Nation Getting More And More Stupid

No Corona beer has nothing to do with a virus

There have always been a lot of stupid people around.  Frankly, I'm not especially smart, but there seems to be a big, intensifying competition out there about how extreme stupidity can get.

I don't want to be a part of that competiton.  However, I can gawk at it, because there's tons of examples out there.

I'll start with a relatively mild one, and then let it go downhill from there. You are going to be rolling your eyes and shaking your head, guaranteed.

CORONA BEER CAUSES COVID-19?

Then there was the poll that suggested 38 percent of Americans would never drink a Corona beer because it's similarly named to the Coronavirus.  As if you could get the illness from anything with the word "corona" in it.

By that logic, I guess you could get the illness by going outside on a sunny day.  After all, the sun has a cornona, right?

To my relief, this 38 percent number in the poll could easily be misleading because the poll was poorly worded.

According to HuffPost, the questions and some of the answers went like this:

Question: "Is Corona related to the coronavirus?"  Disconcertingly, 16 percent of beer drinkers were "confused" at this.  Hopefully, the respondents were drunk when they were asked.  Everybody is confused when they're drunk.

Question: "In light of the coronavirus, do you plan to stop drinking Corona?"  Four percent of people who say they usually drink Corona beer would stop because of this. Dummies.

Question: "Would you buy Corona under any circumstances now?"  This was the magic question that got all the publicity. Thirty-eight of beer drinking Americans said they would not.  I'm just hoping and praying most of those who said they would not simply don't like Corona beer and wouldn't drink it even if the coronavirus wasn't a thing.

Or, as HuffPost notes, people might stop drinking Corona because it reminds them of something unpleasant they'd rather not think about, or that drinking a Corona in front of friends or in public would set them up to be the butt of a joke.

So, my bad for not thinking through the logic, or lack thereof, in the way the poll question was worded.

That doesn't mean there's a lot of stupid people out there.  It gets worse. Keep reading.

IT'S THE DEMOCRATS' FAULT

Some of Donald Trump's most ardent supporters have noted that so far, early in this coronavirus epidemic, the majority of cases have been reported in states and cities run by Democrats.

There could be lots of reasons for that.  Bad luck? More widespread testing in those districts? More people in these areas that have traveled to countries that have been particularly hard hit? All plausible explanations. Who knows, right?

Well, the MAGA crowd sure knows what's going on, apparently.   According to Raw Story, here are some of the reasons why the coronavirus has hit places like Washington State and California, both blue states.

I don't want to provide links to these people's Twitter accounts because I don't want to reward them, here's a sampling:

Some moron named Bob Berger tweeted, "Have you noticed all new cass of the coronavirus are in Democrat states Wash. Or. Cal. I'll (sic) RI. do you think the dems are dumb enough to get sick to make Trump look bad just saying."

Yes, because people always want to come down with a potentially deadly illness to own the MAGAs.

 They get worse:  "Prediction: Democrat run cities in the US will start announcing many sick people with coronavirus "symptoms" to crash the Mkts to hurt Trump. It's sad that this is where we are as a country but it's the truth. Democrats know the only chance to beat Trump is a mkt crash."

I'll repeat the above refrain: Destroy their own 401ks to own the MAGA's? Really?

A couple more before my headache gets too extreme: "Notice how the virus is located in Democrat states? Are the Dems purposely contaminating these people? It's a fair question."  So Democrats are into committing genocide?

The answer is apparently yes according to the most stupid MAGAs.  Like this tweet: "Democrat run Blue States will infect the poor with the virus in State Run Hospitals to exploit their deaths against Trump, because, well, it's the Democrats."

This almost, but not quite, makes me wish these ignorant tweeters would come down with the virus. But that would be mean.

GARTH BROOKS AND NOT THAT SANDERS

Garth Brooks wearing a Sanders football jersey.  It references
Barry Sanders, not the Bernie Sanders. But people are too stupid
to understand that, apparently

So this happened to country music legend Garth Brooks last week:

He was in Detroit and part of the plan was to honor Barry Sanders, one of most notable running backs and Detroit Lions NFL players on record.

Brooks wore a #20 Sanders football jersey at his show, and shared a photo of him wearing it on Instagram.

I get it that not every Garth Brooks fan knows who Barry Sanders is.  But it was clearly a football jersey, right?

Nope. Some now erstwhile Garth Brooks fans exploded in anger. The football jersey Brooks wore said "Sanders" so these ignoramuses just automatically assumed Brooks was campaigning for presidential candidate and Democratic-Socialist Bernie Sanders.

As Snopes reported, one person wrote: "I had no idea you wer a big freaking liberal socialist! I've listened to your songs for the last time!" Another wrote, "If this is for Bernie Sanders, I'm done with you. I thought you wer a true American that loves our country."

You wouldn't believe how many similar declarations there were out on social media over the past few days.

As far as anybody can tell, Garth Brooks has in actuality not given any kind of opinion on who he favors for president. Other than perhaps Barry Sanders, who tweeted, "Hey @garthbrooks, want to be my VP? #Number20For2020."

Brooks tweeted back, "I would run any race with you."  At least the country music star is keeping a good sense of humor about this whole thing.

TIN HAT TIME!

I'll leave you with this, um, creative theory from an actual U.S. Congress candidate Joanne Wright who apparently approvingly retweeted the following now-deleted missive:

 OK, my headache just got much worse. Time to shut this post down for today.

Alex Jones Is Looking To Hire. Sane People Need Not Apply

Would you work for this guy? He's hiring. 

I love picking on Alex Jones because he's such an easy target, and let's face it, I'm a bully.

The latest news, as reported in the Huffington Post and other news outlets, is Jones is looking to hire more employees at his batshit InfoWars network.

As the Huffington Post notes, a lot of people had a lot of fun making tongue-in-cheek  "job inquiries" on social media.

Some of my favorites:

--- Does your insurance plan cover chemtrails?

--- I will have my lizard people send uou my resume via chemtrail, as we discussed earlier telepathically.

 --- Do you provide tin foil hats, or do I have to provide my own?

--- Does the commitment have to be court-ordered, or is voluntary commitment sufficient?

--- What is the preferred number of false flag jobs a candidate needs in their resume?

NASA Is Kidnapping Children, Taking Them To Mars

Alex Jones informs us that NASA is kidnapping children
and turning them into slaves on Mars

Lost amid the hubbub over Donald Trump's insulting tweets to Mika Brzezinski was the breaking news that NASA is kidnapping children, taking them to Mars and making them slaves there. 

Yeah, that story sounds just a wee bit unbelievable, but Alex Jones says it's happening, so it must be true.

You might remember Alex Jones, who is fast becoming one of my favorite punching bags.

He's the blowhard from the conspiracy web site InfoWars who tells us the government is putting something in the water to make frogs gay, the Sandy Hook massacre never happened, and Hillary Clinton was running a child sex ring out of the basement of a Washington DC pizzeria.

You might think none of these things are true, but our Dear President is a big fan and even wants to give Alex Jones press credentials, so I guess we got to believe this stuff.

On his show Thursday, Jones welcomed "CIA insider" Robert David Steele who informed us, "We actually believe that there is a colony on Mars that is populated by children who were kidnapped and sent into space on a 20-year ride.... So that once they get to Mars they have no alternative but to be slaves on the Mars colony."

It was unclear from Jones' show why NASA is kidnapping children and sending them to Mars, but Jones, naturally is a believer. Jones said every time a probe is pointed in the direction of Mars, NASA shuts if off. Or something like that.

It gets worse. NASA is killing some of the children and using their blood and bone marrow as a sort of growth hormone. Again, we're not sure why.

As you might expect, NASA denies the allegations.  A NASA spokesman said, "There's only one stupid rumor on the internet? Now that's news."

Maybe The Craziest Republican Yet Just Got Elected In Texas

Insane guy Robert Morrow was just elected Travis County,
Texas Republican Party Chairman. And really, he
 takes the concept of crazy politician to a whole new level. 

We seem to be in a season of crazies getting elected to office, so we shoudn't be surprised that one Robert Morrow has been elected chairman of the local Republican Party in Travis County, Texas.

True, that's not the most important political position in the world, but the guy is so -- how should we put this politely? --- completely batshit crazy that you have to wonder what people were thinking, or not thinking, when they voted for him.

Morrow, like many people, is an avid Tweeter. If you don't like bluntness and extreme rudeness, you might not want to read on.

Anyway, according to Texas Tribune, he's really, REALLY fascinated by politicians' sexuality, or at least his theories on their sexuality. He's freaked out because he sees gays and lesbians everywhere. EEEK!!!  He thinks former Texas Gov. Rick Perry is bisexual and has a lot of male lovers. He thinks the same about Marco Rubio. 

Also George H. Bush. Morrow Tweeted this about the former president: "Pretty sure George W. Bush can suck a dick better than Hillary Clinton."

He thinks about Bill Clinton's penis. He thinks Hillary Clinton is an "angry bull dyke."  He doesn't like the Republican National Committee, because its perceived establishment orientation makes it similar to a "gay foam party."

No, I don't understand that, either.

He also thinks Rubio participates in these "gay foam parties." What's the deal with obsession with these stupid foam parties anyway?

When a Texas Tribune reporter asked Morrow about his frequent racial slurs using the "n" word, Morrow sharply took the reporter to task for being a "pathetic excuse for a reporter" for his unwillingness to use that word.

Morrow is apparently proud of his,  um, size, or his perception of it anyway. He once tweeted: "If you Google 'Robert Morrow 11 inch penis confirmed' you get over 11,800,000 hits. I'm just sayin'...."

He does like big things. His Facebook pages has numerous photos of bikini clad women with big boobs.

On the bright side, of sorts, he's not a big fan of Donald Trump. Morrow's reasoning for not liking Trump is a bit shaky, though:

"Donald Trump has actually said that a lone nut Oswald killed JFK, which tells me he is too stupid to be president."

Of course there are a LOT of people just as crazy or worse than Robert Morrow on social media and elsewhere, so normally we would ignore such nonsense.

But remember, Morrow has just been elected as chairman of the Travis County, Texas Republican Party.

He's the guy who's supposed to lead Travis County Republicans in trying to get members of the GOP elected to county positions, which could be a springboard to higher, more influential offices. Travis County has the fifth largest population of any county in Texas, so it does have Lone Star State influence.

Do you think Morrow is going to convince people in relatively liberal Travis County (where the city of Austin is located) to switch allegiances to the Republican Party?

Other members of the Travis County Republican Party are appalled and said they would do everything they can to get rid of Morrow. Which is a smart way of thinking about things.

Travis County Republican Vice Chairman Matt Mackowiak said: "We will explore every single option that exists, whether it be persuading him to resign, trying to force him to resign, constraining his power, removing his ability to spend money or resisting any attempt for him to access data or our social media account."

When the Texas Tribune asked Morrow to respond to Mackowiak's comments, he said, "Tell them they can go fuck themselves."

Nice way for a Republican leader to speak.

But you know what's scarier than Morrow? It's the fact that a majority of Travis County Republicans who participated in local elections this week actually voted for this insane character. And you wonder why the not as insane Donald Trump gets so much support.

I think I will have nightmares tonight.

Oregon Whack Jobs Sure Don't Know How To Run A Revolution, Or Whatever They're Doing

Members of "Y'all Qaeda" are still holed
up at an Oregon wildlife refuge. Sigh. 

I was going to follow the lead of law enforcement and pretty much ignore the crazy guys who took over the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge  over in Oregon.

Apparently, they're annoyed by what they think is the evil federal government taking away our rights to the citizens' land.  Or set fire to it to control varmints or something.

Or maybe they just want to play dress up and pretend they're life sized GI Joe action figures and Wild Bill Hickok or something.

This place is a wildlife refuge, which, um, is open to the public. Anyone. At least until these yahoos showed up. Now nobody can go there except them. Are they the only people who think they are U.S citizens?

I hope they're not quintessential U.S. citizens, because such citizens would be bozos.

If not for the expense this takeover is costing us taxpayers, and the fear and inconvenience to the Oregonians living near the refuge, this would seem like a farcical movie comedy that gets mixed reviews.

Let's go over some of the highlights of this takeover.

1. Nobody is taking them seriously.  Like the late, great Rodney Dangerfield, "they don't get no respect."

Federal law enforcement is ignoring them. A lot of the rest of us are not exactly calling them terrorists, but things like "Y'all Qaeda""Yee-hawdists" and "Vanilla ISIS" since they're such wannabe but failing militants.

I've also seen them referred to, as Raw Story points out,  "Yokel Haram," "Fail Qaeda" who are participating in an "Infantada."

There've been some great Tweets about this outfit, such as "Y'all Qaeda follows a strict interpretation of Shania (Twain) law." and "Every successful revolution starts with the takeover of a closed visitor center with a gift shop."

2. The group put out a call via social media to get supplies, like food, clothing and the like. They probably got some of that, but many people, also inspired by social media, sent lots of dildos instead.

Dildos for the dildos. The militants there were not amused. One video showed one of the Y'all Qaeda guys angrily sweeping the dildos off a table. Temper, temper!

3. One of the idiots, Joe Oshaugnessy, collected donation money for the cause. When a newspaper revealed that Oshaugnessy lied about being a U.S. Marine, he got depressed and went to a hotel and used the donation money to drink his sorrows away.

Another Vanilla ISIS member tearfully announced this turn of events on Facebook. Awwww. So sad!

 4. Robert "LaVoy" Finicum, who is pretty much Y'allQaeda spokesman in Oregon, complained that the state of Arizona took away the foster kids who have been staying with his wife Jeannette at their Arizona home.

Now, I can't knock Finicum for helping boys from troubled homes find a sense of self-worth and independence at his ranch.

However, as Talking Points Memo notes:

".....having one parent away from home for a significant period of time committing a number o fhigh profile federal crimes would seem like at least a plausible reason to remove the children. This doesn't seem to occur to Finicum."

Also, says Talking Points Memo and Oregon Public Broadcasting, Finicum and his wife got most of their income from being foster parents. For a guy who wants government off our backs and likes his individualism, it's a little strange he's living off government subsidies.

Oh well, I guess it's OK to be a bit of a hypocrite if there's money to be made.

5. Then we have this video, a bizarre little battle cry with strange horns. Really guys?  It sounds like they're pretending to be mating mountain goats.

Which proves their little revolution is completely off the rails.

Wildly Crazy "Lyssue Paper" Will Solve Your Last Minute Christmas Gift Crisis

This gal named Lyssue Paper will help
you with your last minute Christmas gifts. Beware!! 

I really hope the video in this post is just a parody, a joke aimed at all those do it yourself videos out there.

I'm 99.9 percent sure this is just comedy, but if not, I'm really, really scared of the woman in the video you 'll see below.

Her name is Lyssue Paper, and she's obsessed with tissue paper. She'll make anything under the sun out of this stuff.

Including, Christmas sweaters!

So just watch the video carefully, and you will wow your family and friends with gorgeous tissue paper sweaters, made by you!

I love the wild look in her eyes as she guides you through the process.

H/T to boingboing for alerting me to this.

Watch:

Toledo, Ohio Mysteriously Intact After A Mayoral Defeat, But Dumbledore Will Bring Us Wrath Of God

Opal Covey says God is about to destroy Toledo,
Ohio because she lost the mayoral election there.  

In this Sunday morning's news, I'm pleased to report that the fair city of Toledo, Ohio remains standing and functioning just fine despite what seemed would be an inevitable destruction by an angry God.

The bad news is God is about to smite the entire United States because Dumbledore from "Harry Potter" is gay.

We learned these two bits of news from incredibly reliable sources. Toledo's imminent destruction is foretold by one Opal Covey, a defeated mayoral candidate in Toledo.

Covey came in dead last among five candidates for mayor of Toledo this past Tuesday. She said she really won, but all the votes were stolen from her through massive fraud.

She knows this, she says, because she talks directly to God and he told her. God is apparently so pissed that he's going to destroy Toledo. (God and Covey have been having long conversations about this while both are speaking in tongues, apparently.) And Covey is so miffed that she will stand by and just let him do this.

It's now five days after Toledo's mayoral election. and the Ohio city does seem to be doing just fine so far. I checked the web page for the city's newspaper, The Toledo Blade, Sunday morning and the main headline on the homepage was "Popularity of App-based Rid Sharing Services Surges."

Unless the ride sharing is to get out of town before God's wrath,  I don't see signs of a Toledo apocalypse in the local media.

Pastor Kevin Swanson tells us God will smite
America because this guy, Dumbledore, is gay. 

But we shouldn't relax. As I noted Dumbledore is gay!

And God is going to wipe the United States off the face of the Earth because of it. Yes, yes, I know Dumbledore is a fictional character created by a British author, but you can't be too careful about trying not to annoy God!

We learned about God and Dumbledore just NOT getting along from Kevin Swanson, a decidedly anti-gay pastor who put on something called the National Religious Liberties Conference over the past few days.

We should trust Swanson, because intelligensia such as Presidential candidates Ted Cruz, Mike Huckabee and Bobby Jindal attended the conference in which Dumbledore was brought up.

OK, not everyone agrees Cruz, Huckabee and Jindal are all that smart, but you get the picture. Side note: I wonder if these three candidates agree with Swanson about Dumbledore. Please, ask, national media!

Even if we escape the wrath of God over Dumbledore there are other major risks, Swanson tells us. The animated films "How To Train Your Dragon" and the super popular Disney production "Frozen" are satanic and will also earn us the wrath of God.

Swanson is best known as calling for the execution of all gay people (including me!) However, he tells us that we could still be saved if we repent.

Kevin Swanson pictured here, says he'd cover himself
in cow manure if he learned his son is gay.
I SO hope is son is gay.  

I'm not sure how to do that, though. I'm thoroughly sick and tired of the song "Let It Go" from "Frozen," is that enough repenting?

Although I like the Harry Potter series and Dumbledore, I'm not a rabid fan. Is that good enough? I'll have to ask Swanson about this.

Swanson has one idea. He did say that if his son turned out to be gay and married another guy, he'd cover himself in cow manure. He really did say this.

I'm not sure if that's the right way to go with repentence.

 I'm not a big fan of cow manure. Eventually, it decomposes and would be a nice compost for my garden, but I'm not ready to use it as an ingredient for repentence.

So I'll just take my chances and skip the repentence.  Just to be safe, though, I'll stay out of Toledo for the next few days.

Bryan Wilson, TEXAS LAW HAWK!!!!!

Texas Law Hawk!!  

Some ads for lawyers are, um, interesting, and we think we found the most insane one we've seen in quite awhile.

Introducing Bryan Wilson, Texas Law Hawk!!!!!!!!

You have to give the young attorney points for enthusiasm and he parades and runs around Fort Worth, doing wheelies on mini bikes, displaying more flag images than every Fourth of July that ever existed combined, and yelling until his voice gives out. I think.

I wonder if his performance is similar in a courtroom.

Fort Worth Weekly says the ads seem to work. Wilson's phone has been ringing off the hook with potential clients, some from as far away as Florida. However, he only practices in Tarrant County, Texas.

I guess people want a madcap lawyer representing them instead of somebody, um, sober. Go figure.

In any event, you'll be stunned, or thrilled or something, with this ad from TEXAS LAW HAWK!!!!!!

The Bonkers Political Ad Season Starts Early

Crazy North Carolina congressional candidate Kay Daly
goes "RINO hunting" in her classic campaign ad

Every political season, we get to enjoy really super bonkers campaign ads.

It's started already.

Introducing Kay Daly, a Tea Party backed Republican candidate for Congress in North Carolina, is taking on incumbent Renee Elmers, a Republican who isn't exactly liberal, let me tell you.  

Still Elmers is not nearly conservative enough for Daly, oh no, not at all.

She voted for Obamacare! (sort of) She allows "homosexuals to pretend they are married!"

Daly also complains that Ellmers voted to let illegal immigrant child molesters stay in America, but I bet that's a bit of a distortion, don't you?

The ad also features Ellmer in extremely unflattering photos, as if she's constantly making bizarre faces while serving in Congress. Come to think of it, I believe they all do that.

In an email touting the ad, Daly also complains that Ellmers "hispanders" to illegal immigrants. You're such a punster, Kim Daly!

Daly also doesn't like an Equal Rights Amendment Ellmer supposedly supported that is "the one lesbians used to burn their bras over."

The solution, according to Daly: Go RINO hunting. That's Republican In Name Only, which is what Republicans who are not extreme right wing wackos are called these days.

So we have a RINO hunt in Daly's campaign ad

You HAVE to watch it:

Cool Video Shows Selfies Teen Took Every Day For Seven Years

One of thousands of selfies this guy took of himself
over more than seven years. It's all now compiled on video.  

Hugo Cornellier of Montreal is either one of the world's biggest narcissists or one of the most patient people with an idea.

Or maybe both.

Every day, from the age of 12 to 20, Cornellier took a selfie. Every. Single Day. For more than seven years. That, by my calculation, is more than 2,500 selfies.

He compiled them all in what is now a viral YouTube hit.

It's fascinating to watch Cornellier turn from a boy to a man.

Watch:

Oklahoma Teacher Thinks 4-Year Old Is Satan Because He Is Left Handed

The smiling kid in this photo is not Satan. But it's possible
he's a little devil at times like most kids.
But his left-handedness does not make him evil.  

Zayde Sands, 4, just started pre-school a couple months back.

Congratulations Zayde!

Not so fast, actually.

Zayde's mom. Alisha Sands learned from a teacher from the school that her child is possibly satanic.

Why?

He's left handed.

According to television station KFOR in Oklahoma City, Zayde came home the other day and was doing a wriing assignment with his right hand.

Which was odd, since his mom said he was always a lefty.

She asked Zayde what was going on, and the kid told his mom the teacher said the left hand was bad.

So, Alisha Sands did what every parent would do. She contacted the school and asked what was going on.

The teacher responded by sending Alish a note with an article that called left-handedness "unlucky" and "evil" and "sinister", KFOR reported. The article also noted, "for example, the devil is often portrayed as left handed."

By the way, the teacher took the article out of context.  The article in question was by Donna D'Alessandro, Professor of Pediatrics at Universioty of Iowa Children's Hospital.

D'Alessandro was just giving the historical context of left handedness. The good doctor was not saying being left handed was bad. Or good for that matter. She was just saying it happens and it's no big deal. Duh!  .

In any event, Alisha Sands was NOT happy with the teacher, that's for sure. "It breaks my heart for him because someone actually belives that, believes my child is evil because he's left handed, it's crazy," she told KFOR.

The mom said went to the superintendent. No luck there. She says the teacher wasn't even punished for this.

KFOR reached out to the school, but the superintendent wasn't in and the principal isn't talking.

So, Alisha Sands has no choice but to disrupt the kid's early education by pulling him out of that school, away from the teacher who says Zayde is evil, and find another school.

Hopefully one in which the teachers aren't nutcases.

Of course, this left hand is evil business might be why evangelicals in particular seem to hate President Obama.

He's a lefty, too.

So not only is he a Kenyan Muslim, he's the devil incarnate and occupying the White House

EEK!!

Personally, I'm right handed, but maybe I'll train myself to be left handed. In solidarity with Zayde. Maybe I'll even use an obscene gesture with my left hand and aim it at the kid's (former) zany teacher.

Obama Forced Justin Bieber, A Former Girl, To Be Transgendered Man

This "pastor" has some interesting theories about Barack
Obama, Justin Bieber and transgenderism.  

One of the more, um, entertaining wackos is at it again.

Last we checked in with Atlah World Missionary Church Pastor Rev. James Manning, he was telling us that Starbucks was putting semen in their lattes from gay people.

Yeah, I know, it's hard to top that, but Manning is trying and he's doing a damn good job at it.

The latest, from Raw Story:

"(Manning) warned recently that President Barack Obama and other leaders were convincing young girls - like pop singer Justin Bieber - to become transgender."

Um, OK. There's a LOT of things I could say about Justin Bieber, and not many of them all that positive. But he's transgender? That's a new one.

Seems we're a little short on details as to why Obama would encourage young girls to become transgender. Or why any doctor would agree to make a very young girl transgender. But we can't let facts or common sense get in the way, can we, Rev. Manning?

Raw Story goes on:

"'We're talking about young girls, six to ten years of age' ....Manning said in a YouTube video.  "They can be led or influenced to cut off their breasts once they get into puberty. They can be led to have operations - like Justin Bieber - they can think that the best choice for their life is to cut off their breasts."

Justin  Bieber, appearing here in a
Calvin Klein underwear ad,
was once a girl but was forced to
become a transgendered man,
says a random wacko.  

Of course, we're only getting one side of the story. Bieber has not stated whether he is a former girl, and none of his friends have done so.  

But Manning is a man of God. He HAS to be telling the truth, right?

Anyway, Manning is going to put a stop to this outrage. That this outrage doesn't exist in the real world, not just in Manning's fantasy world, is really besides the point.

Says Manning:

"I will chase every sodomite, I will chase every lesbo, I will chase every political leader with the power of God, with the chariots of fire.....that these children be not misled by people in congregations and people in business or in politics like Obama that are influencing these children to throw their lives away the way Justin Bieber threw his life away."

Wow, you've got the power of god and the chariots of fire, Rev. Manning? Boy what I love to hang out in your garage when you tinker with all that stuff!

A question, though Um, have we asked Bieber if he thinks he threw his life away? Just askin'.

You can watch the whole YouTube video Manning put together on this subject. It really is something to behold.






  

School Bus Lights Freak Out Religious Woman

A Tennessee woman says she sees signs of Satan
in these school bus brake lights.  

In this year's first classic case of over-reacting, a woman in Tennessee is totally, TOTALLY upset over some brake lights she saw on the back of a school bus.

To her, the lights looked like a pentagram, an upside down star that looked like the sign of the devil.

Is it SATAN?!?!?

No it's just regular school bus brakes lights designed in such a way so that devilishly inattentive motorists see them and don't smash into a bus load of kids.

But this woman is having none of it, says WMC Action News 5 in Tennessee.

"Anyone who fears a God if not God and Jesus Christ should be outraged," said the woman, describing the school bus brake lights.

The woman's over-reaction resulted in a bigger over-reaction. The woman who is afraid of the school bus lights doesn't want her name used in news reports because she's gotten death threats over her comments.

Really?

Actually, I totally believe the woman (about the death threats, not about the Satanic brake lights).

I mean, Jeez! Yeah, the lady is stupid for believing that Satan lives in random school bus brake lights, but does she really deserve the death penalty for being, um, a little eccentric?

I know most of the death threats came from low life Internet trolls who are too physically and mentally weak to actually do the violence, but did the trolls even think of what they were suggesting?

If everybody deserved to die because they said stupid things, then the trolls who issued the fatwa of sorts against School Bus Brake Light Lady deserve to die, too. Actually, if stupid comments deserve the death penalty, practically everyone on the planet would be dead.

Everybody says stupid things, including yours truly.

So let's all have a nice little chuckle over School Bus Brake Light Lady, then we'll hope the designers of school bus brake lights worry more about childrens' safety than imaginary devils in vehicle electronic components.

Then we can move on an nobody dies.

Unless a distracted nut drives into the back of a school bus to kill the devil in the brake lights.

Not The Safest Way To Roast A Marshmallow: Using A Volcano

From Caters News. A guy roasts marshmallows and drinks
a beer on the edge of a volcano. Not too smart, in my opinion.  

It's kind of fun for some people to roast marshmallows over a campfire.

Some people MUST do things differently,  however, so we have a guy on video here who trekked to Vanuatu, way out in the South Pacific, climbed up to the edge of a boiling lava lake on a volcano and roasted marshmallows.

He didn't seem to be wearing protective gear, just shorts and a t-shirt.

And I have to wonder how stable the edge of the cliff he was on. If it broke, he'd go down into the volcano, and let's just say more would be roasted than a marshmallow.

I definitely the guy's smarts and sanity, and I'm not advocating anyone repeat what he's doing.

For what it's worth, though, have a watch. If you're in a particularly chilly part of the world, at least the images of boiling lava might warm you up a bit:

The Devil Made Me Do It. Time To Try A Monster Energy Drink

"Proof" that Monster Energy drinks are an
effort by Satan to control our minds.  

I've never been interested in trying a product called Monster Energy drinks.  

I'm not cool enough for it frankly. I think it's marketed mostly to shredders on skateboards and snowboards. Although I know almost everybody from everywhere drinks the stuff.

Except the woman in a viral video who explains, in excruciating details, that Monster Energy drinks are just an attempt by the Devil to infiltrate wholesome households.

As you watch the amazing video at the bottom of the post, the woman explains the claw-mark rendering of the "M" on the product's logo is actually "666" written in Hebrew.

Snopes, the reliable, impartial rumor debunking Web site, begs to differ about how "666" is written in Hebrew, but what do they know? You expect me to believe facts over an earnest but crazy lady at a Christian gathering?

And, can you be more obvious that this? The catch phrase for Monster Energy drinks, printed on every can is "Unleash the Beast!"

If this is Satan infiltrating us through cans of energy drink, I don't know why he is being so obvious.

Finally, our Satan/energy drink expert says there's a cross in the letter "O" in the Monster logo. You chug the energy drink and the can, and by the cross turn upside down. "Bottoms up, and the devil laughs," the woman concludes.

Apparently, this Satan/Monster Energy drink link has been known for years, but as a public service, our earnest crazy lady has just explained it to the masses.

I have my own conspiracy theory: I suspect the woman in the video was a plant by Monster Beverage Company to advertise their product and it's working, big time.

First of all, the viral video has been seen at least 6 million times as of Thursday morning. And like me, I bet a bunch of people are tempted (by the devil!) to try a Monster Energy drink just to celebrate the delightful woman in the video.

I've given away some details of the woman's talk, but you HAVE to watch the video. She is so smug, sure of herself, so impressed by the breadth of her wisdom.

I have to think that maybe Satan might have infiltrated her mind.

Watch, and you decide:

Stupid Guy Wants To Secede From U.S.; Create Anti-Gay Nation Called Reagan

A bizarre man named Douglas MacKinnon
would carve out a new, conservative country
from the southern U.S. and maybe
call the new nation "Reagan" after his hero.  

I don't know whether to laugh out loud or get deep chills from the idea making the rounds by a guy named Douglas MacKinnon.

He thinks it will be a swell idea of southern states secede from the union and form a new country called "Reagan."

He's got a whole book out on the subject called "The Secessionist States of America: The Blueprint for Creating A Traditional Values Country...Now."

Yes, I know this has been tried before with tragic results, but maybe MacKinnon thinks two times is the charm.

Besides, that little matter called the Civil War in the 1860s was the North's fault, anyway, MacKinnon says, according to Right Wing Watch. 

He said greedy Northerners like President Lincoln "waged an illegal war that was in fact not declared against the South after the South basically did what we're talkin sbout in this book now in terms of peacefully, legally and constitutionally leaving the union."

Yeah, I know. Slavery is such a traditional value.

It's a bit odd that MacKinnon gets his inspiration for his new nation, called Reagan, from Abraham Lincoln, given he was a commie pinko who held the nation together despite the Civil War.

MacKinnon quotes Honest Abe to give his rationale for his new nation. "This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it."

I guess he thinks a good reason to overthrow the government is because not everyone votes Republican like he does.

In MacKinnon's view, the real problem with the current state of affairs is The Gays. It's always The Gays. You can't even discriminate against or insult The Gays anymore without being forced to bake cakes for them or tell the world what great football players, it seems.

MacKinnon's solution is to secede and form a country where it's OK to Hate The Gays. That'll teach 'em!

To form his new country of Reagan, MacKinnon would start with the supposedly conservative strong holds of South Carolina, Georgia and Florida.

You'd think he'd include Texas, but probably not, he says,  because of all those icky brown people from Mexico coming over the border. Traditional values are white, not Hispanic, you understand.

I'm not sure what he'd do with South Beach in Florida, what with all those hideous Gays, Hispanics and Liberals. And aren't there gay bars in Atlanta? What would he do with those?  

There hasn't been uniform praise for MacKinnon's book on Amazon's customer review page.

Here's a bit of sarcasm  from somebody calling himself "Better Than Jesus," pretending to be a big fan of MacKinnon and his book: 

"As a frothing desperate, impotent, fat self-righteous 40 year old infant with a world view so simplistic it might as well have been drawn in crayon, I am constantly on the lookout for shrieking noise that confirms the divisive lunacy on which I base my sense of self.

I felt the first stirrings of an ideological erection when I read about how climate change is a communist conspiracy, and even gained some small sense of priapic emotion from wallowing in contrived paranoid fantasies about black presidents and birth certificates, but have never been able to truly achieve the climax of faux-conservative gibbering that I, and my wife-sister craved."

MacKinnon said he worked with people from Special Ops, intelligence, the military and constitutional law to gather information for his book. 

Which makes me wonder if MacKinnon wants to start some type of war to get his dream country of Reagan. This is where I spit out my Diet Coke, stop laughing at him and get my little chill.

Have you read Margaret Atwood's scary 1998 novel "The Handmaid's Tale"? It's about a future ultra conservative nation carved out from America through a civil war. In it, women are used just as vessels to create children, and to serve the household. The book explores all kinds of other extreme right wing fantasies, kind of like MacKinnon's dreaming up.

So yea, MacKinnon is a lunatic, and his proposal won't go anywhere. But to think there are quite a few people out there who agree with him is unsettling to say the least. 

Sadly, SNL Alum/Tea Party Crazy Victoria Jackson Won't Be Williamson County Commissioner

Sadly, Victoria Jackson will not become Williamson
County, Tennessee Commissioner.  

Sad news out of Tennessee last week when we learned Victoria Jackson will not become a county commissioner in Williamson County.   

Instead, two definitely conservative, but rather sane incumbents won re-election. That's no fun!

Jackson, after a short, mystifying stint on Saturday Night Live several years back, has become an, um, colorful political activist.

And her sense of style! You can see it in the photo that accompanies this post.

I think where she got hung up is she was the nuts and bolts of the important job of Williamson County Commissioner. When she was asked how she would manage traffic congestion in the county, she said she opposed Common Core and Agenda 21, which are apparently socialist/communist assaults against the fine citizens of America. 

Common Core is a controversial, but fairly dense federal education policy. Agenda 21 is a bland, voluntary United Nations policy on sustainable development.

But Jackson says they're plots to take away all of our freedoms, so what do I know?

Jackson warned the fine citizens of Williamson County that the evil Agenda 21 was on their doorstep.  There are proposals to build a bike path or two in the county, which is Agenda 21's insidious first step to take away everybody's private property. Or something like that.

Jackson does have unique opinions. Here's a partial summary from the Oh No They Didn't blog:

"She has strummed a ukulele while harmonizing Muslims 'like beheadings and pedophile weddings.' Even Bill O'Reilly laughed at her when she compared Barack Obama to 'Castro in Cuba or the guy in China, or Saddam Hussein.' She has declared, in a protest of a gay kiss on Glee, that homosexual children need to "pray the gay away' amd that there's a spiritual war in America.'"  

Well, then. I guess Jackson won't lead Williamson County in praying the gay away or protesting Muslim weddings with her ukulele.

That's a good thing, but still, the spectacle of Jackson being in public office would have been a lot funnier than anything Saturday Night Live ever produced. Wouldn't it be great if Jackson and Sarah Palin teamed up? I think Jackson should be a regular on Palin's TV network. 

Jackson's political career is short circuited for now, but her classic campaign ads live on. They're such fine pieces of art.

You have to watch it over and over. The guy in the "Nashville Tea Party" t-shirt waving the American flag definitely adds to this film classic:

Crazy Guy With Crazy Radio Show Says Obama Luring Kids From Central America as Child Soldiers

At least Alex Jones' conspiracy theories are entertaining  

There's a lot of theories and opinions about how President Obama is handling the flood of kids coming from Central America, and causing a refugee crisis in the U.S.

The most novel theory is that Obama is recruiting these kids as child soldiers who will take our guns and freedom away.

Um, right.

The guy who gives us this is Alex Jones, somebody I'm usually loathe to give attention to. 

He's usually given to telling us that the government is causing weather disasters to control us. and that awful things like the 9/11 attacks and the Boston Marathon bombing were "false flag" operations conducted by the U.S government to take our rights away, or something.

But his latest theory is so over the top I couldn't resist repeating it, just for laughs and giggles.

According to Jones, his buddy William Gheen,  Obama is recruiting all these kids from Central America and when they get here, he gives them Obamacare and Obamaphones, whatever those are.

That ingratiates them to Obama, and lets him build up a secret child army, like some tin pot African dictator. This army of vicious children will take all our guns and freedoms away.

Of course, I doubt even Jones believes this wacko theory, or many of the others on his scary Web site, infowars.com

As Salon noted not long ago, Jones peddles these ideas to a gullible audience and makes bundles of money from the enterprise. He's a conspiracy entrepreneur

The only really scary part for me, is how many people read and watch Jones just to laugh at the conspiracies, and home many people actually believe every word Jones says?

Jesus Coming Back To Earth Armed With AR-15 Assault Rifle, Says Crazy Ex-General

Retired Lt. Gen. William G. Boykin certain has the most interesting theological idea I've heard recently.

Jesus is coming after you heathens with an AR-15 assault
rifle, says retired Lt. Gen. William Boykin.  

It turns out the Second Coming of Christ is going to be kind of a shock and awe kind of thing, Boykin said.

According to Right Wing Watch, Boykin says Jesus will come armed with an AR-15 assault rifle, apparently to slay us heathens who mock statements like Boykin's.

Said Boykin, at a pro-family legislator's breakfast last fall, according to Right Wing Watch:

"The Lord is a warrior and in Revelation 19 it says when he comes back, he's coming back as what? A warrior. A mighty warrior leading a mighty army, riding a white horse with a blood-stained white robe....I believe that blood on that robe is the blood of his enemies 'cause he's coming back as a warrior carrying a sword.

And I believe now --I've checked this out -- I believe the sword he'll be carrying when he comes back is an AR-15."

Well, then.

This sounds like it's straight out of the pages or the Web site of The Onion or Daily Currant. I wish it was, since it does make me worry that a former U.S. military leader is this crazy.

Although Right Wing Watch does have a political agenda, they usually are pretty good at just finding these kinds of statements and quoting them verbatim.

I hope Boykin wasn't this bad before he retired. At least he's entertaining, I'll give him that.

Gawd this is delicious. Praise Jesus for giving us entertaining crazies like Boykin.

Add some blood to his robes
and this is pretty much how
you will see Jesus during the
Second Coming, Boykin says.  

Boykin goes on to say that the Second Amendment, Americans' right to bear arms comes fromo the Constitution, thought up by the Founding Fathers.

OK, totally true and reasonable, for once. Go on, Mr. Boykin:

"But where did the whole concept come from? It came from Jesus when he said to his disciples 'now, if you don't have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one.'

I know everybody says it was a metaphor. IT WAS NOT A METAPHOR! He was saying in building my kingdom, you're going to have to fight at times. You won't build my kingdom with a sword, but you're going to have to defend yourself. And that was the beginning of the Second Amendment, that's where the whole thing came from."

"And the sword today is an AR-15, so if you don't have one, go get one. You're supposed to have one. It's Biblical."

AR-15s were in the Bible? I don't recall ever seeing such references. Swords, yes, but assault rifles?

Maybe this is blasphemy, but I don't buy the idea that AR-15s are Biblical. They do seem like pretty handy assault rifles, if you're into that sort of thing, but I'm not sure spraying bullets from this thing around the neighborhood is a religious experience.

But then, to a few gun enthusiasts, any time you shoot a gun is a religious experience.

Boykin sure is going to hate me, because I'm not going to sell my cloak and use the proceeds to buy an AR-15.   It's supposed to be really cold next week, and my cloak, which is really a very nice light weight but toasty warm down parka, is very comfortable and I don't want to give it up.

So much for the warrior mentality.

Plus, would you really trust me with an AR-15?  Put it this way, when I water the flowers in the summer using a garden hose, I'm the one that gets wet, not the peonies. So imagine what I'd do with an AR-15.

Besides, I don't think a Warrior Jesus would waste his time with any stinking flowers, do you?

I know God is all powerful, and I guess by extension so is Jesus.  But you'd want the Second Coming of Christ to be somewhat welcoming, wouldn't you?  I don't know how well a wild-eyed guy in bloodstained flowing white robs wielding an AR-15 blasting his way down the street would be received.

Boykin also doesn't make clear exactly who Warrior Jesus is fighting. Maybe he'll clear that up in his next insane speech.

Oklahoma Lawmaker Says He Found Way To Stop Gay Marriage: Just Ban All Marriages

Some people just hate the idea of same sex marriage, and are getting more and more alarmed as more states and more countries make these unions legal.

Mike Turner, an Oklahoma state legislator,
said he'd like to ban all marriages as a way
to prevent gay marriages.  

One of the people who doesn't like gay marriage is Mike Turner, a state legislator in Oklahoma.

As courts and legislatures and voters approve gay marriage in other states, Turner says he's found a way to prevent any gay marriages from taking place in Oklahoma.

Turner says he'd just ban all marriages. 

Turner, and other Oklahoma opponents of same sex marriage are in a bit of a tizzy because a federal judge recently invalidated Oklahoma's constitutional amendment banning such marriages.

The judge cited the U.S. Supreme Court's June decision that held the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional.

DOMA was basically a federal ban on same sex marriages. The decision on the Oklahoma marriage situation is under appeal.

The gay marriage ban in Oklahoma remains in place while the court case is under appeal.

Of course, if you thought the nation's current mishmash of laws either approving of or banning same sex marriage makes for confusing case law, imagine what Turners' ban on all marriages would do.

Like everywhere, Oklahoma has a huge number of married couples. Do they all have to get a divorce?  Would one spouse have to move out of the house? Where would they go? That would surely create a boom in new housing construction!

Or if the overall marriage ban went into effect, would couples just have to live together, in SIN?!!? After all, if they're not married, they're cohabitating. I don't know how well that would go in conservative, religious Oklahoma.

And here's a problem common to both mixed gender and same sex marriages. If someone gets married in a state where marriage is legal, then moves to Oklahoma, what happens to the marriage? Nullified? What?

Of course, people could still get married in Oklahoma under Turner's insane idea, but it wouldn't be state sanctioned.  So is that a real marriage or not?

Maybe Turner and his ilk should just calm down. In states where same sex marriage is legal, the sky didn't fall and it won't in Oklahoma (At least not more than usual, given all the tornadoes and storms they get in Oklahama)

It also seems same sex marriage hasn't ruined all other marriages despite the hysteria I've heard for years from opponents. If Turner doesn't like gay marriage, then he shouldn't get gay married.

If he doesn't like gay marriage, he's free to say so.  He sounds like he's a church kind of guy. So let's wait until Judgement Day to decide who's right.