NSFW, But Perfect End To Obama Presidency

Key & Peele perform President Obama
and his "anger translator" in a farewell address

Throughout his presidency, Barack Obama has been called "No Drama Obama" for his lack of weirdness, his quiet steadiness, aversion to scandal and his famously calm demeanor.

Comedians Jordan Peele and Keegan-Michael Key (Key & Peele) have made good use of this during the past eight years, often playing the calm Obama and his anger translator, which is Obama's Id, the pissed-off version of the president.

Here, from Comedy Central, we have Obama and his anger translator give us a final address to the nation. Remember, the language here is TOTALLY NSFW, but it's worth the watch.

Kind of because it feels cathartic.

Here you go:

Virginia McLaurin, Age 106, Dances With Obamas At The White House

A vivacious Virginia McLaurin, age 106, visits
President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle
Obama at the White House recently. 

OK, maybe I'm a day late and a dollar short with this video that's been making the rounds, but I can't resist sharing it anyway.

As many of you might have seen already, Virginia McLaurin, age 106, recently visited President and Mrs. Obama at the White House.

The three ended up having a little bit of a dance party, which looked totally fun.

The reason I'm sharing it is because at age 53, I am exactly half this woman's age, and I hope I can keep something close to her joie de vivre as I keep growing older.

I hope she makes us all want to keep going.

According to the Washington Post:

"With the leader of the free world in one hand, and Michelle Obama in the other, McLaurin danced with sheer and utter joy, shaking her hips like a 16-year-old and flashing a smile as bright as the camera flashes going off all around her.

'She's 106,?' the president asked incredulously.

"No, you are not," scoffed the first lady before adding: 'I want to be like you when I grow up.'"

Don't we all.

McLaurin, who is African-American, was at the White House to celebrate Black History Month.

Says the Washington Post:

"'I tell you, I am so happy,' she said, looking up at Obama before turning to the first lady. 'A black president, yah, and his black wife.'"

And then they danced some more.

In an age where anything touching anything political goes wildly negative, it is so nice to see such pure joy in Washington.

Here's the viral video:

Death And Love And Marriage And Grace

This political cartoon is becoming iconic
after last week's news  

Last week was a rare moment in which grace managed to overpower, however briefly, the crudeness that is the usual way things seem to go nowadays.

These moments of grace were ironically born of that crudeness.

The grace partly had its roots in the terrible racial murder of nine people gathered in a Charleston, South Carolina church for Bible study.

The grace came after years of hate and misguided "morality" lectures aimed at gay people, some of whom just wanted to marry each other. The U.S. Supreme Court said Friday that in our nation at least, these gay people had the right to marry.

The grace was visible in the majority opinion written by Justice Anthony Kennedy:

"No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater thatn once they were.

The White House Friday evening. 

As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage.

Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of the civilization's oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants that right."

By far the leading trending hashtag on Twitter was #LoveWins. For once, love DID win.  

There was something dignified, graceful in all those raucous celebrations in the moments after the Supreme Court announced its decision. Rainbow colors are fun, and they were everywhere Friday. Rainbow lights even bathed the White House, as President Obama celebrated the decision.

Obama had his well-reported graceful moment Friday - even singing "Amazing Grace" - in a scene that had nothing to do with gay marriage.

The President was eulogizing the Rev. Clementa Pinckney, gunned down with eight others in the Charleston church by a young man drowning in racial rage.

Said Obama, describing the actions of the killer and the hand of God:

President Obama reminded us about grace as
he delivered a eulogy in Charleston, South
Carolina Friday. He even sang "Amazing Grace"
to emphasize his point.  

"Blinded by hatred the alleged killer would not see the grace surrounding Reverend Pinckney and that Bible study group, the light of love that shown as they opened the church doors and invited a stranger to join in their prayer circle.

The alleged killer could have never anticipated the way the families of the fallen would reside when they saw him in court in the midst of unspeakable grief with words of forgiveness. 

He couldn't imagine that. He's given us the chance where we've been lost to find our best selves. We may not have earned this grace with our rancor and complacency and short-sightednees and fear of each other, but we got it all the same. He gave it to us anyway. He's once more given us grace."

We live in a world of Internet trolls insulting everyone in their path. We live in a world of blowhards on the cable news shows all screaming over each other and talking nonsense. We live in a world in which politicians, our so-called leaders, stir up divisions, hate, their own political fortunes at the expense of the common good. We live in a world in which activists preach hate, and encourage it, just  so they can line their pockets with the money given to them by gullible donors.  

Sometimes it seemed like the world was completely overrun with this dark scenario that I just described.

Sure enough, by the time I woke up Saturday morning, it was back to the usual awfulness in the world. A few dozen tourists had been killed by an attacker at a Tunisian hotel.  They're still searching for an escaped killer in the Adirondack wilderness. The blowhards were back on cable news. The Internet trolls ranted unimpeded.

However, the wonderful, graceful moments so many people show on Friday proved once again that good will is not dead. In the darkness of our media, political and social landscape, there are bright, inviting pockets of light.

Friday proved that.

It's time to embrace that light. With grace and love. #LoveWins.

Obama Should Hire "Anger Translator" For The Rest Of His Term

President Obama getting help at the White
House Correspondents Association Dinner
from Luther, his "anger translator"  

At last night's White House Correspondents' Association Dinner, we had the usual sharp, weird, often funny political jokes bandied about in a roomful of people who really don't like each other.

It's an odd annual tradition, but it's fun and we get some good laughs from it.  

Maybe the best I've seen so far from this year's is "No Drama Obama" spicing things up a little with the help of Luther, Obama's Anger Translator.

Like him or not, Obama is not one to start yellling and screaming much like other politicians. So we had Luther, played by comedian Keegan-Michael Key, telling us what Obama really thought as he discussed the important issues of the day.

Sometimes I wish Obama acted like Luther in real life. A case is point is toward the end of the video you'll see below, when he's discussion climate change.

The President gets hotter than the increasingly torrid Earth when going on about it.

You'll see why Luther sloooowwwllly backs away.

Maybe we should draft Luther for President in 2016. Maybe more things will get done?

You be the judge by watching this really funny video:

President Obama Reads His Hate Tweets

President Obama examines some of the mean Tweets
directed at him for Jimmy Kimmel Live.  

A regular feature on the Jimmy Kimmel Live! show is celebrities reading hateful Tweets about themselves.  

I've featured some of those in this here blog thingy a couple times because they're funny.

Kimmel went straight to the top this time, though, when he got President Obama to read mean Tweets about him.

I have no idea how they picked which ones to read. Given how so many Republicans can't stand the president, it must have been hard to choose from the avalanche of hate Tweets.

You'll have to watch the video, below.

But it seems everything is Obama's fault. Like this Tweet: "A 30 rack of Coors Light is now $23 at the Sun Stop. Thanks, Obama."

Well, we'll see if Obama will now be blamed for crashing Twitter, if everybody watches this video of him reading the Mean Tweets:

The Least Mature, Least Sober Guide To Tonight's State Of The Union

I know, I know, President Obama's State of the Union Address tonight is wicked important.

I'll pay attention to it, for sure.

But I also have to be totally immature about it.

So click on the image in this post to make it bigger and more readable.

It's the State of the Union drinking game.

I probably won't be participating. The game looks too grueling, and I don't have enough money to buy the large quantitites of booze you'd probably need to participate.

Even if I substituted water for alcohol with this game, I'd be up all night going to the bathroom.

I don't know how anyone can survive it. Please don't drive home after playing this game. I'm hung over just thinking about it.

Maybe I should just forward the State of the Union drinking game to John Boehner and be done with it.

Have political fun tonight, everyone!

Throwing Reporters Off Balconies To Outshine The President

Usually, the day after the President delivers his State of the Union Address all the newsies and pundits and such yak about the speech, whether it was effective, whether he's a bozo, yada, yada, yada.

Congrats to Michael Grimm, R-NY for outshining
Obama with his manly toughness.  

So congratulations go out this morning to Rep. Michael Grimm, R-N.Y. for outshining President Obama after Tuesday evening's State of the Union Address.

Yeah, I'd never heard of Grimm either, but last night, he threatened to throw a reporter off a U.S. Capitol balcony. Live! on TV! It was quite a moment.

The problem was, Grimm only wanted to discuss his reaction to Obama's speech, but NY1 reporter Michael Sotto decided to thrown in a question about allegations that Grimm might have broken some campaign finance rules.

As a former reporter, I know that sources don't like it when you ask questions that they don't want to discuss, and the sources get angry, but that's part of the job. Reporters know that. I know that. Sotto knows that.

This was kind of over the top, though. Not exactly good PR, though my guess Sotto was trying to telegraph to constituents how tough he allegedly is.

Sotto had this to say, according to Talking Points Memo: 

"I was taken aback. I have never --- you know I'm used to people giving me pushback for questions but I was not used to something like that. "

Grimm told Sotto during the confrontation: "No, no you're not man enough, you're not man enough. I'll break you in half. Like a boy."

OK, that's a little confusing.  Man enough for what? And break him in half like a boy? Grimm breaks boys in half? Isn't that extreme?

So far, Grimm is not backing down, according to NPR: 

"'I was extremely annoyed because I was doing NY1 a favor by rushing to do their interview first in lieu of several other requests. He also accused the reporter of 'taking a disrespectful and cheap shot at the end of the interview.'"

The part Grimm is referring to is when Sotto accurate reported that Grimm would not comment on the campaign finance question.  God, don't you HATE reporters when they're accurate?

Anyway, Kudos to Michael Grimm for being the tough guy who outshone President Obama, who, during the State of the Union Address,  failed to even once threaten to beat somebody up.

Maybe Grimm can go home now to his constituents and take a cue from the other tough guy, Chris Christie, and maybe close down a heavily traveled bridge.

Here's the video of Grimm's tough guy antics:

< >

Did Somebody Put Stupid/Crazy Pills In Washington DC's Water?

It's official. Some terrorist put some horrible substance in Washington DC's water, which made everybody go crazy and off the deep end.

Michelle Bachmann never fails to disappoint
with her craziness  

We had the tragic and definitely unfunny incidents in which the woman in the car with the toddler thought she was being monitored, caused that chase and was shot to death by Capitol Police.

This was followed a couple days later by that guy who mysteriously burned himself to death on the Mall.

Then, this week, people are saying the most amazing things.

We have the ever reliable Michelle Bachmann, who added to her usual cannard about how Obama is funding terrorists

But she's changed her tune! She's no longer upset about that! Because it's a good sign.

It's a sign of the End Times!  According to Right Wing Watch she said this:

"This happened and as of today the United States is willingly, knowingly, intentionally sending arms to terrorists, now what this says to me. I'm a believer in Jesus Christ, as I look at the End Times scripture, this says to me that the leaf is on the fig tree and we are to understand the sign of the times, which is your ministry, we are to understand where we are in God's end times history.

I'd settle for the End Times to Bachmann's Reign Of Error in Washington, but you can't have everything.

Meanwhile, a group of truckers have come up with a remarkable plan for later this week.  According to U.S. News and World Report, the truckers, to protest what they say is Washington trashing the Constitution, will slow traffic in DC, then put handcuffs on members of Congress and President Obama and make citizens arrests for treason, says Earl Conlon, a Georgia trucker who is handling logistics for this whole plan.

I'm almost disappointed a truckers group
won't try to arrest Obama, Congress during
a planned protest this weekend.  

What can possible go wrong with that plan?

Well, for one, not all of the group, Truckers Ride For the Constitution, are on board with this.

On the Truckers Ride for the Constitution Facebook page, it turns out that Conlon was not authorized to be spokesman.

Contrary to what Conlon might have said, the Truckers Ride for the Constitution people say now they will NOT try to arrest Obama or members of Congress.

In a way, I'm disappointed by this sudden little dose of sanity,  because the drama would have been a nice diversion.

Love the logo for the group, by the way. A hot babe in a blue dress standing in front of a big, manly truck. Cool!

I'm all for the trucker protest, as long as they don't play that hideous trucker CB radio song from the 1970s "Convoy." Makes me throw up every time.

Judging from the Truckers' Facebook page, most people in their ranks are relieved. They want to make their voices heard, which is good, but they don't want to be regarded as kooks, which is also good.

However, there's a few in every crowd. commenters on the Facebook page want action and some  arrests. Somebody named Cody Updegrave wrote of the arrest idea:

"Unlawful you say? How about the citizens who are being drug (sic) from their homes because the government want their land...or the countless Americans who have been stripped of their 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th amendment rights. FUCK THE LAW...it's time to take back our country."

 Um, from who? The people you elected.

It must be something in the water.

Free Advice: Don't Tell Secret Service You Want to Kill the Prez

Hat tip to Brian Drourr via Facebook for this little list of good advice, based on a news article Brian found about a tremendously stupid man in Florida:

1. Don't threaten the president's life. Even if you don't like him. Such threats are illegal and dumb.

2. Especially don't threaten the president on Facebook. Lots of people can read it. Including the Secret Service. The Secret Service really, really doesn't like threats on the president.

3. If the Secret Service sees your threat on Facebook and want to have a little chat with you, don't reinforce the threat when talking with the Secret Service by saying you want to "bitch slap him and beat the shit out of him."

Christopher Castillo allegedly made
threats to President Obama.

According to The Smoking Gun, a guy named Christopher Castillo, 28, of Melbourne, Florida did all of the above and now, not at all shockingly, he faces felony charges.

He was to be released, maybe, after they put a GPS device on him. Probably smart. Don't want him near the White House these days.

Florida Today reached Christopher's father, Frank, who said: “A lot of people say things on Facebook that they don’t mean, and I understand the Secret Service has to do what they have to do, it’s their job,” said Frank Castillo of Tyler, Texas. “I would imagine they would find some people out there that really are loose cannons. Christopher is not one of them.”

Except when talking to Secret Service agents, apparently.

I'm actually amazed by how many similar instances there have been lately of people putting out presidential threats on Twitter, Facebook and other media. Isn't the point of posting there a way to let a lot of people read about what you're thinking about? And that means pretty much anybody.

Was Castillo and his ilk surprised by Secret Service visits? Is the Secret Service hiring? I ask because they probably need a lot of people to follow up on all these threats.

There's probably just a quick spike in threats now because Obama won the election. I get it that people who voted for Romney are angry and upset by the outcome. Perfectly natural.

But for people who want a Republican in the White House, the best revenge is to vote that way the next time, even though some other Democrat, not Obama will run next time.

It's awfully hard to vote from jail, folks. Let logic be your guide, if that's possible in your limited brains, threat people.

Sandy: It's Obama's Fault, Say the Theorists

I knew as soon as they said Hurricane Sandy would be a very huge, very weird, very destructive storm for the U.S. that the conspiracies would start flying immediately.

And they have.

As this comic from Infowars shows, a number of
people think Obama is controlling the
weather for his politcal gain

The inevitable theory is this: U.S. military intelligence has figured out how to control the weather. Obama has ordered a massive storm so that it causes widespread chaos, and now right before the election he can grandstand and say what a great job he does marshalling FEMA and other forces to help our citizens.

Then he would be a shoo-in for reelection.

Yeah.

Yes, I know all the conspiracy minded people out there are going to blast away at me and say I'm part of the coverup for scoffing. I'm sure I'll get trolled mercilessly but so be it.  People all hate it when their belief systems are criticized. Everyone. Including me. Including people who embrace, um, unusual theories.

There's tons of Web sites like Infowars that have lots of conspiracy theories. Some make sense and might actually be true.  Some stories on these sites actually are true.  A few are wayyy over the top

Here's my response to the Obama and Sandy theory:  There's got to be at least a few Romney partisans in military intelligence. And it would take quite a team to help Obama steer a deadly storm into the U.S.

Someone from that team, the Romney guy, surely,  would be outraged at Obama's efforts to control the weather and unleash a deadly storm on the U.S. This outraged person would find and steal some proof that Obama is doing this and mention it to the press.

Yes, yes, the press is part of the coverup, say the conspiratorial types. But I know how the media operates. If anybody got a bombshell like this, they would broadcast it so big. It would be beyond the story of a lifetime.

And when the story got out, do you think people would vote for Obama knowing he created a storm that killed a bunch of people and wrecked half the East Coast? The mildest thing that would happen to Obama in that situation is he'd be tried for treason and executed.

Even if Obama got away with it initially and nobody found out about his evil storm deed before the election, it would come out later. And he'd be impeached quicker than you could say "John Boehner."

And I'm surprised, if weather modification really existed, that nobody's proven it to the public. For years, the suspicious ones have been talking about HAARP, which supposedly is the Pentagon's High Prequency Active Auroral Research Program, which, under the theory, has been causing all those weird storms that have been hitting the U.S. and elsewhere for years.

 I know the conspiracists say they have proof and the main stream media is once again  covering it up.  However I don't think Fox News, for example, would keep their mouths shut.

I know I'm spelling this all out too much, but it's fun to do so. Say what you want about Obama. Love him or hate him. But no, he didn't cause Hurricane Sandy.

But go ahead and write out the evil Obama/Sandy narrative. It might make for a profitable screenplay or something.

Obama Is Hiding His Past Teleportation to Mars, Pair Says

It turns out Donald Trump was barking up the wrong tree when he accused President Obama of faking his birth certificate.

According to Wired, the real scandal was revealed by Andrew Basiago and William Stillings, who say they are ex-government agents who were once "chrononauts" and went with a 19-year old Obama on a secret CIA mission to Mars. 

Apparently, Obama was up there on Mars helping to squelch threats from extraterrestials and establishing territorial sovereignty on the red planet.

Did a youthful Barack Obama participate in a secret mission
to Mars to kill extraterrestials, like Marvin the Martian?

Of course, the U.S. government, those cloakers of government nefariousness, deny that Obama was anywhere near Mars, or had anything to do with Mars, other than watching Looney Tunes' "Marvin the Martian" as a kid.

I wish Obama would come clean on this. Is he promoting green technology as a ruse to establish new fuel sources for a Martian conquest? Did he kill Osama bin Laden because bin Laden knew too much about the secret government Mars takeover? Did Obama push through health care reform to take care of any astronauts that go to Mars.

I call on the field of Republican presidential candidates to expose this major potential scandal.