High School Students Ordered To Smile All The Time - Or ELSE

Bert from Sesame Street would not do well in the Northern Lebanon School
District in Pennsylvania. 

My nominee for the most Orwellian high school in the nation goes to the Northern Lebanon School District in Pennsylvania.

Students there are required to smile at all times while in the hallways between classes, or else they get in trouble. If they don't, they must go to the guidance counselor to discuss their "problems" or get detention.  

So you're not allowed in the school to show any normal emotion other than benign (fake) happiness.

No anxiety over an upcoming tough test. No thoughtful contemplation over which colleges to apply. No anger or grief over the latest school shooting elsewhere in the nation. No thoughts of regrets over the argument with  Dad this morning over smart phone use.

Any normal thing like that is grounds for counseling or detention. It's just bizarre.

Meanwhile, according to the Lebanon Daily News in Pennsylvania, some parents are complaining that bullying incidents are being ignored by administrators. My guess is because the school district has some obsession with turning the school into some Stepford Wives perfect world.

Several teachers told the Lebanon Daily News said the smiling thing isn't a written rule in the school, Assistant Principal Benjamin Wenger has been enforcing this smiling "regulation."  I guess the fake smiling is more important than dealing with the real bullying in this school district.

After the "forced smiles" article came out, North Lebanon School District Superintendent Erik Bentzel denied that there is a "must smile" rule, but I suspect that's PR in the wake of the embarrassing news coverage.

So, if you ever go to this school for a visit, smile! You're on Orwellian camera!

Pennsylvania School Has Strange, Rocky Solution To School Shootings

A sample of the river rocks at a school district in Pennsylvania.
Students are expected to throw these rocks if a mass shooter
invades a school in the district. 

As you surely saw on the news, hundreds of thousands of people, a large proportion of them teenagers. demonstrated Saturday to push for gun restrictions they hope would stop or at least diminish all the mass shootings this country experiences.

However, as you also might have heard on the news, a Pennsylvania school district has already solved the problem. Or at least they think so. Color me and almost everybody else, um, skeptical.

The Blue Mountain School District in Schuylkill County, Pennsylvania says river rocks will do the trick.

You know river rocks. Those are the stones you find in brooks and streams that have been worn down smooth by the water. That smoothness makes them easy to pick up, grasp and throw at somebody you don't like.

Including mass shooters, at least in the minds of the people in this school district.

I'm not sure how a few river rocks thrown at a maniac assailant armed with an AR-15 would end the rampage, but what do I know?

BuzzFeed News quoted District School Superintendent David Helsel this way:

"If an armed intruder attempts to gain entrance to any of our classrooms, they will face a classroom full of student armed with rocks. And they will be stoned."

OK, now I'm confused. Does he mean the armed intruder will be stoned, as in, having a bunch of rocks thrown at him like those barbaric executions back in the olden days?

Or does he mean the people throwing the rocks will be stoned, as in totally high on weed? If the students are high, I can't imagine their aim would be all that good.

Anyway, Helsel continues: "We have some people who have pretty good arms. They can chuck some rocks pretty fast."

I don't want to disparage the fine student athletes in the Schuylkill County Blue Mountain School District. I'm sure members of the district's baseball teams can throw a mean curve ball. I bet the baseball and softball teams there are second to none.

Still, despite the athletic prowess of these students, I'm not sure if the speed of their rock throws can outmatch the speed of bullets from an AR-15.

But again, what do I know?

To be fair, this school district has other mass shooting protocols, including lockdowns and lock-ins, where students and teachers lock classroom doors in the hopes an armed assailant can't get in.

Still, the armed maniac could still get it, and Helsel doesn't want the people in the classrooms to be sitting ducks, nosiree!

So, each classroom has a five-gallon bucket of river stones. Helsel figures there might be 25 students  and a teacher in any given classroom, so that's a lot of people throwing stones.

But what happens when the bucket is emptied out.? Assuming anybody has survived to this point. Helsel insists it's better than nothing. "Under the circumstances, it is a better response than passively crawling under a desk and allowing someone to break into a classroom."

However, like all shootings and attacks, is Helsel right? A person shooting wildly with an AR-15 or something might not notice a kid cowering in the dark under a desk, but he or she would surely notice a kid pegging rocks at him.

Personally, I'd rather a person with a semi-automatic firearm not notice me.

It appears that at least some parents in the Blue Mountain School District are as dubious about this river rock safety plan as I am.

Regan Cameron Hutchins tweeted: "Welcome to Schuylkill County, where the people are dumb but the rocks are plentiful......When (daughter) Riley told us about the rocks - we thought she was kidding because it sounded like a fucking joke, right?"

I'm with you Regan. I almost didn't write this post because for the longest time I thought this story was something dreamed up and written by the staff at The Onion.

Helsel complained to BuzzFeed that media outlets were reporting on the river rock plan and "taking it out of context to make it look silly."

Oh, no, Mr. Superintendent. It really IS silly.

Check Out What This Drunken Driving Suspect Was Wearing

In Newville, Pennsylvania recently, police arrested a guy named Elwood R. Gutshall III, 44 for allegedly driving under the influence. 

Police there said he committed several traffic violations and that his blood alcohol level was up there at 0.217 percent.

He was also driving with a suspended license.

Gutshall's booking photo is in this post.

Check out what he was wearing

Other People's Mishaps To Make You Feel Better

If things aren't going your way today, just watch the two videos in this post to know that things could be worse.

The first is a giant spool of cable that got loose on a Pennsylvania highway in the past couple of days. Luckily, it didn't hit any cars and nobody got hurt, but whoever owns the truck or the spool certainly had a bad day:



The next is a video out of England, where somebody tried to lift a fat tire bike over a fence but accidentally dropped the bike.

It turned out to be an electric fence, so here's three minutes of comedy gold as the guys try to free the bike from the electrified fence. Note: Definitely some NSFW language in this clip!

He Should Have Just Let The Sap Drip On His Tree

Raymond Mazzarella and the tree
he cut down, causing so much trouble. 

Raymond Mazzarella of Pittston Township, Pennsylvania hated the pine tree next door to the apartment building he lived in.

The tree's branches hung over his parking spot, and always seemed to drip sap onto his car. Really annoying.

Some people would have gone next door and complained about the tree, hoping something could get done.

Others might have asked the landlord to help in that effort. Or ask the landlord to trim the branches that were hanging over the apartment building property. Or Mazzarella could have parked his car away from the tree.

But those ideas make sense! We can't have that!

So, according to television station WNEP in Scranton, Pennsylvania, Mazzarella took matters into his own hands.

He went next door with a chainsaw and cut down the offending pine tree.

As is often the case with ideas like this, things went a bit awry. The pine fell onto the apartment house Mazzarella and five other people lived in, and pretty much destroyed it.

The city condemned the apartment house because it's damaged so badly. (Even its foundation shifted)

Mozzarella, as you can imagine, is not taking thiswell. Actually, he's taking it out on other people.

WNEP says Mozzarella came back to the apartment building later, where he encountered another resident, Tony Latwiss, moving his belongings out of the wrecked apartment building.

Mozzarella inexplicably attacked Latwiss with a baseball bat, leaving him bruised and sore.

Police are not amused, as you might imagine. At last check, Mazzarella was in jail, charged with simple assault, reckless endangerment and harassment.

By the way, it seems Mazzarella has a bit of a temper to begin with. In 2011, he was arrested for making threats against a local police chief.

With All The Bad News, We Need This Fabulous Guy

This guy marching in a Pennsylania 4th of July
parade gives us some badly needed comic relief.  

The news is even more depressing than usual this week

I don't mean to minimize what's going on in the world and the nation. It's serious and we need to address it.

However, we also need some comic relief. Because as seriously as we need to take everything, we also need to relieve our brains from it all with some fun. For mental health.

So, I'll cue in this guy twirling a baton in a Fourth of July parade in Monroeville, Pennsylvania.

I don't like to use the word "fabulous" with its connotation, but this time it works.

Where the gentleman lacks in finesse he more than makes up in terms of attitude.

And we need the joy this guy exudes:

This Jerk Is Starting The New Year Jobless Because Of His Racist Rant

This guy decided to get really racial when confronting
a bunch of anti-fracking demonstrators. Now he lost
his job and everybody hates him. 

Recently, several people were peacefully protesting against a Pennsylvania fracking operation.

One of the demonstrators had a camera and encountered a guy who got rained out on his outdoor job and decided to show up and harass the anti-fracking crowd.

That part's OK. Nothing wrong with counter-demonstrating.

But the jerk had to be the stupidest person out there, given what he said, while knowing he was being filmed.

According to Raw Story, the idiot, identified as John Pisone, started off by saying, "Have you actually done something with your life, have you had any kind of job?"

Then he started making chimp noises at an African-American protestor, calling him the "N" word while also making liberal use of the word "fucking."

Pisone said the anti-fracking people were "milking my fucking tax dollars"

Well, Pisone is going to be the one milking tax dollars.

The video of this tirade, which you can see at the bottom of this post, went viral. Pisone's employer, MMC Land Management fired him.

In a Facebook statement, MMC decried Pisone for disrupting a peaceful protest, and that they have no tolerance for such language on or off the job.

So, the taxpayers might now be supporting Pisone, since he's out of a job and will have to live on something. Talk about milking the taxpayers!

Later, television station WPXI caught up with Pisone, who, now that he's jobless and everybody hates him, is apologetic. Don't know if he's sincere or not, because whether you mean it or not, you have to at least pretend to be contrite under these circumstances.

"It was foolish of me, especially to go racial over the whole thing," Pisone told WPXI. "This was stupid of me. I was angry.... I exploded and said what I thought would cut the deepest, and it was very stupid of me."

"I went racial on him, him being black. I thought this was going to cut deep. I don't know what the hell I was thinking.....I won't ever do it again."

Yeah, John, it was stupid of you. Any moron could see that if you just criticized the protestors' opinions on fracking, all would be fine.

Pisone says he's gotten death threats, which proves the point that when somebody like him does something stupid, stupid people respond with their idiocy.

Here's the video that made Pisone famous, if you can stand it. NSFW because of lots of swear words and really bad racial epithets.

Charlie Brown Christmas Tree Has No Place In Reading, Pa.

This "Charlie Brown" Christmas tree in Reading, PA.
is going to be removed in favor of a better one,
says the city. Photo from WFMZ-TV.  

If you have a soft spot for Charlie Brown Christmas trees, you know, the rather sad, pathetic one Charlie Brown befriends in the holiday special, don't go to Reading, Pennsylvania.

The city put up a Christmas tree, as many municipalities do, but it got complaints immediately.

It was not big and bushy like a traditional tree, but kind of lacking in branches and greenery and vigor.

It's going to go, Reading officials said, according to television station WFMZ in Allentown.

There's been a big fundraiser going on to raise $5,000 for a new tree to be put up for another tree lighting ceremony next weekend.

The tree was the target of LOTS of insults, says WFMZ:

"'I know Reading is not doing too great,' one man who works near the tree told the news station. 'But facing this tree up here is making it even worse.'

'If I were a squirrel looking for a home for the winter, I wouldn't even go in that tree,' said another."

Consumerist says the city was to have gotten a nice tree from a farmer, but then there was a bunch of rain and the farmer wouldn't let any heavy equipment through to get the tree. So the city basically cut down the first tree they saw in a city park and went with it.

But, as I said, a nicer tree is on the way. I kind of hope some kind soul adopts the city's 50-foot Charlie Brown tree, though.

Charlie Brown trees might not be popular in Reading, Pennsylvania, but they certainly are elsewhere.

I'm stunned by the number of outfits that sell Charlie Brown trees. Apparently, outfits like Kohls and Home Depot sell tons of them. Go figure.

Highway Traffic Jam Leads To Awesome Highway Jam Session

The world's most fun traffic jam, on I-76
near King of Prussia, Pa. last weekend.  

Last Saturday, a car crash brought traffic on Interstate 76 near King Of Prussia, Pennsylvania to a standstill.  

Annoying traffic jams happen all the time, so this bit of news would be unremarkable, except for what happen next.

Meteorologist Justin Berk was among those caught in the traffic jam. The tie-up lasted so long people started getting out of their cars, maybe out of boredom, to commiserate, or for some air.

Berk said he met two musicians, David Gettes and Paul Downie from the Trinidad North Steel Drums, who were probably going to miss the gig they were headed to, because of this traffic jam.

Berk sets the scene in a blog item he posted after the traffic jam:

"I saw an opportunity for some fun and glad I was able to convince them to break out their instruments right there on the highway. It didn't take much to reach the same conclusion that it would make a lot of people happy and pass the time better than just being frustrated.

With all due respect to the people involved in the crash, we felt bad, but there was nothing we could do about it."

The fun video of the incident is below. It looked like an awesome party. And I like how people who surely had never met before this seemed to be getting along wonderfully.

Note toward the end of the video when traffic started moving again that people were disappointed the party ended and they had to get back in their cars.

Next time I get caught in a traffic tie-up, I hope it's this fun.

Here's the video:

Great, But Hideous, Illegal And Mean Business Idea: Steal Library Books; Sell 'Em Online

Police say they hope to soon
  catch the moron stealing books
from libraries and selling them
on the Internet  

Here's a business idea for people who have no sense of morals or decency, and don't like little obstructions like breaking the law.  

Some idiot in Pennsylvania has been stealing books from libraries, then selling them online, says Consumerist and CBS Pittsburgh.

CBS Pittsburgh reported at least $6,000 in popular and bestselling books had been stolen from the Cooper Siegel Library in Fox Chapel, Pennsylvania.

The books are apparently being sold over the Internet, says CBS Pittsburgh.

The thief has apparently figured out how to bypass library security.

Nothing like denying people the ability to read the books they want from the library if it means fun and profit, no?  Not if there's money to be made.

The thief is a special kind of jerk. If we're all lucky, maybe he's allergic to the ink in the books and will get very sick.

I  can dream, can't I?

Wouldn't people who buy the stolen books online know they were stolen online? Not necessarily, says Consumerist: 

"Libraries get rid of excess and no longer popular books all the time. Sometimes they're sold in book sales, sometimes recycled, sometimes given away. If the thief has a stamp that says 'DISCARDED' and stamped up the stolen books with it, as libraries do when they purge their collections, no customers would suspect anything.

Library books usually contain concealed magnetic or RFID anti-theft devices, and the thief is either removing these or leaving through an alternate exit."

 The good news is police say they think they know who's stealing the books and hope to arrest him soon. The guy reportedly already has a pretty substantial criminal record.

Judge Says Woman Should Lose Home Because She Forgot $6.30 Tax Bill

A judge in Pennsylvania has decided a widow should lose her home because she didn't pay $6.30 in unpaid interest on a tax bill.  

Eileen Battisti might get kicked out of her
house because she didn't notice and didn't pay
 a $6.30 tax bill.  

Hey, they sent Eileen Battisti the bill. She should have noticed it. There are consequences for not paying the bill, the judge seems to say, ignoring his own lack of a sense of proportion.

As the lawyers involve note, yes, on a strictly legal basis, the tax authority can take the home because the woman didn't pay the $6.30.

But you'd think a little humanity would work itself in. Maybe make her pay double, or triple or even ten times that $6.30 as punishment.

According to the Associated Press:

"Joe Askcar, Beaver County's chief solicitor, said the judge got the decision right, based on the law.

'The county never wants to see anybody lose their home, but at the same time, the tax sale law, the tax real estate law, doesn't give a whole lot of room for error, either,' Askar said."

Yeah, and I'm sure nobody in the Beaver County tax department has EVER made a $6.30 error. And if somebody there DID make a $6.30 error, they were fired, right? Or better yet, taken to a back alley, beaten, then shot to death, right?

Because the punishment has to fit the crime, right?

The decision was described as right, based on the law. Why is the law so harsh and stupid? Why do tax authorities seem so intent on wanting to seize property on technicalities?  If the law is so off kilter, why isn't anyone moving to change it?

As for Battisti, she said her husband handled the paperwork for the property's taxes until he died in 2004.

"It's bad - she had some hard times, I guess her husband kind of took care of a lot of that stuff," Askar said. "It seemed that she was having a hard time coping with the loss of her husband -and that just made it set in a little more."

I wonder how much money the county tax bureau there in Pennsylvania has spent on legal costs for this case?  How many thousands of dollars over $6.30?

I know they'll make a killing if they succeed in seizing Battisti's house. But she's appealing the decision against her, and the legal fees will keep spiraling up.

But I guess tax authorities in Beaver County, Pennsylvania get their jollies out of kicking widows out of their houses and into the streets.

Gives them a sense of power, I guess.