Happy Anniversary Jeff!

A very great day eight years ago today. 

I haven't been wearing my wedding ring much lately.

That's not any sign of marital woes whatsoever.  Just the opposite, in fact. Oddly, it's a sign of the strength of our marriage and my love for Jeff.

Eight years ago today, Jeff and I got married.  I'm biased, but I still regard that as the best wedding ceremony I've ever seen. But I should explain the ring, since I brought it up.

Jeff and I don't get out much these days.  You know, Covid.  For the past so many months, Jeff and I don't go out to shows, movies, restaurants, plays or to visit friends.

It's just as depressing for us as it is for everybody else, but we are hanging in there just fine. We make do. It works.

I now work mostly from home, he's retired.  When I do work outside the home, it's in somebody's garden, far from any other people, which makes social distancing easy.

Before Covid, I was out and about quite a bit.  I wore that wedding ring as a badge of honor, gloating to everyone how lucky and blessed I am to be married to Jeff.

Jeff knows how much I love him, or at least he'd better! I have nothing to "prove" to him. Since most of my life outside the house is gardening, I don't want to lose that ring in the dirt. So I take it off. And there's just no incentive to put it back on, since I can't wave it under anybody's nose. Yes, I'm that shallow.

I don't need to wave the ring under Jeff's nose, either. He knows how much I love him. I've said this a million times before:  What first attracted me to Jeff was his absolute decency, kindness and humor.  These characteristics just keep growing on me, confirming to me every day that marrying Jeff was by far the best decision I ever made.

I imagine the isolation that Covid has created for everybody can create tension in some marriages. Being cooped up in the house with the same person day in and day out might not work for some people.

It works for me! I'm happy to report we're great.  We are also smart enough to explore both our mutual interests and our own.  Jeff has gotten somewhat addicted to researching family ancestry. I was initially only marginally interested, but now he's got me totally hooked.

I go out and do my gardening.  Now Jeff seems to have gotten that gardening bug. He's been experimenting with hollyhocks, gardinias, calla lillies and other plants. The gardens around the house are so much better as a result.

This is just one example of how this works so well.  We have our own interests, along with common ones. Separate interests meld into one, and the result is much greater than the sum of its parts.   It's a sign of what Jeff has done to my entire life:  Add one ingredient, namely Jeff, and it just transformed my whole life.

Life goes on, we hope, anyway.  Even the small disasters seem much more manageable with Jeff around. Recently, the fridge sprung a leak and wrecked the floor. The hot water heater needed replacing. So did the kitchen stove. Jackson the Wonder Dog got sprayed by a skunk. The extreme summer weather was harsh on the gardens.

I tend to whine when a problem hits, but Jeff always gently reminds me that we just need to deal with it.  It cuts the whining short, and we move on and solve the problem.

There's a song I like called "Easy's Getting Harder Every Day."  Because of Jeff, if I wrote my version of that song, I'd have to call it "Hard is Getting Easier Every Day."

Jeff might have spoiled a cry in your beer country song, but he keeps improving everything else around him. Including me.

I don't deserve this, but I'll take it.

Happy Anniversary, Chief!

Happy 100th Birthday Dad, Wherever You Are

Here's an open letter to my dad, who would have turned 100 years old today:

My dad, Red Sutkoski, would have turned 100
years old today. Happy Birthday, dad! 

Dear Dad:    

Happy 100th birthday!  I hope wherever you are, they're showing you a good time. 

I can't believe it's been more than four years since who left Earth.  But you never really did leave us, did you? You show up in my dreams at least twice a week. Lynn and Laurie say you visit them frequently, too. 

In those nightime visits, you're the same as you always were. Steady, good humored, ready with good stories. You always remind me to try and be the same way.  Funny how I always wake up feeling better on mornings after your visits. 

As you well know, times are tough right now down here on Earth.  That virus going around the world is killing lots of people, and scaring the rest of us. The economy has bottomed out. A lot of people are unemployed.

We're told to stay home and socially isolate ourselves so we don't make the situation worse.

It would have bothered you to have to do what we're doing now. You were always such an outgoing, social person. You always wanted to hear the latest stories, the latest news, the latest silly pratfall somebody in town did. 

But you would never complain about the situation, would you?  You understood duty, and your responsibility toward others. You always found ways to make do. You would have in this situation, too.  I try to use all that as a guide for me to get through this mess.  

You lived through tough times, too. You endured the Great Depression and World War II. You always told all kinds of colorful stories about those times. You'd acknowledge the difficulties during those years, but barely. 

Instead, you focused on the life, the color, the humor. You talked about how sometimes, you'd indulge yourself by watching  a film at the Joy Theater in West Rutland during the Depression. Or tell a funny story about how Mrs. Reczek got busted for moonshining during Prohibition.  You'd tell us about the leaders, like FDR, who shepherded us through the rough times. 

And you cherished the memory of World War II, finally ended, as you and your mates were serenaded by the song "Sentimental Journey" as you sailed home into Boston Harbor. 

Your style is a road map on how to get through our times.  I'm taking notes on how we are all coping through the current crisis, how humor and compassion like yours is helping people get through this now. 

All through life, at your tavern, Red's Place, you always knew to surround yourself with good, fun, kind and down to earth people.   Sometimes they were raucous, and they always made us laugh.  You know the type. Friends like Julia Redington, Clay and Jeanie Burney, Larry Carrara and all the rest. You kept each other grounded. Sane. In good humor. You taught me that's the way to do it. It's a good lesson for all of us. 

Down here on Earth, we can't get together now in a bar like Red's Place. At least for the moment. But we have technology and such, so we can connect and  find ways to laugh, and raise a glass. And try to look on the bright side. 

To blow off steam, or just to keep yourself occupied, you always had outdoor projects. You would build stone walls, clean out the Whipple Hollow Cemetery, or just tinkering around out in the fresh air.  I find myselt doing the same thing, as it works so well. It really clears my mind.  I always feel better after planting more perennial beds, clearing brush, and yes, building stone walls. 

Jeff says hi.  Jeff still keeps telling me how appreciative he is of you because of how accepting and warm you were to him when he came into my life. Also, your embrace of Jeff confirmed that I had chosen well in marrying him. 

That was your M.O. anyway.  You held tight to anybody from any background who was a good person. You rejected the haters.  It's a great way to go through life, as I keep discovering, over and over again. Thanks for instilling that in me!

Jeff's mom just joined you up there a month or so ago. I hope Jeff's parents, Don and Lois, are able to swing by to wish you well today. But I guess everything is pretty well up there, isn't it?

So a toast. Only a select few will understand what I'm saying, but I raise a glass in your honor and to you: Nice Driveway! 

Love, Matt

Surprise Double Proposal Adds Needed Joy To The Air

The video in this post has gone viral, and so you might have seen it, but since it's so joyous and so much fun, it's worth putting in this here blog thingy.

Two years ago, Jessa Gillaspie and Becky McCabe went on their first date at the Memphis Zoo's Zoo Brew event.

The pair fell in love and the rest is history.

When they recently heard the Zoo Brew event was happening again, they decided to go, with the friends they were with the first time.

McCabe thought the outing at the zoo would be the perfect time to propose marriage to Gillaspie. So she did so. Only Gillaspie had a bit of a surprise waiting for McCabe.

Watch:

A Little Bit Of Love And Cuteness To Stave Off The Ugliness In The World

The kids in this photo are not major breaking national
news, but the way things are going, we all need
to make them headliners. Very sweet.

Even just scanning the headlines exposes us to a dreadful, depressing tableau of hate, incompetence, meanness, pettiness and general bad vibes.

As I've pointed out before in this blog thingy, we need antidotes to this every once in awhile.

Today's dose of good vibe medicine comes in the form of a viral video that was first posted on Instagram by Verlonda Jackson, who used her smart phone to video a moment when her son Tariq, 5, came home from kindergarten and was greeted by his sister Ava, 3.

Verlonda Jackson told ABC News  the two siblings used to bicker fairly frequently, but their bond strengthened when Tariq enrolled in kindergarten. Ava missed him.

The mom said she pulled out her phone to video the greeting to show her husband, "Look, we're doing something right."

Yep! The Jackson family is doing something right. Let's try to get a lot of other people to be like this.

Here's the video to make you feel better about things, like it did to me:

Pentatonix Made Me Cry Today (In A Good Way)

A Pentatonix cover of "Can't Help Fallin In Love" has me
thinking of my late dad, my marriage and how well things have
worked out. An essay in this post. 

I totally admit I'm a Pentatonix fan boy, having posted a few entries into this blog thingy about them and their a capella music.

Today, Pentatonix made me cry a bit.

Because I'm a sentimental fool.

Pentatonix dropped a new video today. It's their rendition of "Can't Help Falling In Love."  You can see and hear the video at the bottom of this post.

Zillions of people have performed this song.  Perhaps Elvis Presley is the most famous example.

"Can't Help Falling In Love" was one of our wedding songs when me and Jeff got married. As I like to tell anyone, my wedding was by far the best one I've ever attended. (Duh!) And I'll always remember like it was yesterday that moment when they sang "Can't Help Falling In Love" at our wedding.

So yeah, I've got an attachment to that song, to say the least.

I think it's interesting that Pentatonix released this video today on what would have been my father's 97th birthday.

Dad died a year and a half ago.  But here's the thing. Dad always worried about me. Would I do OK? I had some rough times as a kid. Would I slip back into trouble? Would anybody be there for me if I needed someone?  Would someone catch me if I fell?

There was a very noticeable change in how my father regarded me after I connected with Jeff, and after he met Jeff.

Dad still loved me as much as ever. But I could tell dad had stopped worrying about me.  Because I had Jeff. Jeff would protect me. Jeff and I would protect each other. Everything would be OK. And it is.

When I watch the video of my wedding, there's a great moment before the ceremony started. My dad was already seated, and Jeff's dad came in.  You can hear my dad loudly and warmly greeting Jeff's dad by saying, "I saved a seat for you."

Jeff's dad and my dad instantly connected and bonded. They were fast friends.

Jeff's dad is now gone, too. I like to think that my dad and Jeff's dad met up again somewhere in the afterlife, and they're having a great time. And neither of them is worried about us because Jeff and I are doing just fine.

And here I am on a routine day when nothing special is going on, and I'm getting teary-eyed over Pentatonix singing "Can't Help Falling In Love."

It's 5:15 in the afternoon as I write this. I can hear Jeff snoring softly as he takes an afternoon nap. The dogs are curled up with him, just quiet and happy. I'm trying to summon the energy to go out and work in the garden, a garden that both Jeff and I love and are building together.

Everything is OK. I can't help falling in love with Jeff every day.

Dad was right, as always. I'm OK. I guess I'm writing this because I miss my dad on his birthday. But everything is OK. Dad and Jeff made sure of that.

So watch the video below and if there's anybody in your life that you love, and makes everything alright, hug them and tell them everything is OK.

Melt Your Heart As Girl Sings Sweetly To A Dog

A still from a very sweet video in this post

As you might have noticed, I occasionally post things that are just insanely nice as an antidote to the nastiness of the world, some of which I document in this here blog thingy.

Today's installment was so sweet I almost went into a diabetic coma, but the video at the bottom of this post is just so beautiful I had to share. It's just a little girl singing "You Are My Sunshine" to a dog.

The video was actually taken months ago, so it's not exactly breaking news. But it was recently featured in The Dodo, I found if there, and went with it.

Looking into the video further, it turns out that the dog in the video doesn't belong to the little girl, but that situation makes the whole thing better.

Turns out the girl's family belongs to a group called PACT For Animals that takes in dogs for foster care while their owners are away on military deployments or in the hospital.

Here's the video.

Kids Come To The Rescue Again After Trump-Inspired Park Vandalism

This ugly graffiti in New York was replaced by flowers, heart-
shaped art and peaceful messages brought there by kids.  

In one of dozens of attacks and crimes with the election of Trump, somebody painted swastikas and "Go Trump" slogans in Adam Yauch Park in Brooklyn, New York.

The park is named for Yauch, a founding member of the Beastie Boys who was, by the way, Jewish. Yauch died of cancer in 2012.

As a kid, he often played in that park, and that's one of the reasons the park is named after him.

Anyway, people everywhere were properly horrified by the vandalism, just like people are upset at similar vandalism elsewhere in the country.

Also, once again, it was kids to the rescue in the face of such hate.

New York sanitation workers cleaned up the graffiti hours after it was left in the park, but children who frequently play there decided to take things a step further.

According to NPR, children and their parents brought flowers, paper cut outs of hearts and messages of unity. One kid scrawled "Love Trumps Hate" in chalk on the sidewalk. Now that's my kind of graffiti!

Another person put a note on a toy train in the park that said the train is actually a machine that destroys facism.

These are small gestures, of course. But if we get millions of such small gestures, maybe things will brighten up a bit.

Amazon Prime Ad Hits Just The Right Mark In These Troubled Times

In this Amazon Prime ad, a priest and an imam share
a deep friendship with one another.  

I'm not really a big fan of Amazon or Amazon Prime, but the sprawling company's new ad hits just the right note in these troubled times when hate against people of different faiths and backgrounds seems to be the big style.

This ad bucks that trend.

We see a priest and an imam who are clearly old friends get together. Unlike what we see on the news, the two characters in the ad share a real affection for one another, despite their different faiths.

No worries by the Christian about the Muslim in this ad, no spree!

An Amazon spokesperson says the ad was made before the presidential election results were known,  and is not meant as a slap to Donald Trump and his ilk.

But it kind of feels like that anyway, even if that wasn't the intention. The ad is a great signal for us to stop the hate already.

Yeah, the ad sells Amazon Prime, which of course it is meant to do, but it also sends a message that we should all hear over and over again.

Watch:

Happy Anniversary, Chief: Why I Have A Perfect Husband

Chief: My husband Jeff and I are celebrating our
fourth wedding anniversary today.  

Today is my fourth wedding anniversary. Time flies.

I thought I'd use the occasion to write an open letter to my husband Jeff, who I call Chief. Here goes:

Dear Chief,   

Hard to believe we've been married four years already.  Time flies when I'm happy, I guess.

If I had to list all the reasons why I love you'd we'd be here all week. So I'm going to dispense with the list. You know I love you for a gazillion reasons, and we'll leave it at that.

In these past four years, we've settled into being a couple old married farts, but I'm sure you'd beg to differ with that description.

Actually, I pretty much do, too, since it certainly does nothing to capture the essense of our marriage.

The old fart remark is a reference to being comfortable. Happy in our routines. 

It's just that I'm so comfortable with you around. Even when neither of us is doing anything in particular. Just vegging in front of the TV. Having another dinner. Or when you're downstairs at your drafting table and I'm playing around on my laptop in my office.

All "boring" routine things that old farts do.

I feel safe. At home. In every sense of the word, whatever we're doing, whenever we're doing it.

Jeff ripping apart part of our deck this summer to retrieve the
wedding ring I dropped between the boards
Repairs were quick, by the way. 

Home is a refuge. And I don't mean just a house. 

Our home is a place where I still get a spasm of delight when I pull into the driveway and your Jeep is there. That means you're home. And I'm happy.

I even get a little pang of disappointment when I arrive home from work and I see you're not there. 

You're still at work, or grocery shopping, and you'll be home soon. But I still miss you and feel a little bit too alone when you're doing something routine like that.  

Oh, I can handle myself just fine when you're not home.  But I feel my heart lift when you're around. The other night I called it "the vapors" You just make my heart race with joy, is all.   

Another thing that makes me feel secure -  at home and comfortable -  is you have faith in me even when I don't have faith in myself.

I'm impatient.  I have ambitious plans for the gardens around our house and the plans are moving too slowly. Meanwhile, you create an enormous, beautiful outdoor deck so we can enjoy our home even more. You created it seemingly in an instant, while I plod along.

You constantly remind me my projects are a process, that you delight in seeing the slowly expanding flower beds, the incremental transformations in our yard. 

Jeff and his mom. He's as good a son as he is a husband! 

You always come to my rescue. Even little instances. 

Like when I dropped my wedding ring between the boards of the deck, and you ripped up some of the boards to retrieve it. My hero! And I'm not being facetious. You ARE my hero. 

I might not show it through my frustrations  but again and always, your words and support and love make me feel safe in my own chaotic head.

I keep bringing up the word "safe."  Love, when done right, is a safe place. It's a shield against all the hate and turbulence and weirdness of the world.  I think - I hope - we're doing love right. 

In the evening, when we're watching TV, you sit in your big armchair, and I'm usually on the couch with our crazy dogs Jackson and Tonks.

I don't think you notice that sometimes I go quiet and stare at you instead of the TV screen. Yeah, the antics on "America's Got Talent" are fun enough, but the real entertainment for me is you.

Not the fact that you're sitting there watching TV. No, the entertainment is the fact that you're there. Home, with me.  

So I watch you as you giggle at "The Big Bang Theory" or roll your eyes at the politicians Rachel Maddow is picking on.

And I feel so lucky, so over the moon in love with the guy in the armchair watching TV.

Because the guy in the armchair is the one who never makes me feel lonely, who always makes me feel safe, who has made me so happy to be alive.  The one I want to be with forever and ever. I don't want this to ever end.

Thanks, Chief, for always being there.

And Chief: Happy anniversary. We're celebrating our fourth. Let's go for 40!

Love, Matt

Of course I dedicate this song to Chief, too:

World's Cutest Trespasser Caught On Surveillance Tape

Surveillance video captured a boy sneaking into a home's garage
so he could hug and play with a dog that was in there. 

Surveillance cameras detect all kinds of break-ins and trespassing incidents.

The one in the brief video at the bottom of this post is probably the cutest.

This was taken by a surveillance camera in the garage of Hollie Mallet's house in Pierre Part, Louisiana.

The garage doors are open and a Black Lab named Dutchess is sittting inside the garage.

All of a sudden, a boy runs into the garage -- clearly trespassing -- and hugs the dog enthusiastically, and the dog seems to enjoy the attention.

The boy, now caught red handed, then runs to his bike and takes off.

Mallet wasn't exactly ready to press trespassing charges against the boy. Instead, she posted it on Facebook in an effort to find the kid.

"Anyone know who this sweet little boy is? Every now and then when he rides his bike he will quickly come and love on my dog and play fetch real quick, but always leaves quick like he doesn't know if he should be here!

"I'd like to tell him he's welcome to stay and play, she loves the attention!"

Soon, neighbor Ginger Breaux saw the video, and clearly identified the perp in the garage as her son Josh.

Beaux was torn. Josh knew he wasn't allowed to just go onto other people's property, so that was bad. But Josh clearly had a lot of compassion for dogs and other animals, so that was a very good thing.

Mallet solved the problem when she responded to Breaux. "Hope this sweet little boy Josh continues to come play with Dutchess.....A dog is a friend for life. So glad to see that innocence and love as caught on camera instead of what they are normally used for."

Here's the surveillance video:

Texas Story About Horses Comforting Dying Veteran Shows Healing Power of Animals

Gravely ill veteran Roberto Gonzalez is comforted
by one of his horses at a Texas VA hospital
Photo by Lupe Hernandez 

Like everyone else, I was moved by the story that went viral yesterday about the horses that were brought to a Texas Veterans Administration hospital to comfort a dying Vietnam veteran.

Roberto Gonzalez, now 71, was shot and left paralyzed during the war, but went on to become a successful horse trainer in Texas.

In recent months, Gonzalez' health failed and it became apparent he might die soon.

Gonzalez' wife, Rosario, said the horses were her husband's heart and soul, and he had to see them one last time.

So, the horses, Sugar and Ringo, were brought to the Audie L. Murphy Memorial VA Hospital in San Antonio.

One result of that visit was the touching viral photography you see in this post.

"Horses are his life....When the horse came up to him he actually opened his eyes," Rosario said of her husband's reaction to the visit. "They came up to him and I think they were actually kissing him."

It's interesting that often, in our time of need, or when we want comfort, we turn to our pets, and they turn to us. And each other.

I know when either me or my husband are not feeling well, our dogs get close to us, and keep a watch out for us. They also stay close to each other when one of them is not feeling well.

They know what's going on. And I really do think on some level they want to help. And they do.

The horses in Texas and the people that brought them there and the hospital that allowed this all treated a U.S. veteran with the respect and love he deserved.

I just hope that all veterans get the same kind of respect.

Adele's Tribute To Brussels Terrorist Victims A Must See

Adele sang in tribute to Brussels Tuesday evening in London. 

Adele, performing at a concert in London Tuesday, performed one of the loveliest tributes I've seen to an international tragedy.

Bringing up Tuesday's terrorist attack in Brussels, Adele asked the audience to turn on the smart phone torches so that the entire arena lit up with what amounted to thousands of candles.

Then she sang a gorgeous rendition of "Make You Feel My Love."

When the song concluded Adele told the audience, "I don't think I've ever actually been so moved in my life at one of my shows, that was just so beautiful.....Thank you very much for doing that....I think they heard us."

Indeed.

Here's a video of the moment:

 

It's Valentines Weekend, So All SORTS Of Love Reigns

The love of my life, Jeff Modereger. 

Valentines Day to me is all about love, and not just romantic love.

So, in that spirit, we'll give you a couple nice examples of all that, in the spirit of the day.

Though I won't ignore romantic love. Right now, I'll give a shout out to my husband Jeff Modereger, who, naturally is the best person in the world.

On the day I married him three and a half years ago, I didn't think I could possibly love another person more than that.

I was wrong. I love him even more now.

Anyway, let's see......other kinds of love.

Oh, yeah there was that recent incident with a teacher in Texas.  It's really sweet, and it's a sign the kids are alright, at least at this Texas high school.

Kyle Simpler is an English teacher at Burleson High School in Texas, says Mashable. He remarked offhandedly to his class that he hadn't had a birthday cake in ten years.

So, thanks to the kids, the start of English class one day this week did not involve lessons in the English language. But it was a valuable lesson in love and respect:

Here's the video of the teacher's birthday surprise,  then scroll down below this video for more:



This next one, admittably, is an advertisement for Honey Maid snack products, but they do stike just the right tone, as they have in the past, too.

It's  clips of various people, a gay teen, adopted kids, a transgender youth, a young lesbian. And it's about the ones closest to them accepting them and loving them unconditionally, as it should be.

Honey Maid has gotten into "trouble" with some religious conservatives in the past, because Honey Maid has done other ads and videos featuring nice people from the LGBTQ community.

Honey Maid just responded with kindness to the negative words, which goes a long way for both civility and people wanting to buy Honey Maid products, so there.

They'll probably get in "trouble" with this clip, too, but for most of us, the ad is just a nice antidote to the hate and bitterness that seems to swirl around us way too much.

Here's the ad:

A Love Story: Phone Company Deletes Cherished Voicemail, But Technicians Get It Back.

Stan Beaton reacts when hearing his late wife's voice again.
A voice mail recording she made before her death was
deleted, but technicians eventually recovered it.  

Stan Beaton's wife died in 2003.

It comforted him a little that he kept his wife's voice on the home voice mail.

But recently, technical work by his telecom firm, Virgin Media, deleted the voice mail, and it was thought that it was permanetly deleted.

Beaton, 68, of Mirfield, West Yorkshire, England, was devastated by the loss of that snippet of his wife's voice, the BBC reports. He was initially told the voice was "lost forever."

"I've always resisted changing companies because whenever I mentioned that my wife's voice was our voicemail message and would it be retained and each company said no, so that's why I never changed.

Sadly, it disappeared. I was absolutely devastated by it, but also extremely angry......I just could not tell people how it affected me at that time. It really did devastate me."

But technicians at Virgin Media began to poke and prod and do all that alchemy with computer systems that tech geeks do, and got the voice mail with Beaton's wife back.

Given how a lot of big telecom companies aren't exactly awesome at customer service these days, you have to appreciate Virgin Media's efforts.  After all, the chances of getting that voice mail back were slim.

Here's what Rob Evans, executive director of engineering at Virgin Media said:

"It was like searching for a needle in a haystack, however, a team of 11 engineers spent three days tracking it down."

Here's a nice video of Beaton with the newly recovered voice mail message. What his late wife says is as mundane as possible, but given the importance to Beaton, also incredibly profound.


a

Breaking With Tradition, I Give You Darlene Love's Christmas Song Early This Year

Darlene Love belts out "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)"
during her final holiday appearance on "Late Night With
David Letterman last night.  

I've made a tradition over the last several years on this here blog thingy of posting on Christmas Eve, Darlene Love's annual appearance on "Late Night With David Letterman" to sing "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home.)"

This year, I'm doing it a few days earlier than usual because last night, Love gave the final performance of the song she'll ever do on Letterman.

That's because Letterman is retiring from his show next year.  No Letterman show, no Darlene Love appearance in 2015.

I guess it's fitting that I'm fiddling with tradition this year as this is an odd, maybe a little bittersweet Christmas for me this year anyway.

My husband Jeff is simultaneously home and not home for Christmas this year. By that I mean he went home to his side of the family in South Dakota for Christmas because we both thought it would be best if he went, since his dad passed away earlier this year.  The family should be together for the holiday.

Meanwhile, I'm staying in Vermont. I didn't spend Christmas with my side of the family last year, and we think it would be best if I spent the holiday with the Sutkoski clan in the Green Mountain State.

We're staying in touch, of course, and both sides of the family will visit each other via Skype or Facetime on Christmas Day, so it's all good. Any chance to see the Moderegers/Stengles et al and get the families together, even through technology, is a nice holiday gift indeed.

So, I'm dedicating this year's "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" to Jeff, as he is and isn't home, but always in my heart.

Here's the awesome Darlene Love video:

Best Song About Lost Love Ever

I'm still in the afterglow of my first wedding anniversary, so maybe I'm being too sentimental about things like marriage.

96-year-old songwriter and devoted
husband Fred Stobaugh. 

But I love this story. Fred Stobaugh's wife recently died after the two had been married for 75 years (!!!!)

He misses her terribly, and one day, lonely, he sat down and wrote the lyrics of a love song to her. It's called "Oh Sweet Lorraine." Trust me, it's a beautiful song.

Here's some of the lyrics:

"Oh sweet Lorraine
I wish we could do
All the good times all over
Again

My memories will always
Linger on
Oh sweet Lorraine."

"It just fit her," Stobaugh said of the song he wrote.

Meanwhile, basically in another world, a music studio out of Illinois, Green Shoe Studio, was holding a contest to find some undiscovered great musicians.

Stoubaugh came across an ad for Green Shoe Studio's contest, so he sent his lyrics in.  He didn't think it would amount to much. By his own admission, Stobaugh isn't much of a singer. Plus Green Shoe was looking for submissions via email. And videos from YouTube. Stobaugh wasn't exactly into either.

Indeed, what Stobaugh sent wasn't exactly what Green Shoe was looking for to include in the contest, but the people there were blown away by Stobaugh's love, and lyrics and music.

They had to make the world hear this song.

So they brought him in, hired some professional musicians, a good lead singer and did all the bells and whistles to cut a record of Stobaugh's beautiful song. 

Stobaugh said the song brings him some degree of comfort. According to Green Shoe Studio's web site, he said:

"The song really helps me. It really helps me. It just seemed like she's just sort of with me. Which I know she's smiling, she's smiling down and she likes that song, I know."

"Oh Sweet Lorraine" is now available on iTunes, so go ahead and buy.

Stobaugh was there to hear what Green Shoe Studio came up with for "Sweet Lorraine." Here's the video, but a warning: There is a MAJOR Kleenex alert here. You'll need them.

Exactly One Year After Wedding, Even More Glad I Married Jeff

Today is the one year anniversary of my marriage to Jeff Modereger.

The man I was lucky enough to marry
one year ago today.  

On each of the past 365 days I've woken up in the morning, and the first thought that occurs to me is I am married to Jeff. Always, I smile at the thought, and suddenly have the courage to face the day, whatever it brings.

This wonderful marriage is a tonic, an elixir that changes everything in ways I can never explain.

Really, it's just another marriage. People get married all the time. With the death of the odious Defense of Marriage Act, more gay couples like us are getting hitched, too. Marriage is as common as sun rays on a glorious summer morning.

And as special as those rays. Yes, Jeff and I have just another marriage. But when you're in it, like I am, the glow of those sun rays make me feel like I'm walking on air, drinking in love, wanting to live with Jeff forever. And if I can help it, I will do just that.

Last year, in this blog, on the day I married Jeff, I wrote that it was important to make a public statement, to essentially shout from the rooftops that this marriage is a Big Deal. That we had a responsibility to keep the love growing. If only because the world needs more good things.

We've kept that promise. I didn't think I could love Jeff more than I did on that stage at the University of Vermont Royall Tyler Theatre on August 26, 2012 when we said our "I do's."

But, the love has grown deeper.

One of the things I love about this marriage is the little details that wouldn't mean anything to an outsider, but are everything to me.

I embrace the sound of Jeff snoring softly after I get up early in the morning and he sleeps in a bit. The warm smells of the dinner he's making that waft in from the kitchen. His arched eyebrow when I make another smart aleck remark. The way he gets excited like a little kid when he's got a great idea for a show he's designing, a design that the people putting on the play love.

We've settled into the routines of marriage.  We get up, we make ourselves breakfast, one of us takes Jackson the Cocker Spaniel outside. In the evening,  Jeff sits in his easy chair, Jackson draped on the head rest behind him. I rest on the couch, trying desperately, but failing to stop dropping crumbs on the floor as I finish eating dinner.

We shout out the answers to "Jeopardy!" on the TV. I wrestle with Jackson for a bit. Jeff will put the dinner leftovers away.

Then we'll watch "America's Got Talent." or something cheesy like "Project Runway" and do a running, eye rolling commentary. Forgettable stuff, and at the same time, profound.

I imagine most great marriages are something like this. Every day is routine and special at once.

It's been a great year, even thought it came with a lot of  challenges.  One of our beloved dogs, Bailey, died in May.  Together, we cried over Bailey's death and our joined emotions helped get us through.

I suddenly find myself between jobs as we celebrate the one year anniversary of our union.  I bounce my job search ideas off him, he gives me ideas, and the two brains combined ensure that soon, I will be working at rewarding job I love.

Jeff had to travel a lot in the spring and early summer.  It was a constant blur of planes, cars, unfamiliar beds, me feeling lonely at home. I don't know if distance makes the heart grow fonder, but our bond was just as strong as ever when we were hundreds of miles apart.  

I don't know what led us to find each other. I know the mechanics of it all, the initial whiff of interest in each other, the first date, the growing relationship, the deepening connection that led to our marriage. But why did our two lives intersect in the first place?  How did we get so lucky?

The question can't be answered, of course. And probably shouldn't. The mystery is part of the fun.

Maybe some readers are groaning at this flowery tribute to the relationship between Jeff and me. It's just a marriage. And I guess this post is just a love letter to Jeff. I could have kept it all private.

But to me, this marriage is too big to hide away in a little box, to be shared only between Jeff and me. We felt the wonderful support of all our family and friends as we got married on August 26, 2012. That set us off on exactly the right foot. We feel how happy everyone is for us. We feel how people think this marriage is so right.

A great marriage like this affects a lot of people, a lot of bystanders, I hope in a good way. In a world full of ugly wars, ugly politics, disasters, fights, murders, mean people, hate and Miley Cyrus, this marriage is a wondrous refuge.

A refuge for Jeff and me, certainly. And maybe enough to make those we love smile a bit, too. What's the harm in that?  Even if I do blab on and on about something that is "just a marriage."

Bailey Modereger-Sutkoski 2000-2013

The sweet golden dog Bailey Modereger-Sutkoski, 13 in human years, died peacefully after a short illness Saturday with his loving dads and brother Jackson the cocker spaniel with him to send him off.

Bailey enjoying a windy autumn day last November.   

Bailey was proud of his reputation as a bit of an International Dog of Mystery.  His origins are indeed murky, though it appeared he was a handsome mix of Huskie and maybe some golden retreiver, or possibly Malamute.

His soulful brown eyes melted hearts where ever Bailey went

He lived with another  family who obviously loved Bailey and kept him well cared for over a number of years.

However,  the family had to very reluctantly relinquish Bailey in 2012 because they could no longer financially care for him.

By that time, Bailey had become fast friends with Jackson at his doggie day care in Milton. Jackson introduced Bailey to his dads, Jeff Modereger and Matt Sutkoski.

Since Bailey needed a new home, Jackson asked his dads if the family could adopt Bailey.  Jeff and Matt enthusiastically agreed and never regretted it.

Never one to focus on the past, Bailey offered us few clues as to what his life was like before he moved in with his dads and Jackson around the first of July, 2012.  He settled quickly and happily into his new home.

Bailey was pleased that his new digs were situated on an exposed, breezy hillside. He loved to spend time standing in the yard, facing the wind, the gusts blowing through his gold and white mane. He savored all the different aromas wafting in the breeze.

At various times during the day, Bailey also liked to slowly explore his grassy yard, just looking and smelling for whatever went on in the course of the day.

Bailey also loved his morning routine, which involved heading outdoors in the cold, predawn hours with Jackson and usually with his sleepy but still loving and patient dad Jeff at 4 or 5 a.m. In those early morning outdoor jaunts,  Bailey reminded Jeff about the beauty and miracle of each new morning.

Later, when dad Matt was up and pecking away at his laptop in his office, Bailey always came into the room for kisses, a neck rub, then a vigorous belly rub.  Bailey knew that all work was no way to go, so he made sure every morning to remind Matt that belly rubs were much better and more important than the latest news.

Bailey enjoying a nice snooze in the warm indoors
on a frigid day in January, 2013.  

Bailey's morning routine was complete when he chowed down his breakfast, always with gusto, then he'd settle down next to Jeff, who would be enjoying his morning coffee.

Bailey was the quiet, zen-like Yin to his brother Jackson's rambunctious Yang. They were an odd couple, but a happy one. Jackson liked to enthusiastically and playfully bat at Bailey's neck and face, which Bailey accepted for awhile, until a quick, authoritative growl would settle Jackson down.

Bailey also loved spending time at Deja Vu Dog Kennels for the day while his dads were at work, playing with his brother Jackson and the other dogs cavorting at the day care.

Settling into somewhat old age by the time he arrived in St. Albans, Bailey also liked to curl up in his comfortable bed in the living room as his dads watched TV, then move to another bed in the bedroom to be close to his dads as they turned in for the night.

Healthy until the last two weeks of his life, though a bit deaf, Bailey would often snuggle up to dads Jeff or Matt, seeking and getting a sense of security in the aromas the two men picked up during the day.

During his illness over the last two weeks, Bailey was stoic and uncomplaining, as he always was. His dads were understandably distressed by Bailey's sudden poor health, but despite his own pain and discomfort, Bailey always went out of his way to try to ease his dads' worries and tell them everything will be OK.

Bailey is survived by his dads, Jeff Modereger and Matt Sutkoski of St. Albans, Vermont, his brother, Jackson the cocker spaniel, also of St. Albans, Vermont, his special, dear friend Barb Brodhead of Deja Vu Kennels in Milton, Vermont; his (Jeff) grandparents Donald and Lois Modereger of Yankton, South Dakota; his (Matt) grandparents, Henry and Pauline Sutkoski of West Rutland, Vermont; many loving aunts, uncles, and other human relatives, and very many human and canine friends.

In lieu of flowers, those who wish may donate to their local animal shelter, Humane Society or any organization that shows love and support to dogs and all other animals.

Bailey The Dog Is Very Sick; I'm A Worried Parent

I've never had kids, but now I have a taste of the anguish parents feel when their kids get really sick.

Bailey, the sweet boy we adopted a year ago is very sick, and he seems to be getting worse. He stopped eating Saturday and it's been downhill from there.

Bailey just last week, when he was
still feeling good

The veterinarian thinks it's a really bad case of pancreatitis. Bailey is 13 years old, so this is not a good thing for a dog his age.

But, Bailey's a tough old guy, so we'll see what happens.

The vet's office spent the day yesterday controlling Bailey's fever, filling him up with fluids, flooding his system with antibiotics and giving him pain medication.

He actually seemed to rally a bit by evening. They had me take him home, because he'd be more comfortable in his own digs, ,and I'd bring him back to the veterinarian's office this morning for more treatment.

Bailey seemed OK for awhile last evening, but he spent most of the night crying in pain and fear. You feel so helpless, obviously. I wanted to fix it, but all I could do is gently rub is neck and back and tell him I was there.

Bailey always feels better when there's somebody nearby, so I think a lot of his yelping was his need for reassurance that I had his back. I was happy to oblige.

If I get so wrapped up in worrying about Bailey, I can't imagine what a parent who has a child with, say, cancer goes through.

My husband Jeff is out of town, working. He obviously wishes intensely he could be here. But he's been incredibly helpful via phone, via email. Jeff knows I'm upset about this, and he says and does exactly the right thing to make me feel better, and keeps bolstering my strength and optimism.

It's amazing how much love you can feel over a distance of 1,000 miles.

Barb, the woman who takes care our boys for us during the day while we are at work, has been incredibly helpful too. Her expertise and compassion is just incredible. So, with people like that around, this little crisis is certainly bearable.

And of course, I feel guilty because I'm screwing over other people, especially people I work, because I'm not where I'm supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to do. Somebody has to pick up the slack. My slack.

Bailey loves to stand outside and let the wind
blow through his fur.  

People have been patient with me, but still.

A certain other dog is being a very good boy, too. Jackson, our two year old cocker spaniel with the wild personality,  has been providing me with happy companionship and has been contributing lots of comic relief.

Last night, Jackson sensed I was a little upset when I tried to sleep for a little while. He cuddled up against me and licked my hand. Has Jackson been taking compassion lessons from Jeff and Barb?

I know all this sounds like a self pity party, and it is. This is a routine problem, a part of life for so many people. And it's trivial, given the unfortunate and sad, intense pain and suffering in the world. This little problem with Bailey throws into stark relief the good fortune I have.

I have the ability to keep Bailey as comfortable as possible in a warm, safe house. Incredible people are surrounding me and helping. We have the financial wherewithal, sort of anyway, to give Bailey some good medical care. No humans around me that I love are hungry, homeless, sick or suffering.

Which is a reminder that I'm better off than most people in this world.

I don't know if Bailey will pull through, or pass on. He did seem to rally just a bit as I coaxed him into the truck to return to the veterinarian's office this morning. The veterinarian just called me to report Bailey is hanging in there.

Bailey has lived us with a year since we adopted him.  Even if we lose him, he's given us a year of dog wisdom, joy, companionship, dog kisses, loyalty and love through his calm, steady and zen-like demeanor.

Which is another reason among many why I feel lucky and blessed.

Just-Married Gay Couples in Seattle are Charmers!

Photographer Matt Stopera of Buzzfeed documenting the rush of gay couples getting married in Seattle after Washington legalized same sex marriage in the past week. He had an absolutely great idea.

This couple had been together 23 years before being
able to marry in Seattle the other day. 

He asked the many couples arriving to get   married to write in a notebook how long they'd been together. Then, each party in the couple was asked to write in the notebooks their favorite things about  their new spouses, then display the message for Stopera.

(For the record, if somebody asked me to do the same when I married Jeff in August, it would have been hard for me to decide which of his many qualities is best, but I probably would have chosen his deep compassion and kindness) 

Anyway, Stopera's photographs of the marriages in Seattle are absolutely charming and have had me smiling all day.

I loved how most of the reasons the couples gave either involved a sense of humor, or references to love and devotion.

This couple was together three years before marrying
in Washington State the other day

And for those who think gay marriage is so sinful and awful, the reasons people gave for loving their new wives and husbands in Seattle were the same the best reasons straight couples love each other.

Which isn't surprising.

When love blooms in any way, shape or form, just stand back and let it grow. We're all the better for it.