A Frazzled SNL HR Director Confronts Sexual Harassment

A frazzled HR director tries to explain sexual harassment
policy on Saturday Night Lie

During Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update" a beleaguered HR director appeared on air to help the anchor navigate sexual harassment rules.

The anchor aced the quiz, but as "Claire" the SNL HR director and everyone else knows, nobody seems to understand the rules of the workplace.

I'm sure Claire isn't the only fed up HR director in the nation right now, given how so many men just can't keep it in their pants.

Here's a funny, frazzled Claire to help us out with this:

Some Weirdo Is Hanging Dildos From Utility Wires In Portland, Oregon

Dildos are now hanging from electrical wires
in Portland, Oregon.  n

The trend of getting pairs of sneakers caught up in telephone wires seems to be passe, but now we've got a new one.

Someone, or a bunch of people, are hanging dildos from the wires along the streets of Portland, Oregon.

The unofficial motto of that city is "Keep Portland Weird," so there you go.

So far, nobody has claimed credit for the "artwork" so if a message is trying to be sent, we're not sure what it is. Neither are art experts in Portland.

"If these adult sex toys are being hung on power lines in order to make a statement it hasn't been very effective...It's not very effective if you don't claim it," said Victoria Frey, the executive director of the Portland Institute of Contemporary Art.

Some people thought the dildos might help guide participates in the World Naked Bike Ride along their route, but that doesn't make sense, either.

World Naked Bike Ride, designed to "deliver a vision of a cleaner, safer body-positive world" and to promote bicycling and to protest against excessive use of fossil fuels, is held in dozens of cities, and dildos don't seem to be philisophically part of the event.

Some people think the dildos on the wires are funny, other's don't. I can see parents' concern about having to answer their kid when they ask, "What are those things hanging from the telephone wires," but then I doubt the answer will scar the kids for life, either.

They're probably not safe, as I imagine anything hanging from an electrical wire could present a hazard.

A traffic hazard, too. Some out of town driver in Portland comes in, looks up and stares at the dildos and says, "What the hell are those," then WHAM! he rear ends the car in front of him.

Oh, I'm so tempted to say something off color here. Dildos? Rear ending what's in front of you?

Yikes!

I hope this dildo trend doesn't spread to other cities, like mine, but I'm sure it will anyway.

There's always some, ahem, dick who likes to spoil the view.

Ugly Christmas Sweaters, Charlie Brown Trees Are A Thing This Year, Apparently

This guy is a major trendsetter
this Christmas season.  

I guess it's a trend I can embrace.

The Big Things at Christmas this year, at least two of them anyway, are hideous Christmas sweaters and Charlie Brown trees.

I like to think it's a rebellion against the societal demands that you MUST make Christmas elaborate, absolutely perfect and way, way over your budget.

If you don't do these things, you are an absolute scumbag, at least in the eyes of the marketers who want you to spend, spend SPEND at Christmas.

Ever notice that after every Christmas season, retailers are "disappointed" in sales. You didn't give them enough of your hard earned money, you morons!

Thoughtful but inexpensive gifts and activities need not apply, apparently.

But then there are the people armed with seasonal sweaters with badly rendered reindeer sewed on, and annoying jingle bells ringing with your every move as you gather around the half dead, listing Christmas tree.

Out in Fort Collins, Colorado, somebody found a way to capitalize on the anti-perfection Christmas movement by opening an ugly Christmas sweater thrift store. 

According to Consumerist and CBS Denver, Ugly Christmas Sweaters, or UCS's, are big sellers, says Nancy Agnew, the owner of the store.

"When the store opened it had 4,000 sweaters in stock, with prices ranging from the very modest $3 up to $43, reports CBS Denver. The owner says she's now selling about 150 sweaters every day.

She got the idea after working at another thrift store and seeing that people really, really liked buying UCSs. So she planned this sumer, washed and hot glue-gunned stuff, then opened up in the fall. She has plans to expand to Denver and Boulder, to spread the ugly joy there."

Oh, great, I see a nationwide UCS empire starting here.

Maybe we'll all be required to don we now our ugly apparel every Christmas season. That could be another reason to dread the holidays.

If that's the case, you can drown your sorrows in the weak glow of a Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

Those, too are a hot commodity.   

This little guy is a trendsetter, too, with his
somewhat unsuccessful little Christmas tree.  

For those unfamiliar with the concept, Charlie Brown Christmas trees are from the Charlie Brown Christmas special, in which Charlie obtains a tree that is not exactly the most beautiful in the world as he disastrously tries to free himself from a holiday funk.

NPR also got a big response when they put out a call to listeners for some of the most impressively bad Charlie Brown trees.

People have quite a history of bad holiday trees, apparently. Not as bad as a battered pink plastic one I saw in a window recently, but you get the idea.

I guess we should just embrace the tacky. It's more fun than trying to be Martha Stewart all the time. Makes you less crabby, too, being tacky and not perfect.

My husband Jeff and me have taken the tacky tack, at least to an extent.


At recent Yankee swap Christmas parties we offered gifts of a squeezable Minion from "Despicable Me" and Hello Kitty and Duck Dynasty Chia Pets.

Really, have yourself a tasteless little Christmas. It's more fun that way.