The Perfect Valentine's Day Gift For Your Ex

The San Antonio Zoo has a perfect antidote to Valentine's Day,
especially you have a particularly loathesome ex.

There's two holidays on the yearly calendar that I'm so, SO not into.

One of them is Christmas, the other is Valentine's Day.

Since Valentine's Day is coming up tomorrow we'll focus on that.

It's a stupid holiday.  If you love somebody, you don't need a specific date on the calendar to tell somebody that fact.

I tell my husband every day that I love him. And I will inform him on Valentine's Day that I love him, but I'm sure he won't be especially surprised by that news.

Valentine's Day also sucks for people who are unlucky in love.  It's the marketing, advertising campaigns again that is really meant to make you feel terrible, and thus buy something to soothe your sad soul.

At Christmas, you're supposed to be insanely cheerful, according to society, even though societal pressure also makes you miserable during that holiday.

On Valentine's Day, you're supposed to be in a perfect relationship, and if you're not, you're a scumbag. Obviously, if you are not in a big romantic relationship at the moment, there are tons of likely reasons why.  Probably none of those reasons are your fault.

But  the evil perveyors of Valentine's Day struggle mightily to guilt you because you don't happen to be in a blissful romance on a random date, namely February 14.  But there's one lovely antidote for people who hate Valentine's Day and hate a particular ex.

According to People magazine and numerous other media outlets, the San Antonio, Texas zoo is doing this:

"For those interested in embracing the less romantic side of the holiday, the zoo is hosting a special event in which spurned lovers can name cockroaches or rats after their exes, and watch them get fed to zoo animals."

The San Antonio Zoo event is called "Cry Me A Cockroach" and will be livestreamed for all to watch on Valentine's Day.  In that livestream, we can watch cockroaches and pre-frozen rats get fed to the zoo's reptiles.

Gosh, watching that livestream sounds like such a romantic way to spend Valentine's Day with your honey, doesn't it?

People magazine tells us that cockroaches would cost you $5 to name, and the rats, $25.   You must really hate your ex if you're willing to spend $25 on a rat named after said ex so it can be fed to another animal.  In that case, you really need to get over it.

By the way, only first names are allowed. You can't fully identify your bad ex with first and last names in this "Cry Me A Cockroach" promotion.

If you're interested, click on this link to get more info and sign up for Cry Me A Cockroach.

Somewhat unrelated, but if you were just dumped by your honey, you feel crappy.  But to me, the folowing song and video is a salve you can tune into any time you feel especially bad about the breakup.  Guaranteed you'll feel better:

Christmas Tree Dismantled, Holiday Over, Phew!

A 45-foot tall Christmas tree graced the Church Street Marketplace, in the central business and shopping district of Burlington, Vermont.

Crews split Burlington, Vermont's
Christmas tree in half as it's taken down

The city put the tree up with great care, carefully placing it just so, tethering it to surrounding buildings it wouldn't blow over, and decking it out with a zillion environmentally friendly LED lights.

The end of the season is less precise. A swarm of guys from Barretts Tree Service came in and blasted it to pieces with chain saws in short order.

Branches from Burlington, Vermont's Christmas tree
are unceremoniously stuffed into a wood chipper now that
the holiday is over. 

At least the tree will continue to be used well. The tree's trunk is going to a lumber yard, and it will be sawed into planks. Those planks will be used in a new Habitat for Humanity home, as reported in the Burlington Free Press. Gotta like that kind of recycling. And it's the kind of regifting any recipient would like.

Christmas Tragedy: Santa Failed to Deliver iPhones For Many

While perusing Daily What today, I saw a link to someone who compiled a whole bunch of Twitter messages from people from all over who are Not At All Happy with their Christmas loot. And that's an understatement.

It appears legions of people were fully expecting an iPhone or Macbook Pro for Christmas and didn't get either. Which, judging by the tone of the tweets was a greater tragedy than that horrible East African drought that's killing thousands of people.

Not everyone got an iPhone for Christmas
and that is apparently causing a major crisis.

Sample tweets: "No iPhone. I hate my dad." and "I'm probably one of the only ones who didn't get an iPhone or a Macbook Pro for Christmas."  Check out this link for more samples. 

For the record, I did not receive an iPhone or Macbook for Christmas either, so I'm one of the "only ones" who didn't get one.  My family, as always, was extremely generous with Christmas gifts to me, so I feel very happy. But I guess that happy attitude is un-American.

Apparently, I'm supposed to be livid that I didn't get an iPhone, so I'm clearly out of the loop. And I was assuming that if I want an iPhone, I'd buy my own damn iPhone. That attitude, I'm learning, is clearly a no-no, too. I'm supposed to be demanding tons of loot from people who can't afford it and have already busted their bank accounts giving me really nice stuff.

Come to think of it, I'm a really horrible person for two reasons. 1. I'm supposed to be mad I didn't get an iPhone and I'm not angry.  2. I did not buy one single person an iPhone. So I let down everybody, if I'm to believe the tone of the tweets.

Of course, there's something like 6 billion people in the world, so how would Apple churn out 6 million iPhones in the Christmas season? Yeah, Apple sells a lot of gadgets but even they have limits.

Sigh. All this is just another reason why I'm glad Christmas is over.

Black Friday Was True to Form. Sigh.

As I whined about yesterday, Black Friday turned out just as I expected. We had shootings, fights, pepper spraying and general bad behavior in the big stores as people stormed the malls, decked each other instead of the halls all to wrestled for the ten cheap big screen TV's that thousands of people wanted.

The money quote came from a North Carolina shopper: "The difference this year is instead of a nice sweater, you need a bullet proof vest and goggles."

Some psychologists frown big time on these Black Friday door buster sales. They know the big store owners know that if they create huge crowds and strange hours, cut prices to below cost on some items and only put a handful in stock, it will turn the crowd into a frenzy.

And frenzied people are obviously not rational. So they'll go into overdrive and buy and buy and buy even though they don't want and can't afford what they're buying.

So what if a few people get hurt in the process? That's business.

One of the best looks at this insanity/inanity is a video of a crowd surging into an Urban Outfitters on Black Friday. The person filming the scene is heard to say: "That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen."

Right on, bro:

Elton John Halloween Favorite

Since it's Halloween, I'll offer you my vote for the best tune that can pass as a Halloween song. It's Elton John's "Funeral For a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding."

Lots of spooky music at the beginning, some violent percussion, and a rock out at the end. Almost a sound track for a Zombie fight scene, though the song has nothing to do with Zombies.

In any event, you can enjoy the song, and watch the photo slide show in this video of Elton John in various outfits. I guess you could use the montage to get last-minute Halloween costume ideas.

Natural Fireworks

Vivid thunderstorms rolled down from Quebec into northern Vermont last night, showing that Mother Nature can do much more with fireworks than any human could.

I enjoyed the show for awhile from a hill overlooking St. Albans, Vermont. It was twilight, and the thunderstorm pushed into the remaining blue ski off to the west. The top of the storm, the anvil was visible, with a bit of a red afterglow on it from the sunset. Lightning danced up there, seemingly coordinated. One end of the storm would light up, and then the other. Kind of a call and response.

Meanwhile, humans set off their own puny fireworks and fireflies danced around amid the light show.

I did manage to take a video, which is pretty cool. Watch it, below (Best to click on full screen to see things better):

Easter Weirdness

I don't know about you, but aren't Easter traditions a bit, well, odd?

As far as I'm concerned, Easter Bunnies
are weird and scary

Giant rabbits hiding eggs around your property? That sounds like a bad acid trip. Is that the way we want to raise our kids?

Besides, what if the kids don't find all the eggs. Eggs get a little gross just staying there out on the lawn for days, no? Stinky, too.

Rabbits procreate like, well, rabbits, so I'd hate to have these giant rabbits get together for a little ooh la la. I don't want the world overrun by giant rabbits. It would be almost as bad as in that old money Ghostbusters, when the Stay Puft Marshmallow man threatened the world.

Can you really blame the kids in the video below, when said giant rabbit shows up outside their window? I'd think it's the end of the world. Watch for yourself:

Have a Scary Easter

Easter is coming up in about a month, so tis the season for tacky plastic eggs on trees, Peeps exploding in microwave ovens and kids overdosing on chocolate bunnies.

A very, very sketchy Easter Bunny

Those bunnies. If you think about it, it's strange. A holiday that features rabbits hiding eggs for children to find. Just bizarre. Easter, if you ignore the religious part, is a much stranger holiday than Halloween, if you ask me.

In that spirit, I give you the web site Sketchy Bunnies, a great, fun time waster showing dozens of pictures of Easter bunnies that you dare not go near.

Why do we terrify innocent children with creepy men dressed up as giant rabbits, or Santa with whiskey on his breath, or wild-eyed clowns staggering menacingly around playrooms? I still have nightmares about Bozo.

The Sketchy Bunnies site seems to add more pictures daily, so you can check back to see which Easter Bunny is the scariest of them all.

Burlington, Vermont's St. Patrick's Day

S.D. Ireland Trucks in Burlington's St. Patrick's Day parade.  

Note: Matt of All Trades blog relocated here to blogger, on March 17. Archive Matt of All Trades blog post prior to March 17 are at www.mattalltrades.wordpress.com

Yesterday, in Burlington, Vermont, the first warm, sunny day of spring coincided with St. Patrick's Day, leading to a rather exuberant scene in the city's downtown.

Usually, it's cold and wet and snowy and dark in mid-March in Vermont, so it was nice to see a pleasantly warm day to keep the revelers comfortable.

Burlington St. Patrick's Day hatwear

People have been getting into costumes a lot more during holidays lately. Dressing ridiculously isn't just for Halloween anymore. Unless two-foot tall bright green plastic top hats and black poodles painted green are now in fashion, I don't know.

Every year, the highlight of Burlington's St. Patrick's Day celebration is the S. D. Ireland parade.
For years, S.D. Ireland, a local concrete company, has held the noisy St.Patrick's Day parade in downtown Burlington.

It involves cement mixers, honking truck horns and rumors of margaritas being mixed within the cement trucks.

Definitely not your usual St. Patrick's Day parade. Below is a clip of this year's edition I shot and uploaded to YouTube.

St. Patrick's Day fashion statement in Burlington, Vt.

A lot of people are annoyed by the noise and disruption of the parade, but I kind of like it. Celebrations are supposed to be noisy. I mean, who would want to go to a silent Fourth of July fireworks display? The booms complete the experience.
St. Patrick's Day in some circles is a day for drinking. All day. Starting at the crack of dawn. Call me a wimp, but I don't have the stomach to stay drunk all day. I'm too busy. And the old bones in my body can no longer take falling over repeatedly for a full 12 hours.
Still, the line to get into RiRa's Irish Pub was there all day, so the drinks clearly flowed.
My only quibble: If only the bar next door to my workplace hadn't repeatedly played "The Unicorn" song. It felt like maggots boring into my brain after awhile.
Other than that, I'm glad everybody had a good time and the weather was great.

 The crowd at Burlington Vermont's Ri Ra Irish Pub yesterday