Thursday, November 15, 2018

Florida Man Outdoes Florida Man

This Florida man broke into a restaurant, got naked
ate a meal he brought with him, and played the
bongos. He won't be criminally charged because
he didn't rob or damage the restaurant, and
put everything away neatly when he was finished.
You know Florida crime weirdness is bad, when cops there investigating one weird crime find something even more odd.  

But this is Florida, after all. It's the land of Florida Man. You know the headlines see all the time. It's every day "Florida Man Does (Insert Very Weird And Novel Thing Here)"

So it was that a St. Petersburg, Florida was reviewing surveillance video because he was investigating a burglary at The Chattaway restaurant in which the intruder broke in, ate a plate of chicken wings, ad grabbed a beer to enjoy.

By Florida standards, this kind of thing is pretty routine, for sure.

But then, the police officer found something unrelated, but much more interesting in the surveillance footage.

I'll let pick it up from here:

"The video shows a man riding his bike up to the restaurant at 358 22nd Ave. S, pedaling around the parking lot for 10 minutes, then slipping in through the back gate. After wandering around a bit, he opens the door to a shed for storing odds and ends, and removes them one by one. 

Then the man gains access to a restaurant bathroom. And exits without his clothes." 

Well, I guess a little nudist burglary is a thing. Who knew? continues:

"He proceeds to sit naked at one of the restaurant's picnic tables and digs into a meal he brought with him - Maruchan Instant Lunch ramen."

I've got to hand it to the reporter, McKenna Oxenden, who was able to get such detail on what the guy was eating. As if that was the most important part. Then again, it's good Naked Florida Man didn't steal the food from the restaurant.

The video also shows the man, still naked, playing bongo drums. Not sure what the neighbors thought of that.

The money quote comes from Chattaway waiter Chad Pearson: "He came in with pants on but he rode off on the bike without pants....I'm not sure if he took his pants with him, but we didn't find them. We still don't know where his pants are."

Maybe the other guy who broke in and ate chicken and drank the beer stole the pants. It's a theory, anyway.

Police figured out who the naked guy is, but did not release his name. The restaurant isn't pressing charges, because Naked Florida Guy caused no harm, and even put everything back neatly when he was finished.

The (presumably) clothed guy the cops were initially looking for has not yet been caught. Authorities and the restaurant DO want to press charges against the Florida Chicken Eater Burglar because he stole cash tips, a laptop, a tablet and a grocery bag full of beer, all collectively worth more than $500.

The Florida Chicken Eater Burglar also tried unsuccessfully to break into a safe.

I bet the cops want to review Chattaway surveillance video every day, just to see what they'd find next.

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