Happy Anniversary Jeff!

A very great day eight years ago today. 

I haven't been wearing my wedding ring much lately.

That's not any sign of marital woes whatsoever.  Just the opposite, in fact. Oddly, it's a sign of the strength of our marriage and my love for Jeff.

Eight years ago today, Jeff and I got married.  I'm biased, but I still regard that as the best wedding ceremony I've ever seen. But I should explain the ring, since I brought it up.

Jeff and I don't get out much these days.  You know, Covid.  For the past so many months, Jeff and I don't go out to shows, movies, restaurants, plays or to visit friends.

It's just as depressing for us as it is for everybody else, but we are hanging in there just fine. We make do. It works.

I now work mostly from home, he's retired.  When I do work outside the home, it's in somebody's garden, far from any other people, which makes social distancing easy.

Before Covid, I was out and about quite a bit.  I wore that wedding ring as a badge of honor, gloating to everyone how lucky and blessed I am to be married to Jeff.

Jeff knows how much I love him, or at least he'd better! I have nothing to "prove" to him. Since most of my life outside the house is gardening, I don't want to lose that ring in the dirt. So I take it off. And there's just no incentive to put it back on, since I can't wave it under anybody's nose. Yes, I'm that shallow.

I don't need to wave the ring under Jeff's nose, either. He knows how much I love him. I've said this a million times before:  What first attracted me to Jeff was his absolute decency, kindness and humor.  These characteristics just keep growing on me, confirming to me every day that marrying Jeff was by far the best decision I ever made.

I imagine the isolation that Covid has created for everybody can create tension in some marriages. Being cooped up in the house with the same person day in and day out might not work for some people.

It works for me! I'm happy to report we're great.  We are also smart enough to explore both our mutual interests and our own.  Jeff has gotten somewhat addicted to researching family ancestry. I was initially only marginally interested, but now he's got me totally hooked.

I go out and do my gardening.  Now Jeff seems to have gotten that gardening bug. He's been experimenting with hollyhocks, gardinias, calla lillies and other plants. The gardens around the house are so much better as a result.

This is just one example of how this works so well.  We have our own interests, along with common ones. Separate interests meld into one, and the result is much greater than the sum of its parts.   It's a sign of what Jeff has done to my entire life:  Add one ingredient, namely Jeff, and it just transformed my whole life.

Life goes on, we hope, anyway.  Even the small disasters seem much more manageable with Jeff around. Recently, the fridge sprung a leak and wrecked the floor. The hot water heater needed replacing. So did the kitchen stove. Jackson the Wonder Dog got sprayed by a skunk. The extreme summer weather was harsh on the gardens.

I tend to whine when a problem hits, but Jeff always gently reminds me that we just need to deal with it.  It cuts the whining short, and we move on and solve the problem.

There's a song I like called "Easy's Getting Harder Every Day."  Because of Jeff, if I wrote my version of that song, I'd have to call it "Hard is Getting Easier Every Day."

Jeff might have spoiled a cry in your beer country song, but he keeps improving everything else around him. Including me.

I don't deserve this, but I'll take it.

Happy Anniversary, Chief!

An, Um, Novel And Incredible Stupid Arguement Against Interracial Marriage

Dave Daubenmire, easily one of the dumbest people in America

Almost everybody got over interracial marriages many decades ago. I mean, really, who cares, right?

There are a few particularly ignorant holdouts, however.  They are there principally so that we can mock and laugh at them. I've got a doozy for you.

According to the Friendly Atheist, via Right Wing Watch, one of these losers is some idiot named Dave Daubenmire, who claims to be a "Christian" pastor.  He said he recently took his daughter to the zoo, which proved to him that interracial marriage is wrong. Here's his "logic."

"You don't see eagles marrying buzzards, do you?" he said.

As is obvious to everybody except the extremely dumb and racist Daubenmire, eagles and buzzards are different species.  Plus, to be Captain Obvious, wild animals don't get married.  Animals of the same species mate, but last I checked, eagles and buzzards and other animals don't get a marriage license from the town clerk then go down to the courthouse to tie the knot.

But whatever.

Segregation is A-OK according to Daubenmire, too.  At the zoo aquarium, the guy that runs it keeps certain fish out of the tank because those certain fish would eat all the other fish.

Hmm. I have not heard of one human interracial couple in which the one partner eats the other. But I guess that's besides the point.

The idiot Daubenmire has said many, many spectacularly dumb things in the past. He says, for example, masturbation is gay sex because you are having sexual contact with someone of the same gender. He says, really oddly, that "big business" is using fetal tissue in food supplements, additives and sweeteners.

I'm writing all this as a public service: The next time you are feeling stupid or ignorant, remember you have nothing on Dumb Daubenmire.

Sounds Like This Marriage Was Destined To Be

Ms Xue sits in front of a large sculpture in Qingdao, China
in the year 2000. The man in the background
met Ms. Xue in their hometown of Chengdue,
China 11 years later and got married. Then he
found the photo taken over a decade before they
actually met. Destiny?

In Chengdue, China,  Mr. Ye and a Ms. Xue met and fall in love back in 2011. Then they got married and are so far living happily ever after. Very nice.

Recently, according to Petapixel, Mr. Ye was going through soe of Ms. Xue's old family photos, and came across an old photo of his future wife visting the city of Qingdao eleven years before the couple met.

However, Mr. Ye noticed something interesting in the background of the photo. Namely, himself.

"When I saw the photo, I was taken by surprise and I got goosebumps all over my body....that was my pose for taking photos."

In the photo, Mr. Ye came across, Ms. Xue is sitting on a small stool, dressed in white, with an immense red sculpture behind her. On the right hand edge of the frame, you see Mr Ye striking a sort of "Vogue" pose for a camera person that's outside the field of vision.

Mr. Ye explained that he almost always struck that distinctive pose when somebody was photographing him, so as soon as he saw the image, he knew he was looking at himself.

The odds that the two would be in the same photo are slim. The two are from Chengdu, with a population of about 14 million. Qingdao, where the two independently visited on the same day 11 years before their marriage, has about 9 million people. Chengdu and Qingdao are about 1,100 miles from each other.

Not surprisingly, the photo has gone viral in China, with many people there and everywhere else using the photo as evidence the pair was destined for each other, though neither of them spoke to each other during that visit 11 years before the couple actually met.

Already! My Fifth Wedding Anniversary. Happy Times Fly By

Jeff and I marry, August 26, 2012.

Here's an open letter to my husband Jeff to note our fifth wedding anniversary which is today.

Dear Chief:

They say time flies when you're having fun, and as far as I'm concerned our marriage proves it.

I can't believe it's already been five years since we got married. Life goes by fast, especially when I have somebody like you in my life to make it so awesome.

I've learned to savor every day, as I know things will keep whipping by us, even as we settle further into the wonderful routines of marriage.

Big life events blindside us every now and then. We both lost our fathers since we've gotten married. I lost a job, gained another. We've watched each other gradually turn a little older. We deal with our mini-crises that all couples face. The furnace breaks. We need a new roof.

We manage.

We manage because you're always there to keep me propped up. Since Day 1, you've been the one to steady me when I worry too much, or when I wrongly begin to see my glass as half empty.

Because with you, my glass is always full to the brim. And I'm not talking about the glass full of beer I sometimes have in the evening.

What's full is my life. With you. It's unimaginable to think what I would be like right now if you hadn't come into it.

You remember when we first started dating  all those years ago I resisted.  You persisted. Thank God you did.

This will sound odd, but as I resisted you way back then, thinking I didn't deserve someone as fine as you, lyrics from an old Eagles song kept nagging at me.

"You'd better let somebody love you before it's too late."

So eventually, I popped the question. And on August 26, 2012, we married. Thanks to you, it wasn't too late. It wasn't too late to be in love, to have you, this big hearted, kind, strong, smart, compassionate loving man in my life.

You know I'm grateful every day.

Five years in, we are kind of an old, married couple, aren't we?  You've remodeled the house to truly make it a beautiful, comfortable home. I'm coming along nicely with the garden projects outside.  You inspire me to spread beauty, so I'm just going to keep planting those flowers until I'm no longer capable of doing so.

The dogs bark, telling us they're hungry, so we feed them. Then we all go out for a dash around the yard. All great moments in life, again because you're there with me.

In the evening, we sit in front of the TV, gnashing our teeth in anger when Rachel Maddow explains the latest Washington scandal, or we marvel at the teenage ventriloquist on "America's Got Talent," or thrill to the athletes on "American Ninja Warrier."

All routine stuff. But really, it's not routine. Because you're sitting there with me.  It's all something to embrace and savor. I lose my concentration with what Rachel is talking about - it's not important anyway. because you're there.

So I sit on the couch and stare at you as you sit in your nice big easy chair. And I  think about how empty my life would be by comparison if you weren't taking the journey with me.

Yes, this message was mushy and gooey and oh so sticky sweet, but it had to be said. I also understand this message is similar to the one I gave you last year on our anniversary.  I feel the same as last year toward you, only even more so.

You've made me a much better man, and nothing compares with the joy of being in love with you.

Happy anniversary, Jeff!  I feel so lucky to love you more and more each day.

Love, Matt

Pentatonix Made Me Cry Today (In A Good Way)

A Pentatonix cover of "Can't Help Fallin In Love" has me
thinking of my late dad, my marriage and how well things have
worked out. An essay in this post. 

I totally admit I'm a Pentatonix fan boy, having posted a few entries into this blog thingy about them and their a capella music.

Today, Pentatonix made me cry a bit.

Because I'm a sentimental fool.

Pentatonix dropped a new video today. It's their rendition of "Can't Help Falling In Love."  You can see and hear the video at the bottom of this post.

Zillions of people have performed this song.  Perhaps Elvis Presley is the most famous example.

"Can't Help Falling In Love" was one of our wedding songs when me and Jeff got married. As I like to tell anyone, my wedding was by far the best one I've ever attended. (Duh!) And I'll always remember like it was yesterday that moment when they sang "Can't Help Falling In Love" at our wedding.

So yeah, I've got an attachment to that song, to say the least.

I think it's interesting that Pentatonix released this video today on what would have been my father's 97th birthday.

Dad died a year and a half ago.  But here's the thing. Dad always worried about me. Would I do OK? I had some rough times as a kid. Would I slip back into trouble? Would anybody be there for me if I needed someone?  Would someone catch me if I fell?

There was a very noticeable change in how my father regarded me after I connected with Jeff, and after he met Jeff.

Dad still loved me as much as ever. But I could tell dad had stopped worrying about me.  Because I had Jeff. Jeff would protect me. Jeff and I would protect each other. Everything would be OK. And it is.

When I watch the video of my wedding, there's a great moment before the ceremony started. My dad was already seated, and Jeff's dad came in.  You can hear my dad loudly and warmly greeting Jeff's dad by saying, "I saved a seat for you."

Jeff's dad and my dad instantly connected and bonded. They were fast friends.

Jeff's dad is now gone, too. I like to think that my dad and Jeff's dad met up again somewhere in the afterlife, and they're having a great time. And neither of them is worried about us because Jeff and I are doing just fine.

And here I am on a routine day when nothing special is going on, and I'm getting teary-eyed over Pentatonix singing "Can't Help Falling In Love."

It's 5:15 in the afternoon as I write this. I can hear Jeff snoring softly as he takes an afternoon nap. The dogs are curled up with him, just quiet and happy. I'm trying to summon the energy to go out and work in the garden, a garden that both Jeff and I love and are building together.

Everything is OK. I can't help falling in love with Jeff every day.

Dad was right, as always. I'm OK. I guess I'm writing this because I miss my dad on his birthday. But everything is OK. Dad and Jeff made sure of that.

So watch the video below and if there's anybody in your life that you love, and makes everything alright, hug them and tell them everything is OK.

Guy Robs Bank So He Doesn't Have To Go Home To His Wife

This guy robbed a bank because he figures jail would
be better than going home to his wife,
who he apparently dislikes.  

I love my husband, and after four years of marriage, my heart does a couple little happy backflips when I pull into the driveway after work to see that he is home.

Which means my life appears to be a LOT better than that of Lawrence John Ripple, 70, of the Kansas City area.

According to the Kansas City Star, Ripple robbed a bank by handing a teller a note which read, "I have a gun, give me money."

So the teller gave Ripple money.

With the money in hand, he could have fled. But Ripple just sat down and waited for the cops. Even before the police got there, a bank security guard came up to him, and Ripple said, "I'm the guy you're looking for."

The guard took the money back from Ripple and held him until police arrived.

Ripple's a really bad bank robber, right?

Well, it turns out Ripple told the police he robbed the bank because going to jail would be MUCH more fun than hanging out with his wife for even one more minute.

Apparently, Ripple wrote the bank robbery note in front of his wife to ensure she understood that he was Fed. Up.

You think Ripple would have come up with a better way to walk away from a marriage that, at least to his perspective, really sucked. Divorce is an option. Marriage counseling. Just moving out of the house might work, too.

But, Ripple will get his wish. He's got a bank robbery charge hanging over his head, and if he's found guilty, he's almost assured of going to prison.

My only question is what will happen if they let him out on bail before his robbery trial?

Happy Anniversary, Chief: Why I Have A Perfect Husband

Chief: My husband Jeff and I are celebrating our
fourth wedding anniversary today.  

Today is my fourth wedding anniversary. Time flies.

I thought I'd use the occasion to write an open letter to my husband Jeff, who I call Chief. Here goes:

Dear Chief,   

Hard to believe we've been married four years already.  Time flies when I'm happy, I guess.

If I had to list all the reasons why I love you'd we'd be here all week. So I'm going to dispense with the list. You know I love you for a gazillion reasons, and we'll leave it at that.

In these past four years, we've settled into being a couple old married farts, but I'm sure you'd beg to differ with that description.

Actually, I pretty much do, too, since it certainly does nothing to capture the essense of our marriage.

The old fart remark is a reference to being comfortable. Happy in our routines. 

It's just that I'm so comfortable with you around. Even when neither of us is doing anything in particular. Just vegging in front of the TV. Having another dinner. Or when you're downstairs at your drafting table and I'm playing around on my laptop in my office.

All "boring" routine things that old farts do.

I feel safe. At home. In every sense of the word, whatever we're doing, whenever we're doing it.

Jeff ripping apart part of our deck this summer to retrieve the
wedding ring I dropped between the boards
Repairs were quick, by the way. 

Home is a refuge. And I don't mean just a house. 

Our home is a place where I still get a spasm of delight when I pull into the driveway and your Jeep is there. That means you're home. And I'm happy.

I even get a little pang of disappointment when I arrive home from work and I see you're not there. 

You're still at work, or grocery shopping, and you'll be home soon. But I still miss you and feel a little bit too alone when you're doing something routine like that.  

Oh, I can handle myself just fine when you're not home.  But I feel my heart lift when you're around. The other night I called it "the vapors" You just make my heart race with joy, is all.   

Another thing that makes me feel secure -  at home and comfortable -  is you have faith in me even when I don't have faith in myself.

I'm impatient.  I have ambitious plans for the gardens around our house and the plans are moving too slowly. Meanwhile, you create an enormous, beautiful outdoor deck so we can enjoy our home even more. You created it seemingly in an instant, while I plod along.

You constantly remind me my projects are a process, that you delight in seeing the slowly expanding flower beds, the incremental transformations in our yard. 

Jeff and his mom. He's as good a son as he is a husband! 

You always come to my rescue. Even little instances. 

Like when I dropped my wedding ring between the boards of the deck, and you ripped up some of the boards to retrieve it. My hero! And I'm not being facetious. You ARE my hero. 

I might not show it through my frustrations  but again and always, your words and support and love make me feel safe in my own chaotic head.

I keep bringing up the word "safe."  Love, when done right, is a safe place. It's a shield against all the hate and turbulence and weirdness of the world.  I think - I hope - we're doing love right. 

In the evening, when we're watching TV, you sit in your big armchair, and I'm usually on the couch with our crazy dogs Jackson and Tonks.

I don't think you notice that sometimes I go quiet and stare at you instead of the TV screen. Yeah, the antics on "America's Got Talent" are fun enough, but the real entertainment for me is you.

Not the fact that you're sitting there watching TV. No, the entertainment is the fact that you're there. Home, with me.  

So I watch you as you giggle at "The Big Bang Theory" or roll your eyes at the politicians Rachel Maddow is picking on.

And I feel so lucky, so over the moon in love with the guy in the armchair watching TV.

Because the guy in the armchair is the one who never makes me feel lonely, who always makes me feel safe, who has made me so happy to be alive.  The one I want to be with forever and ever. I don't want this to ever end.

Thanks, Chief, for always being there.

And Chief: Happy anniversary. We're celebrating our fourth. Let's go for 40!

Love, Matt

Of course I dedicate this song to Chief, too:

Woman Gets Cochlear Implant. REALLY Likes What She Hears From Her Boyfriend

Andrea Diaz just got a cochlear implant and she can hear
again. Her boyfriend, Kevin, takes advantage of
the situation and asks Andrea an important question.  

Ok, every once in awhile I like those Kleenex Alert videos and there's a great one at the bottom of the post.  

Several years ago, the woman in the video, Andrea Diaz  lost her hearing in an accident.

She finally got a cochlear implant, and she, her doctor, her boyfriend and her mother are in the doctor's office at the University of Mississippi Medical Center.

The doctor turns it on to see if it works.

It does!   Diaz hears. She cries tears of joy. Predictably, and nicely, her mother says she loves her.

She cries some more.

Then her boyfriend, Kevin Peakman, pipes in. He's got a question for her.

Spoiler alert: Diaz's answer to her boyfriend's question is "Yes."

Here's the sweet video to make you cry:

Gorgeous People Acting Gorgeously

Hottie Thomas Schwendeman deploys for
the Korean War in 1950 

The stereotype is that often, beautiful gorgeous people can be divas and self-centered.

But, not always as the two stories in this blog post thingy prove. I'm a sucker for nice people anyway, because it's a break from all the not-so-nice people in the news.

Recently, a guy named Derek Schwendeman posted a photo of his grandfather, Thomas, which was taken as grandpa deployed into the Korean War in 1950.

As you can see by the photo, republished in this post, Thomas Schwendeman was quite the hottie.  The photo went totally viral.

He probably dabbled in the war briefly, just to prove how manly he was, then became a male model, with a different lady every night, right.

Totally wrong, of course. The good news is a woman named Fleecie snagged him first and Thomas has been devoted to her ever since. Sorry ladies, Thomas is Fleecie's guy, ever since they married in 1951, according to People magazine.

They're still happily together, by the way,

Instead of living a life as a dashing international man of mystery, Thomas Schwendeman worked for Bell Telephone for decades, retired, worked as a school bus driver, and now, at age 86, dotes on his three children and six grandchildren. A great-grandchild is due any minute now.

Mikal Bartosic, a popular high school
cheerleader, with her soon-to-be prom
date Jonathan in Florida.  

Fleecie says she's gotten a kick out of the viral photo - what she calls the "funny notoriety - but Thomas told her that she was the one, and if he had to do it all over again, wouldn't marry another woman, People reports.

The couple are still active, and still often go out bowling. That's how the two met. In a bowling alley.

I wish them many more happy years together.

Our next gorgeous person is Mikal Bartosic, currently a popular pretty blonde cheerleader at Park Vista High School in Florida.

It's getting to be prom time, so as you can imagine, a lot of guys there would love to take her to the prom. You know the stereotype: She'd end up going with the football quarterback, or the school track star, or the resident stud muffin.

Nope, Mikal had other ideas and she figured she'd do the asking, reports the Palm Beach Post.

She has a classmate named Jonathan who is on the autism spectrum. He didn't think he was going to the prom, that's for sure. Until Mikal presented him with a cake that signaled that Mikal wanted to go to the prom with Jonathan.

He said yes, very enthusiastically, as you can see in the very sweet video below. I LOVE the joy in the room when she asks him out.

I hope the pair have a great time on the big night!

Out Of Control Nut Job Judge Forces Couple To Marry

A weird Texas judge ordere Josten Bundy to marry his girlfriend,
Elizabeth Jaynes, as punishment for an assault
conviction. Bundy had punched Jaynes' ex. 

A couple in Texas got married recently, which is very nice.

What's not nice is the couple married only because a wacko judge said the groom must get married or go to jail.

This all started whern Josten Bundy got into a physical fight with his girlfriend's ex who was saying disparaging things about her.

So Bundy punched him, and the ex-boyfriend pressed charges.

Even Bundy says he shouldn't have punched the ex-boyfriend, but told Judge Randall Rogers that, "I was raised with four sisters and if any man was talking to a woman like that......I'd probably do the same thing.

Of course by hitting the ex, Bundy committed a crime, and there's consequences for that. The judtge sentenced him to probation, which make sense. Maybe a fine, a ban on alcohol consumption, how about some mandatory anger management counseling?

That would work, but NOPE. Here's where the judge went off the rails.

According to television station KLTV, Judge Rogers said that as part of his probation, Bundy had to marry his girlfriend or spend 15 days in jail.

Bundy figured it he was in jail, he'd lose his job, so he had no choice but to marry Jaynes, says KLTV.

They were probably going to get married anyway at some point, but they didn't want a rushed courthouse wedding where many of their loved ones couldn't witness it. Jaynes said she wanted one of those "Say Yes To The Dress" weddings with all the trappings of a traditional big ceremony, reception and party.

By the way, the judge was also punishing Jaynes by forcing to get abruptly married. Remember, she was not accused of any crime whatsoever in this whole thing.

The father of the bride was certainly angry, which is understandable. The dad, Kenneth Jaynes told KLTV the judge "can't do this by court ordering somebody to be married...I contacted a couple of lawyers but they tole me someone was trying to pull my leg, that judges don't court order somebody to get married."

Well, this one did.

Of course, dad is right. Forcing Bundy and Jaynes to marry  is almost certainly unconstitutional, but Bundy and Jaynes aren't lawyers, and didn't know what to do about the abrupt marriage sentence, while in the moment with the judge.

The judge also said Bundy must write Bible verses as part of his punishment. So much for separation of Church and State.

What else is this wacko judge Rogers going to do for future sentencings? Force a non-Christian to convert to Christianity?  Order a gay defendent to somehow turn straight, or else go to jail?

KTLV said Judge Rogers wouldn't comment on this case, or his sentencing habits in general.

I hope Texas can recall or fire judges. This one is too much.

Poor Marital Communication Part II: This One's Fun And Works Out Well

For the second time in two days, I found a case where
 a woman returns home to find her husband made some
rather substantial changes to their home while she was gone.
In this case, nobody was particularly upset.  

Yesterday, I wrote about the guy who is the WORST EVER at marital communication.  

He's the guy who tore down the house he lived in with his wife, who owned the house. He didn't bother to mention to her ahead of time that he planned to do it.

 This did not end well.

Today, I found another example of an extreme lack of marital communication, but this one is much more positive.

In this new one,  the wife had gone away on errands for a good part of the day, much like the women whose husband tore down the house.

In this case, the husband, named Roman Atwood, stayed home with the kids, and when his wife called to check in during the day, Atwood said they were doing nothing special at home.

Atwood wasn't exactly being totally honest with his wife on this one.  Things weren't actually that boring at home.

Atwood is known for his prank videos, so you know things might not go as expected.

When the wife got home, she found her house radically different than when she left it. (kinda like the woman whose house got torn down by her husband.)

In this new case, however, they still have a place to live, and I have the distinct feeling that there is very, VERY little marital discord going on here. Plus the kids probably think he's the world's coolest dad.

Watch:

Marital Bliss: Guy Razes House; Neglects To Mention It To Wife

James Rhein is in trouble with a lot of people
for tearing down his house without first telling
anyone he was going to do it, including his wife.  

At the Marital Bliss lab here at Matt of All Trades we ran into one story that illustrates that maybe, just maybe, communication is essential in a successful marriage.

Then what do we know?  Because the guy in the following tale seems to think everything is just peachy.

James Rhein decided to tear down the house he shared with his wife, Diane Andryshak last Monday because the foundation needed too much work and he decided he wanted to start over.

In what might be a weakness in the couple's marriage communication channels, Rhein tore down the house, with all their stuff in it, without mentioning to his wife he was going to do that. 

Surprise! She was upset when she showed up and found that the house was gone.

Rhein doesn't seem to be all that talented in the communication department anyway. You do need permits for a big job like tearing down a house, and he did not obtain them.

He said he tried to get a permit Monday to take down the house, but government offices were closed due to the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday.

"So I took it down, that's it," NBC New York quoted him as saying. 

He couldn't wait just one more day to get a permit? The offices reopened Tuesday. Impatient little jerk.

The area of debris between these two houses
was the house owned by James Rhein's wife.
He tore it down without first mentioning to
her he was going to do it.  

Let's get back to the lack of communication with the wife, or lack thereof.  Why didn't Rhein tell her he was going to take the house down?

"I tried calling her, she didn't answer the phone," Rhein said.

Um, you couldn't leave a message and wait for her to return it?

Most married people, when contemplating something major like tearing down your house, have a little discussion with their spouse, at least, before moving forward.

Not to gloat, but something as simple as me burning my brush pile tomorrow, was a topic of discussion between me and my husband before I went ahead and got the burn permit.

Note that I got a permit from the town, unlike Rhein and his house. And I'm not even doing anything to my house.

By the way, ownership of the house was under Rhein's wife's name, not him, so it should have been her final decision on what to do with the building.

Rhein acknowledged his wife was initially upset, but he said, "But she's over it now... We're good. I'm a good husband, what can I tell you?"  

I think you're tellling us you're either delusional or a liar.  Judging from news report, I don't think his wife is over it, either.

Andryshak (the wife) said she's still in shock, given that all her medications, her possessions, etc were destroyed. Rhein didn't take anything out.

He says everything's replaceable. She said not everything.

Rhein is facing felony charges for not getting permits for the demolition, but I think that's the least of his problems.  Somehow I think his wife will have the last word on this. She'll communicate with Rhein all right.

In court, I bet.

He was behind in paying mortgage payments. Maybe he wanted to stick it to the bank? His wife said she was unaware of any financial problems that big.

Can this marriage be saved?

We at the Marital Bliss lab at Matt of All Trades don't think so. Many marriages can survive difficulties with communication, but Rhein's trouble with this issue takes it to a whole new level.

He's a First Class Dick. Our advice to his wife?

Run, Diane Run! Stay away from him. Except in court, where you should take him to the cleaners and get a nice big fat divorce settlement.

The CBS New York report on this is priceless. Watch:

It Was Too Quiet On The Home Front

At last report, my husband Jeff was en route home from a week long business trip out of town. He'll be home later today.

Jeff and Jackson enjoy an autumn
day in Vermont last October.  

Thank GAWD!! The house has been too quiet. Worse, because of my work schedule, I had to put Jackson the Cocker Spaniel/Weather Dog in the kennel for a few days.

You'd think I'd enjoy the brief peace and quiet, but no way. Uh-uh.

When I was single, I thought it was perfect, the fact that I lived alone and didn't have to answer to anybody.

Jeff never demands to know where I am, he's easy to live with. But I do always want to check in with him when I'm going somewhere, because it's common courtesy.

And I need to coordinate schedules with him, so we don't get in each other's way.  In other words, I have to be at least minimally considerate.

This past week, I would come and go whenever and not tell anybody. Not that I was doing anything a little sketchy. Mostly, I was working. But still, I miss having to tell somebody I have to leave for work at such and such a time.

I work in a home office for a good part of my days. At home, I just barely get on a roll writing something, and it always seems just then Jackson bounces into the office needing to go outside, needing to play, needing to eat, needing for me to go to the window and help him bark at the birds flitting around out there.

This week, none of that. No Jackson wanting to play when I need to work (and I would rather be playing with him. That guy is a temptster no question)

I used to enjoy the silence, when I was single, of no other voices in the house. Now I totally miss the little noises Jeff makes. His chortle when he's laughing at a bad sitcom, or when he starts singing (quite well!) along to Josh Groban as he's working at his drafting table downstairs.

At night, he'll snore a little bit. It'll stir me awake, and I'll listen for a couple minutes before falling back asleep. His snore is strangely comforting.

This past week, no snoring.  And that made me stay awake at night, rather than get any extra sleep, because I missed the snore, missed Jeff.

Yeah, marriage changes you all right. It's a responsibility, being married. And it's a lesser, but still big and real responsibility, to have a dog.

No, I take that back.

The word is not responsibility, but love. Love is why we ache when our partner, even our dog is gone for a few days. It's why the ache is there when they're gone,  even when you know that your husband and the dog are perfectly safe and happy and will be home in a few days and everything will be back to normal.

That's my new normal.  The new normal that officially arrived on August 26, 2012, the day we got married. A new normal I didn't think I'd ever achieve. Or even want. And now I crave it more than anything.

Welcome home, Jeff and Jackson!   I missed you. I'm so glad you're back. Make some noise for me, OK?

Worst Start To A Marriage EVER

We don't know they're names, but the happy couple left Atlanta recently for their honeymoon in Costa Rica.

In what might prove to be a very, very short
marriage, a groom got drunk argued with his bride
on their honeymoon flight. He got kicked off the plane.  

Sounds so, so romantic, doesn't it? Launching a marriage in a beautiful, natural tropical paradise. Ahhh..

Well, maybe not. In what might go down as the worst start to a marriage on record, the groom got drunk and argued with his bride on the plane.

Our groom got so disruptive that the Delta flight made an emergency landing in Grand Cayman, according to Reuters.

Our drunk argumentative groom was kicked off the plane and faces drunk and disorderly charges there, Reuters said. He might face even more harsh charges under international law because the airline industry and law enforcement tend to frown on forcing flights to make emergency landings.

As for the (surely) blushing bride, after the groom left the plane joined the rest of the passengers in continuing on to Costa Rica.

She'll probably have a better time without her obnoxious groom anyway.

Oklahoma Lawmaker Says He Found Way To Stop Gay Marriage: Just Ban All Marriages

Some people just hate the idea of same sex marriage, and are getting more and more alarmed as more states and more countries make these unions legal.

Mike Turner, an Oklahoma state legislator,
said he'd like to ban all marriages as a way
to prevent gay marriages.  

One of the people who doesn't like gay marriage is Mike Turner, a state legislator in Oklahoma.

As courts and legislatures and voters approve gay marriage in other states, Turner says he's found a way to prevent any gay marriages from taking place in Oklahoma.

Turner says he'd just ban all marriages. 

Turner, and other Oklahoma opponents of same sex marriage are in a bit of a tizzy because a federal judge recently invalidated Oklahoma's constitutional amendment banning such marriages.

The judge cited the U.S. Supreme Court's June decision that held the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional.

DOMA was basically a federal ban on same sex marriages. The decision on the Oklahoma marriage situation is under appeal.

The gay marriage ban in Oklahoma remains in place while the court case is under appeal.

Of course, if you thought the nation's current mishmash of laws either approving of or banning same sex marriage makes for confusing case law, imagine what Turners' ban on all marriages would do.

Like everywhere, Oklahoma has a huge number of married couples. Do they all have to get a divorce?  Would one spouse have to move out of the house? Where would they go? That would surely create a boom in new housing construction!

Or if the overall marriage ban went into effect, would couples just have to live together, in SIN?!!? After all, if they're not married, they're cohabitating. I don't know how well that would go in conservative, religious Oklahoma.

And here's a problem common to both mixed gender and same sex marriages. If someone gets married in a state where marriage is legal, then moves to Oklahoma, what happens to the marriage? Nullified? What?

Of course, people could still get married in Oklahoma under Turner's insane idea, but it wouldn't be state sanctioned.  So is that a real marriage or not?

Maybe Turner and his ilk should just calm down. In states where same sex marriage is legal, the sky didn't fall and it won't in Oklahoma (At least not more than usual, given all the tornadoes and storms they get in Oklahama)

It also seems same sex marriage hasn't ruined all other marriages despite the hysteria I've heard for years from opponents. If Turner doesn't like gay marriage, then he shouldn't get gay married.

If he doesn't like gay marriage, he's free to say so.  He sounds like he's a church kind of guy. So let's wait until Judgement Day to decide who's right.

Exactly One Year After Wedding, Even More Glad I Married Jeff

Today is the one year anniversary of my marriage to Jeff Modereger.

The man I was lucky enough to marry
one year ago today.  

On each of the past 365 days I've woken up in the morning, and the first thought that occurs to me is I am married to Jeff. Always, I smile at the thought, and suddenly have the courage to face the day, whatever it brings.

This wonderful marriage is a tonic, an elixir that changes everything in ways I can never explain.

Really, it's just another marriage. People get married all the time. With the death of the odious Defense of Marriage Act, more gay couples like us are getting hitched, too. Marriage is as common as sun rays on a glorious summer morning.

And as special as those rays. Yes, Jeff and I have just another marriage. But when you're in it, like I am, the glow of those sun rays make me feel like I'm walking on air, drinking in love, wanting to live with Jeff forever. And if I can help it, I will do just that.

Last year, in this blog, on the day I married Jeff, I wrote that it was important to make a public statement, to essentially shout from the rooftops that this marriage is a Big Deal. That we had a responsibility to keep the love growing. If only because the world needs more good things.

We've kept that promise. I didn't think I could love Jeff more than I did on that stage at the University of Vermont Royall Tyler Theatre on August 26, 2012 when we said our "I do's."

But, the love has grown deeper.

One of the things I love about this marriage is the little details that wouldn't mean anything to an outsider, but are everything to me.

I embrace the sound of Jeff snoring softly after I get up early in the morning and he sleeps in a bit. The warm smells of the dinner he's making that waft in from the kitchen. His arched eyebrow when I make another smart aleck remark. The way he gets excited like a little kid when he's got a great idea for a show he's designing, a design that the people putting on the play love.

We've settled into the routines of marriage.  We get up, we make ourselves breakfast, one of us takes Jackson the Cocker Spaniel outside. In the evening,  Jeff sits in his easy chair, Jackson draped on the head rest behind him. I rest on the couch, trying desperately, but failing to stop dropping crumbs on the floor as I finish eating dinner.

We shout out the answers to "Jeopardy!" on the TV. I wrestle with Jackson for a bit. Jeff will put the dinner leftovers away.

Then we'll watch "America's Got Talent." or something cheesy like "Project Runway" and do a running, eye rolling commentary. Forgettable stuff, and at the same time, profound.

I imagine most great marriages are something like this. Every day is routine and special at once.

It's been a great year, even thought it came with a lot of  challenges.  One of our beloved dogs, Bailey, died in May.  Together, we cried over Bailey's death and our joined emotions helped get us through.

I suddenly find myself between jobs as we celebrate the one year anniversary of our union.  I bounce my job search ideas off him, he gives me ideas, and the two brains combined ensure that soon, I will be working at rewarding job I love.

Jeff had to travel a lot in the spring and early summer.  It was a constant blur of planes, cars, unfamiliar beds, me feeling lonely at home. I don't know if distance makes the heart grow fonder, but our bond was just as strong as ever when we were hundreds of miles apart.  

I don't know what led us to find each other. I know the mechanics of it all, the initial whiff of interest in each other, the first date, the growing relationship, the deepening connection that led to our marriage. But why did our two lives intersect in the first place?  How did we get so lucky?

The question can't be answered, of course. And probably shouldn't. The mystery is part of the fun.

Maybe some readers are groaning at this flowery tribute to the relationship between Jeff and me. It's just a marriage. And I guess this post is just a love letter to Jeff. I could have kept it all private.

But to me, this marriage is too big to hide away in a little box, to be shared only between Jeff and me. We felt the wonderful support of all our family and friends as we got married on August 26, 2012. That set us off on exactly the right foot. We feel how happy everyone is for us. We feel how people think this marriage is so right.

A great marriage like this affects a lot of people, a lot of bystanders, I hope in a good way. In a world full of ugly wars, ugly politics, disasters, fights, murders, mean people, hate and Miley Cyrus, this marriage is a wondrous refuge.

A refuge for Jeff and me, certainly. And maybe enough to make those we love smile a bit, too. What's the harm in that?  Even if I do blab on and on about something that is "just a marriage."

DOMA Demise Is Personal For Me

Being married to an awesome guy, yesterday's Supreme Court decision striking down the so called Defense of Marriage Act made the day very sweet.

Our accountant is going to be pissed, though. Our tax situation might get a lot less complicated, which means less work for him, and maybe less income.

The great Edith Windsor, plaintiff in
the Supreme Court ruling that overturned DOMA. 

Well, there's winners and losers everywhere, aren't there?

Speaking of winners and losers, it's been fun watching the reaction to news of the court decision.

Tweets are always fun:

Two of my favorite: "Free gay wedding idea: Dress all the servers like Paula Deen." (look up the whole Paula Deen controversy if you need an explanation)

Justice Antonio Scalia, a big guy, really hated the majority opinion. Humorist Mo Rocca Tweeted that it is apparent Scalia wont' be going to Bear Week this year.

Like most major civil rights cases that end up at the Supreme Court, a plaintiff is taken from relatively obscurity to become the face of the cause. Think Rosa Parks, for instance.

In the DOMA case, it was the smart, brave, personable Edith Windsor who was the centerpiece.  As journalist Glenn Greenwald Tweeted: "Edith Windsor joins the pantheon of great Supreme Court litigants who secured the rights of everyone."

The more strident opponents of gay marriage were hysterically funny in my mind. Talk about over the top fears and statements. Here's some:

Bryan Fischer: The DOMA ruling has now made the normalization of polygamy, pedophilia, incest and bestiality inevitable. Matter of time.

United States Conference of Catholic Bishops: "Today is a tragic day for marriage and our nation. The Supreme Court has dealt a profound injustice to the American people....

This one from something called Freedom Outpost is particularly unhinged: 

 "The America that our Founding Fathers fought and bled for is now gone my friends.  It is high time to do something about it.  When you get to Heaven and stand before Almighty God, and you are asked to account for all your deeds, or lack of them, and The Lord asks you, “why did you stand by and allow my children in the womb to be murdered in the most horrific ways, WHY did you allow perverts that I have deemed an abomination to over run the country I gave you, WHY did you sit in your home at your computer bellyaching about these things but did nothing…”, WHAT WILL YOU SAY?"

Um, I said "I do."

As I said on Facebook yesterday, I never thought I would feel MORE married to my husband than I already did, but the death of DOMA really did make me feel even more married.

It's hard to explain exactly what that means. Obviously, I've always felt my marriage is every bit as legitimate as it is for heterosexual couples. But with the court decision, I hold my head a little higher, and I'm prouder yet of my marriage. It might be my crowning achievement.

I buy the argument that marriage, overall, is good for society, at least if done right. I want my marriage to Jeff to be an example of how to do marriage right.

I sure have the incentive: How could I possibility treat Jeff in any way other than with love and respect?  He deserves the best.

When Two Lives Combine Into One: My Happy But Tricky Story..

My husband Jeff and I had a fight about money the other night.

It wasn't even a fight, really, at least not a conventional one. We do things differently than most couples. The issue wasn't the type of money problem most couples face. Some spouses say the other spends too much money on frills. Others complain the other doesn't keep track of finances adequately.

The issue between Jeff and me was not like that at all.

A still from the play "4,000 Miles" at the
Vermont Stage Company in Burlington, Vt.

From my perspective,  he was nicely staying within our household budget, but spending too large a share of the money he earned on keeping me happy and comfortable, and not enough on himself .

I was frustrated because I didn't feel like I was contributing as much of my income on keeping up the household as I should, I needed to cut back on unnecessary frills for myself, and contribute more to our mutual well being.

He met me that evening at Leunig's a fairly upscale restaurant in Burlington, Vt. before we went to see the play "4000 Miles," a production in which he designed the set.

Jeff's a well-regarded, busy theater set designer, and that was one of his jobs. Of course, he'd seen it upteenth times during rehearsal, but he wanted me to see it, and I also really wanted to go.

After dinner and a drink, we went to the play. It was set in an elderly woman's New York apartment. On the set, bookshelves and tables were cluttered with books, photographs and knick knacks.

The play, presented by the Vermont Stage Company was very well done and well worth seeing, but this is not the place for a review. But I was struck by a running theme running through the dialogue. It showed how   we negotiate life with family and those closest to us with a complicated stew of emotions. Love and devotion, mostly, but also uncomfortable moments, misunderstandings, gaps in good communication, and little shards of frustration.

On the set Jeff designed, he'd used some of the stuff he had accumulated over the years, items that came to grace our shelves and rooms when he moved in with me three years ago. He'd also grabbed some of the stuff I had accumulated over the years. (We have a long standing agreement that pretty much anything in the house is fair game for any of his theater set designs.)

Jeff also used family photographs from his side of the family, and my side of the family on the "4,000 Miles" set.

As I watched the play and noted where our stuff was on the stage set, I found myself marveling about how his life and my life became our life. I know that's not remarkable in the grand scheme of things. Zillions of people get married every year and establish happy, combined households.

I'm devoted to Jeff and he to me, that's plain.  But even with that devotion, it takes time to fully understand the implications of a life that was his and was mine, and is now ours.

That situation was   the basis of our money "fight."  Like every couple, we will spend the rest of our lives exploring and losing ourselves in our combined life.

There will be bumps along the way, and I hope Jeff remains patient with me. I'll probably never learn to negotiate our combined life perfectly, but I'll keep trying and loving the effort. Now that we've been together for nearly four years and married for seven months, I can't imagine living life any other way than I do now.
How lucky can a man get?

Florida DMV Thinks Man is a Creepy Criminal For Taking Wife's Name in Marriage

Congratulations to the former Lazaro Sopena and his new bride, Hanh Dinh of Florida on their recent marriage!

Too bad the Florida DMV doesn't think along the same lines.

Hanh and Lazaro Dinh on their wedding day.
Florida DMV says Lazaro is a scumbag for
taking his wife's last name in the marriage

When he got married our buddy Lazaro agreed to take his wife's last name, Dinh, as his married name so as to help perpetuate his wife's surname. He said he did it out of love.

Smooth move, Lazaro, you romantic guy, you. That was a brilliant way to start off your marriage.

Yes, when people get married and one part of the couple changes their name, it's more often than not the woman who does it. But what harm is there in the groom now calling himself Lazaro Dinh? I mean, who cares what his name is, right?

Well, Florida DMV cares deeply. Very deeply. To them,  Lazaro is a total fraud because he took his wife's name in marriage. He's  accused of fraud and his driver's license has been taken away. 

According to Lazaro Dinh, the DMV people told him the marriage name change "only works for women."

Really? Only women? Why?

"Apparently, the state of Florida clings to the out-dated notion that treats women as an extension of a man, said Lazaro's lawyer, Spencer Kuvin, as quoted by Reuters.

As an aside, why is it that every time there's weird news, it comes out of Florida?

Anyway, attorney Kuvin also raises the question of what happens in a gay marriage if one side of the couple takes the other guy's surname. Gay marriage is not legal in Florida. However, a man taking a wife's last name is legal in only nine states. And some of the states where the man can't take the wife's name have legalized gay marriage.

Where I live here in Vermont, gay marriage is legal but taking a spouse's name in a gay marriage is not. However, I haven't heard of any trouble with this here in Vermont. (I got married to Jeff in August in a gay marriage in Vermont, but we decided to keep our names as is, so this is not an issue for us.)

As for Lazaro, he can go to probate court to legally change his name and pay $400 or more in court fees, but he said he's not a super rich man, and why should he be discriminated against like that?

I'm sure there will be some court battles over this.

I'm Getting Married Today

Today, I will marry the love of my life, Jeff Modereger.

I've been with him for three years, He's lived with me in St. Albans for two years. We have two dogs, a house, a yard. We're already a married couple in just about every respect.

So why bother today tying the knot, officially, complete with a marriage license and a beautiful ceremony that Jeff designed?

Me and Jeff clowning around in a blueberry patch

Because any time a couple is as commited, and as in love as we are, any time a couple knows their relationship is forever and is a million times stronger than the tungsten wedding rings we'll wear, you have to make a public statement. It's that important.  It's a touchstone for people.  Times are bad, bad things happen around the world every day, every minute it seems.

What we're telling people is love conquers all.  Our marriage is a shield against all that bad that can happen. Our marriage is our strength, and that strength spreads over into the family and friends that are so important to us, and who are of course in town for today's wedding.

I met Jeff three years ago. Our first face to face meeting was at a TGI Fridays. OK, it wasn't a romantic evening at the Eiffel Tower or something, but it was a start.

The first couple of minutes were awkward, but then we were laughing, relaxing, fitting well together, connecting. I'd been lonely. This felt good.

Jeff jumped right into the relationship. I was much slower. At first I resisted the pull of a deep connection. I was too proud of my independence, I told myself. Too unready for complications. Deep down, what was really going on is I was too afraid this would work out.

You see, I've always lived by the adage that if it's too good to be true, it probably is. And I found that being with Jeff did seem too good to be true.  Still does. We laugh all the time. We cried together when his beloved dog Rocky died. We support each other.  When one of us has a bad day, we make each other feel better.  It just feels so right.

But there was that "too good to be true" cliche nagging at me as the relationship between Jeff and me grew.  The other shoe would drop, the red flags would appear. The happiness I was finding would be a mirage and I would get hurt. Again.

No shoes fell. No red flags appeared. Jeff was, is, a glowing exception to the "too good to be true" rule.

Because he is true. Genuine. Honest. You can trust him. With your life. That's what I find most important, most endearing about Jeff.

He is my life now. The trust I have in him is what makes me know I'll be OK whatever happens. I hope he feels the same toward me.

Over the Christmas holidays last December, Jeff went to South Dakota to see his family. I stayed here in Vermont and visited my family. He came back right around New Year's Day. My proposal was simple. On the evening of January 2, he was in his easy chair, watching TV. I interrupted him. I got down on one knee, pulled out a ring and said, "Would you marry me?"

We both cried. And laughed a lot. Again.

I knew he would say yes. Jeff was certainly hinting enough he was ready for marriage. But nonetheless, a huge wave of relief washed over me when he said "Yes."  We were officially a team. It's funny how two people so connecting like we are have the emotional, moral, loving strength of 200 people, not two.

Jeff is nationally known in the theatre world as a highly respected scenic designer. He had ideas for the ceremony in his head for a long time, you could tell. I won't yet give away how the marriage ceremony will work. It's very theatrical, of course. It will take place in the beautiful Royall Tyler Theatre at the University of Vermont this afternoon.

Jeff built the set, the script, pretty much all aspects of the ceremony himself. He's paid attention to so much detail for this. It really symbolizes how much he pays attention to me and our love.  It makes me feel so safe. A good feeling to have, let me tell ya.  And in return, I will live each second of the rest of my life stoking, nuturing, growing my love for Jeff. I don't need an official wedding vow to say that.

Jeff's very extended family is in town for the wedding. They're mostly from the Midwest. It's overwhelming trying to keep all the names straight. I've been meeting most of them for the first time these past few days. I can certainly see where Jeff gets his honesty, his sky-high character, his compassion, his groundedness. And the family is damn fun. They laugh a lot, too. Just llike me. So I think this is a good fit.

Marrying into this family is another  stroke of awesome luck for me, if I haven't had enough already. I'm honored to be marrying into this family, that is for sure. I'm making a commitment to Jeff today, of course. But I'm also making a commitment to his family. It's my duty and deep pleasure to honor, love and respect them too. And I'm looking forward to it. Even if I'm not quite used to be called "Uncle Matt " yet. I'll get there.

This is a same sex marriage, obviously. It's legal in Vermont, but not yet in most states, but I think that will change. I get it that some people's religious beliefs don't condone this. But the God I believe in doesn't make mistakes.

He didn't make a mistake making me and Jeff gay. And neither of us chose to be gay, notwithstanding what some social conservatives might tell you.  It's part of who we are. It doesn't make us better or worse than we otherwise would be.  Being gay just happens. But being good people is a choice.  Honoring, respecting and loving each other and those around us is a choice. A damn good choice. Joining in a marriage is a choice. It's exactly the right choice. For us. And I think for everyone around us.

If there is a good, righteous God, He did not make a mistake bringing Jeff and me together for this marriage. Marriage is a right  and a responsibility. Jeff and I have the responsibility to keep our love growing, to make our trust grow and spread, to show the world that love indeed conquers all.

Jeff and me are up to the challenge, and we can't wait to start.