Some 2019 Compilations To Celebrate The First Day Of 2020

Welcome to 2020, and say goodbye to 2019.

As is the case every year, there's all kinds of compilation videos to say so long to the year just past.

They are wonderful time wasters if you are having a quiet New Years Day or are nursing a hangover or whatever.

So, without further ado, here's a few of those time wasters.

The first one just has a hodgepodge of odd moments and such from the year.  It's all over the place, just like the entire year was:



There's one or two repeats of the above video in this next one. But it's still worth watching to prove that other people had a worse 2019 than you did:



If you weren't feeling it at work in 2019, it could have been worse. Here you go!



Finally, on a good note, here's a compilation from 2019 of people (and some animals) doing things better than you can.  Much better. The very last clip in this long compilation is one of my favorites, and certainly the most moving. Happy New Year!

Old Video Shows Stupid Idea: Big Cleveland Balloonfest Of 1986

Zillions of balloons rain down on
Cleveland during a 1986 ill-fated
attempt at a Guiness Book of World
Record attempt

The Atlantic recently featured a short film about a long forgotten, failed attempt at a Guinness Book of World Record balloon launch.

The city of Cleveland launched 1.5 million helium filled balloons. It looked spectacular, but the end result was kind of like that famous Thanksgiving turkey scene from the 1970s show "WKRP In Cincinnati." (In that episode, the radio station inadvertently bombarded Cincinnati with turkeys, with hilariously messy results.

Cleveland should have known that kind of fiction would come to life with their balloon launch. And unlike the sitcom, the result was not hilarious at all.

Hundreds of thousands of balloons littered the city and nearby Lake Erie.  The balloons weren't biodegradable, so they made a mess and an environmental hazard.

Worse, all the balloons interfered with a search and rescue mission on Lake Erie for two missing fishermen. There's no way they could be found amid all those balloons floating in the water.

Here's the short film on the doomed Cleveland balloon fest:

Wacko Kenyan "Moral Leader" Appalled By Gay Lion Sex

Paul Goldstein's photo of two male lions in a romantic
embrace has freaked out Kenya's film censor.

So a guy named Paul Goldstein took a picture of two male lions in Kenya seemingly having sex, and a Kenyan "moral leader" said human gay people must have taught the lions to do that.

Yes, I know the crazy train runs all over the world, doesn't it?

According to the New York Daily News, Ezekiel Mutua the head of Kenya's Film Classification Board has this theory:

"These animals need counseling, because probably they have been influenced by gays who have gone to the national parks and behaved badly."

Mutua  said the lions must have seen two gay guys going at it, and decided to copy the feat.

I guess that puts new meaning into the term "lion tamer."

Mutua, who clearly does not know much about wildlife (there often are same gender encounters among animals) marveled:

"I mean where on earth have you heard something like this happening. The demonic spirits inflicting in humans seem to have now caught up with animals."

Or the demonic spirits have infected people so badly that they freak out over everything that suggests anything gay.

Mutua, who I mentioned  heads the Film Classification Board, is also freaking out about gay themes in movies, no matter how benign.

His agency banned Disney's "Andi Mack" because the show added a gay character. "Any attempt to introduce gay programming in Kenya will be met with the full force of the law," Mutua said.

I guess Mutua never go to Kenya being a gay guy myself. Even if I promise not to teach lions how to have gay sex. Lions just aren't my type anyway.

Install A New Roof, Get An AR-15

This guy owns a roofing company and, if you live
in Alabama, will give you a free AR-15 if you
let his company replace your roof.

My house needs a new roof and we've been talking with roofers about styles, costs, bids, etc.

Strangely, not one of these roofers has offered us an AR-15 if we go with them.

It would be different, apparently, if we lived in Alabama.

A strange ad has gone batshit viral in which a hot looking redneck guy who owns Digital Roofing Innovations offers up the gun in his ad.

Undercutting his macho, hillbilly image is the tiny star-patterened short shorts he's wearing. I'll admit that though the ad is painful to watch,  the guy in the ad, Zack Blenkinsopp has a physique that's easy on the eyes.

You can watch the ad at the bottom of this post. In it, he gets out of a car, demands a beer, he opens the can and it suds all over his face. Then he gives back the can to someone off camera and demands the empty not be recycled because "recycling's stupid."

Then he calls "rifle" and catches the AR-15, and offers his pitch for the free rifle if you get a roof job from his outfit.

"Some of you might be sittng there saying, 'Man this sounds like a gimmick.' A gimmick, you say? Well, I'm a gosh darn Navy veteran, active duty eight and a half years. My roofing company's not a gimmick and this baby's not either. It's here to protect you and your family."

"Donald Trump says make America great again. I say make America gun again. MAGA!" 

Well, OK. I guess it would be fine to have the AR-15 to, I don't know, prevent someone from stealing your brand new roof.

Everybody is rolling their eyes at this ad, but I'm sure Blenkinsopp is having the last laugh. According to Al.com,  Blenkinsopp has a digital marketing background. He put the ad on Facebook, and pretty soon the thing went totally viral, so it seems he knew what he was doing.

Blenkinsopp assured Al.com that although he's all rednecky in the ad, but he and his business partner are are well-traveled, educated guys who have open minds.

For those of you just dying for an AR-15 if you get a roof job, the promotion is only available to Alabama residents. But if you don't want an AR-15, they'll instead give you a pistol, a hunting rifle, or a gift card to an indoor range.

And by the way, you have to go through all the hoops to get the guns legally. The roofing company will give you a voucher, then you take the voucher and go to a gun store. That way you get your AR-15 legally.

Here's the ad:

Some People Are Too Enthusiastic About Technology, Get Themselves "Chipped"

Dude with a microchip to e implanted in humans, for
convenience, I guess. But what about privacy?

One of the better inventions that's been around for awhile is those little microchips we had implanted in our dogs Jackson and Tonks.

If they get lost, and somebody finds them and brings them to a vet or an animal shelter, they'll get scanned, and they'll figure out where they live.

It's peace of mind.

It would be super easy to translate that technology into humans, since it's basically the same, painless and safe from a health standpoint.

But would you really want to give somebody else the ability to track you.

A surprising number of people are saying Yes.

As the Associated Press reported, employees at a Swedish startup called Epicenter are voluntarihly being "chipped."

Microchips the size of grains of rice are being injected into their hands, and they function as swipe cards, can open doors, operate printers and buy smoothies at the wave of a hand, reports the Associated Press.

Sounds convenient!

But I'd rather just hand over cash for a smoothie than do that.

I'll let the Associated Press explain why: "......As with most new technologies, it raises security and privacy issues. While biologically safe, the data generated by the chips can show how often an employee comes to work or what they buy. Unlike compay swipe cards or smartphones, which can generate the same data, a person cannot easily separate themselves from the chip."

What if we get to a point where employers require you to be chipped. It's appropriate obviously, for your supervisors to monitor you and your job performance at work, but this would enable them to watch your every move when you're off the clock, too.

And what if the chips are hacked?   What would hackers do with this information? There's a lot there. They'd know when you're at work, when you're not home, and pretty much what you're doing and how you're doing it pretty much all the time.

Still, some people are enthusiastic about being microchipped, so maybe I'm missing something. But I doubt it.

At Epicenter, the business the Associated Press highlighted, some employees are enthusiastic. One, Fredric Kaijser, who has one of those weird tech job titles - chief experience officer - is blithe about his microchip and privacy.

He said people who learn that he has a microchip "get all excited about privacy issues and what that means and so forth. And for me it's just a matter of I like to try new things an just see it as more of an enabler and what that would bring into the future."

I guess newness trumps everything else.

I think I'll wait and take a pass for now on this Great New Thing.

Heroic Rescue Of Baby From Hot Car, But......

"Ainsley" an incredibly lifelike
doll. A police officer broke a
car window to rescue an infant from
a hot car only to discover it was Ainsley the doll. 

Everybody did the right thing.

A woman in a Walmart parking lot in Keene, New Hampshire recently saw what looked like a baby locked inside a hot car on a scorching summer day.

Keene police arrived on the scene, and Lt. Jason Short saw the kid in a child car seat, says television station WMUR. 

"It was draped with a light blanket, and I could see little feet with the no-sole shoes and a bottle of milk," Short sakd.

So Short broke out a car window to rescue the baby. The kid appeared to be lifeless, so the officer tried to revive the kid. He began CPR.

That's when he realized what was going on. It was a doll. An incredibly life-like doll.

Says WMUR:

"The doll was a 'reborn doll,' manufacture to look exactly like a baby. Most reborn dolls cost a few hundred dollars, but this doll was valued at over $2,000."

The back story is almost as sad as a baby being left in a hot car to die.

The doll belongs to a Brattleboro, Vermont woman who collects these life-like dolls to cope with the death o her son years ago.

In a statement to the TV station, the woman said, "I've been laughed at and embarrassed by all the fuss. You can't know bow people choose to deal with their losses in life."

Very true. This was one of those cases where everybody did the right thing, but it still turned out weird.

The woman who called the cops, the cop who broke the window, and the woman trying to cope with her grief all did what we would expect and want people to do.

Still, it's an odd and sad story.

For the record, Keene Police said they would pay to repair the woman's car window.

If you do see a baby in a hot car, even if you don't know whether it's fake, call the cops anyway. Better safe than sorry.

Texas Wants To Execute A Guy Who Didn't Kill Anybody

Texas wants to execute this guy, even though
everyone agrees he never murdered anyone.  

UPDATE:

A Texas appeals court has halted the execution of Lee Wood.

According to Reuters:

"It its decision, the appeals court asked a lower court to review his sentence and claims from Wood's lawyer that it was obtained in violation of due process because it was based on false testimony and false scientifice evidence."

That's a reference to the psychiatrist I reference in the previous discussion, below.

The psych doc never directly examined Wood, and had a reputation as "Dr Death" for always seeming to argue for the death penalty when called by prosecutors to testify.

The doc was kicked out of the American Psychiatric Association for the ethical violation of making diagnoses of capital murder defendents without examining them first, says Reuters.  

I'm sure some people in Texas are mad because they can't just kill anyone they want because they liked false testimony, but kudos to the appeals court for this moment of sanity.

PREVIOUS DISCUSSION:

I guess there's still a tough on crime crowd out there, judging from the way Texas is handling things these days.

They're about to execute a guy. They do that all the time in Texas. Normally, you have to commit murder to enjoy the death accommodations of the Lone Star State.

Now, though, they're offing a guy who didn't kill anyone. He was just near another guy who did.

According to the Washington Post, Jeffrey Lee Wood is to be executed on August 24 because he was sitting in a pickup truck back in 1996 while his buddy, Daniel Reneau went inside a Texaco convenience store and shot a 22 year old clerk to death.

Wood was the getaway driver, but it's unclear if he even knew Reneau had a gun with him, much less whether he was going to kill somebody.

Yeah, Wood was culpable. He was in on the idea to rob the store. So he definitely deserved to get locked up. But doesn't the death penalty seem a teensy bit harsh here, given the fact he wasn't the triggerman.

And given the fact that Wood has a low IQ,  And given the fact a psychiatrist hired by the prosecution said he would be violent again -- but it turned out the psych doc didn't examine Wood, and was always hired by prosecutors to say how awful defendents were, and the American Psychiatric Association kicked the doc out a couple years later for professional incompetence, says the Washington Post. 

Naturally, Texas prosecutors aren't saying anything, citing pending litigation in the case. That's always the excuse when some officials doesn't want to answer for something scummy they did because that would just add unwanted publicity to the case.

Some Texas lawmakers have tried to change the law that allows for accomplices who don't actually do the murdering to get executed anyway. But you know those law and order types.

Makes me afraid to go to Texas. They take guilt by association seriously down there, don't they? If I just look the other way when a jaywalker does his deed, to I get locked up for not reporting it?

I exaggerate. But when they say don't mess with Texas, they mean it in weird, immoral ways sometimes.

Chutzpah: Old Woman Alters Artwork, Now Wants Copywright On It For "Improvments"

An elderly woman "improve" a piece of artwork'
depicting a crossword puzzle and now shes'
claiming copywright control over it.  

The Nuremberg, Germany Neuse Museum recently had on loan a piece of artwork by 20th century artist Arthur Kopcke that depicts a crossword puzzle.

A 90-year old woman, identified only as Hannelore K. visited the gallery and started filling in the crossword puzzle on the artpiece becuase it bore the phrases "insert words" and "so it suits."

OK, I get it that a 90 year old woman might get confused a bit and not realize she's not supposed to touch the artwork in a museum.

So far, she hasn't gotten in trouble, though police are investigating her. The museum went to work restoring the artwork to its original condition. The piece had an estimated value of $90,000

However, according to Ars Technica, Hannelore lawyered up and, in a demonstration of pretty huge chutzpah, is now claiming copywright control over Kopcke's piece.

Hannelore's lawyer said she increased the value of the work by bringing the relatively unknown Kopcke to the attention of the public. And her "invigorating re-working," as the lawyer put it, of the exhibit increased its worth.

With that, the lawyer summed up, Hannelore now owns the copywright to the work, since she "improved" it.

Hannelor could technically, in theory,  have the backing, sort of, of the original artist. Ars Technica says that Kopcke was part of an art movement called Fluxus, which stated that museums really didn't have the authority to determine the value of art, and Fluxus art involved the viewer.

Hannelor certainly involved herself in the artwork.

Should I start going to musuems and "improving" artwork? Put a mustache on Mona Lisa? Make the subject of "The Scream" seem happier?

I could make a lot of money doing this, huh?

Gays And Lesbians Should Not Have Birthdays, Ohio Baker Decrees

Wedding cakes have become the odd cliche and the meme in the ongoing battle between members of the LGBT community and so called religious bakers who don't want to make wedding cakes for said couples, lest that be conscrued as endorsing gay marriage.

The law generally comes down on the side of "bake the damn cake,"  because bakeries are public businesses and accommodations.

Generally speaking, you can't refuse to bake a cake because the couple is black, so by extension, you can't deny the gay couple.

Of course, if I were to re-do my wedding day, I wouldn't want someone who hates me and my marriage to bake the cake. (Luckily, my 2012 wedding ceremony to Jeff was perfect, and so there's no need for a do-over.)

Still, the law isn't completely settled and the War Of The Gay Wedding Cakes drags on.

An Ohio baker has managed to take this one step further and decided not to bake a birthday cake for a lesbian because of her sexual orientation. Her "religious" objections to baking the cake were downright creepy.

We're talking a simple birthday cake here, not a wedding cake.

Candace Lowe of the Toledo, Ohio area is a newlywed whose new wife had a birthday just two weeks after their lovely wedding.  She decided to surprise her wife with a nice treat from Take The Cake bakery in Toledo, says television station WTVG in Toledo.

Lowe ordered the cake from the bakery without mentioning her sexual orientation. Why would she?  Pretty much nobody announces such personal information when they stop by a store to purchase something.

Most shopkeepers figure a customer has come into the shop and wants to give him money, so what the hell, treat the guy or gal nicely.

The owner of Take The Cake bakery then did something strange once Lowe left the store. She looked up Lowe on Facebook.

Now, that's weird. Why would a store owner  take the time to stalk somebody on Facebook? You'd think she would just get busy baking the cake or helping other customers.

So we've come to this. Some people object to background checks on people wanting to buy guns. Here we have a background check on somebody wanting to buy a birthday cake.

Weird.

Anyway, lo and behold on Facebook, there was Lowe, smiling in photographs of her recent wedding to her wife.

Uh-Oh.

The bakery owner send Lowe a text, in a very cutesy childlike font that said: "I'm sorry. I just realized your (sic) in a same-sex relationship and we do not do cakes for same-sex weddings or parties.... I'm so sorry I just wasn't aware of this exactly until I saw your page. Take care:)"

Yes, the baker put a smiley face emoticon at the end of her bizarre, hateful text message.  That'll make everything OK, right?

Uh, no.

Lowe, undestandably upset, posted the message from the bakery on her Facebook page. It went viral, naturally. WTVG picked up the story and people around the world saw the weird story of the baker who wouldn't make a birthday cake for a lesbian.

Dan Savage, the writer, sex advisor and gay activist, had this good nugget to say about so called Christians who would agree with our Toledo baker:

"But it's not just our weddings they object to - it's our existence. Refusing to bake a cake for a same-sex wedding says, 'I don't think you people should be able to celebrate or solemnize your relationship because same-sex marriage is a sin.'

Refusing to bake a birthcake for a lesbian says 'I don't think your birth is something to celebrate because the world would be better off if you didn't exist.'"

This whole mess in Toledo will play out just like all the other disputes over gay wedding cakes and gay marriage licenses vs. evangelicals play out.

The owner of Take the Cake will get death threats. I never understand why people do that. Like sending a death threat will actually help the situation. Others will boycott the bakery, which is certainly a more understandable reaction.

Religious conservatives will howl in protest, saying we're taking away Christians' right to be Christian. (I guess refusing to bake a cake is a very Christian thing to do, and never mind nobody is taking away anybody's right to think gay people are awful.)

The religious right will probably launch a GoFundMe campaign to keep the bakery afloat, since so many people aren't shopping there anymore

The bakery's Facebook page is already chock full of people objecting to the owner's bigotry.

Then the whole thing will fade away and this little kerfuffle will be forgotten.

It probably should be forgotten eventually. But it's still a nice illustration of the bizarre lengths some people in society will go to practice their bigoted lifestyles and mindsets.

Drone Smacks Guy In Head After Crashing Through Window, Then He Experiences Social Media Weirdness

Dan Perel's office window after a drone accidentally
flew through it and clonked him on the head.  

Earlier this year, Dan Perel was minding his own business on the fifth floor of a Cape Town, South Africa office building when a drone crashed through the window and smacked him in the head.

He wasn't badly hurt and downloaded the video the drone was taking using an attached GoPro.

The video went viral and Perel got a lesson in social media and trolls that was much more painful than getting clonked on the head by a drone.

Writing in Medium, he said he was attacked from all sides for supposedly faking the video to gain money and fame and all that. And maybe to hate on drones.

I understand the suspicion. If you believe everything you see on the internet,  have I got a wealthy Nigerian for you who could make you rich!

A lot of videos and such that go viral later turn out to be fakes.

This drone one seems legit, though. Perel says he made little money off the video, and the amount of vitriol he got online was stunning.

"To this day I am still dumbfounded by the reaction. Why would I go to such great lengths to CGI a fake video of a drone crashing into my head?"

Well, people have done stranger things than that, but I get Perel's point. It does seem like an awful lot of effort to go through to get yourself some fame.

It's well worth reading his essay in Medium before pursuing internet fame and fortune, or just getting a viral video out there.

Here's the drone's view of it crashing through the window and hitting Perel that started this whole thing:

An Easter Holiday Performance LIke No Other. Spoiler Alert- Scary!

An Easter tragedy unfolded years ago on the
Lawrence Welk show 

Kudos to the Kitsch Bitsch for alerting us to this.

We have here an old clip from the Lawrence Welk show in which they were celebrating Easter one year. It featured pianist Jo Ann Castle doing an Easter ragtime.

But really, is its the stuff of nightmares. Are you scared of adult sized Easter bunnies like I am? Then this will frighten the pants off you.

Happy Easter to you, too!

Woman Thinks That Driving With 15-Foot Tall Tree Embedded In Front Bumper No Big Deal

The Roselle, Illinois police department took these
evidence photos of a car they stopped because
it was driving down the road with a tree embedded
in the vehicle's grille. 

I admit I'm not always the most attentive driver.

I'm good most of the time out on the road, but every once in awhile, I notice a little late that the light has turned red, or the car in front of me has stopped. I always notice in time, so there's been no mishaps.

However, I am an attentive enough driver, I'm sure, that I would notice if there were a 15 foot tall tree embedded in the front of my truck as I cruise down the road.

I mention this because apparently, a woman in Illinois this winter did NOT notice the 15 foot tall tree embedded in the front grill of her 2004 Lincoln as she cruised down the fine roadways of Roselle, Illinois back in January, says the Chicago Tribune. 

We all found out about this because the Roselle Police Department, in a pleasant, welcome fit of public outreach, decided to post the incident on their Facebook page recently.

I don't know if Roselle Police caught the emotion of the moment in their Facebook post, but you get the idea: "Stopped for driving with a large tree embedded in the front grille," the report said.

To be fair to Maryann Christy, of Schaumburg, Illlinois, who was driving the treed Lincoln, we don't know if the tree was actually 15 feet tall. "We didn't stand there and measure it, but it was a big tree," Roselle Deputy Chief Roman Tarchala told the Chicago Tribune.

OK, it might have only been 14 feet tall, for all we know. My bad.

A motorist who saw the car being driven with the tree attached called police. It's widely reported that Roselle Police did not have much trouble finding the car and the tree driving throught Roselle and quickly made the traffic stop.

You can see in the helpful Roselle Police dash cam video at the bottom of this post that the officer who stopped Christy and her tree looked rather nonplussed. You can almost see the thought bubble over his head: "I don't make enough money to deal with stuff like this."

I also noticed just before the police car came to a stop that the officer was playing Elton John's "I'm Still Standing" on the radio. Was that a tribute to the tree on the Lincoln?

Christy told police that she struck the tree somewhere in her hometown of Schaumburg, which is right next to Roselle, but didn't know exactly where, the Tribune reports.

I'll let the Tribune pick up the rest of the story. Boy, will you be surprised, or not:

"Officers said the woman smelled of alcohol and failed field sobriety tests. She was cited for driving under the influence, police said."

Really?!?

She's due in court April 15.

That would be the perfect time to go out to Illinois to enjoy Christy's court arraignment, and take advantage of the springtime warmth to plant a needed new tree in Schaumburg, Illinois.

Here's the dash cam video from Roselle Police:

Before Last Night's Arrest, The Oregon Militia Standoff Gets Sumo Weirder.

Before that stupid Oregon standoff took a more
serious turn last night, this guy challenged New
Jersey Gov. Chris Christie to a sumo match over
the matter, proving how weird the whole incident
has been getting. 

Last night, the standoff at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon by those weird militia guys got more serious, with one of them killed and seven others arrested, apparently as they made their way to some sort of community meeting they called.

The deceased guy is apparently LaVoy Finicum, the de facto spokesman for the militants. Their ringleader, Ammon Bundy, was one of those arrested, we hear. 

I don't know if this the end of the takeover of the wildlife refuge by these wannabe revolutionaries, who apparently think the US of A belongs to these rednecky white guys and nobody else.

There are still some of them holed up at the refuge, and at last report, it was unclear what would happen next.

The whole thing has kept taking stranger and stranger turns anyway.

Now a warning, don't watch the video at the bottom of this post if you're eating or particularly squeamish. More on that in a moment.

Despite the increasing seriousness of the Oregon situatio, I can't resist this little gem.

One of those odd militia guys who took over that wildlife refuge in Oregon has a challenge for New Jersey Governor and Republican Presidential Candidate Chris Christie.

Boy, is it a challenge!

Chris Christie is apparently unimpressed with this band of so-called "Patriots" that took over that Malheur National Wildlife Preserve in Oregon,

The wannabe frontier guys or whatever in Oregon aren't happy with Christie for not being a wackadoodle who thinks white guys who pretend to be soldiers and frontiersmen so they can use publicly owned land only for themselves at the exclusion of the rest of American taxpayers who also own the land.

Enter Kelly Gneiting with a video, and it's quite a video, as Raw Story and many other media outlets report.

As we see in our video, Gneiting is a big, BIG man, pretty much naked except for one of those sumo wrestler loincloth outfits. He challenges Christie to a sumo wrestling match that would determine the outcome of the Oregon wackos' millitants' occupation.

I guess the "logic" as it were, is that Christie is a big guy himself, so we'll do a sumo match to settle the matter. I suppose Gneiting figures a sumo match is a better way to settle a difference of opinion, then, say, debating the issue.

In the video, Gneiting claims to be Christie's brother. He wants Chrisite to "throw on a diaper" and "go to war over the Constitution."

Why do I suspect that Christie is not going to do that?

After jokingly claiming he rolled "his brother Christie" down the stairs in a sleeping bag, Gneiting made this offer:

"Bring that big 'ol belly over here, and let's' slap bellies...."

(Editor's note: EWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!)

Gneiting goes on:

"......I'm talking about 10 bouts - you win one of out those 10 and me and these other good, constitutional folk - I'm going to make them sumo wrestlers too -- all these good, constitutional folk, we'll disperse. But if I win all 10, I get to roll you down the stairs in that sleeping bag again. Woo-hoo, little Chrissy!!!'

Oookay!

Given the very unfortunate death and the somewhat more fortunate arrests last night,  and the fact that Christie has at least a minimum of common sense, I don't anticipate writing a follow up post detailing the highlights of the would-be Christie-Gneiting sumo match.

Because of course it won't happen.

So all we have is Gneiting, in his classic sumo video, inviting Christie to the match.

Watch if you dare:

Wildly Crazy "Lyssue Paper" Will Solve Your Last Minute Christmas Gift Crisis

This gal named Lyssue Paper will help
you with your last minute Christmas gifts. Beware!! 

I really hope the video in this post is just a parody, a joke aimed at all those do it yourself videos out there.

I'm 99.9 percent sure this is just comedy, but if not, I'm really, really scared of the woman in the video you 'll see below.

Her name is Lyssue Paper, and she's obsessed with tissue paper. She'll make anything under the sun out of this stuff.

Including, Christmas sweaters!

So just watch the video carefully, and you will wow your family and friends with gorgeous tissue paper sweaters, made by you!

I love the wild look in her eyes as she guides you through the process.

H/T to boingboing for alerting me to this.

Watch:

A Strange Barbie Moment In The Russian Military

Are these Russian Barbie Girls? Find out!  

When marching, military units will often have a big macho chant to accompany their parade around the base.

Sometimes they get weird, though. A group of soldiers in Russia a few years ago had a Barbie moment, given their chant of the awful 1997 novelty song "Barbie Girl" by Aqua.

So we hear the big bad bear Russian army unit marching and chanting:  "I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world. Life in plastic, it's fantastic! You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere....."

Uh, yeah.

The video was uploaded to YouTube in 2012, but seems to have gotten more viral life lately.

Join the Army! Because life in plastic is fantastic! Or something.

Watch and cringe:

Let's Make Appliances, Tires, Etc. Self Destruct, Just For Fun

Apparently, making washing machines self-
destruct is a thing.  

Here's a post for you if you are in a destructive mood and want to get your frustrations out. 


There seems to be a mini-trend on line of putting bricks in operating washing machines or otherwise bolloxing up appliances, cars, other equipment to make them self destruct.

Yeah, I know. People will do anything for kicks.

Yet, it's strangely fun watching this sort of thing:

Oddly, there are TONS of videos on YouTube of people making washing machines self-destruct. Everyone needs a hobby, apparently.

Here's a washing machine gradually falling to pieces. It's surprisingly compelling:



Now, let's set a washing machine on fire and turn it on to see what happens:



Next we have a guy who supposedly does the ultimate tire burnout. Again, not sure why, but it looks dangerous to me. I can picture the gas tank exploding. Don't try this at home, kiddies:

The Devil Made Me Do It. Time To Try A Monster Energy Drink

"Proof" that Monster Energy drinks are an
effort by Satan to control our minds.  

I've never been interested in trying a product called Monster Energy drinks.  

I'm not cool enough for it frankly. I think it's marketed mostly to shredders on skateboards and snowboards. Although I know almost everybody from everywhere drinks the stuff.

Except the woman in a viral video who explains, in excruciating details, that Monster Energy drinks are just an attempt by the Devil to infiltrate wholesome households.

As you watch the amazing video at the bottom of the post, the woman explains the claw-mark rendering of the "M" on the product's logo is actually "666" written in Hebrew.

Snopes, the reliable, impartial rumor debunking Web site, begs to differ about how "666" is written in Hebrew, but what do they know? You expect me to believe facts over an earnest but crazy lady at a Christian gathering?

And, can you be more obvious that this? The catch phrase for Monster Energy drinks, printed on every can is "Unleash the Beast!"

If this is Satan infiltrating us through cans of energy drink, I don't know why he is being so obvious.

Finally, our Satan/energy drink expert says there's a cross in the letter "O" in the Monster logo. You chug the energy drink and the can, and by the cross turn upside down. "Bottoms up, and the devil laughs," the woman concludes.

Apparently, this Satan/Monster Energy drink link has been known for years, but as a public service, our earnest crazy lady has just explained it to the masses.

I have my own conspiracy theory: I suspect the woman in the video was a plant by Monster Beverage Company to advertise their product and it's working, big time.

First of all, the viral video has been seen at least 6 million times as of Thursday morning. And like me, I bet a bunch of people are tempted (by the devil!) to try a Monster Energy drink just to celebrate the delightful woman in the video.

I've given away some details of the woman's talk, but you HAVE to watch the video. She is so smug, sure of herself, so impressed by the breadth of her wisdom.

I have to think that maybe Satan might have infiltrated her mind.

Watch, and you decide:

EMT Voguing Video Might Be Fake, But Fun Anyway

I don't know if the video is fake or not, but this
EMT driver sure seems to be having fun
to the music. Add caption

There's a viral video circulating of an EMT driving an ambulance while voguing to a Rhianna song.

I smell a fake, frankly. It's set up too perfectly, the image is too clear and this kind of thing is not typically released, unless it's associated with some sort of advertisement or prank.

But still, the video is fun, even if it doesn't look like it's safe.

Assuming the EMT doesn't get hurt in the crash he'll surely cause if he keeps up this behavior, somebody will need his services soon.

In a odd sort of way, it is fun to see somebody be taken in so completely by a tune, even if it's dangerous or fake.

Watch and judge for yourself:

How To Advertise Your Business: Have Person Dress Up As Banana And Carry AK-47

Derek Poe, owner of a business called Golden Triangle Tactical had a problem.

Maybe Golden Triangle Tactical should have
hired a Minion, with their love of bananas
(and sometimes guns) to advertise their store.  

He was moving the location of the business and he need to let his customers know of the change.

Yes, he could have taken out ads in the newspaper, radio, TV and social media and he probably did some of those things.

But what better way to advertise the move than to have a teenager stand outside the store's new location dressed as a banana and carrying an AK-47?

That's precisely what Poe did to advertise his business move, according to television station KBMT in Beaumont, Texas.

Well, I suppose a murderous looking banana is one way to attract attention. To be fair, the AK-47 wasn't loaded and the banana teenager wasn't threatening anyone with it.

I'm not sure what a store selling guns and such has to do with bananas, but what do I know? As long as the people buying the guns are't bananas in the head

The teen was cited for violating a Beaumont city ordinance that bars soliciting business on the side of the road. But with an open carry permit, it looks as if the AK-47 was legal, so the kid's not in that much trouble.

Hey, and the advertising ploy worked. Now, with the publicity, a lot more people, including you, know about Golden Triangle Tactical.

For Your Man, For Christmas: Bacon Shaving Cream

OK, ladies, a public opinion poll for you: Would you be hot for a guy that smells like bacon?

I ask, because there is now shaving cream on the market that smells like bacon, and will make any guy who uses it smell like that, too.

Yes, you can smell like bacon by buying this bacon
aroma shaving cream.

J&D Foods out of Florida  has an, um, stunning array of bacon related products, and this is their latest brainchild. There's limited quantities, so it might have sold out already.

I do see some drawbacks to bacon shaving cream.   Imagine a guy who just used the stuff walking down the street. He'll attract a very hungry pack of dogs in no time, wouldn't he?  Yeah, nothing says "sexy" like a guy being torn apart by the a pack of coyotes that came down from the woods.

Woof.

J&D Foods, as I mentioned, has other bacon products to buy if bacon shaving cream isn't your thing. They have baconnaise, basically mayonnaise that tastes like bacon, bacon popcorn and bacon lip balm, so you taste bacon if you kiss somebody who uses the balm.

One of the most intriguing of their products is something called "mmmvelopes." They're envelopes, and you taste bacon if you lick them to seal them.

I bet pigs know to stay far, far, far, away from J&D Food's headquarters.

Slightly related fun fact: J&D's initial funding came from the $5,000 one of the owners won on America's Funniest Home Videos of his toddler son hitting a ball with a bat and striking the dad in the face with the ball.

Anyway, I do like bacon, but this bacon enterprise might be going too far. Or maybe I'm just being closed minded. I bet I could be a marketing developer for these guys.

How about having planes strafe garbage dumps with bacon-scented mist. That would reduce complaints from the neighbors.

Maybe spritzers can be attached to iPhones, tablets and laptops, and when you go to certain web sites, the device will give you a give you a little spray of bacon aroma.

Or we can genetically engineer roses, so they smell like bacon instead. How about bacon themed weddings, where the bride throws a bouquet of bacon at the female guests during the reception?

The possibilities are endless. Maybe there is a future in this bacon theme after all.