling on his knees.

Hougland helped Hinson to his feet and held him up as both crossed the finish line.

Great sportsmanship Zach! It was inspiring. But not to race officials. They disqualified both Hougland and Hinson because the moment was "interference" that "violated state rules" for helping another runner across the finish line.

It's not as if he was cheating to help his own team. And if other runs zipped past the two to finish, so be it

But I guess state high school athletic officials would hate to instill any sense of kindness or morality into any kids. We're all in it for ourselves, right?

Although Hougland was disqualified, he'll be able to run in a subsequent race because his team overall did well enough to qualify.

DRIVERS LICENSE DOUBLE

Meanwhile, in Georgia, twin sisters Alicia and Alicen Kennedy went to the DMV to get their drivers learners permits, says television station WIAT. 

They needed their photos taken, and Georgia DMV has super nifty camera with a computer that recognizes faces. This is handy if somebody's trying to get an illegal ID or is otherwise up to no good.

But the Kennedy twins were totally on the up and up. But the computer/camera  that recognizes faces thought each sister was the same one person because they look so similar/

"Aftery try after try after try, the system just would not accept them and it kept saying that it was the same person, they finally said there was a problem and they had to call headquarters," said Wanda Kennedy, the twins' mother.

So I guess if you're an identical twin, only one member of the pair can drive a car in Georgia.

To be fair, the DMV is reportedly trying to make arrangements to ensure both teens get their learner's permit.

.

Take a close look at their picture. Can you tell them apart? The state of Georgia sure can’t.

A right of passage replaced by frustration as the twins got denied by the DMV, all because a camera could not tell one girl from the other.

“We gave her our paperwork but we didn’t even get a chance to take the test because she kept saying something was wrong with the computer,” twin, Alicia said.

That computer can recognize faces, a feature that comes in handy if somebody’s is trying to get an illegal ID It apparently is not programmed to detect twins.

Alicia said she took her picture several times and then had to sign her signature several more time. She says she felt like it was her fault.

“I was listening to her conversation with the person on the phone and it said that one of us popped up as a fraud,” Alicen explained.

“The other lady came back and said that when we were taking our pictures it was picking up as saying that we were one person instead of two different people,” Alicia said.

All of a sudden, a day that these girls had dreamed about was dashed. Their high hopes of hitting the open road, brought down by a machine that didn’t know what to make of them.

“Af

Carter asked the girls, “Is that crazy to you that you have to go prove that you’re two different people?” To which Alicia responded with, “We don’t look exactly alike so you would think the computer would pick up somewhat of a difference, but it can’t tell us apart.”

Now the girls have to regroup. They have to get ready for whatever the state says comes next, as they continue their quest to get behind the wheel.

“I want my permit, I don’t want to wait a whole other year,” Alicia said.

We spoke with a spokesperson for the Georgia Department of Driver Services.

She says they have not heard of this happening before, but they do have a check box on the application asking if someone is a twin. The girls told me they didn’t see one.

After we picked up the story the DMV has been working with the teens to help this process move along as quickly as possible.

http://boingboing.net/2015/10/23/teen-faces-assault-charge.html

http://wbay.com/2015/10/23/twins-denied-drivers-permit-because-dmv-cant-tell-them-apart/

Couple Thinks Good Parenting Involves Bribing Kids With Pot and Cocaine

Police say these parents gave their teen
daughters drugs for doing their chores
and doing well in school. This all
happened in Florida, of course. 

Let's face it: Almost every parent has resorted to bribery to get their kids to do what they want.

"OK, Johnny, if you clean up your room you get a nice big ice cream cone."  

Or something like that.

According to The Smoking Gun, a Florida couple went in a little further with the bribery trick.

Why is it always Floridians who do strange things?

Anyway, The Smoking Gun says mom Joey Mudd gave their teenage daughters, ages 13 and 14 for jobs well done when they cleaned their rooms.

Bonus: The pot probably mellowed the girls out, too. No more shreiking about potential boyfriends. Then again, pot isn't exactly healthy for a kid, and pot is illegal for kids everywhere so I can see why the mom is in trouble with the law on this one.

Apparenty, dad Chad Mudd took this even beyond the level of mom. He gave the cocaine. It was a lovely dad/daughters outing: The trio snorting cocaine in dad's truck. Wonderful.

Needless to say, the parents were jailed, though mom at last report was out on bail. The kids are being cared for by a relative, who is such a hard ass that the relative is not providing the teen girls with drugs, booze or anything else like that.

Imagine that. Having to clean your room without a nice bong hit afterwards.

I'm also thinking the Mudds won't get a contract to write a book about novel parenting skills.

Parents Of Brats Who Trashed Ex-NFL Players House At Party Now Ready To Sue Him For Good Measure

So now we're learning how the 300 or so mostly teenage kids who trashed a New York vacation house decided it was their right to break into the building and have their big bash.

Exterior view of the house kids in New York State
trashed at a party there  

The owner of the house started a web site called Help Me Save 300 and posted a whole bunch of Tweets from the partygoers as they trashed the house to identify them.

The police are finding this helpful and the owner hopes it prompts some apologies, not necessarily severe punishment. He's hoping the teens involved become ambassadors for accountability and respectability

Hah!

Instead, parents of the identified brats are threatening to sue the owner of the house. 

Let's start from the beginning. A guy named Brian Holloway, an ex-NFL player has a nice vacation house in Rensselaer County, New York, not far from Albany.

While at his year round house in Florida on August 31, Holloway's son discovered through Tweets that a bunch of kids broke into the New York vacation house and were having a HUGE party.

They punched holes in walls, urinated everywhere, sprayed graffiti everywhere, broke windows and basically caused more than $20,000 in damage to the place.   Holloway, as you can imagine, wasn't happy.

As it became apparent his house, through Twitter and Instagram, was getting trashed, Holloway called the cops and they busted the party. No arrests have been made yet.

Allegedly, some of the 'guests'
at a party inside a New York
vacation home that had
been broken into.  

But there is plenty of evidence of whodunit. The kids who were stupid enough to break into the house and party were also stupid enough to Tweet photos of themselves far and wide as they overran Holloway's vacation house.

By the way, when you post a selfie or whatever out on social media, it becomes part of the public domain. You can pretty much do anything you want with it. Except use the information to commit a crime.

Judging from the photos and the Tweets on Holloway's Help Me Save 300 site, the kids involved seemed to be those obnoxious, self-entitled, Abercrombie & Fitch wearing, arrogant, I can get away with anything twits that drive me the most crazy.

Here's some sample Tweets from the partiers. Each Tweet begins with the Tweet name of the person involved:

ChrisWarren: "So glad my parents don't give a fuck what I do."

MaddieKennedy: "I wish the party didn't get busted cause that shit coulda got so much bigger."

CodyBlain: "We got a solid 4 or 5 hours  of partying before the pigs came anyway. So fuck all y'all haters."

The sad thing is they obnoxious kids will get away with it. True, the sheriff's department is investigating, and using the Tweets to help guide them. But as I noted, the parents are threatening to sue, or even have Holloway arrest. On what grounds, I'm not sure.

The parents are clearly as obnoxious as the kids. It does run in families, apparently. According to the New York Post, quoting Holloway:

"You would not believe the calls that have come in, threatening to firebomb me or hurt or sue me --any number of things," the stunned Holloway told The Post Thursday as he toiled away cleaning up the damage at his 200-acre spread in Rensselaer county.

"Some complained that this will ruin their kids' college plans. Others have threatened me, saying 'Take my kids name down or I'm gonna press charges against you.'

Some of the damage inside Holloway's vacation
home after the break in and illegal bash.  

I was willing to give many of the kids the benefit of the doubt. It just got out of hand. They weren't thinking about the consequences of breaking into a house, trashing it and partying.

If they got caught, they would have probably gotten a slap on the wrist, maybe be ordered to do a bit of community service, then have any record of the incident expunged from their record. On to a successful college career.

Now that some of the kids and their parents are being so obnoxious toward Holloway, I hope the kids really get busted. I hope their college plans evaporate. It wouldn't hurt if some of them ended up in jail.

It seems like most people agree with me, judging from the comments sections on all the news stories about this on the Web

Of course, some of the people who are backing the kids say the house was for sale anyway and was already damaged and might be in foreclosure, at least according to TMZ

Well, fine. But does that give them the right to make things worse?

I'm not too worried about Holloway's house. It will get repaired, sold, whatever. What I am worried about is what happens when these horrible kids get older. Will they be those horrible cheats that rob people blind, not at gunpoint, but by the click of a computer key at some financial institution, tech business, or some other outfit that regularly victimizes the rest of us.

So maybe it would be good if these people are convicted of crimes, and have their "lives ruined" now. It could save us all from a world of hurt a decade or two from now.

Amputee H.S. Wrestler Shoots Down Most of My Whiny Excuses About Why I Am Too Lame to Exercise

Thanks a lot, Caleb Smith of Harding High School in Minnesota.

See, sometimes I lean on excuses not to get active. My shoulder hurts. I'm tired. There's that bit of arthritis in my hip.  And you, Caleb, just shot those excuses out of the water.

Smith is a 120 pound high school wrestler. That in itself is not such a big deal. There's lots of teens like that. Yawn.

High schoo wrestler Caleb Smith of
Minnesota. Photo from CBS.

Smith, however, has no arms below the elbows, no legs below the knees. He contracted a blood infection when he was four years old, and the only way to save his life was the amputations.

But Smith seems to be doing pretty well. He first went out for wrestling when he was in fifth grade, and is now part of the high school team.

His coach said Smith's a tough opponent because he's stronger than you'd think, and his quote, unquote disability makes him approach matches more innovatively, and makes it more difficult for opponents to grapple with him successfully.

The kid's pretty built, too, as you will see in the video below.

So, again, thanks a bunch, Caleb. Too bad if my tris are still a bit sore from the last workout. I've got to hit the gym.

Onion News: Oregon Euthanasia Takes a Teenage Turn

The Onion News Network the nation's most trusted news source, or at least the most satirical, has this, um, gripping report on an Oregon couple's painful decision to euthanize their teenage daughter, who is so brain damaged she can only text, groan and roll her eyes.

Employing every cliche from every network news drama story, the Onion News Network team brings us totally up to date on this highly important issue. Especially to you parents of teens.

I particularly like the shots of the protesters who don't want the girl euthanized. You can catch demonstrators carrying signs that read "Trying on clothes is proof of life" and "Caitlin isn't brain-dead. She's just an idiot."

And you have to feel for Caitlin's mom, who urges viewers in the report to "go home and hug their kids, and be thankful they don't have such a piss poor attitude."

Also, when watching the video, stay on to the end for a glimpse of upcoming news story of utmost importance.