Supreme Court Nails Local Cops For Stealing Stuff

The Notorious RBG wrote Wednesday's U.S. Supreme Court
decision restricting civil forfeiture. 

I've complained before in this here blog thingy about something called "civil forfeiture."

It's been increasingly popular among some local law enforcement agencies across the country. It's basically "legal" theft.

Though as of Wednesday, it wasn't so legal anymore. The U.S. Supreme Court decided unanimiously that the Constitution's ban on excessive fines applies to individual states as well. That makes total sense to me and should be obvious.

Nonetheless, if you can get the most conservative and the most liberal Supreme Court justices to agree on something, that probably means they want to get rid of something that's terribly wrong.

There's no doubt about it. Civil forfeiture is indeed wrong.

Civil forfeiture essentially occurs outside the court system. It started as a pretty good idea: Civil forfeiture targeted large criminal enterprises by siphoning their money and supplies and resources away. No money supply and the cartel or whatever shrivels.

But then, many police departments discovered forfeiture was a way to boost their budgets. They would seize money and goods from people they arrested, which might be OK if the people involved were actually convicted of a crime and the amount of stuff taken was in line what the fines and such would have been anyway.

However, local law enforcement in some jurisdictions got into the habit of seizing cash, cars, real estate and other property from people who were not convicted of a crime, or in many cases, not even charged with a criminal offense. Then, these law enforcement agencies would make it extremely difficult, if not impossible, for people to get their property and cash back.

It's gotten so bad that some police departments have taken to randomly pulling over people with out of state license plates over for trumped up traffic violations. The police would then take any cash that was in the vehicle and that's it. To me, that's theft. To these corrupt police department, they called it "law enforcement."

Yeah, right.

A lot of people besides the nine members of the Supreme Court are saying good riddance to civil forfeiture, although I'm sure it wil continue in some form as crafty law enforcement agencies find loopholes around the ruling.

Again, forfeiture opposition makes strange bedfellows. I mean, the ACLU and the conservative Cato Institute are against civil forfeiture. If you can get those two groups to agree, that's something.

There are countless horror stories out there about civil forfeiture. One of them was the case the Supreme Court decided on Wednesday, Timbs v. Indiana. Police confiscated Tyson Timbs' $40,000 Land Rover after he was caught selling $400 worth of heroin.

Nobody questioned the fact that Timbs needed to bear consequences for his crime.  But Timbs had purchased the Land Rover legally: He used a life insurance settlement from his father's estate.

As the Huffington Post describes the case, Indiana law says people convicted of crimes like Timbs' should pay no more than $10,000 in fines. The Land Rover the cops seized was worth four times that.

One Indiana judge said the seizing the car was disproportionate to the crime. But Indiana's highest court overruled that lower court judge, saying the U.S. Supreme Court has never said that the Eighth Amendment's ban on excessive fines applies to states as well as the federal government.

So, the U.S. Supreme Court had to state the obvious today, in a ruling written by the Notorious RBG, Ruth Bader Ginsburg: That the Constitution - not just parts of it, but all of it, applies to the states.

The Supremes also based their decision in large part on the 14th Amendment, which says "no state shall deprive any person of life, liberty or property without due process of law."

Well, again, duh!

I guess Supreme Court watchers could see this decision coming since November, when the Supremes had oral arguments in the case. Justic Neil Gorsuch scoffed at Indiana Solicitor General Thomas Fisher, who was arguing that it how the 8th and 14th amendment had supposedly never been tested this way. "Here we are in 2018 still litigating incorporation of the Bill of Rights... Come on, General," Gorsuch said.

Indeed!

Even before Wednesday's Supreme Court decision, states had been feeling the heat and beginning to at least consider cracking down on civil forfeiture.  Frankly, I think the only people who liked this grifting was corrupt so-called law enforcement agencies.

In South Carolina, the Greenville News recently published the results of a two-year investigation it conducted with other news organizations regarding civil forfeiture in that state. The Greenville News reported that South Carolina police collected $17 million in forfeiture money and property between 2014 and 2016.

In almost a fifth of those South Carolina seizures, people whose property was taken by police were never even charged with a crime, never mind convicted. One South Carolina example that Reason cited was of an elderly woman whose house was nearly taken away by the cops because a few small-time drug deals were conducted on her property.

The woman had nothing to do with the drug deals, and any time she became aware of somebody dealing drugs on or near her property, she tried to shoo them away. (Which is brave of an old lady. You never know what these drug dealers can do.)

The Greenville news investigation results were so odious that the conservate law-and-order South Carolina legislature began considering a bill that would require a criminal conviction before any property could be seized from someone.

That legislative effort might have something to do with something that Jarrod Bruder realizes now that he shouldn't have said out loud, but it is what everybody assumes.

Bruder is the Executive Director of the South Carolina Sheriff's Association.  As the Greenville News reported: 

"(Bruder) said without the incentive of profit from civil forfeiture, officers probably wouldn't pursue drug dealers and their cash as hard as they do now. If police don't get to keep the money from forfeiture, 'what is the incentive to go out and make a special effort?' Bruder said. 'What is the incentive for interdiction.'"

Um, maybe police incentive to enforce laws is because it's their job? Wild suggestion, I know.

Reason said three states had already passed similar laws and 29 states had passed some sort of civil forfeiture reform, so you know this was getting pretty unpopular.  Still law enforcement is still  resisting the trend, and many of them will have to be dragged kicking and screaming to comply.

New Mexico passed a law last year in which civil forfeiture could only take place if there is a criminal conviction. Incredibly, some New Mexico cities ignored the law, saying the municipalites could opt in to the law if they wished, but didn't have to.

Nope. New Mexico courts said, again, being a version of Captain Obvious, that a law was a law and everybody had to obey it.

In Oakland, California, the FBI cracked down on a crooked landlord who was illegally trying to evict residents so he could make a lot more money on rent. So far, so good. But then, says KQUED, U.S. Marshalls seized the property.

They now want to evict the residents so they can have an empty building that would sell for a huge profit in the Bay Area's tight housing market. Who cares if they make people homeless if there's profit to be made, right?

The residents, and Oakland, and California officials are fighting this.

All this means that the Supreme Court ruling was a victory, but local, state and federal jurisdictions better keep an eye on rogue law enforcement agencies out there.  They're supposed to enforce the law, but some of them are stealing just as boldly as a guy with a gun holding up a liquor store.

Is Kay Jewelers Stealing Diamonds From Customer?

Do some employees of Kay jewelers steal, or
at least do incredibly clumsy work?
A growing drumbeat says yes. 

Every kiss begins with cubic zirconia, apparently.

CBS Money Watch has a disturbing story about allegations that Kay Jewelers is taking expensive diamonds and gems from jewelry people bring in for servicing and replacing them with chief knockoffs.

Aimee Picchi (a fellow Vermonter!) writes that a number of people have reported the thefts. There's even a Boycott Kay Jewelers Facebook page. 

The Facebook page consists mostly of people complaining of shoddy work on jewelry at Kay's and other chain jewelers owned by parent company Signet Jewelers.

CBS Money Watch cites a report in BuzzFeed News about one woman, Chrissy Clarius, who took her $4,300 engagement ring to Kay Jewelers every six months as part of their gemstone guarantee program.

When nobody could find the diamond's certification number at one trip to Kay's, Clarius grew suspicious, took her ring to another jeweler and found the diamond had been replaced by moissanite, a cheap stone.

I really hope employees at Kay's are not stealing diamonds. According to CBS Money Watch, Kay released a statement saying they have "rigorous processes in place to help ensure this won't happen." The jewelry chain said it is "actively reviewing this issue."

BuzzFeed News also reports Kay is facing an onslaught of consumer complaints from people who bring in their jewelry for repairs and get them back looking worse than before the repair.

To me, all this sounds like a retail chain cutting corners with inexperienced workers, cheap goods and crappy customer service, all in the name of maximizing profits.

Like many (but not all!) companies, I suspect Kay is burning themselves with short term, quarter-by-quarter thinking. That sometimes temporarily results in ever increasing profits.

That is, until consumers get the memo on how people think the stores are crappy. Then there's a cascading series of financial troubles that can bring down these types of retailers. I noticed Picchi cited stock prices falling as much as 11 percent last week due to disappointing earnings for Signet Jewelers

The CEOs and top mucky-mucks tend to come out of this type of situation with huge bank accounts from their sky high executive pay, leaving a trail of unemployed former workers, angry customers and angry shareholders when things go south.

There outta be a law....

Ice Cream Cooler Thief Gets Away With It Because Store Clerk Is Out Cold

Our Florida Man ice cream thief
flips the bird at the surveillance camera. 

Before you say anything, remember, the following happened in Florida, which explains everything.

Surveillance video shows a guy stealing an ice cream cooler at a convenience store.

It might seem hard to do, taking a whole Good Humor cooler from a convenience store. You'd think somebody would notice, after all.

But, according to the Miami Herald the store clerk, Beauvais Guisman,  was sound asleep, just inches away from where the cooler had been.

I never knew a convenience store was such a comfortable place to sleep. The things you learn!

I'm not sure what you'd do with a whole cooler of ice cream. You can only eat so much of it, after all.

But maybe the suspected thief, Dennis Norman, 25, was especially hungry.

The Miami Herald said police figured out that Norman was a frequent visitor to the nearby Zoo Gym Health Club. He'd probably worked up an appetite from all those hours in the gym.

From gym records, police caught up with Norman at his home. He'd stashed the ice cream in his own freezer, but said he couldn't remember what he did with the Good Humor cooler from the store.

He couldn't remember? A big cooler is not like a set of car keys. It's kind of hard to misplace.

Then again, Guisman, the store clerk misplaced the cooler, too. After all, he slept through the whole theft.

Guisman is probably the former store clerk now, as sleeping on the job, especially during a theft, is likely a no-no. I'm afraid Guisman is going to get very tired again and fall asleep in a bad location.

All that pavement pounding looking for a new job has got to be tiring.

Here's the fun surveillance video of the incident: (The thief flipping the bird at the surveillance camera is a nice touch)

Honey Theft: A Stingingly Stupid Crime

The guys in Florida tried to steal honey from this
hive high up in a tree. Guess what happened?  

I swear Florida is the world's leading producer of stupid criminals. There's a whole Twitter account called Florida Man, which chronicles the extreme creativity of the state's bad guys and gals.

The Twitter Feed is so named because every day in the paper or web news sites, there's the inevitable story that begins "A Florida man has been charged with (insert stupid crime here....)"

To my mind, a new low was hit on Easter Sunday in an attempted honey theft from a beehive in New Port Richey, Florida, says television station WTSP in Tampa/Sarasota.

Yes, you and I know bees tend to sting when you disturb them or their hive, and you need the proper protection and methods to harvest honey from a hive.

But you and I are not Florida Man! Why not climb a tree and just grab that delicious honey from a beehive?

The inevitable happened, obviously. The three men didn't get their honey but they sure got stung! The fire department had to show up and hose the guys down just to get enough bees off them so they could help them.

"They were covered in bees -- their beards, their hair, their clothes. Bees were everywhere," neighbor Tom Johnson told WTSP.

Being in Florida and all, Johnson realized on camera with WTSP he had to play the role of Captain Obvious, and said, "It's cheaper to go to the store and get your honey there than try to be brave and end up in the hospital. It's just not worth it."

It's true. A 32 ounce container of honey from Walmart costs just $7.84. I'm not sure what hospitalization from bee stings cost, but it's probably more than $7.84.

I can't wait for these three guys to get out of the hospital, where each was being treated for more than 50 bee stings. When they get out, I'm sure Florida Man will strike again with even more creativity.

I'm counting on you, Florida Man! And Florida Woman!

Somebody Stole 18 Tons of Crisco. I'm Trying To Solve The Crime

 

Somebody really, really wants to grease the skids. Or set a world's record in making bisquits or pies or something.  

I say that because, according to the St. Petersburg Tribune, somebody stole 18 tons of Crisco.

According to the article, somebody stole a tractor trailer containing 36,000 pounds of the stuff. The truck had been parked in St. Petersburg. Where it is now is a mystery.

I'm here to help, though!

I did a little digging around and St. Petersburg Police are free to use the theories I have outlined below to nab their Crisco culprit.

I saw one web site where they listed a whole bunch of alternative uses for Crisco, so maybe the people who stole the stuff saw the same info on line.

One suggestion is use Crisco on candle molds. My conspiracy theory is Yankee Candle stole the truck full of Crisco to help with production of its Christmas product line.

You can also use Crisco to remove lipstick stains from clothes. Maybe a posse of men who were cheating on their wives stole the truck to get the lipstick off their shirt collars, you know, the ones left there by their mistresses.

Apparently, you can also use Crisco to make face paint makeup. Just use two tablespoons of corn starch, one tablespoon of Crisco and add food coloring. Maybe a weird gang of creepy clowns that have been stalking the streets of Bakersfield, California stole the Crisco for their makeup.

Worth a call to Bakersfield Police, maybe?

Crisco is also handy if you want to remove gum that's stuck in your hair. Here's a thought: Perhaps some gum chewing heavy metal bands have had some nasty mishaps lately and needed a little Crisco help?

One more use for Crisco is to smear it on your snow shovel, so the snow slides right off instead of sticking to it. Amid fears of another rough winter, maybe some hardware stores are pre-smearing snow shovels with Crisco as an added enticement for people to buy them.

Anyway, those are my leading theories as to what happened. St. Petersburg Police investigators are free to contact me if they have questions.

I'm just trying to take a bite out of crime, dontcha see?

Great, But Hideous, Illegal And Mean Business Idea: Steal Library Books; Sell 'Em Online

Police say they hope to soon
  catch the moron stealing books
from libraries and selling them
on the Internet  

Here's a business idea for people who have no sense of morals or decency, and don't like little obstructions like breaking the law.  

Some idiot in Pennsylvania has been stealing books from libraries, then selling them online, says Consumerist and CBS Pittsburgh.

CBS Pittsburgh reported at least $6,000 in popular and bestselling books had been stolen from the Cooper Siegel Library in Fox Chapel, Pennsylvania.

The books are apparently being sold over the Internet, says CBS Pittsburgh.

The thief has apparently figured out how to bypass library security.

Nothing like denying people the ability to read the books they want from the library if it means fun and profit, no?  Not if there's money to be made.

The thief is a special kind of jerk. If we're all lucky, maybe he's allergic to the ink in the books and will get very sick.

I  can dream, can't I?

Wouldn't people who buy the stolen books online know they were stolen online? Not necessarily, says Consumerist: 

"Libraries get rid of excess and no longer popular books all the time. Sometimes they're sold in book sales, sometimes recycled, sometimes given away. If the thief has a stamp that says 'DISCARDED' and stamped up the stolen books with it, as libraries do when they purge their collections, no customers would suspect anything.

Library books usually contain concealed magnetic or RFID anti-theft devices, and the thief is either removing these or leaving through an alternate exit."

 The good news is police say they think they know who's stealing the books and hope to arrest him soon. The guy reportedly already has a pretty substantial criminal record.

Crime School: Don't Call Cops, Or Sue Your Victims. Will Just Make Things Worse

She might have PTSD, but it's probably because
of her stupidity, and NOT because she's a (fake)
bank robbery victim, says cops.  

Just because I like the dark side, I sometimes offer pro tips to criminals to make their "jobs" easier and I'm doing that today.  

Here goes: It probably doesn't help to call the cops on your victim, or sue them.

I'll give you two case studies. One was in Seattle recently, when a woman called the cops and said a man was following and harassing her.

Sounds like a good reason to call the cops, right?

It turns out the man was annoyed with the woman for stealing his smart phone. When she and her companion stole it, the victim objected and was assaulted because of his objections. The woman's doofus companion ran off, and the woman called the cops to complain about the "harassment",  says television station KOMO in Seattle. 

Trouble was, our cops first noticed the man in question had a number of cuts and bruises. Secondly, the cops found the victim's phone on our Dumb Criminal Of the Week.

Gee how did that happen?  Yeah, so the woman got in trouble for stealing and (surprise!) drug possession.  Police said she had three grams of crack with her. Which might have been impairing her judgement  bit, I don't know.

The second case study involves somebody named Aurora Barrera, of Downey, California, who used to work at Bank of America.

According to Bloomberg News:

"Barrera said that two men held her hostage and forced her to wear a bomb for the robbery in September, 2012. She said they made her remove money from the bank vault and place it outside the building, according to yesterday's statement. Authorities later determined the bomb was fake."

Barrera said she suffered post traumatic stress syndrome from the incident, and collected $45,537 in disability benefits and medical expenses from Bank of America's insurer.

It turns out she was in on the whole thing with the bank robbers, which lead us to this fun quote from the Bloomberg article:

"'It's shocking to think that Barrera, a trusted financial institution manager, would be a co-conspirator in a bank robbery and staged kidnapping, and then have the audacity to file a bogus workers' comp claim for traumatic stress and believe she could get away with it,' said California Insurance Commissioner Dave Jones."

Yes, it looks our bank manager Barrera flunked Crime 101, but has plenty of time to take the class over, since it's lookin glike she might spend the next nine years in jail.

Don't Steal From Church Collection Boxes If You're Looking For Sunday Thrills

It's Sunday.

An older couple stole money from
this tiny Swiss chapel, and many more
just for the thrill of it, officials said.  

Some of us are going to church. And some of us are looking to do something fun and exciting on a nice weekend day.

Once couple in Switzerland decided to combine the two pursuits and are surely now regretting it. I, for one think it's a good idea.

The couple, age 70 and 73 spent Sundays until recently going to churches and stealing church collection boxes, says the BBC. 

They didn't need the money, reports said. They just did it for the rush of getting away with something kinda mean. And criminal.

Of course, now police are investigating and it looks like charges will be brought against the couple.

The bottom line: If you're going to church today, Great! Just donate a bit of money if you want, but don't steal any.

If you're looking for a Sunday thrill, maybe a nice hike in the mountains, or even a sky diving excursion will do the trick.

If You Steal A Laptop, Don't Call Customer Service For Help

Recently, Mike Witonis of New Hampshire was puzzled. He'd gotten an e-mail from Apple, thanking him for contacting customer service for a question about his laptop.

If you steal a MacBook like this from someone,
don't call Apple support to ask for help using it.  

Witonis hadn't called Apple customer service. But then he realized why Apple thanked him for his non-existent call.

Witonis had his laptop stolen from his home about a year earlier. He'd given up on it as lost forever.

But then he realized the thief must have called customer service. Apple still had Wintonis' e-mail associated with the laptop, so Apple sent the message to him.

According to WMUR-TV in Manchester, N.H. the whole thing led police to Casey Wentworth, 24, who is accused of burglary. Police said they are puzzled as to why Wentworth held on to the laptop for so long, then tried to call Apple to figure out how to unlock it, apparently so he could use it.

Moral of the story: Sometimes its good that companies keep some data on us, like our email addresses. And some criminals are too stupid to realize this.

Ohio Man Learns You Can't Just Walk Into An Empty House And Call It Yours

This year's Chutzpah Award goes to a guy named Robert Carr in Ohio, who has decided that if nobody has been in a particular house for awhile, he can walk in, change the locks and claim it's his.

Robert Carr, who think he can just take houses for free.
Police have other opinions. Add caption

Apparently, he's been trying to do this for awhile, but the antics finally blew up in his face in the past couple of weeks.

A family in Springdale, Ohio, left town for a number of days to visit a dying relative, according to television station WLWT in Cincinnati.

When they came back, they discovered Carr had emptied their possessions from the house and changed the locks, according to WLWT. 

Carr seems to think that since the family hadn't been there in several days (or maybe even a few weeks) they "abandoned" the house and he could take ownership of it through a process called "quiet title"

"When you abandon a property, bam, walk away from it, 'I ain't never coming back. I don't want nothing to do with it,' right? Somebody can come in, 'Oh mine,' Carr told WLWT reporter Karin Johnson.

He says he can have the house for free.

WLWT said Carr has done this same tactic with at least 11 other properties. Carr says he's got a team helping him with this enterprise.

Well, it's not working out so well for Carr and his alleged team. After WLWT's story came out, Carr was charged with three counts of breaking and entering and three counts of theft. More charges could be pending.

You have to admire Carr's persistence, though. According to The Raw Story, Carr has responded to the charges by saying he "rejected" them and the "offer is not accepted."

Since when are criminal charges an offer? Police charge you with a crime and you say "No, thank you and the police go away? I don't think that's how it works.

According to Raw Story: "He also charged Forest Park, Ohio police with a lengthy, handwritten list of civil rights violations against him, including kidnapping "upon the inheritance of (his) free will as a man identified as a U.S. citizen."

Carr apparently belongs to a movement called sovereign citizen, in which they believe they decide what  laws to obey based on their interpretation of the Constitution.

Um, Mr. Carr? It doesn't work that way, either.  What if someone decided to commit a crime against you, say, robbery, and said I don't have to obey anti-robbery laws. What would you say to that?

Again, you have to admire Carr's chutzpah, but still.

Back to his house seizures:

There is actually a legal document called a quiet title, but it's not at all the way Carr envisions it. According to the Free Legal Dictionary, people can use a quiet title proceeding to remove a "cloud" from a potential property transaction.

A quiet title is basically a device to make it clear who owns the property and who the property is being transferred to.

The plaintiff has to prove he has a legal case to obtain the property, and it's up to the plaintiff to prove it.  So no, Mr. Carr, you can't just go into a house and say it's yours unless there's a compelling legal case that you are entitled to it.

So, just to review: If your next door neighbor goes away on vacation for a few weeks and nobody's in their house during that time, you can't just take the neighbor's house.

You have to find something else for a Christmas gift to yourself.

Art Thief Says Museum Made Theft Too Easy

An art thief who made off with paintings worth zillions might sue the museum from which he stole the works.

Radu Dogaru being led from a courthouse.
He might sue a museum for making it
too easy for him to steal paintings.  

The reason? The museum wasn't that secure, and made the theft too easy, which made it too tempting to steal the artwork so it's all the museum's fault the thief is in trouble with the law. 

It's unclear exactly what the grounds for the lawsuit are, other than the thief, Radu Dogaru, thinks he wouldn't be in trouble had it not been so easy to make off with the expensive paintings.

The paintings in question were valuable, too, having been works by Picasson, Monet and Gaugin

Dogaru says he wants a share of the insurance settlement the Kunsthal Museum in Rotterdam is seeking for the paintings, which have never been recovered.

I'm also doubting his lawsuit will be successful, but you've got to give credit to Dogaru, who is showing initiative and creativity here.

If he's successful, we have a new career for you corrupt kiddies out there. Try to rob houses and businesses and if you get caught, just sue the owners of those buildings for making the structures so tempting you just HAD to rob them.

Even Willie Nelson Is Not Safe From Cruel Thefts, Crimes

Somebody stole Ol' Dillo, and Willie Nelson is NOT happy about it.

The woman suspected of stealing
Willie Nelson's mascot, Ol' Dillo, a stuffed
toy armadillo. Photo from a Capitol Theatre
security camera.  

Ol' Dillo is a stuffed toy armadillo which has become a mascot for him and his touring band. It belongs to sound engineer Aaron Foye and you can usually see Ol' Dillo on a console on the left side of the stage during a Willie Nelson concert.

But recently, during a sound check before a concert at the Capitol Theatre in Port Chester, New York, somebody stole Ol' Dillo. 

Security camera footage from the theatre shows a woman with short dark hair picking up Ol' Dillo and walking away with him, so investigators, not to mention Willie Nelson, are trying to identify the thief.

The photos of the woman are pretty clear, so somebody must know her and can narc on her. At least we hope.

Also, Texas Roadhouse, the restaurant chain, is offering a $1,000 gift card for information on the return  of Ol' Dillo.


The Capitol Theatre is asking anyone to contact them with info on the theft of Ol' Dillo. People can return him to the Theatre too, and no questions asked.   We hope Ol' Dillo is hanging in there as he's being held hostage, and we hope he returns to Willie Nelson soon.

So at least everyone is working together so we can have the safe return of Ol' Dillo.

The timing of this isn't good either, as Nelson, 80,  is having a rough week. He's has to cancel some concert dates due to a shoulder injury. 

So, on the off chance anybody here knows what's going on, you can reach the Capitol Theatre in Port Chester at info@thecapitoltheatre.com or 914-934-9362.

Would You Buy Cheese Along the New Jersey Turnpike?

There's been a fair amount of media attention in the past week about the guy who allegedly stole 21 tons of Muenster cheese from Wisconsin and tried to sell it at a rest stop along the New Jersey Turnpike.

Veniamin Balika, 34, is accused of trying to fence
21 tons of stolen cheese along the
New Jersey Turnpike.

Yeah, he's in trouble, and New Jersey police have impounded the remaining cheese, but a question remains: How much of the stolen cheese is left? Or more crucially, how many people were stupid enough to buy the cheese?

Most people would think that a guy selling cheese at a rest stop is a bit sketchy, and perhaps the food shouldn't be trusted.

Everybody loves a bargain and I'm sure the accused, Veniamin Balika, 34, was offerintg the cheese at a nice discount. But still.

Even if you knew the cheese was not dangerous, wouldn't the fact that it's being sold at a rest area raise a couple red flags? Most people don't go to rest areas to shop. If I must stop at one, I make sure I do my business, as it were, as quickly as possible, then get out of Dodge.

Apparently, New Jersey health officials will inspect the cheese. If it passes muenster, er, muster, a charity might receive the windfall. Which is fine, because at least someone will have checked the cheese to make sure it won't kill you.

There is hope for the cheese. NorthJersey.com reports the cheese was found in a refrigerated truck at the rest stop, so at least it wasn't left to rot in the spring sunshine.

Hmm. Now I could go for some cheese. There is one rest area on the highway near my home, but, call me crazy.  I think I just might go to a reputable food market instead.

With Bear Spray and Twitter, Woman Nabs Package Thief

America's latest crime fighting superhero is a California photographer named Sonya Yu, who subdued a neighborhood criminal menance with bear spray, an oriental wooden samaurai sword called a bokken, and Twitter, according to the Sand Francisco Chronicle and several other news outlets.

The residents of a neighborhood around San Francisco were annoyed to say the least over thefts of delivered packages from their front stoops. Yu said she lost $1,500 in goods from  some moron on a bicycle, and neighbors on the street reported similar problems.  

Crime fighter extraordinaire Sonya Yu nabs
a thief creatively and hilariously

Yu, decided she'd had enough. She placed a bait package on her porch and waited with her arsenal.
for the thief to come around

Sure enough, here comes the guy on the bike. He saw her, and she took off in hot pursuit, waving the bokken and getting him good with at least half a cannister of the bear spray. The spray, used to ward off maurading bears, is not too dangerous, but stings like hell if you get any on you.

I'm not sure if there's too many bears in her San Francisco neighborhood, so I don't know why Yu had so much bear spray, but to each his or her own.

The guy got away from Yu, but soon police, spotting a guy in obvious pain and covered in orange bear spray, made an arrest.

Meanwhile Yu gave her neighbors the play-by-play on Twitter. One of Yu's initial Tweets stated: "I got him with the bear spray but he escaped."

A little later came this missive over Twitter from Yu: "I chased him with pepper spray & bokken, cops were cracking up when they arrived to see me & my weapons."

I'm sure the police are now considering consulting with Yu on the proper use of a bokken and bear spray, to add to the police department's crime fighting toolkit.

For the record, area cops said they discourage this kind of confrontation with criminals - you never know if they have a gun or something -- but it's perfectly within the rights of people like Yu to make citizens arrests.

Yu didn't quite come away unscathed. A little bear spray blew back on her. She Tweeted: "In related news, I hope none of you ever get bear sprayed because even back spray hurts."

Then she added in a subsequent Tweet: "Tho imagining how bad he's suffering (considering I emptied half a cannister of bear spray on him) makes me feel better."

So much better, in fact, that despite the day's excitement, she went ahead with plans to cook a nice gourmet dinner at her house for friends she'd invited over that evening. For the record, there was no bear meat or bear spray on the menu.

The suspect, Andy Aduha, 51,  is fighting back. He and his lawyer said he is the victim of entrapment, since the package Yu left on her stoop was fake. The lawyer said Yu's vigilantism was improper. 
Of course, he didn't have to grab the bait package. We'll see how that works out for Aduha in court.

In any event, somehow I think bear spray and maybe bokkens, will be on a lot of people's Christmas wish list this year.