Iowa Lawmaker Files Dumb Legislation; Proof Emerges The Guy Is Dumb

This Iowa State Senator's "business
degree" is really just a management
certificate from a Sizzler Steakhouse.

Iowa State Senator Mark Chelgren recently filed legislation that would limit the number of Democrats the state university can hire.   

He figured too many liberals were indoctrinating our poor innocent college kids or something.

Figuring Chlegren was so into education standards, reporters started poking around the lawmaker's educational background.

After all, Chelgren said  he had a business degree from something called Forbco Management.

It turns out "Forbco Management" is a company that once operated a Sizzler steak house franchise in Torrance, California.

Yep, he got a certificate for being a fairly competent manager at a Sizzler. "Kind of like Hamburger University at McDonald's," NBC News reports.

Which means this certificate isn't quite as prestigious as say, an MBA from Harvard, but I guess we all do what we can.

For the record, the certificate Chelgren got from Sizzler is not a college degree, but you knew that.

Interestingly, soon after NBC and other news outlets started getting intensily curious about Chalgren's "degree" from Sizzler, it disappeared from the Iowa State Republicans web site.

The response from Chelgren to NBC News to this issue seems dicey to me:

"'This was not an attempt to inflate anything,' he said, adding he was not aware of the error on the web site until a reporter asked about it. 'I didn't concern myself about this, honesty.'

In a telephone interview last week, Chelgren was vague about Forbco. He said was located outside of Los Angeles and that he got his business degree 'around '88 or '89. It's going a ways back so I don't remember.'

"I don't know if they are still in business or not.....The school was created by Forbco Management, and I got a degree in hotel restaurant management."

Or not.

Especially since Chelgren did not respond to NBC News' request for a copy of his diploma or degree.

We did find out Chelgren was in college for a year in the early 1990s at the University of California Riverside majoring in physics, but he only lasted one year

Of course, we knew Chelgren is not an expert in education to begin with. As noted, he filed his Senate File 228 bill to impose a hiring freeze in the Iowa university system until registered Republicans are nearly on par with Democrats on faculties.

Chelgren's reasoning for the bill is rich. He says he had a lot of negative experiences with "liberal professors" while in college.

Yeah, I'm sure those physics professors for that one unsuccessful year in school really tried to indoctrinate Chelgren with radical left wing socialism. You know, the kind of leftist propaganda like E=MC squared.

In other words, Chelgren is like a lot of (but not all!)  extreme right wingers: They're not that bright, and want to ensure the rest of the world is as dumb as them.

At least Chelgren has additonal things in his resume, like these fun fact about him from Slate:

"Before entering politics, Chelgren was best known as 'Chickenman,' a fun-loving character who wore a chicken hat, wielded a supersoaker full of beer and biked naked in Iowa's famous RAGBRA! bike race."

Well, that's something to put on your resume!

The Inevitable Just Happened At A Kum & Go Convenience Store

Yes, there is a chain of convenience stores in the Midwest
with this unfortunate name.  

There is only one thing I don't like about going out to see my in-laws in South Dakota periodically.

In South Dakota and surrounding states, there's a chain of convenience stores with the unfortunate name Kum & Go.  Yes, it's spelled that way.

I always feel a flush of embarrassment when I'm the car with my sweet 89 year old mother in law every time we pass by the Yankton, South Dakota Kum & Go.

I know I have a dirty mind, and the owners of the convenience store chain are just inviting people to come in and be served gasoline, coffee or whatever quickly and be on their way.

But I'm sure I'm not the only person whose inner middle school boy emerges when he sees a Kum & Go store.

Finally, the inevitable just happened at one of these Kum & Go stores.

A guy named Gabriel Newell-Terren Lee, 18,  was arrested for masturbating inside a Kum & Go in Mason City, Iowa, says television station KIMT in Mason City. 

Well, what did you expect?

Police said people in the store saw this guy being a pervert,, and he exposed himself to at least one person there. He drove away in a blue SUV, but police later caught up with him, says KIMT.

All this just reinforces my M.O. when I'm visiting Yankton, South Dakota. When I need my soda, beer or munchies fix, I'll just avoid the Kum & Go and head on over to the HyVee Supermarket.

The Best Explanation Of The Confusing Iowa Caucuses Comes From Vermont

Vermont Public Radio has the best explanation of
how the Iowa Caucus works. They just use Legos.

The whole political process leading up to the Iowa caucuses has been childish.

So why not use childrens' toys to explain the convoluted process of how the whole damn thing works?   Try Legos

The Iowa caucuses are tomorrow, and nobody really understands how they select their favored candidates. I didn't, until Vermont Public Radio , of all things, explained it.

The public radio station made a YouTube video using little Lego figures to explain the process.

Why Vermont Public Radio? Well, a candidate from Vermont, Bernie Sanders, is a leading contender there, so VPR is covering the hell out of this.

Plus, VPR is in Vermont. We're all strange here.

Vermont Public Radio has been getting some national attention for their innovative video. I just saw it  at Raw Story, a national political and news web site.  Gizmodo also featured it. 

I won't even try to explain the Iowa caucuses. I'll let Vermont Public Radio do it with their innovative Lego video:

Lesbian Couple FINALLY Get To Marry After 72 Years Together

Vivian Boyack and Alice Dubes getting married
in Davenport, Iowa Saturday. Photo by Thomas Geyer  

A big shout out and congratulations to Vivian Boyack and Alice Dubes who got married in Davenport, Iowa last weekend.

They probably broke the record for the longest courtship before a marriage. Boyack, 91, and Dubes, 90, have been together for 72 years, says the Quad City Times. 

I'm sure the happy couple would have gotten married many years ago, but of course gay marriage has only recently become legal.

Still, it's nice to see the couple finally tied the knot at the First Christian Church in Davenport.

According to the Quad City Times:

"Surrounded by family and a small group of close friends, the two held hands as the Rev. Linda Hunsaker told the couple that, 'This is a celebration of something that should have happened a very long time ago.'"

More from the Times about the couple:

"Over the years, the two have traveled to all 50 states, all the provines of Canada and to England twice. 

'We've had a good time,' Dubes said. Boyack added it takes a lot of love and work to keep a relationship going for 72 years."

Here's hoping the couple have many more happy years together.

This Guy Would Do ANYTHING For A Twix Bar, Apparently.

This has happened to me and I'm sure it's happened to you.

An Iowa man went through great lengths to
retrieve a Twix bar from a vending machine.  

Against your better nutritional judgement, you break down and head to the vending machine at work to get something very bad for you. Soda. Chips. Chocolate bar. Whatever.

You put your money in, the little spiral mechanism or whatever starts pushing out the item you ordered and then.....nothing.

What you ordered is stuck there. You shake the machine. It's no use. The stupid machine will not cooperate. You don't get your candy bar, and you walk away, fuming over the injustice of it all.

Well, Robert McKevitt of Spirit Lake, Iowa was not going to accept such an injustice, No Sir!

One day last fall, when the vending machine at his job at a Polaris Industries warehouse in Iowa wouldn't give him his Twix bar, he made sure he FORCED the dastardly machine to give up the goods.

According to the Des Moines Register, McKevitt commandeered a forklift, used it to grab the vending machine, lift it off the floor by two feet and let it drop.

It took six tries at dropping the vending machine repeatedly with the fork lift, but McKevitt got his Twix bar. He was able to declare victory.

Sort of.  McKevitt won the battle but lost the war. He enjoyed his Twix bar, but his bosses at Polaris really didn't enjoy his creative use of the company forklift, so they fired him.

Which surely affected his ability to afford more Twix bars in the future.

He appealed his firing, saying he had moved the vending machine to get his Twix, and then used the forklift to put it back in place, but Iowa unemployment officials weren't buying it, according to the Register.

So here's an employment tip: Next time you have a hankering for a Twix bar and the vending machine won't give it to you, avoid the company forklift and instead ask your bosses for a half hour off from work. That way, can run down to the store and get a whole bunch of Twix bars.

I bet you wouldn't even need a forklift to get the convenience store clerk to sell you all the Twix bars you want.