Nine Year Old Activists Overturns Anti-Snowball Fight Ordinance

In front of a packed Severerance, Colorado Town Board meeting, Dane
Best, 9, lobbies comuunity leaders to overturn a ban on snowball
fights. Photo by Sara Knuth/Greely Tribune 

I love it when kids re-enact the plot in the fictional movie "Footloose," in which a teenager gets a town to overturn a ban on dancing.

The situation I'm about to describe isn't exactly dancing, but it's still nice to see somebody overturning a stupid local ordinance.

The town of Severance, Colorado has long banned snowball fights. C'mon! Colorado in the winter? You gotta have snowball fights!

Enter Severance resident Dane Best, 9, who decided he CAN fight City Hall. And, spoiler: He won.

According to the Greeley Colorado Tribune, Best gave this simple but perfect argument before the Severance Town Board:

"The children of Severance want the opportunity to have a snowball fight like the rest of the world....The law was created many years ago. Today's kids need a reason to play outside."

BOOM!

You can't get a more persuasive argument than that. Why not let the kids of Severance experience the joys of children everywhere. At least in places where it snows And in this age of kids staying inside playing video games to the detriment to their physical health, wouldn't you want children to go outside and be active?

The anti-snow ball ordinance was part of an otherwise perfectly reasonable law that banned throwing missiles or stones at people or property. It's still illegal in Severance to throw stones and missiles, as it is in most if not all of America. Best didn't want the town to overturn that part of the law, and he promised never to throw a snowball with a rock inside.

But the snowball piece of the Severance ordinance is now officially off the books. After the Town Board meeting, the Greeley Tribune said Best and his little brother Dax, 4, went outside into Severance's snowy streets and threw the first legal snow balls in the town's history.

Severance Mayor Don McLeod also got into the act and tossed a snow ball or two.

This whole thing leads to a larger lesson for Best and any kid out there. Yes, you can change an injustice, but only if you put some effort into it.

Bottom line: The kids are alright.

UPS Delivery Guy Gets Fun Assist From A Squirrel

In this still from a security camera video, a squirrel leaps onto the
shoulder of a UPS driver delivering a package to a homeowner.
Nice to see the squirrel trying to be helpful. 

In the viral video in this post, a delivery guy gets a happy assist during his workday.

It's Christmas season, so people are getting packages at their home left and right. In this case, a UPS driver delivers a Zappos box to a customer.

It's all festive. As the security camera shows, there's a nice seasonal wreath, and the bearded delivery guy taps a little tune on the box. He's in a good mood. It even helps that you can see a Christmas wreath on the door. All is well.

While he's waiting for the homeowner to open the door to accept the package, a squirrel decides to be helpful. Said squirrel jumps on the UPS driver's shoulder and head, and he's delighted.

The squirrel is gone by the time the homeowner opens the door, and the video cuts out at that point. I would have loved to hear what the conversation was like between UPS guy and the homeowner.

But at least it's a nice, happy alternative to the porch pirate thefts we usually see this time of year

Here's the video:

Christmas Gifts Only The Weirdest Could Love

I'm sure all of your friends would just LOVE a nose
warmer that looks like a spider! 

The Huffington Post recently put up an article that is sure to bring joy, or pain to every holiday shopper out there.

It's a comprehensive list of some of the more, um, novel Christmas gifts you can share this year.

I'll let you read the whole story, but I will cherry pick some of my favorites from this list.

One of these special Christmas gifts is a Trump bottle opener, which has the sound of Trump ranting. One of the messages spouts off about fake news when you use it. Frankly, I hope my nice cold bottle of beer is not fake news when I open it, so I'll pass on this one.

Ugly Christmas sweaters are all the rage in recent years, and I think I found the worst yet. It depicts Santa, sitting on a chimney, pants down, taking a dump down the chimney into somebody's fireplace. I think that qualifies as worse than getting a lump of coal in your stocking.

Here's the sales pitch from the company that sells this thing. "Ugly Christmas sweater has a whole new meaning when you rock up wearing something that literally takes a dump all over the Christmas season. He delivers to every boy and girl in one night, folks - when you gotta go, you gotta go."

I don't think this sweater is turning into a hit. At last check it was on sale - meaning they're trying to unload this, um, mess. The price keeps going down. It started at $84.95, went down to $78.95 and at last check was a low, low $59.95.

Still too pricy for me. Even so, you might want to continue on with this shitty Christmas idea. You can combine the above gift with the book "We Wish You A Poopy Christmas."

Honestly, the sales pitch for this book is even worse than the one for the poopy Christmas sweater:

The worst possible ugly
Christmas sweater.

"Curl up by the fire with some steaming hot chocolate and listen to Fudgy the Poopman offer his unique take on your favorite Christmas tales. You're probably familiar with Rudolph and his red nose, but in this book, you hear how Christmas was saved by Rupert, whose case of IBS has left him with shining red spot on the opposite end of the reindeer body."

I'm not sure why our nation's recent infantile obsession with poop is so rampant, but this Christmas stuff proves it's jumped the shark and must end now.

Moving on, the Christmas season is often chilly, especially for us northerners. We wear coats, hats, mittens, and even ear muffs. But what if your nose gets cold?  Well, of course there's a Christmas gift solution!

Keep your schnoz warm with a Spider Nose Warmer. I just love how the marketers of this thing in their sales pitch have absolutely no command of the English language. I'll quote it verbatim, with no editorial corrections:

"Nose warmer pom pom Christmast gadget. Funny nose gift nose heath Vegan friendly, Nose cozy winter heater. Your noise never been worn, it's made just for you....A unique practical way to keep your nose warm. Sure to be a hit with all. Fun and useful, great for everyone. Loops on each side of the Nose Warmer hook behind the ears, stretchy easy and comfortable to wear. And feets all."

Feets all? I thought it was a nose warmer. No thanks, I'll pass. They say a cold nose is a sign your dog is healthy. I'll just assume that if my nose is cold, I'm healthy.

I haven't finished my holiday shopping yet. I'm a last-minute kinda guy. But rest assured, family and friends! You're not getting any of the items listed above. If that disappoints you, buy 'em yourself!

PETA's Animal Cliche Suggestions Are Basically Beating A Dead Horse

PETA doesn't want us to use cliches that seem mean to animals.
Their alternative suggestions need work, though. 

There's an amazing number of cliches out there that involve animals.

That's the elephant in the room. There's more than one way to skin a cat. That dog don't hunt. Don't let the cat out of the bag. One trick pony. The lion's share. Pig headed. The cat's meow. Dog days of summer.  

Well, PETA, the strident animal rights group, thinks we ought to change some of our animal cliches to not celebrate cruelty to animals. Never mind that people who use these cliches generally don't want to abuse animals.

But never mind.

PETA decrees that we must change the following cliches to the some non-cruel alternatives. So here we go:

"Kill two birds with one stone" must now be "Feed two birds with one scone." (I had no idea birds like scones. Go figure.)

"Be a guinea pig" should become "Be the test tube."

"Beat a dead horse." should turn into "Feed a fed horse."  If the horse has been fed, it's not hungry. Why would you want to force food this poor creature? That seems cruel, but whatever. Plus, the fed horse thing makes no sense.

"Bring home the bacon" needs to change to "Bring home the bagels."

"Take the bull by the horns" should  become "Take the flower by the thorns." Um, most flowers don't have thorns. And even if they do, why should anyone punish themselves by poking themselves wityh thorns. You CAN be careful.

Now, like most people, I'm really, really not into torturing animals. But as usual, don't you think PETA is taking things just a wee bit too far?

As you'd expect the Twttersphere is not having it.

@tryzick put in a dig in by saying: "Raising awareness and teaching us new phrases? That's killing two birds with one stone right there."

Another wag, Nick Wing, a reporter at Huffington Post, @nickpwing added this: "We should also addressthe 800-pound gorilla in the room who is the  perfect weight because we don't body shame here."

Wing also observed this truthism: "Few things unite the right and left like an opportunity to dunk on PETA." 

At least the organization is one of those great uniters, huh?

Randy Rainbow's Latest: A Few Of Trump's Favorite Things

Randy Rainbow goes all "Sound of Music" on us in his
latest parody video. Spoiler: It's mean to Donald Trump. 

I guess I'm going to post every new Randy Rainbow video that comes out, and a new one popped up this week.

This one has sort of a holiday feel, as Randy goes over a few of Donald Trump's Favorite Things.  This, of course, is a parody of "A Few Of My Favorite Things" from "The Sound Of Music."

I wonder what Julie Andrews thinks of this Randy Rainbow video.

Anyway, as usual with Randy Rainbow,  I kinda think this video is NSFW. A little off-color. And plus it's not good office etiquette to trigger co-workers who might be fans of Trump.

Also as usual, this video is brilliant. Sample lyric:

"Burying Tax Returns After You File 'em/Tear Gassing migrants for seeking asylum"

I'll do no more spoilers. Here's the video:

Huge Teddy Bear Storm Disrupts Hockey Game In Best Possible Way

A blizzard of teddy bears rains down on a Hershey, Pennsylvania
hockey rink on Sunday for a very good reason. 

A minor league hockey game between the Hershey, Pennsylvania Bears and Binghamton Devils came to a long, grinding halt Sunday because, of all things, a blizzard of teddy bears.

There's a tradition in minor league hockey for something called the teddy bear toss, and the one Sunday at the Hershey game was one for the record books.

In the toss, when the home team scores the first goal of the season, fans toss teddy bears onto the ice.

Midway through the first period on Sunday, the Hershey Bears scored their first goal of the game. Everybody expected teddy bears to rain down on the ice, but nobody expected this. Watch the awesome video at the bottom of this post to see how this went down. It was beautifu

For nearly 10 minutes teddy bears flew from the stands in a blinding stuffed animal blizzard. When all was said and done, 34,798 stuffed animals had landed on the ice.

All the toys go to charity. Most of them go to local organizations like food banks, churches and the Lions Club. Some of them go to the Children's Miracle Network and the American Cancer Society.

All of the 34,798 stuffed animals make kids' Christmas all the better.  Sunday's teddy bear toss set a new record in minor league hockey.  The previous record was set by the Calgary Hitmen in 2015.

The teddy bear toss at the Hershey Bears game Sunday forced a long delay in the game, but nobody complained. I think it would have been especially fun being in the lower seats above the upper decks. After you throw your teddy bear onto the ice, more rain down from above, so you'd grab those and fling them onto the rink as well.

Here's the video:

Worst Gender-Reveal Party Ever Caused $8 Million Brush Fire

Gender reveal: It's a boy! But the explosion set off all that tinder-dry
brush you see, causing an $8 million wildfire. 

Dennis Dickey wanted to throw a nice, explosive gender reveal party, as he and his wife were expecting a baby.

He had what he thought was a great plan.

As NPR and numerous other news outlets explained, Dickey placed Tannerite, a very explosive substance inside a target, which he would shoo with a high-velocity firearm bullet.

Tannerite makes an explosie powder that produces some water vapor and a thunderous boom. Not to mention flames and what not. You can get Tannerite powder that sprays in pink or blue for a gender reveal party.

I don't know what Dickey,  a Border Patrol agent, was thinking when he pulled this stunt for his friends. As you can see from the video, below, everything around on that hot Arizona April day looked super, super tinder dry. Just thinking about a lighted match would start a fire, you might imagine.

The big fire caused by a gender reveal party burns along an
Arizona ridgeline in 2017.

At the time, the area was under a Red Flag Warning, which means there's a high risk of wildfires. Winds at the time were gusting to 40 mph.

But Dickey fires his gun. A big spray of blue. It's a boy!! But immediate, the tinder dry vegetation goes up in flames. What else would you expect?

The resulting fire would soon consume 47,000 acres and cause $8 million in damage. I guess Dickey had an $8 million baby, huh?  

On the bright side, although residents of many homes were evacuated, firefighters prevented those homes from burning down.

To be fair, Dickey did report the fire right away, but it was still too late. The fire quickly spread out of control. He has agreed to pay restitution, but I don't know where he's going to come up with $8 million.

He's already ponied up $100,000 and will pay monthly installments of $500 over the next two decades, but that won't cover it. And so much for the baby boy's college fund.

He'll also be on five years of probation and appear in a public service announcement for the U.S. Forest Service.