Stupid Ingenuity Department: Guys Try To Use Severe Cold Snap To Cover Up DWI

Police in New Jersey said this guy figured if he
froze water on frigid pavement where he had
a car crash, he could blame the problem
on icy roads and not that he had been drinking.
Nice try, but nope. 

Police in Sparta, New Jersey have accused a guy named Brian Byers, 20 of drunken driving.

What makes this case interesting is how Byers and his buddy, Alexander Zambenedetti, 20, tried to get out of trouble, according to the Daily Record newspaper of Parsippany, New Jersey.  

Police in the town said they found Byers and Zambenedetti near an intersection very early Sunday morning while the temperature was 1 degree above zero and the wind chill made it feel like it was 15 below.  

Zambenedetti was shirtless, which is a bit odd considering the weather. He explained to police he had fallen in the snow and gotten his shirt wet.

I know, that still doesn't make sense, but oh well.

It turned out Byers had earier crossed through the intersection and hit a guard rail on the other side of the road, the Daily Record said. He then fled, driving his damaged car to his home less than a mile away.

Later, police told the Daily Record, Zambenedetti drove his own car back with Byers to scene of the crash with two five gallon buckets full of water in the car.

Why? So they could pour water over the intersection, which would freeze and make the road dangerous. That way, Byers could tell police the crash was caused by very icy road conditions, not that he maybe had a few drinks.

Well, that's one way of trying to turn unpleasant winter weather to your advantage. "It's not my fault, officer. Old Man Winter is screwing around with us. Look at how dangerous this icy road is."

Police said the pair might have made several trips to dump water on the road. The town had to send a Department of Public Works truck to the intersection to dump half a ton of salt on the ice the two guys left behind. So they must have used quite a bit of water.

The Daily Record said police saw through the guys' icy ruse. Both were charged with driving while intoxicated. And being stupid.

Walking On Water In Slovakia

The view a hiker in Slovenia had of his feet as
he walked across a frozen lake with incredibly clear ice.  n

I kind of like the old joke that Jesus probably DID walk on water, but it was probably also winter.

Some trekkers in Slovakia found the joke to be almost true when they encountered a frozen lake in the High Tatras Mountains of Slovakia

The lake water, and the ice that formed in the deepening winter chill, is so clear that the hikers really looked like they were walking on water.

I'd be a bit nervous walking on that ice: It's so clear, I'd worry it was my imagination and once I realized it was water and not ice, I'd plunge through.

Kind of like the Coyote after the Roadrunner in the Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Hour who doesn't start falling after he's run off the edge of the cliff until after he realizes he has run off the edge of the cliff. 

Here's the brief but really cool video, taken by one of the hikers as he pointed the camera down at his feet as he gingerly walked on the ice on this frozen lake:

Shaved Ice From Hockey Rinks? Too Bad April Fools Idea Can't Be Done

A frosty treat made from shavings stirred up
by the Zamboni machines at hockey rinks?  

Every year on April 1, the public relations department at the University of Vermont issues a press release telling the world about its latest (fake) bright idea.

This year, they tell us all the ice the Zambonis shave from the hockey arena in Gutterson Field House will be converted to shaved ice treats for fans.

From UVM's press release:

"Catamount Ice, a frozen dessert that developers liken to Hawaiian shaved ice or the ever-popular Sno Cone, will be made with repurposed ice shavings 'harvested' by the Gutterson rink Zamboni machines...."

The idea was purported thought of by Connor Daley, the president of the Student Government Association, who thought the pile of ice shavings outside the arena was wasteful and contributed to unwanted stresses on the area's stormwater drainage system.

Instead of flavoring the ice with familiar things like grape or orange, they'd get invasive species tormenting the Vermont environment, like purple loosestrife or wild chervill or sea lamprey as flavors for the ice. (That way we could pull up the invasives and put them to good use)

And maybe the sweat, blood and whatnot from the hockey players would add some flavor, too.

I wish I thought of this when I was bemoaning all the snow on the ground in March. Gather up the snow clogging my property, dump food coloring and flavoring onto it, throw it in a freezer truck and sell it as a nutritious, organic frosty treat to unsuspecting southern Californians.

Oh well, maybe next year.

Frozen Lakes Are Meant For Frigid Mishaps

Here in northwestern Vermont, where I live, large Lake Champlain has pretty much completely frozen over for the first time in seven years.

Ice fishing enthusiasts on Lake Champlain, Vermont
in a photo I took two years ago. Unlike the people
in the video in this post, this trio played it safe
and walked only a thick, solid ice.  

We've had a lot of really warm winters in the past decade, so there's been a lot of open water in recent years.

You'd think a lake in Vermont would freeze over every winter, but not with the mild temperatures we've had.

Until this year. It's been sort of cold, so we're back to walking on water on the lake.

Of course, no ice is completely safe, so there's always the danger of falling through. But the ice on most (but not all!) of Lake Champlain is thick and solid, so you can walk or even drive on it.

The lake has turned into a skating, skiing, ice fishing playground.

But in the spirit of warning people about the dangers of thin ice, pressure cracks and the like, we offer you this video of stupid people going out on ice that is decidedly NOT safe.

For your amusement and an instructional tutorial on what not to do in the winter, I present this very very funny compilation:

Toddler's First Walk On Ice Is Cutest Ever

Most of the time, when people slip while walking on ice it ends badly, or at least not so gracefully.

Here we have a very short video of a toddler having her first experience walking on ice. It's only 15 seconds long. You MUST watch it to the very end, however.

You'll die of cuteness overload. Or laughter. It will make your day. Watch:

Ice, Ice Baby a Pain in the Keister

No, I'm not talking about that highly unfortunate Vanilla Ice hit from the 1980s.

I'm talking about the winter of 2012 in Vermont.

Pedestrians gingerly walk on an icy street
in Burlington, Vermont on Monday.

We here in the Green Mountain state have been beset by roller coaster weather involving freezing rain, followed by thaws, followed by subzero cold, with the cycle repeating itself over and over again.

The result is lots of ice underfoot. Which means lots of us end up slipping and falling like a dead tree toppling in a hurricane.

 I like to walk at a very brisk pace. Why wait forever to get where you're going when you can move right along? But with all this ice, we all have to walk gingerly with little baby steps or risk falling.

We've all been falling anyway. First thing this morning, our dog Jackson was dying to get outside to do his business. As soon as the door opened he ran, hit the ice, fell on his side and slid, spiralling down the driveway until he hit a snowbank that had frozen rock solid.

Maybe the dog pee that was twirling out during this accident melted some of the ice, so that's a good thing. The better news is Jackson is none the worse for wear.

Jeff made it out to his SUV just fine, despite the ice rink driveway. The problem came when he arrived at work. He fell on the ice, and he's got an unhappy gimp going now.

I've slipped twice today so far. A branch fell across the end of the driveway during a howling wind storm last night. I went to remove it, and started going now. Luckily, the tree from which the branch came from broke my fall.

Too bad the branch I picked up was too small to act as a walking stick, but no matter.

I got to the parking lot for work, stepped out of my truck and fell again on the ice. I was fine, although I now have a nice, fashionable, powderly white streak on my side from where I slid against the truck as I fell, taking a layer of road salt off it in the proceess.

The temperature has been falling all day, heading toward the minus numbers tonight. Salt isn't going to work. Maybe I should just hire Olympic skater Johnny Weir to teach me some triple axles or something, so that I can at least walk down my super slick driveway creatively.

As long as I don't have to dress like Johnny while I do this.