Pervy Michigan Legislature Still Wants To Decide How You Have Sex.

The Michigan legislature cares deeply about your sex life. 

Like most people, I don't give a damn about your sex life.

I don't care if you have sex, when you have sex, how you have sex. As long as it's between consenting adults, have a great time.

However, the Michigan legislature is keenly interested in your sex life. Especially if you live in Michigan.

Some pervy lawmakers in Michigan are trying to have their way with your sex life by insisting their sex laws remain intact if the people want to see very worthy unrelated legislation take effect in Michigan, according to thenewcivilrightsmovement.com 

The would-be legislation is called Logan's Law, which is designed to keep pets away from animal abusers.  The proposed law is named after a dog named Logan, who died after some worthless asshole who should be in jail for life poured acid on the poor thing.

Michigan's proposed Logan's Law is actually being attached to existing law, which bans bestiality. That part's fine.

But for some reason, the anti-bestiality law also has language banning sodomy and punishes, as the law describes,  anyone who "commits the abominable and detestable crime against nature with mankind or with any animal is guilty of a felony, punishable by imprisonment for not more than 15 years...."

It would make sense to delete this part of the law, since nobody pays attention to such things anymore and more importantly, the U.S. Supreme Court declared such anti-sodomy laws unconstitutional back in 2003.  What business does the government have on regulating the style of sex people have?

Michigan lawmakers apparently think they ought to continue regulating the bedroom.

On the bright side, nobody in Michigan need worry that the Sex Police will raid their bedrooms anytime soon. As noted, the sex law is unconstitutional, and I don't see signs that any police force in Michigan is anxious to start trying to enforce this law.

Can't blame them.

Still, these are Republicans in Michigan, and as I noted, they care deeply about how you have sex. The lawmaker who sponsored the anti-animal cruelty Logans Law bill, Republican Rick Jones, said if he tried to remove the anti-sodomy language from the statutes, the Republican controlled legislature would never pass the animal protection law.

Jones said he would like to rid the law of its unconstitutional anti-sodomy section, but if he did that, the whole Logan's Law piece would fail. "You'd get both sides screaming and you end up with a big fight that's not needed because it's unconstitutional."

Logan said he would support a separate bill ridding Michigan of all old statutes that have been declared unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. "But if you focus on it, people just go ballistic,"  he said.

Because apparently, pouring acid on a dog is much less awful than consenting adults having sex in private. At least in the eyes of Michigan's legislature.

Least Romantic And Sexy Couple Ever

Kimberly Jackson's mugshot. She thought
it would be a splendid idea to screw
her passed out boyfriend in a public parking lot.  

Yesterday, I attended a beautiful wedding with wonderful people in a gorgeous setting.

It was one of the most romantic, perfect things I've ever seen and I'll have more on that later.

However, I'm groggy this early Sunday morning, so I'm going to start with the least romantic thing I've seen. Thank goodness I wasn't there.

A woman was arrested for having sex with her passed-out boyfriend in the middle of a busy parking lot in Norfolk, Virginia.

While people at the wedding I attended politely sipped a bit of Champagne, and acted with absolute charm, the couple in Virginia.....well, let's say I won't be attending their wedding, if they have one.

So, why were our Norfolk couple having sex in the parking lot, near a day care center and several shops?

"I was in the mood, and that's basically what happened," Kimberly M. Jackson, 36, said of her participation in the parking lot pornography, reports television station WTKR in Norfolk. 

The mood - Surprise! -- was brought on by booze.

Jeff Palmer, the unconscious guy, told WTKR Jackson didn't really do anything wrong, even if he was out cold when the gal did her deed.

"I'm here trying to clear her name and let them know I consented to that, I just didn't finish the job as you could say," Palmer said.

Asked why they would do the nasty in the middle of a public parking lot, Palmer said. "Everyone wants to do something spontaneous. I'm not being disrespectful to you. Have you ever done anything spontaneous?"

Ah romance!

Thank goodness I was at that much more pleasant wedding on Saturday!

Bunnies Do What Bunnies Do: Why You Shouldn't Trust Them On Live TV

Thank Gawd Easter is over!  

The newscast at WBIR in Knoxville goes off
the rails due to bunny sex. 

Now we don't have to fear the sight of bunny sex.

Television station WBIR in Knoxville, Tennessee thought it would be cute to have bunnies on the news desk in the run up to Easter.

But, bunnies do what bunnies do, and things didn't go as planned.

And there was probably the inevitable little kid question somewhere in the Knoxville area asking, "Why are those bunnies fighting?"

Uh, they weren't fighting.

Here's the video of live TV gone awry:

Don't Spice Up Your Sex Life On Railroad Tracks

A lot of those relationship magazines give you tips on how to spice up your sex life.

A great place for freight trains, not
such a great spot for sex.  

I'm not going to tell you how to spice up your sex life. You're on your own on that one.

But I do have one hint on what not to do: Your sex life won't get better if you do it on railroad tracks.

I know that should be obvious, but it wasn't to one couple in the Ukraine, who decided to try it. Seeing how the woman died and the man lost his legs when a train ran over them, it was not a good idea.

Obviously a death and grievous injury are tragic, but still, what were they thinking?

Even if there were no trains around, and you're not trying to win a Darwin Award, are railroad tracks the best, most comfortable place for sex? The gravel between the railroad ties, the creosote-soaked wooden ties laden with splinters, and the cold steel of the rails doesn't seem romantic to me.

And then there are those pesky trains.

So, I can't give you any advice to enhance your sex life, other than to avoid railroad tracks. And maybe freeways at rush hour aren't great either.

Congressman Says Abortions Should Be Banned Because Male Fetuses Masturbate

For years, there have been some compelling arguments on all sides of the nation's ongoing abortion debate, and some arguments that are, well, not so compelling.

Or at least compelling in an unusual way.

U.S. Rep. Michael Burgess, R-Texas has come up with the most novel argument against abortions after, say 15 weeks gestation. Some fetuses are already working off their sexual frustrations, and we shouldn't interrupt them, he essentially says.

Rep. Michael Burgess, R-Texas has some
novel ideas about the life of a fetus in the womb.  

"They stroke their face. If there is a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. If they feel pleasure, why is it so hard to believe they could feel pain?"

OK, I get part of his argument. He thinks fetuses feel sensations, and abortion is a painful way for a fetus to go, in his opinion. (Experts disagree on this)

But, um, fetuses masturbate? Where do they get the idea? While in the womb, do they overhear their parents watching porn videos?  What exactly is the fetus thinking about while "freeing willy"?  It's not as if they have a whole lot of sexual experience to remember to add to their enjoyment.

And if what Burgess said were true, it opens up a whole other set of problems.

First of all, has Burgess seen sonogram videos of fetuses beating off?  Viewing children in sexual situations is basically violating child pornography laws. So is our wanking fetus an example of  child porn? Should adults face criminal charges if they see such a thing willingly? After all, I think we can all agree aggressive enforcement of anti-child pornography laws is a very, very good idea.

Some religious conservatives really, really frown on masturbation. Sex, any sex, should only be for procreation, say a  few fundamentalists. So, is our wanking fetus violating moral dictates? If so, how shall we punish him?

In  any event, I doubt the debate about whether or how to regulate abortions will go on forever. But if we must continue discussing the issue, can we just be a little less ridiculous about it?

Virginia Attorney General Is Way Too Interested In Your Sex Life

We need to talk about Virginia Attorney General Kenneth Cuccinelli's sex life.

No, I won't go into any detail here, mainly because I don't know a thing about his sex life, nor do I care about it.

Kenneth Cuccinelli is shocked, SHOCKED! by
most kinds of sexual activity.  

The problem is, he cares, very, very deeply about your sex life. Especially if you live in Virginia.

Before we get into the details, if you're a little delicate, you might want to avoid getting too involved in this post.

Here's the deal: In Virginia, Cuccinelli wants to ban oral and anal sex. 

I guess it's not Biblical enough or something. Of all the crime problems an attorney general would face in any state, I'm not sure why Cuccinelli is focusing on this, but I guess everybody has their priorities.

This all stems from the notion that Cuccinelli finds gay people icky. Courts have the state can't stop gay people from having sex, as long as they do it behind closed doors and it involves consenting adults. Cuccinelli's solution is to ban all oral and anal sex for everybody, straight or gay.

As you can imagine, there are lots of problems with Cuccinelli's potential law. It's unconstitutional, as the U.S. Supreme Court has already dealt with this issue. Yes, I know the Supremes should have been dealing with less carnal issues, but this topic came up, so to speak, so it had to be addressed.

Of course there are other, practical problems with Cuccinelli's idea. How are they going to enforce it? Most people don't have sex of any kind out in the street, where police could see whether people are doing the deed legally, at least to Cuccinelli's satisfaction.

Besides, I think it's already illegal to have sex of any kind out in the middle of the street.

Are you going to have to get a permit before having sex and then have some law enforcement person in your bedroom making sure your technique is proper, under Virginia law? Wouldn't having law enforcement watching kind of kill the mood?

Unless you're into that sort of thing, of course.

Worse, will Cuccinelli invite himself into everybody's bedroom to watch? If so, then geez, the guy really IS kinky!

What if Cuccinelli somehow succeeds with this law and then is able to prosecute everyone who breaks it. Supposedly, Virginia's prison system has the capacity of 30,000. There are several million adults in Virginia. Where would all those sex addled felons go?

And why is Cuccinelli so interested in how people are having sex, anyway?  Yes, I do understand and agree with the point that everyone in law enforcement, including Cuccinelli, should care and ensure that sex only happens between consenting adults

But wanting to regulate how these consenting adults do it just seems a little, well, obsessive.  Sure, Cuccinelli should decide for himself how he wants to conduct his sex life, but he should keep his dick nose out of our beds.

In any event, Cuccinelli already finds himself under pressure to ensure he and his staff have sex (not necessarily with each other!) in a way that Cuccinelli himself finds proper.

Mother Jones magazine has already demanded to know if Cuccinelli and his staff have ever had oral or anal sex. You'd hate to have a hypocrite in his office, so we'd better clean house now, goes the logic.

So far, no response to Mother Jones on that question.

There was that big tourist ad campaign a few years ago that went "Virginia is for lovers."  I'd hate to think the only lovers Virginia would welcome in the future are really boring ones.



.

Donna Summer Opens Disco in Heaven

As rude and incorrect as this sounds, I think the Great Beyond is sexier and more fun now (and our own world is less sexy and fun now) with the passing of Donna Summer.

She died today of lung cancer, according to TMZ.

I was in high school during the peak of Summer's popularity in the disco era. I lived in a backwater little town in Vermont. Summers was making Studio 54 and the New York disco scene sizzle like never before. The contrast could not have been more acute.

So to me, Summers was exotic. She was the siren singer of what seemed to me like unattainable, dangerous eroticism.

It wasn't really popular back in mid to late 1970s rural Vermont to admit you liked the kind of disco Donna dished out, but she was one of my guilty pleasures back then.

True, I couldn't express that publicly. Even now, I'd be locked up and put away if I strolled down the street sounding like a scary Donna Summer porn soundtrack: "UHHHHH!! Love to Love You Baybee!!!! OOOOOOHHH! Love to Love you Baby!!!!! "

But you have to admit Summer's "Love to Love You Baby" was hot in a low brow porn kind of way. Guilty pleasure indeed.

Summer seemed fascinated by the seamy, steamy sexy side of life. She was the voice for our horny sexual id, one that we would never dare say out loud. Not to this day, even now that we're older, and more, ahem, experienced:  "Lookin' for some hot stuff baby this evening. I need some hot stuff baby tonight."
Or, maybe a few of us might have secretly moaned along to "I Feel Love"::  "Oooooh, it's so good it's so good, it's so good it's soooooo good!"

Later in life, Summers became a born again Christian, and she toned down the sexuality. She continued to record big hits. But the dangerousness of her '70s heydey is long gone.

It's just as well. Remembering those sexy Summer hits always makes me laugh, but it was also a relief to learn, as I matured out of high school, that life was far more than a desire for quick, cheap sex. Instead, you find real love, commitment, respect, glorious shared experiences, a shared life with the one you really love. Happiness. The way my life is going right now, thank gawd.

I don't mean to sound like a lecturing prude. There's nothing wrong with sex and sensuality. It's all good. But it's only good if it's mixed with the real complexities of life.

I think Donna Summer showed us that path from adolescent horniness,  as she and her songs, progressed from hedonistic Studio 54 coke-spoon sex in the 1970s to her later songs portraying slices of life, real emotion, and a lot less unattainable and ultimately unwanted cheap sensuality.

I felt left out of the party while listening to Donna Summers' partying hotness when I was a rural Vermont teenager in the 1970s.

Little did I know the soooo much better party started as I matured into middle age. And I was invited to that one.   Even as I still love to love my partner, and soon-to-be husband, baby.

And RIP, Donna Summer.

(For old time sakes with Donna, listen, if you dare, to "Love to Love You Baby," below. It'll make you smile. )

Enjoy Grandmas Enjoying Kardashian Sex Tape

Oh, my dirty little mind! A seriously off color video is going viral and I have to share it with you.

Some of you particularly rude people out there might have seen a sex tape involving Kim Kardashian that came out, so to speak, in 2007.

Well, now there's another video of three ladies of a certain age who found the infamous Kardashian video. And we get to watch them watch it! Don't worry, you don't get a view of Kardashian and her um, stud.

You'll see it, but my favorite comments from the ladies in the video are: "Oh my God! look at it!
And "The end is purple!" and finally, "What's taking him so long? He's so young!"

However, the video of the grannies is seriously off color, as I said, and there's some naughty language involved. So this is NSFW and not for the kiddies. Be forwarned, but watch and laugh. I really want to invite these ladies who lunch to my place for lunch. I bet we'd have a grand time.