One of my least favorite Christmas season songs is the 1953 Eartha Kitt classic, "Santa, Baby."
In the song, Kitt purrs her way through a gift list she wants from Santa when he "comes down the chimney tonight. "
In the long list of expensive things she wants is a car, specifically a nice 1954 convertible, light blue. Also, holiday decorations from Tiffany's, a sable (who wears real fur coats anymore?). big checks with lots of zeros after a first integer, a duplex (why a duplex, why not just a house?) and of all things, a platinum mine.
Who the hell would even think of asking for a platinum mine for Christmas? Who the hell would want one?
That old gold digging song needed a serious update. Most women I know don't pine for all that weird stuff anymore. They especially don't wish for a platinum mine. Some women might want to shove a bad, lousy ex into a platinum mine, but that's another story.
Miley Cyrus recently appeared on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. There she was in a cute green and red Christmas outfit, lounged out on a couch. With an earnest smile that is apparently required whenever you sing a holiday song, she belts out "Santa, Baby."
But this Miley version is seriously updated. Sables, checks, cars and platinum mines are out. Cyrus's "Santa, Baby" now has a refreshing feminist twist. Sample lyric:
"Santa, baby, I've got a baller car of my own, no loan. I bought it all by myself, Santa baby, with zero help from Elf on the Shelf."
The rest of the song is definitely worth a watch and listen. Especially when she gets to what Santa and other men can do with their chimneys:
Here ya go!
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