Weirdest Mystery Crime: Why Were These Women Twerking This Unwilling Guy?

From the surveillance video. Two weird women go
after Washington Thorpe 40, despite the fact he
is REALLY not into this. 

There's a viral video that's been out for a few weeks now of this guy, minding his own business in a convenience store, suddenly being subjected to twerking by two slutty women.

I don't normally throw around the world "slutty" when talking about any woman, but in this case, I feel compelled to make an exception.

The guy, Washington Thorpe was minding is own business in a convenience store when the two women started twerking right up against him and touching him in areas he did NOT want to be touched.

Twerking, for the uninitiated, is leaning forward and moving your butt around in a VERY suggestive way. This may be odd to say, but some people are really good at it.

However, in the surveillance video you can see at the bottom of this post, you can see the guy is clearly NOT into this twerking. But the women persist.

This is clearly weird. I shouldn't joke about it too much. After all, it's a sexual assault. I mean, what would you think if a guy started grabbing at a woman's private parts in a convenience store.

Icky.

And so is this.  Were they setting up for a robbery? Were they incredibly aggressive prostitutes looking for a score and some cash? Were they just obnoxious?

Thorpe has to feel like he's the victim of the weirdest crime in ages.

He also faces a double standard. Because he's a guy, some oddballs say that he should have just gone for it. He's a guy after all.

But think about it.  A couple guy sassaulted a gal like this is horrible. The guy getting twerked is "lucky" according to old stereotypes. I don't think so.

Thorpe doesn't think so either. He's a nice middle school teacher, and I'm guessing his sexual tastes are a little tamer than what these two women were after.

Tharpe, 40, said the assault continued after the surveillence video ends, says television station WJLA. 

"He claims the assault lasted ten minutes both inside and outside a New York Ave. gas station and continued inside the car wash where the two women followed him. Tharpe said he wasn't sure if hee was being set up in a robbery."

Tharpe is a big guy standing six foot two and weighing 230 pounds. He actually tried to throw the twerking idiots off him but they came back on him with surprising ease, he said.

Last week, Ayanna Marie Knight, 22, of Las Vegas was found by authorities and charged with third degree sexual abuse against Thorpe. The other woman at last report was still  on the lam.

Heres the weird video:

Yep, That Twerking Video In My Screed Last Week Was Fake, As I Said

Some of you might remember my screed last week declaring twerking a dead fad.

I stand by that, but not by a vow I made to myself to never talk about twerking again.

Jimmy Kimmel fessing up with
the stunt woman who helped him make
the fake twerking video that went viral last week.  

In last week's screed, I said a video of a twerking disaster that went viral was probably fake.

I was right again. Just for the record, the fiery twerking disaster was a sketch produced by Jimmy Kimmel. 

He 'fessed up to the "deception" last night on his show.

The woman who twerked, fell and burst into flames in the video was a professional stuntwoman.

Kimmel said he just put the video out there without promoting it, to see if it would go viral. It did. He and I are amazed at how many media outlets reported on the video at face value, without even mentioning that it could be a fake.

Um, you can't believe everything you read on the Internet, folks.

Yeah. I'm twerking madly right now as I type this. It's true! It's on the Internet, so it's true!

Kimmel said he hopes his fake twerking disaster video will end twerking forever.

I can't agree with you more, Jimmy!

But it turns out twerking isn't a new fad. I found this great video on BoingBoing of a woman twerking in 1910. Seriously!  To be honest, it's probably the only twerking video I'll ever like

Watch and see if you agree:

Twerking is SO Over, And I Have All the Proof You Need

Unfortunately, I fear the word "Twerk" is going to be the word of the year for 2013.

A still from the video that (I hope) signals the
end of the twerking fad, thank Gawd!  

It has jumped the shark on so many levels that I think anyone who now dares to twerk in public is going to be forever branded as the ultimate moron.

For the three people in the world who still don't know what twerking is, it's bending over and bouncing your butt to the music.

It's supposed to be sexy, I guess, but in my mind twerking is as sexy as an epileptic seizure and looks like one, too.

But what do I know?

The world entered Peak Twerk a couple weeks back during the Great Miley Cyrus Twerking Crisis of 2013, when the former Hannah Montana twerked her way into history during the Video Music Awards show.

She should be so excited. It now appears her biggest claim to fame, the first sentence in her some-day obituary, will be the day Miley did a Twerk heard around the world.

A video out this week, that I suspect is a set up and wasn't a pure accident, brings us the ultimate low in twerking. It was purportedly done by  young woman twerking on video to turn her boyfriend on.

Note to her boyfriend: Run, man, run! Don't look back!  A girl twerking like that, for the "benefit" of viewers around the nation is no good. You'd probably do better with a depressed heroin addict. It's that bad.

Anyway, the young woman twerks against a door. (Don't ask), and somebody opens the door, the twerking woman falls over onto a table full of candles and catches fire.

If only all twerkers could meet a similar fate.

If the video is real, why is the fiery young twerking victim putting it out there for the world to see? I guess hits on YouTube, and the money it generates, makes worldwide public humiliation worth it.

Again, the video is probably just a comedy sketch, but it's an important milestone: Twerking is now officially passe. On to the next stupid craze. For the record, here's the girl twerking, catching fire video, if you can stand it: