"All I Want For Christmas" In Every Style Imaginable

For December silliness, listen to this guy to
a bad Christmas song in 20 styles. Just because.  

It snowed hard last night around my home in St. Albans, Vermont,  which puts me a bit in the Christmas spirit, I guess.

So, I'll post this weird video of a guy doing Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You" in 20 highly variable styles.

Take your pick! Maybe something like Billy Joel? Nat King Cole? The heavy metal stylings of Ronnie James Dio?  I especially liked the Depeche Mode version.

Here's the video for your snowed in silliness:

Interesting News!

I work as a journalist in Vermont, so I get my share of quirky little stories to work on. But not nearly enough.

Some papers are smaller than the one I work at, so they are able to fit in detailed police blotter columns, and strange little accidents to report on.

The news I normally deal with is usually interesting enough, but there are some days I wish I covered some of these other stories.

Women's cole slaw wrestling on a day when no skydiver
craashed into a nearby beer vendor.
Photo by Jacob Langston, Orlando Sentinel

I saw this headline somewhere on the Internet recently, that's supposedly from a legitimate small newspaper in Florida, I think. The headline was "Skydiver Lands on Beer Vendor at Women's Cole Slaw Wrestling Event."

I couldn't find a lot of details on the specifics of this story. Did the skydiver land on the beer vendor on purpose because he was thirsty? Did the skydiver want to join the cole slaw wrestlers? What kind of beer was it? Were the cole slaw wrestlers annoyed by this interloper? Inquiring minds want to know.

And who knew women's cole slaw wrestling was such a draw? They needed a beer vendor so I'm sure there was quite a crowd. We're so sheltered here in Vermont. I never knew women's cole slaw wrestling even existed.

Elsewhere, a Bozeman, Montana newspaper police blotter had this item: "Three drunken people were harassing and yelling at two bears near West Lincoln Street and South Willson Avenue at 1:06 a.m.."

Well, that sounds like quite a neighborhood. Again, details, please. Did the bears steal the drunks' booze? Or did the bears flee the drunks because, they well, don't like drunks. And what were the drunking people yelling? Did the bears understand? Did the drunks think the bears understood? Did the bears eventually come down out of the trees and attack the drunks? Or just have drinks with the drunks?

Yet another police blotter went as follows: "10:10 p.m.: Suspicious people were reportedly doing something with flashlights by the side of North Fifth Street at Custer. A deputy checked and found the people were not suspicious but merely Canadian. The out of towners were enjoying an evening stroll."


Those darn Canadians. Always coming to the United States to cause trouble. Walking with flashlight! Spreading terror in the hearts of, um, people who are afraid of people walking down the street.

I'm sure these news hits will keep coming. They're all important, so be assured I will keep you fully informed.

Spinning and Not Getting Anywhere

Ever have a day like this? You feel like you're spinning and spinning but not getting anything done.

All you get is a headache, or vertigo, or worse. It happens to all of us. (Luckily today is better than this for me, I hope the same for you)

To demonstrate that out of control feeling, I give you Milou, a baby chimpanzee who almost spins himself into oblivion. There's a good chance you'll laugh. The thunk at the end is priceless.

Best Eyewitness at Eyewitness News

The news team at Fox 10, a Phoenix, Arizona television station, are certainly consumate professionals, able to tell viewers the news with the utmost in expertise and clarity.

But even the anchors at the station say they cannot hold a candle to the account of a nasty traffic accident, involving wrecked cars and live, fallen electrical wires, as given by one George Lindell, who was involved in the accident and provided probably the best account of what happened.

He certainly does a better job at explaining what happened,  better than any reporter could do. It's WELL worth the watch:

Say Something NIce

I love little public pranks, especially those that are fun and make people feel a little better. We have too many negative public scenes, so why not have some goofy, smiley ones.

Which is why I like what this group called Improv Everywhere did in New York recently. The group bills itself as a "prank collective that causes scenes of chaos and joy in public places."

A couple of people accept the invite in New York
to say something nice

The group set up a lecturn with a megaphone on it. A sign on the lecturn encouraged people to pick up the megaphone and say something nice. Sure, a few people used it to promote their business or group, or just be stupid. But a lot of people said and did nice things with the megaphone, which was great.

My only worry: Flash mobs started as goofy, fun ad hoc public performance pieces. Now, some of the flash mobs are just groups of people organizing to commit crimes. I hope the inevitable copy cats to the Say Something Nice project don't go to the dark side and start hurling insults, or worse. Meanwhile, enjoy the video, below.

Party With This Dude!

Sean Stephenson rocks.

He put out a video maybe a year ago, and it has suddenly gone viral, especially now that Buzzfeed has picked it up.

No wonder it's so popular. This guy is absolutely charming. He's got some sort of disability that keeps him in a wheelchair, but he's so peppy and cheerful that no matter how bad a mood you're in, you have to smile. The video is a great crutch when something stupid gets you down.

Sean Stephenson

Stephenson looks like just an obscure fun guy in the video, but according to his Web site and bio, he's had quite a career.  His illness made people think he would die not long after birth, but he's still going strong. He's held various jobs as a political aide for various high ranking people in Washington and works as an inspirational speaker, 'natch.

Some people commenting on the video worry that people laugh at him, but I think that's very rare. Sean is so infectiously friendly in his "You're Invited to a Dance Party!" video.

Money quotes from him: "Life is supposed to be silly and not so serious."

Here's the vid: Bet you'll smile through just about all of it. And Sean has an open invite to party at my house anytime he wants

Weird Crime, Ctd.

Every once in awhile, I have to stop and check in on how the criminal element is doing. Not well, apparently. One guy last week might have pissed away his chances with the U.S. Olympic Ski Team. A  Connecticut woman is in trouble over a fit of jealousy over a 12 year old girl who thinks the kid is after her 30 year old boyfriend.

Then there was the guy, vexed with his bad complexion, who entertained diners at a McDonald's to pop his pimples. I'm sure the McDonald's customers were thrilled to watch this guy work his skin conditon.

 First our skier. The good news is the incident now doesn't seem quite as bad as first thought, but he doesn't redeem himself either.  Contrary to earlier reports that he peed on an 12-year-old girl, he actually peed next to her and splashed her a bit. 

A nice, sober pic of Robert Viertze

Not sure why the father of the girl backed off on the story a bit, other than it's clear he's sick of the publicity, a problem I'm contributing to it in a small way.

Apparently, the U.S. Ski and Snowboard Association was not amused by our friend, Robert Vietze, 18, of Warren, Vermont, who said he had eight drinks before the flight. Um, isn't 18 under the age limit? If he was drinking, why did the bar serve him? Inquiring minds want to know.

Believe me, never drink before a flight. I once had one beer before flying to New York. Though I'm proud to report I did not cause any incidents, and nobody was particularly bothered by me, the whole experience would have been much smoother had I skipped the beer until I had an (expensive) one in Manhattan.

Vietze faces a misdemeanor charge, according to the New York Port Authority. A Port Authority spokeswoman was forced to say the following unlikely sentence: "He was intoxicated and was charged as it is against the law to pee on another person."

Thanks God for laws like that. If only it was also the law that puppies aren't allowed to pee on people, too. Are you listening, by little puppy Jackson?

Mug shot of Candace Kiley. She is accused of hitting
a 12 year old girl in a fit of jealousy.

Meanwhile, in Connecticut, Candace Kiley, 24, is in trouble for grabbing the hair of a 12 year old girl and slamming her to the floor last week, police allege. This was at a birthday party.

Seems our friend Candace thought the 12-year old girl was "looking" at Candace's 30-year-old boyfriend. It was a fit of jealousy.

Actually, I have no doubt the 12 year old kid was looking at the boyfriend, but not in any kind of you're-hot-come-get-me kinda way.

My theory is the kid was looking at the guy as in "Why are you hooked up with that wacko?

Anyway, I'm sure this mess will surely get sorted out in court. Couples counseling, anyone?

Meanwhile, Owen Lemire Kato, 23, is accused of hanging out by a Florida McDonald's, offering diners a fantastic view of himself trying to pop his impressive array of back pimples.  Turns out it's not illegal to do that in public, though it should be.

Still, according to police, he is charged with driving without a license, giving false ID to police, resisting arrest and possessing drug equipment.

Anything to get him away from eateries, no?

Backhoe Swimming Fun

The best way to enhance the fun for the kiddies in the pool is get a backhoe involved. Seriously.

Wanton Destruction in British Riots

Here's a shocking video of some extreme, terrible rampaging in the British riots this week. Footage was taken in Manchester. Horrifying!

Photoshop Humiliates Rioters

I can't think of much funny to say about all that awful rioting in Britain this week, but a Tumblr site gives it a good go.

In this photoshopped image, looters and police
pause during riots to play Twister.

It's called Photoshoplooter, and it adds ridiculous elements to photos of looters in action. Typical is one shot of a big bad looking male looter carrying away a male blowup sex toy doll. Another shows more big bad male looters helping themselves to Barbie dolls and accessories.

It's a great time waster, so check it out. It will make you fantasize about ways to put those looters in their place, and make them never want to commit a crime again.

Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Paleontologists

Don't even ASK me how I found this Babytalk site, a sort of social network site that lets parents seek and give advice about raising kids.

But I did find a gem. It's from a concerned mother who is worried about the toy dinosaurs a friend gave her young son. 

This mom's concern seems to be that since the Bible doesn't mention dinosaurs, and EVERYBODY knows God created the Earth 6,000 years ago, there couldn't have been a creature like a dinosaur from a zillion years ago. So, is playing with a toy dinosaur inviting Satan into the child's life.

Now, this women might just be an Internet troll, somebody who just invents stupid questions and comments to push people's buttons. But it is still possible this inquiry was real, and funny imagining what she is like.

The best part of this is the many, many responses this question got. Many of them are hilarious. A fun time waster is to go through and read these responses.

Some samples:
"I thought Jesus had a pet dinosaur."

"Did they come with little stirrups and saddles to let Adam and Eve right on them?"

"Youre neighbor is a witch and she is trying to corrupt your son's mortal soul. You should probably start a prayer vigil within the hour and hope the concept of dinosaurs is not too permanently imbedded into your son's mind. It might not be too late, but you must make haste!"

"I saw the Flintstones, so you can't tell dinosaurs don't exist."

Youngest Lady Gaga Choreographer

I like dancing around to Lady Gaga tunes, which is a frightening thing to think about seeing, given I'm a middle-aged male hick from Vermont. So usually, I keep that under wraps.

Maybe I need a decent choreographer. I would do well to find the choreographer the two women found in the video you can watch below. It's so adorable. A little boy seems to spontaneously come up with moves to the hit Lady Gaga song "Judas" and the two women follow along.

He's really come up with a surprisingly good dance routine to the song. The kid is probably three or four years old. Maybe he's a future judge (or maybe current judge) on Dancing with the Stars for all I know.

Watch the vid. It won't disappoint:

Another Moronic Landscaping Idea

From the idiot who last year gave us a video of himself using a lawnmower to trim his hedges, we now have a new way to kill ourselves.

The self-described "World's Strongest Redneck" is still trying to trim his hedges. As you can see by the video, he has attached his chainsaw to a, well chain. He swings it around his head, brushing the shrubs, thereby trimming them.

Seriously.

Watch the video for yourself. The usual snarky comment from me is below the video.



As somebody commented on YouTube, "this dude is a Darwin Award just waiting to happen."

The guy is such a moron that if the chainsaw hit him in the head, it would just wreck the chainsaw, as if it hit a concrete post.

I wonder what he will try next. My guess is explosives to shear the shrubs. My suggestion: Just get rid of the damn shrubs. Or maybe keep the shrubs because they'll eventually help kill this guy off.

Somebody's Watching Me

The other night, I was sitting on the couch at home in St. Albans, Vermont,  mindlessly watching television, when I felt somebody outdoors was watching me.

These pansies on my back deck as viewed through
 my living room door, resemble a boisterous
audience interested in what's going on around them.

As I've noted before, we've just installed big new glass doors and windows in the living room, Was somebody out there? I just felt there were some faces that seemed interested in what I was doing.

I looked outside and figured it out. The yellow pansies in a planter on the deck resembled faces, with expressions suggesting curiosity about me and what's going on around them.   Look at  the pic in this post to see what I mean.

It's funny how inanimate objects seem to have personalities, at least in my mind. Flowers in particular. Daffodils are enthusiastic. "Hi there,!" they seem to cheerily shout as they announce the arrival of spring. Sunflowers are loud extroverts, the life of the party. Irises are friendly old aunts. Tulips remind of me of haughty Champagne sippers. Zinnias are like clots of happily chattering school children in a playground.  Lilacs are warm, heavily perfumed matrons of a certain age.

Yes, I know I'm being a bit insane here. But I guess that's one of the reasons why I want to keep planting flowers and perennials around the house. The more personalities brightening the property, the better.

Anderson Cooper, Comedian

Anderson Cooper, the respected journalist on CNN, has a segment on  his show called The Ridiculist, which highlights the extremely stupid person of the day.

The segment seems to let Cooper exercise his comedic chops. He's getting pretty good at it. One of my favorites was recently, when he highlighted a Looney Bird sort of guy who's horrified, horrified, that he sees phallic symbols all over Denver's airport.

Cooper plays the straight man, to great effect. Watch his slam dunk on this guy: