Happy Birthday, Jeff! Loving A Husband In A Year Of Transition

Jeff helping to pick out a Christmas tree a few years ago.

Today is my husband Jeff Modereger's birthday.

I'm not going to tell you which number birthday or in which year he was born, because that would be rude. But it's a significant number. And it's coming in a year that is bringing big changes to his life, our life.

Jeff will retire from the University of Vermont this coming May. He's been at UVM for a quarter century. His departure will be a big adjustment for him, for the university, and I would argue for the community at large.

As he retires, he doesn't want hoopla. He wants to ride off into the sunset, as he puts it.  As if his retirement is some sort of end. It's actually a beginning.

Some people, when they get to retirement age, do fade away.  Jeff won't. He doesn't have it in him to just fade. It's one of the things I love about him.

True, he'll be home more often when he retires, which is a definite plus. But he'll still continue his career as a scenic designer, which has always been his passion. He's so good at it that he'll always be demand. Probably even when he's 100 years old.

His mother worries that he pushes too hard, and it's true Jeff works too hard. (Note to Lois Modereger: I crack the whip when Jeff starts to push himself too much, and so he's fine!) The retirement this year is not a sign of him aging, but it is a sign that he's finally wising up enough to slow down, just a bit.

I'm not surprised, but always stunned by the number of his students and former students who come to Jeff and tell him what a great influence he was on them, how much he taught them. I know that will continue after he retires. Because he will meet more people, and teach more people, and just make things good. It's his habit, and he'll never be able to break it, thank goodness.

Jeff's magic is that he makes everyone he comes in contact with a better person. That certainly includes me. I'm far from perfect, but every day, Jeff, through example, shows me and everyone how it's done.  As of this August, we will have been married seven years. Time flies. And I can't wait to experience the many more years I have with Jeff.

It's funny. Jeff has an eye for fashion, at least in a superficial sense. We'll tune into some show like "Project Runway," and he'll exclaim: "What is she wearing! Did she look in the mirror before she left home?!?"

Yet Jeff is completely out of fashion in a much more fundamental sense. It's not fashionable these days to have a sense of morality. To be honest. To do the right thing.   Jeff does all of these things, fashion be damned. Thank Gawd. Another in a list of a billion reasons why I love him.

So Jeff: Here's to another birthday. I love you so very much, and look forward to being with you as the years tick by.

This post has been sappy, yes, but so what? I'll even make it worse with this song, which reminds me of you. Here's Carly Simon to help me out here:

Happy Anniversary, Chief!!

My husband Jeff, supervised by Jackson and Tonks, waters the garden
this summer. It's our sixth wedding anniversary today, and this post
explains why I'm so happy. 

I can't believe that as of today, it's been exactly six years since Jeff and I got married.

Time flies when you're having fun. At least I am. I'll let Jeff speak for himself.

It's so funny how much Jeff moves me, even when he's not around. One small example: Jeff didn't go to the company picnic with me this year, but an Elvis impersonator performed there.

"Elvis" inevitably performed "Can't Help Falling In Love," which was a song at our wedding. Frankly, "Elvis" didn't perform it nearly as well as the singer did at our wedding, but whatever. Though I was having fun at the picnic, I had to turn away for minute during the song, because I was getting misty, like I always do when I hear that song nowadays.

On some evenings, driving home from work, I think about getting home, because I know Jeff's there. And I get verklempt just thinking about seeing him again. As if the 10 hours I spent without him around was an eternity. Either I wear my emotions on my sleeve or I'm a dog that looks like a human. You decide.

Sometimes, Jeff watches a television show that I'm not interested in, so I retreat to the office to play on the computer for awhile. Then something funny happens on TV, and his unique laugh booms down the hallway and into the office. (His laugh is the loudest thing he does, besides sneezing.)

Every time he laughs, I smile. And strangely, or maybe not so strangely, it reminds me of how comfortable and safe I always feel around Jeff.

I write a blog post about our marriage every year on our anniversary. I guess it's tradition. Each year, I say that by far the best decision I ever made was marrying Jeff. I think that every day. And with every passing day, the decision to live the rest of my life with Jeff looks better and better.

I'm basically a happy guy, but I never dreamed I could be as happy as I am with Jeff. Just like everyone else, we sometimes have our painful moments, our lousy set of circumstances, bad luck, bad moods.

But the constant is Jeff's steadiness, love, kindness, incredible moral compass, humor and compassion. I still haven't figured out how I got so lucky as to have Jeff in my life. I just know I cherish each day of it.

Denis, my best man at our wedding, is one of the most thoughtful people I know. He once gave me a delightful children's book called "The Gift of Nothing."

In the book, Mooch the cat wants to give his best friend, Earl the dog a birthday gift. In the end, Mooch gave Earl an empty box. Sounds disappointing, doesn't it?  But wait....

Earl opened the box and discovered nothing inside.  Mooch said yes, there's "nothing but me and you."

I love that line. To me, nothing matters except the love and bond Jeff and I have. "The Gift of Nothing" story ends with the following lines, with images of Mooch and Earl sitting side by side, embracing each other.

"So Mooch and Earl just stayed still and enjoyed nothing and everything."

Even when there's nothing there, it feels like I have everything because he's in my life. And that's all that matters.

I love you, Chief and happy anniversary. Let's have many, many more years together.

Marrying The "Least Fashionable Guy" On The Planet Was An Excellent Idea

My husband Jeff greets our niece, Poppy
last Christmas in Yankton, South Dakota.  

Happy Anniversary to my husband, Jeff Modereger!!

We got married exactly two years ago today, on August 26, 2012.

Marrying Jeff was by far the best decision I ever made for a billion different reasons. But I have a disclosure to make about him. Frankly, he's one of the least "with it" guys on the planet.

By that I mean, to him, not everything in life is a financial transaction.

It seems that nowadays, so many people will do something only if they personally gain from it.  Gain financially, gain in prestige. Doing something because it's the right thing to do is totally passe.

Not for Jeff. Nope. He actually thinks he should support and love people because they deserve it, not because any support he offers will make him rich. Can you believe that, in this day in age?

This is how ridiculous he can get: He's a college professor, and when any of his students show interest in the subject at hand and want to learn more, if the student needs support, advice, or a pep talk, he's there, willing to help out any way he can.

When any of his students show success, he's proud. Never mind his students' success doesn't make him a celebrity, or a rich guy, or anything like that.  He does it because it's the right thing.

Our dog Jackson leads Jeff on a walk
while we were out looking at fall
foliage last October in
Bakersfield, Vermont.  

Family is really important to Jeff. He'll move mountains to help them. He relishes the chance to visit with them. He loves telling stories of family lore.

Yeah, I know.  We're all supposed to be go-getters, with no time for family. Thankfully, Jeff never got that memo.

Home life with him is the same thing. All kinds of little things. He notes what kinds of cereal, cookies, drinks, food I like and he goes out of his way to get it when he's out grocery shopping. The dinners he cooks are always excellent.

I told him he should take his talent and win on "Chopped" or one of those Food Channel competitions, and win a fortune, but he says he just wants to make me happy.  And he does.

Jeff doesn't tolerate cruelty, dishonesty, shady deals or meanness. Especially against people, or animals who are most vulnerable. Maybe his kindness is as unfashionable as a 1970s powder blue polyester suit, but that kindness sure looks great on Jeff.

Unfortunately, Jeff's dad passed away recently.

His dad, Don Modereger, was a successful businessman in Yankton, South Dakota. His success meant he lived in a nice house and wasn't really wanting for anything.  (It didn't hurt that Jeff's mom, Lois Modereger, worked really hard with the business, her family and community too.)

But Don Modereger and the rest of the family didn't --and don't -- live extravagantly. That's largely because he gave back to the community, donating time and money to those who didn't have as much as he did.  Don Modereger was thoughtful, and kind, and gregarious. Jeff's like that too.

Jeff eulogized his dad, and talked about how his father thought it was important to support your neighbors, your community, people who could use a helping hand.   Jeff said his father brought people together, and made Yankton a better place, and that is his father's biggest and best legacy.  

Jeff shares a moment with his mom, Lois
Modereger, in Yankton, South Dakota
earlier this year.  

Jeff actually said this in public!! Jeff was actually saying profits and money aren't the most important thing in the world!  That being a decent human being is the most important thing a person can do.

How retro!!

It's funny. I constantly hear so many of his current and former students talk about how much they appreciate Jeff for all his help and support over the years. They tell him his help made them the success they are.  They love him, and think the world of him.

At his father's memorial service in South Dakota, so many people showed up to remember him that it caused a traffic jam outside the funeral home.

Don Modereger's friendliness and generosity and humor,  the kind of template Jeff uses to live his own life, seems to have gotten a huge reception in Yankton and the rest of the world.

As for me, I guess I'm out of step, too.  I don't care that Jeff doesn't have a ruthless bone in his body. That he's not going to step on anybody else to get ahead. That he actually cares how people are doing. That he thinks about other people's perspective before acting. That he's kind, and generous and funny as hell.

Maybe Jeff is on to something.  Maybe he isn't so retro. Maybe Jeff's so called old fashioned approach to life is actually fashion forward. Something everyone wants to, or should emulate.

Jeff makes me suspect that maybe the "Get Ahead At Any Cost" ethos that is the way we're "supposed" to act in this modern world is a sham.  Maybe he's actually a trend setter. I sure hope so.

I do know Jeff's attitude makes me less cynical of the world around me.  With him around, I'm that much less suspicious the world is out to scam me. There are perfect, decent people in the world. Jeff proves that to me every day by being one.

There are a zillion reasons why I love Jeff. His sense of humor, his love, his looks, his intelligence, his quick wit.

But after two years of marriage, the thing I love most about Jeff is how he is slowly changing me, day by day. I watch how he lives, his sense of morals and his decency.  Believe me, I'm taking notes as I watch him, and try to absorb it.

And that's why I think the "unfashionable" Jeff Modereger is actually maybe the most chic person in the world.  I hope everyone adopts Jeff's "look."

I know I'm trying it on for size. It's a good fit.

So Jeff, Happy Anniversary, and I pray for many, many more years together. I'm so lucky!!!