Thursday, June 30, 2011

Don't Use Roundup on Jesus

The latest news out of North Carolina is there has been another sighting a Jesus image

He's turned up on toast, windows, sheetmetal and other objects. Jesus gets around, doesn't he? Now, the annoying weed called kudzu has taken the form of Jesus, at least in the opinion of a few people. 

Maybe this is a bad angle, but I don't see
Jesus in this kudzu
I dunno, to me, it just looks like a tangle of vines on a pole and wires, but what do I know?

Normally, kudzu is regarded as an invasive weed in the south that's nearly impossible to control and takes over everything.

Not this kudzu. It's Holy Kudzu.

I suppose if you use your imagination, it looks vaguely like a figure on a cross, but really, I doubt Jesus looked like a dense mat of leaves and stems, do you?

The best quote in the article about the kudzu Jesus is the guy who usually likes to spray kudzu with the herbicide Roundup. But not this patch of kudzu. It's Jesus, after all. "You can't spray Jesus with Roundup," the guy said.

Yes, it is rude to spray someone with Roundup.

What would Jesus do about people who think they see him in kudzu infestations or slices of toast, anyway?

In particular regards to the North Carolina Jesus kudzu, it will keep growing. Will its alleged resemblance to Jesus fade? Or turn into something else?  I'd hate to see it turn into something that looks like Ozzy Osborne or something, with all due respect to Ozzie.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Another Moronic Landscaping Idea

From the idiot who last year gave us a video of himself using a lawnmower to trim his hedges, we now have a new way to kill ourselves.

The self-described "World's Strongest Redneck" is still trying to trim his hedges. As you can see by the video, he has attached his chainsaw to a, well chain. He swings it around his head, brushing the shrubs, thereby trimming them.

Seriously.

Watch the video for yourself. The usual snarky comment from me is below the video.



As somebody commented on YouTube, "this dude is a Darwin Award just waiting to happen."

The guy is such a moron that if the chainsaw hit him in the head, it would just wreck the chainsaw, as if it hit a concrete post.

I wonder what he will try next. My guess is explosives to shear the shrubs. My suggestion: Just get rid of the damn shrubs. Or maybe keep the shrubs because they'll eventually help kill this guy off.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Somebody's Watching Me

The other night, I was sitting on the couch at home in St. Albans, Vermont,  mindlessly watching television, when I felt somebody outdoors was watching me.

These pansies on my back deck as viewed through
 my living room door, resemble a boisterous
audience interested in what's going on around them.
As I've noted before, we've just installed big new glass doors and windows in the living room, Was somebody out there? I just felt there were some faces that seemed interested in what I was doing.

I looked outside and figured it out. The yellow pansies in a planter on the deck resembled faces, with expressions suggesting curiosity about me and what's going on around them.   Look at  the pic in this post to see what I mean.

It's funny how inanimate objects seem to have personalities, at least in my mind. Flowers in particular. Daffodils are enthusiastic. "Hi there,!" they seem to cheerily shout as they announce the arrival of spring. Sunflowers are loud extroverts, the life of the party. Irises are friendly old aunts. Tulips remind of me of haughty Champagne sippers. Zinnias are like clots of happily chattering school children in a playground.  Lilacs are warm, heavily perfumed matrons of a certain age.

Yes, I know I'm being a bit insane here. But I guess that's one of the reasons why I want to keep planting flowers and perennials around the house. The more personalities brightening the property, the better.

Monday, June 27, 2011

The End of Facts

I was struck by the following quote in the New York Times today, by a guy observing a political blogger who many say doesn't really think facts are all that important

"There are no standards of facts anymore for a lot of people. We have gone from selecting sources of opinion that we agree with to selecting facts we agree with," was the quote.

I have noticed this phenomenon. Politicians of all stripes more so than ever say things that are demonstrably, unquestionably falsehoods, but people believe them. Because they want to. Nowadays, if a politician repeats the old saw that there will be a chicken in every pot, lots of people will go to their kitchens, look into their pots and pans and fully expect to find a chicken.

A chicken, nicely prepared with spices, lovely side dishes and and perfect dessert of strawberries and ice cream.

I have been depressed about this trend of people not considering for a moment whether something is factual or even possible. But maybe if you can't beat them join them. If I want something to be true, it will come true. I'll just live in Never Never Land. Why be left behind? I'll join the crowd.

So henceforth, every rainstorm that hits my house will be mixed with gold coins that I can scoop up and use to buy personal slaves that will do all my bidding when I want them to.

Everything will always go my way, everybody will fawn over me and I will live healthy and strong and happy for the next three million years at least.

Naysayers say all this is impossible. The facts don't support it. But facts don't matter anymore, remember? So. I'm going home now. It rained last night. Which means I have lots of gold coins I have to shovel off my driveway.

I'll see you on Rodeo Drive.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Otherworldly Clouds

Yesterday was a fitful day in St. Albans, Vt.  Showers, sun, clouds, darkness, light all fought for control of the day.

Toward evening, the skies put on their best colors, and left us with the otherworldly view you see in the photo I took and put in this post

Friday, June 24, 2011

He's America's Got Talent's Hero

Landau Eugene Murphy, 36, a car wash attendant from West Virginia, is surely a hero in the minds of the folks over at America's Got Talent.

The other night, he provided just the kind of television that producers of AGT surely want. I was among millions who ate up his appearance. I loved it.

You can watch the seven minute clip in the video in this blog post. It is worth watching. It's great TV, especially once they get out of the preliminary stuff he Murphy goes on stage.




As you can see in the video, Murphy ambled out onto the stage with his unruly dreadlocks and his kind of shabby clothes. He was chewing gum. He seemed like a nice guy, but also a little awkward. He didn't seem ready for prime time, really.

Judge Piers Morgan ordered Murphy to put the gum away. Murphy did so by stuffing it into his jeans pocket.

Sharon Osborne asked what he was going to do. He said he was going to follow his dream. She looked doubtful. So did Morgan and fellow judge Howie Mandel.

Then Murphy opened his mouth to sing, and out came this gorgeous Frank Sinatra voice.  He brought the house down.

The three surprised celebrity judges heaped praise on Murphy. "Your life is never going to be the same," Mandel told Murphy, a prediction I have no doubt will come true.  Mandel's remarks, and the enthusiasm coming from the audience so overwhelmed Murphy that he burst into tears.

Will America's Got Talent greatly help, or hurt
Landau Eugene Murphy?
I so want Murphy to succeed, but I worry a bit that his appearance this week on AGT will be the best part of his radically changed life.  I worry about people who are plucked from obscurity and made into instant stars.

There's money to be made from talented people like Landau Eugene Murphy. And why not? He can make a living singing, and the record companies, the promoters and all those other people in the industry can share in some of the wealth.

But a lot of big industries, including the talent industry, are full of sharks. People will take advantage of Murphy, take more than their share of his money, overwork him, make him do things he has misgivings about, chew him up and spit him out.

Yes, I'm cynical. And I don't mean to be patronizing toward Murphy. From what little I know about him, he seems smart enough. Even so, this has hit him like an avalanche. Nobody can be fully prepared for it, especially since he has no experience here. AGT was the first audition and his first public performance as a singer. He can't know all the tricks of the behind the scenes trade yet.

Plus, no human is perfect. I'm not. You're not. Murphy is not.

The Landau Eugene Murphy story arc will be familiar. Somebody gets a big notice and they're celebrated. Then the entertainment reports dig, and find the skeletons in the closet. And you know everybody has them. They'll dig up a prior arrest, something he did or said that was stupid, a failed job, a failed relationship or any other failure and play it up.  Build him up, tear him down.

They do that to everybody. Everybody hungers for such an arc, and there's money to be made constructing the story arc.

Now that AGT has got me and many others firmly in Laudau Eugene Murphy's camp, I really hope he has the wherewithal to withstand the greedy people circling him. Unexpected success like Murphy's is like blood in the water. Right now, Murphy is the last person I want to see become shark food.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Bizarre Hit and Run Crash: Why So Casual?

Everything nowadays is caught on tape, and a recent, bizarre hit and run crash in Pennsylvania is no exception. So why do people do dumb things in public, then pretend nobody saw them?

The surveillance tapes, as you can see in the video below, from the store in Pennsylvania  shows a 7-11 store employee, minding his own business, changing the garbage bags in the trash cans in front of the store. A car swerves into the parking lot, bounces off another car, then crashes into the store employee and the store itself.

The crash sends the employee through the glass window into the store. (The employee was injured but is recovering)

What happens next is strange, if you are a student of human behavior. As soon as the dust settles, a passenger in the car casually gets out and walks away, as if she decided she's in the mood to go buy a Slurpee or something.

The car backs out from the store, and another passenger in the back seat of the car tumbles out an open door of the car onto the pavement.

According to NBC Philadelphia reporter David Chang, both passengers later got into the car, which drove off.  Police already interviewed our alleged Slurpee customer, who ID'd the driver, according to Chang's report. Police also have their hands on the car.

The driver of the car is supposedly a nurse, and police are looking for her. I guess she was off duty, which might explain why she didn't try to help anybody.

So, OK, why was everybody involved so casual? If I'd slammed into a store with my truck, I'd be in hysterics. Were they casual because they drive into people and buildings as a matter of course and the whole things is just old hat?

Or do they do worse things, so injuring a person and trashing a building with their car is no big deal? Weren't they at least a little curious about the guy they hit? Weren't they aware that every convenience store on the planet these days is bristling with surveillance cameras as a tool against robbery and other crime?

Or were these people just trying to set a new record for stupidity?

Inquiring minds want to know, and I'm sure the fine reporters of television stations and newspapers and blogs around Pennsylvania will try to fill us in once Little Nurse Crash and Slam is arrested.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Summer: Day 1, Sunset

Yesterday was the official first day of summer. Mother Nature obliged, giving us a placid, sunny, warm summer day.
Sunset, St. Albans, Vt. June 21, 2011

The day ended with a classic summer sunset, as the photo of the lowering sun sinking west of St. Albans, Vermont shows. A few clouds, a little haze, and the promise of more warm, fun days to come.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Global Warming, Cured! (uh.....)

This video shows a girl who just might be our savior! She has discovered the cure for global warming. Or not. Listen to her ridiculous idea. OK, to be fair, it was probably off the cuff, and she maybe opened her mouth before fully engaging brain. We all do that from time to time. But it's still funny:

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Huge Home Improvement

The hated living room window in my home in St. Albans is gone and a beautiful new glass wall has taken it's place.  You can see the before and after photos in this post.

It's so nice to be able to actually look outside. And the removal of the old window revealed yet another example of how scary the previous own of this house was.
The old, ugly window in the living room of my
St. Albans, Vt. house.

The previous owner did everything wrong with this house. Pipes leaked, the electrical system he installed was a major fire waiting to happen and there were other issues to list. Some do it yourselfers should not do it themselves.

The old window's seals were broken. They were always foggy with condensation, and the woodwork was rotting. We had plenty of company in the house with carpenter ants skittering around. Carpenter ants aren't my friends.

Turns out the old window practically had no supports. No woodwork supported the roof over the window. So unbeknownst to me, I could have had a nice little roof cave in above the edge of the living room.
The new doors and windows in my living room, leading to
the back deck. FInish work needs to be completed.

That would have livened up a party, or a cold relaxing winter's night, huh?

The new windows make this modest box of a ranch house look like a palace. It consists of double sliding glass doors leading out to the back deck, with almost floor to ceiling windows on either side of the doors.

Credit Jeff for his design sensibilities for coming up with this concept. This time of year, especially, the wide view of the deck out the windows makes it look like I'm looking out into another, beautiful room in the house.

Finish work has to be done, of course. But I first saw the new windows and doors, I felt like one of those people on "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" who have their scary falling-apart house torn down and replaced by something really cool.

Jeff oversaw the whole project, so huge kudos to him. I wonder where he got all his patience?

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Darlusz and the Changed Home

"So many changes. I no keep up. It different,"said  Darlusz Zabagaiski, the Polish Frog said amid the construction material and shifted around furniture in the house.

Darlusz, for the unitiated, is the plastic/ceramic frog that serves as a household muse and conversation piece. He likes making an occasional guest appearance in this blog.
Darlusz compares our new kitchen floor, brown, top
left, to the ugly old lineleum floor.

"I know, isn't it great,?" I said, as I tripped over a box of flooring that was ready to be installed.

The St. Albans, Vermont house Darlusz, Jeff and I live in is in the throes of a major transformation, thanks to Jeff, who is both a design expert and somebody who can't stand life unless he has some nice big projects going on.

Because of Jeff's hard work, the front deck was replaced, a new floor appeared on the kitchen and living room. He installed carpeting in a bedroom, refinished the kitchen cupboards, painted the shed, and did plenty of other projects that are too much to count. All this happened just in the past month.

Oh, and Jeff is overseeing the replacement of the entire west wall of the living room, and it will become mostly glass, to capture the great view of the Champlain Valley.

Darlusz and I are exhausted just thinking about all this, and Jeff's the one doing all the work.

"Yez. it nice, but I confused. So much new stuff. Da boxes everywhere. Da floor, it new color. No used to dat. Da new baseboards, make da wall different and I bump into it. Why you take out the big window in the living room?  It plywood now. Look awful. Can't see da bugs fly by outside dat I can eat," Darlusz whined.
Darlusz inspects the old window we're removing from the
house. Sheetrock was removed to prepare for the work.

"Oh, relax, it will be done soon enough. That plywood is going to become a big glass wall, you can see all the bugs you want. But it will probably make you hungrier because the bugs will be outdoors.  And you have to admit the new floor and baseboards are gorgeous," I said.

"Yah, but I no good at change. Took me months to get good again when I move here from Poland two year ago," Darlusz said.

"You'll get used to it soon enough, and you will love it. I guarantee it. I already love it. And I sure don't miss that awful window in the living room. It was leaky, you couldn't see out it that well because of condensation, and worse, it was attracting carpenter ants," I said.
Darlusz hunts in vain for insects to eat on the great new floor
in our kitchen and living room.

"But I love doz carpenter ant. Day tasty," Darlusz said.

"You can only eat so many of those. And besides, you're gaining weight," I said. There will be plenty of bugs for you even without the carpenter ants. And if they're not enough, I'll even buy some for you."

"You do dat for me,?" Darlusz asked.

"Absolutely. As long as you help me move these empty flooring boxes out of the kitchen," I replied.

"You good man," Darlusz said.

"Thanks. But you should really thank Jeff. He's the one responsible for all these great home improvements," I said.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Killer Queen Videos

Today is Queen day. No, not an official holiday. I've just decreed that it's a day to enjoy the band Queen for all it's gaudy glory. Love them.

To celebrate, I offer you two excellent videos inspired by Queen. The first is a video by Fredrik Larsson. And Fredrik Larrson. And Fredrik Larsson. And Fre....

Turns out Fredrik, aka "FreddeGredde" cloned himself, at least in a video sense, seven times, of himself performing Queen's song "Killer Queen." It's very good. Watch.



The next video takes the Queen song "Bohemian Rhapsody" and sets it to little clips of some of the most famous viral videos that have ever appeared on YouTube. I'm sure you'll recognize some of the video snippets. The fun of the video is how well the clips go with the words of the song. Quite hilarious. And to be honest, an effective advertisement for YouTube.

Watch:

Monday, June 13, 2011

Another Amazing Time Lapse

My brother in law sent me this incredible time lapse video of various natural and mountain scenes, and I have to share it with you, it's so good.

The photographer is Terje Sorgjerd of Norway, who has produced a series of incredible time lapse videos besides this one, all depicting the natural world. He reminds us the world and the natural universe is truly magical.

This inspires me to try my hand one of these days at time lapse. I obviously would be a zilion times less amazing than this guy, but it would be fun to do something with a thunderstorm, or clouds, or something.

Any suggestions, folks?



The Mountain from TSO Photography on Vimeo.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Anderson Cooper, Comedian

Anderson Cooper, the respected journalist on CNN, has a segment on  his show called The Ridiculist, which highlights the extremely stupid person of the day.

The segment seems to let Cooper exercise his comedic chops. He's getting pretty good at it. One of my favorites was recently, when he highlighted a Looney Bird sort of guy who's horrified, horrified, that he sees phallic symbols all over Denver's airport.

Cooper plays the straight man, to great effect. Watch his slam dunk on this guy:

Saturday, June 11, 2011

You Can't Make This Up

Fans of The Onion,  like me, know the headlines on the fake, satirical news site are classic.

But sometimes, real news trumps The Onion. Somebody created a Tumblr site called Onionlike which gives us real headlines that are from real news and real publications. The headlines prove that truth is stranger than fiction.

Some of the headlines from Onionlike include "Alton Attorney Accidentally Sues Himself," and "Academic: Are the Smurfs Crypto Fascists?" What the hell is a crypto-fascist anyway? Are blue things crypto-fascists?

One more headline says "Headless, Clawless Bear Found in N.Y. Trash Bin." Makes me think of that famous headline, wish I remember if it was from the New York Post or the New York Daily News. That classic headline was "Headless Body Found in Topless Bar."

Well, of course.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Dishing About Landscaping

You can use just about anything for landscaping borders in gardens, and I came across this unique one in Burlington recently.
Somebody in Burlington, Vermont used dishes
to decorate a front yard garden.

Somebody used china, yes, dishes, to mark the boundary between walkways and plants in the garden in their front yard.

It's not maybe something I would do, but you have to admit it's unique. It does kind of work, and I like the fact that the idea is so quirky.

Gardens need more quirkiness, sometimes.

It got me thinking about what other things people use as garden decorations. I see tires used a lot, which definitely sends a mixed message.

I mean, let's plant things where vehicles will roll. I saw one house once where discarded green aluminium siding was used as a sort of wall in front of plants. Pretty cheesy. And I've seen flowers growing out of a rotting couch on a front yard, but I don't know if they just grew there randomly or if it was some sort of landscaping design.
A detail of dishes inserted between paving stones and plants
as decorations in a Burlington, Vt. garden


Me, I'm going to continue to use stones, plants and other natural things for my landscaping. Readers, have you see anything odd in a garden? Have you used anything odd in a garden? Let me know. It would be fun to find out how creative people are.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Hating the Texter

I found a little item below of the type of person I hate the most. It's a recording of a voice mail message left by a young woman who seemed to not like her experience at some place called the Alamo Drafthouse.

Apparently, the Austin, Texas business shows movies, and does not allow texting and phone use during the films. Seems like a pretty reasonable rule, if you ask me.

Well, our young woman is steamed, steamed that she got thrown out of the Alamo Drafthouse for texting during a movie. She has the right to text, you see, even if it totally bothers everybody else trying to watch the movie.

The young woman is the type of person I just love to despise. Her wishes trump everybody else's. I wonder what she thinks, if she's aware there's close to a million people now who have heard her bitchy whines.

Listen for yourself in the video below (which just has her words) Caution: Her language is NSFW and not for the little kiddies scattered about:

Monday, June 6, 2011

News Comes to Me

As a journalist, I always need to go where the action is. Not a problem, obviously, but it would be easier if everything just landed in my lap.

Yesterday, a sleepy Sunday, it did. It was 6 a.m., and I was already groggily up, checking e-mail in my home office in St. Albans, Vt.  I thought I heard a dull "thud" outside. Then a slightly louder thud. Then, looking out the window behind the laptop on my desk,  I thought I saw a little patch of gray smoke float by.
Firefighters in St. Albans on Sunday battle a truck fire
in which a woman rescued the driver 

I went outside and looked. There was a big pall of black smoke. Oops. A story.

So I grabbed my camera, hopped in the truck and followed the smoke. And the fire trucks. It turns out a tractor trailer truck burst into flames at a truck stop just a mile from my house. Luckily, I was able to get some nice dramatic photos and a cool story for the Burlington Free Press.

Yes, I do sound too enthusiastic about this. After all, fires are dangerous. But in this case, nobody got hurt, and a woman was hailed as a hero for rescuing the truck driver.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Disaster Aftermath in Vermont

I spend the day Wednesday in a mobile home park in Berlin, Vermont that had been all but wiped out in a flash flood a week earlier.
Flash flood devastation in the River Run Mobile
Home Park in Berlin, Vt. this week.

I did an article on the flood aftermath there for the Burlington Free Press, highlighting how the disaster inflicted unremitting uncertainty on its victims. That maybe was the worst part of the flood for them.

We all like predictability. We like to know we will drive home after work, the home will actually be there, and we will follow our routine tomorrow and the next day, and the next.


That's what made me feel so bad about the flood victims in central Vermont. All that predictability was gone. Where will they live? What do they have, and what have they lost? Can they get back some of their possessions? How will they pay for it?

The initial moments or days of a disaster are exciting in their own way, even if they are tragic. There's drama and things nobody has seen before.
Paul Turner sifts through what's
left of his home after flash flooding
last week in Berlin, Vt.

Of course, the experience quickly gets old. You've got to rebuild your life, regroup, cope with all the stuff you loved that you lost. The lucky ones were not hurt, or didn't lose any loved ones. Fortunately, in Vermont, nobody died in the flooding.

I didn't know it at the time, but as I wrapped up my visit to the the flood ravaged mobile home park, a big tornado was spinning through Springfield, Mass. 

The tornado added to the many thousands of people in the United States, a few of them in Vermont, who are coping with weather calamity after weather calamity.

Next up: The big Missouri River flood. It doesn't end, unfortunately.

Disaster Aftermath in Vermont

I spend the day Wednesday in a mobile home park in Berlin, Vermont that had been all but wiped out in a flash flood a week earlier.
Flash flood devastation in the River Run Mobile
Home Park in Berlin, Vt. this week.

I did an article on the flood aftermath there for the Burlington Free Press, highlighting how the disaster inflicted unremitting uncertainty on its victims. That maybe was the worst part of the flood for them.

We all like predictability. We like to know we will drive home after work, the home will actually be there, and we will follow our routine tomorrow and the next day, and the next.


That's what made me feel so bad about the flood victims in central Vermont. All that predictability was gone. Where will they live? What do they have, and what have they lost? Can they get back some of their possessions? How will they pay for it?

The initial moments or days of a disaster are exciting in their own way, even if they are tragic. There's drama and things nobody has seen before.
Paul Turner sifts through what's
left of his home after flash flooding
last week in Berlin, Vt.

Of course, the experience quickly gets old. You've got to rebuild your life, regroup, cope with all the stuff you loved that you lost. The lucky ones were not hurt, or didn't lose any loved ones. Fortunately, in Vermont, nobody died in the flooding.

< I didn't know it at the time, but as I wrapped up my visit to the the flood ravaged mobile home park, a big tornado was spinning through Springfield, Mass. 

The tornado added to the many thousands of people in the United States, a few of them in Vermont, who are coping with weather calamity after weather calamity.

Next up: The big Missouri River flood. It doesn't end, unfortunately.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Lake Champlain Keeps Attacking

Last evening, while Massachusetts was coping with really nasty tornadoes, we in Vermont had our own wind issue.
Flooding Lake Champlain water and waves overwhelm
a fishing pier in Burlington, Vermont Wednesday

The cold front that caused the severe weather had passed. As is often the case after a late spring or summer cold front passes in Vermont, the skies clear, it stays warm and a strong fresh breeze kicks up. It was gusting to 40 mph at times.

Normally, this would not be a problem. The wind felt good after an oppressively hot day that reached 90 degrees. But Lake Champlain has been in a major flood since April, and the water is still incredibly high.
Crashing Lake Champlain waves come ashore near a statue on a w
windy evening Wednesdayin Burlington, Vt,

So the wind stirred up some big waves, which caused further damage and erosion along an already flooded and trashed Lake Champlain shore in Vermont. You can tell this by the pics I took that are in the post. Looks like people were still enjoying the weather, though.
Waves from flooding Lake Champlain splash onto a boardwalk
In Burlington, Vt. on a warm, windy Wednesday eening

Surging waves from a flooding Lake Champlain
overwhelm a Burlington park on a windy
Wednesday evening