Sorry, But I Think This TSA Agent Was Getting His Jollies

Image of the creepy TSA patdown of a 13 year old kid at
te Dallas-Fort Worth airport recently. Ugh. 

A lot of people have been yelling and screaming in social media about Aaron Henderson, 13, who got quite the NSFW patdown from a weird TSA agent at an airport recently.

This all started at the Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport when agents detected what might have been a trace of an explosive substance in the kid's laptop.

There are a lot of false positives with these tests, but I can't blame the TSA from taking a closer, second look at the laptop, and Aaron. Better safe than sorry, right?

However, the "patdown" Aaron got looked like foreplay in a porn movie, though Aaron was clearly not happy about this. I wouldn't be, either.

This apparently is a new policy at the TSA, giving them permission to really feel out people for contraband.

Sorry to blame everything on Donald Trump, but things are getting more police state-ish under his administration, so the TSA "rubdowns" might be part of this.

In addition, CBS News reports that this is part of new TSA procedures that came after an undercover audit in 2015 revealed major lapses in security.

 Aaron's mother, Jennifer told CBS News, "I believe he was patted down excessively. They went over his sensitive areas, a little more than necessary, especially given that he wasn't wearing bulky clothing or anything like that."

The TSA says new procedures took effext March 2.

I get it that they're trying to prevent terrorist attacks.

But working for the TSA is a thankless job which pays poorly. Most people don't want to work there. But the desperate, sometimes the stupid, sometimes the perverts also want to work there, since nobody else will.

This won't end well.

Here's the creepy video from CBS, showing the patdown. To me, it's almost child porn, so I was reluctant to show it. But we need to know what the TSA is doing, so I tried to overcome my qualms to post it.

TSA Harming U.S. Economy Like The Terrorists Would

Long TSA lines at Denver's airport recentlh.  

One of the goals of terrorists who want to attack the Good Ole USA is to disrupt our economy.

After all, spectacular attacks, cyber attacks or just the fear generated by terrorists deflate our economy.

The cost of attacks, the problems with travel, the problems with security are all a drag on commerce.

If I didn't know better, I'd now think the terrorists have hired out the TSA to harm the U.S. economy.

I know, I know, the TSA is meant to enhance our security, not mess it up.

But the huge lines at airports generated by various Congressional and TSA bureaucratic failures mean the economy is going to be harmed, at least a bit.

I'll admit the TSA doesn't mean to harm the United States, at least I don't think so, I worry they are causing harm.

As the New York Times reported earlier this month:

"A combination of fewer Transportation Security Administration screeners, tighter budgets, new checkpoint procedures and growing numbers of passengers is already creating a mess at airports around the country.

While federal security officials say they are hiring and training hundreds of additional screening officers, matters are not expected to improve anytime soon.

Airline and airport officials have said they fear that the current slowdown will last through the year and could cause a summer travel meltdown when more than 220 million passengers are expected tto fly during the peak travel months of July and August."

Already, we've gotten numerous reports of three-hour waits at TSA lines.

These lines are already disrupting business. The Tiimes article quoted Ben Cheever, a support engineer for a cybersecurity firm, who missed a flight despite showing up more than two hours ahead of his scheduled departure from Seattle recently.

"It was the most miserable business trip I ever had," he said.

American Airlines says slower security lines are causing flight delays and forcing them to rebook passengers. I'm seldom sympathetic toward airlines, but these delays and rebookings are certainly costing airlines money.

Airport managers are fuming, too. One example was on March 25 when 600 people missed flights at the airport in Charlotte, North Carolina because an inadequate number of TSA screeners caused waits of three hours or more.

It keeps getting worse. USA Today reported at least 450 people stranded overnight at Chicago's O'Hare airport because of hours long security  lines.

There's plenty of blame to go around. Working for the TSA is a thankless job, what with the lack of training, poor morale, low pay while the muckymucks get big bonuses, nasty passengers and such. People are quitting the TSA in droves.

Congress won't appropriate enough money for the TSA to do its job. Airlines are saddling us with fees, so more people are carrying bags aboard planes to avoid paying checked luggage fees, which slows everything down.

Perhaps the airlines could perhaps ease checked baggage fees? That's too much to ask for.

We, the public screw it up, too, by either accidentally or on purpose trying to bring stuff on board planes that we're not supposed to. Everytime they find something we have that's wrong, it slows the works down.

Airports like the one in San Francisco and Phoenix have kicked out or are considering, kicking out the TSA in favor of private contractors.

As BoingBoing points out, that's maybe even worse, because private contractors are not held accountable for incidents like when their agents damage or steal passengers' possessions.

It amazes me that the TSA, Congress, airlines and everyone else can't -  or more likely won't -- get their acts together.

There are worse things that can happen to a person than get stuck in a long security line. I get that.

But in claiming to prevent the problems associated with terrorism by causing things that terrorists want -- disruption -- is a little weird.

I'm not optimistic the TSA, Congress or whoever is in charge will fix this problem.

It's just another of a million examples of our dysfunctional government.

No matter so many voters are so angry and frustrated. And there's nothing we can do about it, which makes me sad.

Don't Bring Huge Mallet, Grenades Or Suitcases Full Of Pot On Your Next Plane Trip, Please

Sorry, a mallet like this one found at the Burlington, Vermont
airport is not allowed aboard commercial planes.  

Lots of us are traveling this time of year, and you'd think nobody would need a reminder not to bring weapons onto planes, but apparently, they do.

Gizmodo cataloged some of the items the TSA confiscated over the past year, and there are some doozies in the list.

In Hawaii, they found a cannon barrel. In Anchorage the found a can of bear deterrent.

For those grizzly bear attacks that always seem to happen on the redeye between Anchorage and Los Angeles apparently.

One of my favorites was an "F-bomb" found in Milwaukee. It appears to be a gag gift, a round thing with a fuse, like a cartoon bomb, with a metal letter "F" attached to it.

Cute. And confiscated by the TSA.

Another favorite of mine was found right down the road from at the Burlington, Vermont airport. It was a gigantic very old wooden mallet, but a very big, heavy one. I guess such a mallet is useful if you want to bash the head in of the person in front of you when he declines his seat backward too much.

This "F-bomb" was also
not allowed on a flight.  

Knives and razors have been found inside a hairbrush, a lipstick case and a Scooby Doo doll. I never realized Scooby Doo was so violent.

Ruh, roh, Raggie!

I'm also unclear on how 81 pounds of marijuana in a suitcase would have gone unnoticed, but stranger things have happened.

Even airline employees get into the act. The Associated Press reported that five people, including a Delta Airlines baggage handler, were recently arrested for trafficking guns from Atlanta to the New York City area.

Of course we should say the guy is now a former Delta baggage handler.

So kiddies, no bombs on the planes, OK? And no bear deterrent. Because grizzly bears are not permitted to board aircraft.


.

Heroic TSA Agent Saves World From Diabolical Rooster Monkburn, The Sock Monkey

A diligent. heroic TSA agemt in St. Louis possibly saved the world in the past week.

Rooster Monkburn, the diabolical terrorist
sock monkey named in St. Louis. 

Phyllis May of Redmond, Washington was trying to board a plane when the TSA agent uncovered the evil plot in which May had a role.

It turns out May had a little sock monkey named Rooster Monkburn in her baggage. And Rooster Monkburn had a gun!

It was a little toy gun, two inches long in his little holster. Imagine the carnage had Rooster Monkburn gotten on that plane with that gun! Oh, the humanity!!

Or, as the TSA reportedly said to May once she discovered Monkburn and his gun. "If I held it up to your neck you wouldn't know if it was real or not."

Well, that TSA agent certainly showed her analytical skills. Personally, I would probably know the difference between having a tiny two-inch toy gun held against my temple, compared to a Glock 9 mm, but what do I know?

That's why we have those wicked smart and on top of it TSA agents protecting us.

Those TSA agents are also so, so compassionate, too! The agent said she should have called the cops, but she didn't, perhaps judging that May was just an unwitting stooge in Rooster Monkburn's dangerous plot.

The holster and gun confiscated from Rooster
Monkburn, next to three quarters, for
comparions' sake. 

As is always the case, it seems, the TSA sidestepped comment on this incident just issuing their usual bland statement. You know, to keep those terribly terrorists among us off balance.

Said the TSA statement: "TSA officers are dedicated to keeping the nation's transportation security systems safe and secure for the traveling public. Under longstanding aircraft security policy, and out of an abundance of caution, realistic replicas of firearms are prohibited in carry on bags."

Especially when sock monkeys are involved. They're particularly dangerous.

On the bright side, everyone, espcially all of us naive Americans who don't understand terrorism like the TSA does, will probably want a Rooster Monkburn sock monkey for Christmas.

May is going to have her hands full in that terrorist hotbed of Redmond, Washington, making more Rooster Monkburn sock monkeys with their teeny, tiny, fake guns.

Which means the TSA is really going to have its hands full during the holiday travel system.

TSA Fashion Police: Please Dress Beautifully While We Molest You

News surfaced this week of a 15 year old girl who really, really displeased a TSA agent at a Los Angeles airport recently.

It shouldn't matter how she was dressed, but for the record, she had on  dark leggings, a tank top and an oversized checked shirt over the tank top. A pretty run of the mill outfit for a teenage girl.

The TSA agent barked that she should "cover herself" like the teen was some sort of slut or something. 

Plenty of other bloggers have already correctly weighed in on how this is an example of public shaming of a young woman for no good reason, that the TSA agent had no business commenting on what the girl or anybody else was wearing, and why does it matter what the girl was wearing anyway?

Is the TSA now demanding we be
fashionable if we dare set foot in
an airport terminal?

And why was the TSA agent saying such creepy things to the teen when clearly he had a problem and the girl didn't?

So I won 't re-answer those more serious questions. I'll leave that to people who are smarter than me.

My frivolous question is: The TSA are the fashion police, too?

You mean I have to be fashionable and oh-so-well put together when going through the airport.

This is a challenge, since the clothes I wear to the airport must be functional, so I can put shoes and belts on and off quickly, and so I don't strangle myself with constricting clothes as I try to squeeze myself into airplane seats that are too small for a toddler, much less a 200 pound, six foot tall guy.

What exactly is correct fashion, in the TSA's view of fashion police? Maybe we can get some TSA agents on Project Runway, to design the best clothes for dashing through an airport, and more importantly, clothes that are optimally pleasing to the TSA agents.

We wouldn't want to disappoint them and ruin their workday by wearing clothes that aren't the latest fashion, right?

Will Fashion Week in New York be given over to TSA agents? Anyone associated with airports and airlines probably like those teeny tiny skinny models anyway, since they're easier to frisk and fit better in those miniscule airplane seats that I've already referenced.

And will I have to go on a diet? Will the Fashion Police TSA demand we all look like those undernourished fashion models. Don't you have to ingest massive amounts of cocaine to get that skinny? And isn't cocaine frowned upon in airports? So how to I resolve this problem?

I hope the TSA agents all have adequate training, as their work load is increasing. After all, they have to make sure nobody brings a loaded gun, a bomb, or hair gel on a plane. Plus they have to make sure everyone is dressed perfectly.

I wonder what the federal  penalty is for dressing sloppily for that flight to Dubuque?