Thursday, April 30, 2015

Guy Pours Molten Aluminum Into A Watermelon Because Why Not?

See what happens with this guy and his lovely
assistant pour molton aluminum into a watermelon. 
A guy in Florida (of course) decided to pour molten aluminum into a watermelon just to see what would happen.

I think the guy envisioned explosions, but something much cooler happened.

It was kind of like the time somebody poured such hot aluminum into a ant colony. That incident turned into art.

The watermelon turned out to be surprising.


Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Yet Another AWESOME Local TV News Interview

Floyd Briggs, pictured here, has given the best local
television interview so far this year. Image from KFOR.  
Floyd Briggs is going to join the pantheon of best local television interviews ever.

He'll join the ranks of the classic interviews, like the "apparently kid" at a Pennsylvania fair, the flair of Antoine Dodson, who foiled a creep who tried to sexually assault his sister, and the woman describing a destruction hailstorm at her house -- KABOOYA!!!

Floyd Briggs joins the list of these awesome interviews for describing for television station KFOR how he stopped a motorcyclist being chased by police in Chickasaw, Oklahoma.

Briggs is a camoflauge wearing big good ole' boy who stepped out into the street to make the motorcyclist crash, then chased him down.

Briggs admitted to the reporter that he got kind of winded chasing the guy down. "I was running out of steam very quick. I'm not very aerodynamic."

I also like how Briggs apologized to his neighbors during the interview for the salty language he used as he helped apprehended the perp, but I'm sure he's already forgiven.  He seems like the type of guy that everyone would like.

"I did use some language that just isn't how I talk....Some of the words I used, I was pretty worked up. I'm sorry for that."

There were no serious injuries in the incident, and the motorcycle driver faces several criminal charges. But, we have a new news hero in Briggs.

By the way, Briggs' Facebook page might be a little lowbrow, in a very good way, and it's also pretty funny.

Here's the awesome news clip from KFOR:

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

My Vote For Best Performance Ever On "The Voice"

Kimberly Nicole blew me away with her
performance of the song "Creep" on "The Voice"  
Regular readers of this blog know I'm a big fan of the televised singing competition show "The Voice," so of course I watched it last night.

There's a paricularly strong group of eight finalists currently, but one named Kimberly Nichole just blew me away Monday evening.

She sang one of my favorite songs, the Radiohead classic "Creep."

I know, I know. Too many people have covered that song. It's turning into a cliche.

But Nichole turned the song on its head, and turned it into one of the best performances I've seen on the show. She kind of turned the song into an epic play.

Watch what she does toward the end. The move downward is so brilliant. She made the song so complex, and totally renewed "Creep"

I'm gushing, but I'm hoping to hear a lot more from Kimberly Nichole in the future based on this video:

A Moment With Balancing Dogs

Short and to the point on this busy Tuesday.

Let's spend a moment with two border collies who perform a balancing act on their human. Don't try this at home:

Monday, April 27, 2015

All Kinds Of Animals Show Off For The Cameras

This fun little guy mugs for a GoPro camera.  
One of the nice things about everything being recorded and video'd these days is we get new looks at how animals act and have fun.

GoPro cameras seem especially good at capturing both wild animals hanging out the way they usually do.

The cameras can be left behind, so the critters aren't spooked by all those pesky humans hanging around. So the animals are chilled. It's all good.

We also get great looks at domestic animals, too, with GoPro caneras. They do show off the cameras, just like people do.

Here's a great compilation video to get you in a good, camera happy animal mood:

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Obama Should Hire "Anger Translator" For The Rest Of His Term

President Obama getting help at the White
House Correspondents Association Dinner
from Luther, his "anger translator"  
At last night's White House Correspondents' Association Dinner, we had the usual sharp, weird, often funny political jokes bandied about in a roomful of people who really don't like each other.

It's an odd annual tradition, but it's fun and we get some good laughs from it.  

Maybe the best I've seen so far from this year's is "No Drama Obama" spicing things up a little with the help of Luther, Obama's Anger Translator.

Like him or not, Obama is not one to start yellling and screaming much like other politicians. So we had Luther, played by comedian Keegan-Michael Key, telling us what Obama really thought as he discussed the important issues of the day.

Sometimes I wish Obama acted like Luther in real life. A case is point is toward the end of the video you'll see below, when he's discussion climate change.

The President gets hotter than the increasingly torrid Earth when going on about it.

You'll see why Luther sloooowwwllly backs away.

Maybe we should draft Luther for President in 2016. Maybe more things will get done?

You be the judge by watching this really funny video:

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Ice Cream Cooler Thief Gets Away With It Because Store Clerk Is Out Cold

Our Florida Man ice cream thief
flips the bird at the surveillance camera. 
Before you say anything, remember, the following happened in Florida, which explains everything.

Surveillance video shows a guy stealing an ice cream cooler at a convenience store.

It might seem hard to do, taking a whole Good Humor cooler from a convenience store. You'd think somebody would notice, after all.

But, according to the Miami Herald the store clerk, Beauvais Guisman,  was sound asleep, just inches away from where the cooler had been.

I never knew a convenience store was such a comfortable place to sleep. The things you learn!

I'm not sure what you'd do with a whole cooler of ice cream. You can only eat so much of it, after all.

But maybe the suspected thief, Dennis Norman, 25, was especially hungry.

The Miami Herald said police figured out that Norman was a frequent visitor to the nearby Zoo Gym Health Club. He'd probably worked up an appetite from all those hours in the gym.

From gym records, police caught up with Norman at his home. He'd stashed the ice cream in his own freezer, but said he couldn't remember what he did with the Good Humor cooler from the store.

He couldn't remember? A big cooler is not like a set of car keys. It's kind of hard to misplace.

Then again, Guisman, the store clerk misplaced the cooler, too. After all, he slept through the whole theft.

Guisman is probably the former store clerk now, as sleeping on the job, especially during a theft, is likely a no-no. I'm afraid Guisman is going to get very tired again and fall asleep in a bad location.

All that pavement pounding looking for a new job has got to be tiring.

Here's the fun surveillance video of the incident: (The thief flipping the bird at the surveillance camera is a nice touch)

Friday, April 24, 2015

Chinese Government Demands People Stop Hiring Strippers For Funerals

A new low in tastelessness? People are hiring
strippers in China to perform at funerals.  
Ever been do a funeral and all of a sudden strippers came out in the middle of the proceedings and did sexy, slutty pole dances?

Didn't think so.  

Unless you were in China, where apparently, this is a thing.

Apparently, families of the dearly departed hire strippers for funerals in the hopes of drawing larger crowds.

Sex sells. Even at funerals.

I know, I know. Strippers at a funeral doesn't make for an especially dignified, poignant send off to the dearly departed.

According to the Wall Street Journal, the strippers would draw this big crowd I metioned, which is supposedly a harbinger of good fortune in the afterlife.

"It's to give them face,' one village explained, 'Otherwise no one would come," reports the Wall Street Journal.

The Chinese government, though, is a party pooper, and is cracking down on these funeral strippers.

Again the Wall Street Journal is on it, saying the Ministry of Culture is working with police to stop these stripper performances.  Already one organizer of a funeral stripping troupe has been detained for 15 days and fined about $11,300 for one such performance

There are a a lot of Chinese imports here in America, but I really, really hope this is something that does not catch on. (It already has caught on in Taiwan)

I definitely don't want some pneumatic Barbie with big fake boobs in my face when I'm reflecting on the wonderful life of some friend or relative that has passed on. I mean, would you?

For once, the Chinese government and I stand in rare solidarity: No more strippers at funerals, please. Ugh.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

How My Parents' Terrible Carpet Contributed To Vermont Stage Company's Brilliant "The Mountaintop"

My husband, Jeff Modereger, on the set of
"The Mountaintop" at Vermont Stage Company.  
My parents' decrepit, scary, awful, 40 year old living room carpet became part of an awesome piece of art.

My husband, Jeff Modereger, is a set and scene designer for plays, and he's the scenic designer for the Vermont Stage Company's production of "The Mountaintop" 

If you're anywhere near Burlington, Vermont between now and May 10, when "The Mountaintop" closes, you MUST go see it.

It's the best play I've seen Vermont Stage Company produce, and that's saying something. They've done some awesome work over the years.

More on this in a moment.

The wall to wall carpet in my parents' home had become a risk to them. It was frayed, and split. Tripping hazards for my mother, who is in her 80s, and my father, who turns 95 on Friday (!!)

We were visiting my parents, and Jeff looked down at the carpet and said, "This is perfect."

Um, what?

"The Mountaintop" takes place in the Lorraine Motel in Memphis. In the play, Martin Luther King Jr. has just checked in. It's the night before he is to be assassinated.

The play is exclusively about the imagined interaction between MLK Jr. and a chambermaid who comes in to deliver the coffee and newspaper he'd ordered. I won't describe what happens in "The Mountaintop" beyond this, because I don't want to be a spoiler.

African Americans in the late 1960s didn't get to stay in nice hotels, and the Lorraine Motel was pretty threadbare.

My parents' carpet was certainly threadbare, and was the just right color for late 1960s cheap furnishings, the kind in the Lorraine Motel. Jeff had struggled to find a carpet for the set, and my parents' mess of a carpet was exactly perfect for "The Mountaintop."

So we struck a deal. Jeff bought the carpet from my parents, and Jeff, me, and my two sisters and their partners chipped in additional funds to buy them a new, safe carpet. Everybody wins!

Except for people with allergies. Though my mother faithfully vacuumed the carpet over the years, the carpet has 40 years worth of cat and dog dander, plus whatever the cat literally dragged in.

People on the crew for "The Mountaintop" with allergies have not been happy. Because of this issue, and the fact that a feather pillow bursts open during one scene in the play, there's a sign on door to Vermont Stage Company alerting people with allergies.

Still, I love how my parents managed to contribute in a strange but effective way to the Vermont arts scene.

Even if you do have allergies, go see "The Mountaintop" at Vermont Stage in downtown Burlington.

The playwright is Katori Hall, who certainly has a way with language. From a literary standpoint, it is one of the most well written plays I've seen, full of provocative, beautifully constructed dialogue that never gets flowery, but does get intense.

Cristina Alicea, the artistic director at Vermont Stage Company, directs the play, and paces it just perfectly so that the plot moves briskly, but not so fast that you can't catch the powerful dialogue and the expressiveness of Jolie Garrett, who plays Martin Luther King Jr and Myxolydia Tyler, who plays Camae, the chambermaid who comes into MLK's room.

Interesting fact: Garrett was born on the day MLK Jr. was laid to rest.

Tyler is especially awesome. Many of her best moments are not when she's speaking, but when she's reacting to what Martin Luther King Jr is saying. This is especially true as "The Mountaintop" builds toward its riveting climax.

Yeah, I'm gushing about "The Mountaintop." Deal with it. Better yet, go see it for yourself.  As I noted above, this production is the Vermont Stage Company at its finest.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

This Is Why I Like Some Gruff, Tough New Yorkers

The gruff, tough talking bro on the left
side of this image turs out to be a real sweetheart.
The woman on the left is crying because of him,
but DEFINITELY not because the bro did anything mean.  
A viral video is circulating about an incident on a New York subway.

Nope. No weirdos. No crimes. No embarrassing people.

The video, uploaded two years ago but just now getting a lot of attention, shows us a tough talking New Yawker guy confronting a woman selling roses on the train. She's just trying to get by and make a few bucks.

She had to buy the roses from somewhere. If she doesn't sell most or all of them, chances are she'll lose money.

The tough young bro in the business suit with the untucked white shirt demands to know how much the roses cost. They're $1 per rose.

Our bro New Yawker next orders the woman selling the roses to tell him how many of them she has.   She's got 140 of them.

He then hands her $140, right on the spot and tells her in no uncertain terms that she must now give them away to passersby, as he has already paid for them. He wants no bullshit with this, either.

Which means our tough guy, not-born-yesterday New Yawk dude is a total sweetheart. Certainly helped the woman, and brightened the day of up to 140 people who got a free rose.

The woman sellling the roses is so take aback by the bro and so verklempt she just breaks down and cries. It takes her awhile to speak.

Through her tears, the woman with the roses finds her New Yawk tough talk voice. "For anybody who wants a rose, you can come get it."

This is totally a reason to love New York.

To get the whole effect, you gotta watch the video, even if it is improperly filmed with a vertical smart phone. It made my day:

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Clueless Dude Explains Why He Thinks Cat Calling Makes Him A Studmuffin

Patrick Jones, left, can't seem to believe his ears
as he interviews this weird guy who
thinks catcalling and harassing
women like he does is something the
ladies appreciate, or should.
Surprise! Most people beg to differ.  
Patrick Jones at Buzz60 was out interviewing people about some "No Catcalling Zone" signs that went up in New York and other cities.  

The signs look like run of the mill "No Parking" signs, but if you look closely, they're weirder and much funnier and more pointed.

Some of the signs show an image of a cat shooting laser beams out of its eyes -- at the offending catcallers.

So, Jones dutifully went out to one of those signs and interviewed passersby, who all agreed that catcalling is rude or worse, much worse.

Until this other dude shows up, and the interview quickly enters another dimension.

Here's how part of the interview went

Creepy Guy: "Sometimes you gotta call a girl (then whistles and clicks his tongue). Like that."
Jones: "How would you call a dog?"
Creepy Guy: "Same way."

Then Creepy Guy gets distracted by a woman walking by and does more whistling and clicking.  The woman, off camera, is clearly unimpressed, judging by the befuddled look on Jones' face and the oblivious self-satisfaction on Creepy Guy's face.

There was only the slightest glimmer of self-awareness in Creepy Guy's interview. He noted that it's better to catcall and harass at a distance from the targeted woman. That way, the women "aren't that scared," he said.

You'd think that women might be "that scared" of Creepy Guy's catcalling that he'd think twice before doing it. Unless he's actually trying mightily to repel women.

If he is, Creepy Guy is certainly succeeding.

Here's the insane video of this guy:

Monday, April 20, 2015

Sometimes Your Dog Stares At You For Reasons Other Than Lust For That Cookie You're Eating

My canine companion Jackson the Cocker
Spaniel gives me a good stare in this photo from January,
when we were hanging out together in
a warm house on a cold day.  
I had to call in sick to work this morning, something I hate to do.

No worries. I have a mild medical condition that sometimes acts up briefly, to the point where I'm too sick to do much of anything for several hours. Then by the next day, I'm totally fine.

With that medical report over, I will now observe that when I was in bed all morning, not feeling well, one of my dogs, Jackson, was next to me on a pillow, staring at me. And I stared back.

Jackson seemed happy just being next to me. Also, I began to feel better with Jackson there and he might well be the reason why. There's scientific proof.

Japanese researchers say when dogs and their human companions stare at each other, it's mutual beneficial. The staring literally changes brain chemistry.

According to the Associated Press via Huffington Post:

"The brain response is an increase in the levels of a hormone called oxytocin. Studies in people and animals indicate this substance promotes social bonding, such as between parent and infant or between two lovers.

"Analysis showed that owners whose dogs looked at them longer in the first five minutes had bigger boosts in oxytocin levels. Similarly, dogs that gazed longer got a hormone boost, too."

Of course, the good feeling you get staring or resting with Fido is no news to any person who lives with a friendly dog. But the study cited by the Associated Press goes a long way toward explaining the scientific reasons why the moments I have with my dogs Jackson and Tonks are so enjoyable for all involved.

According to the AP: 

"The new work is the first to present a biological mechanism for bonding across species, said researcher Larry Young of Emory University.

Young, who studies bonding behavior, said the relationship between people and dogs is special. Human love can lost its initial exhilaration over time, he said, but he hasn't seen that with the dogs he has owned for 10 years. 

'When I come home from work every day, they are just as excited to see me now as they were when I got them,' Young said."

Note to my husband: As much as I love Jackson and Tonks, my initial exhilaration upon seeing you has not waned over the years. But you were at work when I wasn't feeling well this morning, so I settled for the dogs.

Of course, when Jackson and Tonks are staring at me, it's often because they want to eat what I'm having. But it's nice to know they might occasionally have other motivation, too.

I'm still feeling just slightly under the weather as I write this on a dreary Monday afternoon. And both Jackson and Tonks are acting a little lonely at the moment.

Time for another staring session among the three of us, I guess.

Ben & Jerry's Intensifies Their Campaign To Make Me Fatter

Ben & Jerry's is teaming up with New Belgium
Brewing for more sinfulness in the food and drink department. 
It's hard to resist the temptation of Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

Sometimes, it's also hard to resist the temptation to resist a good brewski.

Thank goodness Ben & Jerry's doesn't make beer.

Wait, what's that? They do? Or at least they will? Great. It looks like I'll be too big to fit into anything anymore.

Apparently, Ben & Jerry's is teaming up with New Belgium Brewing for "Salted Caramel Brownie Brown Ale, which could hit the store shelves as early as this autumn.

I'll reserve judgement on how this beer tastes until I try it this fall, but it looks promising.

Maybe we can all make meals of this. Ben & Jerry's ice cream for dinner and their beer to wash it down. Yum!

Some proceeds from sale of the beer will go to an outfit called Protect Our Winters, a nonprofit organization that is battling climate change.

So drink up!

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Today's Random Video: This Guy Has To Transport A Large Pipe, So.......

Hey, why go through the expense of having a contractor delivery an incredibly long pipe to your home when you can do it yourself?

If it hits other things on the street, who cares? Another fun Russian (I think) moment caught on camera:

Friday, April 17, 2015

A Strange Barbie Moment In The Russian Military

Are these Russian Barbie Girls? Find out!  
When marching, military units will often have a big macho chant to accompany their parade around the base.

Sometimes they get weird, though. A group of soldiers in Russia a few years ago had a Barbie moment, given their chant of the awful 1997 novelty song "Barbie Girl" by Aqua.

So we hear the big bad bear Russian army unit marching and chanting:  "I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world. Life in plastic, it's fantastic! You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere....."

Uh, yeah.

The video was uploaded to YouTube in 2012, but seems to have gotten more viral life lately.

Join the Army! Because life in plastic is fantastic! Or something.

Watch and cringe:

Thursday, April 16, 2015

I Hate Welfare Queens. You Know, Like Walmart and McDonald's

Are low wage employers the new welfare queens?
If we are using tax dollars to subsidize
the workers who don't make enough to sustain
themselves, they probably are the queens.  
Like pretty much everyone else, I don't like my tax dollars going to welfare cheats.

You know the type. These are the people who get public assistance when they shouldn't. They've found a way to receive government largess even though they already make tons of money.

The latest incarnation of the proverbial Welfare Queen some companies, like Walmart and McDonald's and all kinds of other major firms that pay minimum wage or just barely above.

They pay their workers to enhance their corporate bottom lines. The pay is so low many of the employees are on public assistance.

They can't get by on their meager salaries. So they live in subsidized housing. They're collecting SNAP benefits to put food on the table. (SNAP is the latest federal incarnation of what is commonly known as food stamps.)

This arrangement benefits the corporations, since they don't have to pay their employees adequately. Let the government do it. Your taxes and mine.

The University of California/Berkeley Center for Labor Research and Education says us taxpayers are really, really subsidizing companies like Walmart and McDonald's.

It turns out us American taxpayers are subsidizing these corporations to the tune of $153 billion, yes that's billion a year.

Here's what the University of California/Berkeley Center for Labor Research and Education says:

"Nearly three quarters (73 percent) of enrollees in Amerca's major public support programs are members of working familiies. The taxpayers bear a significant portion of the hidden costs of low wage work in America."

Or, to put it in more explicit terms, here's how Gawker described the situation in an article about the Berkeley study:

"It is one thing to say 'Fast food workers don't deserve $15 per hour.' But realize that what you are saying really amounts to, 'I prefer to pay the difference between what fast food workers earn and what they need to live myself, rather than making their employers pay it.' 

Yep. Your tax dollars at work. The corporate executives and shareholders, many of whom already have tons of money, are welfare queens. By paying such low wages, the government keeps these employees out of homelesseness and hunger, or at least we hope.

Shouldn't the employers be paying the workers enough money to live on, rather than making us tax payers do it? Sure, that would mean the price of some goods and services from places like Walmart and McDonald's would go up.

But either way, we're already paying.  Plus, those of us who don't even like going to Walmart and McDonald's are subsidizing the rich executives and the (often somewhat rich) shareholders in these

I know the argument. The burger flipper jobs are said to go to teenagers trying to make an extra buck for their weekend partying.

Some teenagers do work low wage jobs for that reason, or as a means of saving money for something more worthwhile.  However, most of the employees are trying to make a living on money that's not enough to live on. So they're on public assistance. On us taxpayers' dime, I will remind you again.

Or, I suppose we could be completely heartless and end government assistance to these working poor. That's one way to get rid of the problem. Starve 'em to death.

I still like the idea of pay increases more, though.

A lot of low wage workers get this. And they don't want to be on public assistance. They'd rather just collect an adequate paycheck and go on with their lives. Protests are ongoing around the country fighting for a $15 an hour wage.

I don't think that wage level will happen anytime soon, but I'd like to see some serious pay increases. Even if I have to pay more for a Big Mac to get there.

Some companies pay their workers more and do just fine. Costco is widely cited as having higher wages than most retailers and the warehouse store chain is doing just fine. It doesn't hurt that the higher wages helps Costco retain employees, who become proficient at their job, which leads to better customer service, which leads to more customers, and more profits for the company.

Well, why don't these people in low wage jobs look for other jobs, or get some education or training to obtain a higher paying job?

A lot of them probably would if they could.

A big trend among low wage employers is helping to prevent worker mobility, or their ability to seek training and education elsewhere.

It's hard enough that education is expensive, but now it's even harder because employers are preventing workers from having a set schedule so they go to classes, obtain reliable daycare for kids, or have a specific time of day to get things done.

The New Republic explains it:

"Just-in-time scheduling, as the practice is known, allows employers to efficiently allocate resources. Scheduling software offers real time analysis for staffing needs.

When customers flock to a store, managers bring in on-all workers. When business is slowk managers don't call those workers in - or they turn they away.

In some cases, these workers will have already commuted to work, paid for child are and arranged their lives around a shift that evaporates, leaving them no recompense for their troubles.

The unpredictable schedules interfere with such basic daily activities as grocery shopping, doctor's appointments and looking for a better job."

I suppose there are people who like these flexible schedules and it works for them. But what of the employees who can't manage it? They're still forced to live this way without relying on a steady paycheck.

I noticed yesterday that the New York Attorney General is looking into this practice to see if it is even legal in that state.

With all this going on, yeah, it's definitely time to put a stop to the new breed of Welfare Queens. I'd love it if Walmart and those other companies reimburse me and the millions of other taxpayers that subsidizes them.

I mean, what benefit is society as a whole getting by having our tax dollars subsidize big corporations like this.

The arrangement needs to change. I'm not holding my breath, though.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Asian Carp Attack Rowers; These Are Horrible Fish

A fishy horror movie? Asian Carp leaping
from a Midwest waterway. Yikes!  
There's a lot of funny videos circulating centering on Asian carp.

The most recent one that's going viral shows the Washington University in St. Louis freshman men's crew team gettting attacked by the fish in a recent practice run.

You'll see the video at the bottom of this post.

Asian carp are spreading rapidly through mostly the Midwest and Mississippi Valley, but threaten to cover the whole country.

Their most visible and annoying habit is leaping out of the water when a boat or something else disturbs them, which is why you get the Washington University rowing team contending with the carp.

But Asian Carp and aggressive in other ways, crowding out most native fish and leaving waterways with just thick clots of these pesky fish.

The National Wildlife Federation says this about the critters:

".....voracious filter feedes, Asian carp consume up to 20 percent of their bodyweight per day in plankton and can grow to over 100 pounds. Plankton are small floating organisms that form the foundation of the aquatic food chain and are vital to native fish."

A lot of people think it's inevitable that the fish will enter the Great Lakes, and that would be horrible. Again, the National Wildlife Federation:

"It is crucial to prevent Asian carp from entering the Great Lakes. Once established in an ecosystem they are virtually impossible to eradicate. Adult Asian carp have no natural predators in North America and females lay approximately half a million eggs each time they spawn."


So how did these awful Asian fish get to the United States in the first place?

Well, some idiot imported them here in the 1970s because he thought they would do a fantastic job in filtering pond water in fish farms in Arkansas. Inevitably, flooding allowed the carp to escape and they've been reproducing like mad and spreading ever since.

There seems to be a long history of people importing stuff from overseas for their own convenience, without thinking about whether these imports would be an invasive species.

Anyway, Asian carp are wrecking ecosystems, but at least we get funny videos out of them. The balance doesn't work, but what can you do?

Here's the video I promised earlier:

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Eyewitness TV Interview Goes BOOM! Heads Up For Flying Manhole Cover

Look carefully: That's a manhole
cover rocketing skyward behind this
man who was being interviewed on TV.  
Sunday afternoon, an underground electrical fire in downtown Buffalo, New York set off a few explosions, local television station WGRZ reports. 

A couple buildings were evacuated as crews got the fire under control and the electric utility came to cut power as a precaution, then to restore power after the fire was out.

However, it turns out manhole covers can be very mobile in certain situations. I didn't know they could do this

WGRZ was interviewing a building manager who evacuated people because of the fire, when this happened:

Monday, April 13, 2015

Apparently, Adults Must Control EVERY SINGLE Moment Of Kids' Lives Or ELSE!

Apparently, the kids in this photo are
being horribly neglected by these parents because
they're allowed to play alone in a park
near their home. That is, at least in the eyes
of Maryland Child Protective Services.  

What people are really talking about how Maryland CPS deliberately didn't tell the parents where their kids were for TWO HOURS. 

After CPS finally fessed up that they had the kids, they spent more time not telling the parents what was going on.

Basically, Maryland CPS kidnapped these kids. If any random person grabbed the kids off the playground and kidnapped them, they'd spend 30 years in jail.

So, why aren't the people at CPS charged with kidnapping? Shouldn't they go to jail?

The parents also had to sign a so-called "safety plan" in which they are forced by law never to leave their kids unattended.

So Maryland CPS think they can raise kids better than loving parents? The same organization that thinks it's OK to kidnap children if they disagree with how their parents are raising them?

Like I said, I want jail time for Maryland CPS employees who were responsible for this outrage.


I would hate to be a kid nowadays.

The rules seem to be that if you're a kid, an adult must be hovering two inches from you at all times. If you're a kid, you don't get to pick what game to play, what to imagine, who to play with, or when.

You don't just go out and play. It has to be a tightly controlled "play date."

Deviate from these rules just a bit, and dire things can happen. You might be taken away from your parents. Arrested and jailed because you misbehaved. Kicked out of school. Shamed in front of your peers.

I'm offering this rant because the so-called "Maryland free range kids" are back in the news again.

According to the Washington Post, authorities grabbed the children of Danielle and Alexander Meitiv out of a park because some busybody saw the kids playing alone, with no adult guiding their Every. Single. Move.

The busybody called the cops, who got the kids and handed them over to Maryland Child Protective Services.

The Meitive kids were previously in the news because Maryland CPS had previously investigated the parents for the "neglect" of having the kids walk home from a nearby park.

According to a previous Washington Post article:

"The Meitivs say they believe in 'free range' parenting, a movement that has been counterpoint to the hyper-vigilance of 'helicopter' parenting, with the idea that children learn self-reliance by being allowed to progressively test limits, make choices and venture out in the world.

'The world is actually even safer than when I ws a child and I just want to give them the freedom and independence that I had - basically an old-fashioned childhood' (Danielle Meitev) said. 'I think it's absolutely critical for their development - to learn responsibility, to experience the world, to gain confidence and competency.'"

But we can't have that!

An independent thinking child will grow up into an independent thinking adult, one that questions the Powers That Be, one that thinks of creative solutions that threaten the orthodoxy of whatever bonehead is in charge at the moment.

Look, I'm not saying there's some grand conspiracy to control kids' behavior so that they don't question authority as adults.

I'm saying this is the result we will get as we continue to squelch any hint of independence and self-sufficiently in kids.  Do we really want to live in a world were any independent thought is squelched?

But squelching we're doing, as we learned on Sunday.

On Sunday, the Meitivs were expecting the kids home by 6 p.m., and became pretty frantic when they didn't show up. Authorities didn't bother to mention to the Meitivs that they had the kids until 8 p.m..

My conspiratorial side thinks the CPS maybe wanted to frighten the parents by teaching them a lesson. You know, feel the terror over the possibility your kids were abducted or something.

Yes, I know, I know, abductions are possible. Rare but possible. That's the ostensible reason why we're supposed to hover over the kids.

Abductions are indeed horrible, and I sincerely wish that wouldn't happen to any kid, anywhere, period.

Maryland CPS eventually handed the Meitiv kids back to their parents around 10:30 Sunday night, the Washington Post said.

Way to go, Maryland CPS! Let's terrify parents who aren't helicopters, and more importantly, terrify kids into not having any independence and being fearful of being taken away from their parents, all because they wanted to play in a park.

The kids might have cause for worry.

In the previous incident, when the kids were caught walking home without a parent clinging to them, Maryland CPS eventually made a finding of "unsubstantiated neglect."

That means the agency found evidence there might have been neglect, but it couldn't really be proven. To me, this was a weasly way for the CPS saying that, no, you technically didn't do anything wrong, but we hate what you did so watch your back.

When I was a kid, nobody thought twice about our parents letting us go off on our own, maybe organize a touch football game on our own, or go splashing in the brook in the woods, imagining we were explorers, or knights or whatever our funny little brains decided.

If we misbehaved, it would get back to our parents, and we would be dealt with accordingly.

It would drive me crazy if some parent was with us every step of the way. How oppressive!

Likewise, if we misbehaved in school, the school would let it be known to our parents that we up to no good.

Granted, some parents don't follow up with discipline, which makes it particularly difficult for schools to deal with the troubled kid who's causing the problems.

The solution in those cases seems to be arresting the kids and charging them with serious crimes when they misbehave.

Like that 11-year old autistic kid who freaked out recently and fought as he was being restrained by adults in an escalation with the kid kicking a trash can. He was charged and convicted of felony assault on a police officer.

The kid is 11 years old and autistic!!

So, kiddies, let this be a lesson to you. Apparently, us adults don't want you to learn and have any independence, we don't want you to be creative, to explore, to let your mind wander, to think of innovative solutions to life's little and big problems.

No, we want you to be automatons, who don't even ask, "How high?" when we tell you to jump. You just jump.

And don't you EVER ask why anybody in charge is making stupid decisions. It's not for you to ask.

What a sad world for children.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Bad Mood? Use This Video As Go To For Better Feelings

Here's a brief video that's gone viral of two eight month old twin girls pretty much enjoying their mom's singing to them.

The kids have pretty good moves for their age, too.


Saturday, April 11, 2015

Was Doorman Shown The Door For Being Too Nice?

This New York City apartment building doorman
said he was let go for being too helpful to tenants.  
Can an employee be fired for being too nice to the clients he supposed to be serving?

The answer, apparently is yes, and tenants of a luxury high rise in Queens aren't happy about it, says the New York Post.

Ralph Body was until recently the doorman at the ritzy digs where apartments go for the low, low price of $4,200 per month.

Body said he was told to stop working at the building by the apartment complex's management team, Heatherwood Communities, says the Post article.

According to the Post:

"He didn't just hold the door. He did anything and everything residents asked him to do -- check on pets, clean litter boxes, water plants,  hold packages, even show... apartments to new tenants if need be, he said. 

'Everything I did, somebody asked me to do, or there was a need for it,' Body said."

Of course, there might be other sides of the story we're not getting.

Body probably did do things in the building that weren't under his responsibility. The tenants said he went above and beyond while on the job, so technically he probably did things that weren't strictly authorized by building management.

I guess rules are rules.

The building's residents are rebelling. A petition circulating through the apartments says people want Body reinstated, though copies of the petition mysteriously disappeared from the lobby.

"Going above and beyond your work duties shouldn't be punished - it should be praised," says the petition. "Most tenants can attest to Ralph's kindness and eagerness to make people feel safe and welcome. In a transient city where most people are from other states and countries 27 on 27th was a unique building that truly felt like 'home' from the moment you stepped in the door."

A few of the residents said they would not renew their lease unless Body is reinstated.

Those apartments will be filled if the residents moved out. I'm sure there's a market for an aloof, cold, unhelpful doorman out there. Or maybe a doorman who's not too bright.

Perhaps Carlton the Doorman from the 1970s show "Rhoda" is available.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Why We Don't Have Upstairs Neighbors

This couple explain once and for all what's going
on upstairs with all that noise.  
I'm very happy to report I live in a single story house, owned by me and my husband, no tenants.

Especially no upstairs tenants.

I feel the pain of people who DO have people living upstairs. They make so much noise on the floors.

Ever wonder what they're doing up there?  This viral video, below, will clue you in.

I figure it was more than just normal daily routines.

Very funny:

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Honey Theft: A Stingingly Stupid Crime

The guys in Florida tried to steal honey from this
hive high up in a tree. Guess what happened?  
I swear Florida is the world's leading producer of stupid criminals. There's a whole Twitter account called Florida Man, which chronicles the extreme creativity of the state's bad guys and gals.

The Twitter Feed is so named because every day in the paper or web news sites, there's the inevitable story that begins "A Florida man has been charged with (insert stupid crime here....)"

To my mind, a new low was hit on Easter Sunday in an attempted honey theft from a beehive in New Port Richey, Florida, says television station WTSP in Tampa/Sarasota.

Yes, you and I know bees tend to sting when you disturb them or their hive, and you need the proper protection and methods to harvest honey from a hive.

But you and I are not Florida Man! Why not climb a tree and just grab that delicious honey from a beehive?

The inevitable happened, obviously. The three men didn't get their honey but they sure got stung! The fire department had to show up and hose the guys down just to get enough bees off them so they could help them.

"They were covered in bees -- their beards, their hair, their clothes. Bees were everywhere," neighbor Tom Johnson told WTSP.

Being in Florida and all, Johnson realized on camera with WTSP he had to play the role of Captain Obvious, and said, "It's cheaper to go to the store and get your honey there than try to be brave and end up in the hospital. It's just not worth it."

It's true. A 32 ounce container of honey from Walmart costs just $7.84. I'm not sure what hospitalization from bee stings cost, but it's probably more than $7.84.

I can't wait for these three guys to get out of the hospital, where each was being treated for more than 50 bee stings. When they get out, I'm sure Florida Man will strike again with even more creativity.

I'm counting on you, Florida Man! And Florida Woman!

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Crisis In Ogden, Utah: City Orders Cardboard Play Fort Razed

The cardboard castle in Ogden, Utah, that has
some city officials up in arms.  
A dad in Ogden, Utah had a whole bunch of big empty boxes. He must have made some big appliance purchases or something.

He was going to throw them out or recycle the cardboard, of course, but first he decided he'd have a little fun.

Jeremy Trentelman built a giant castle out of the boxes, complete with a  slide, trap door, tunnel and windows  or his two young children, ages 3 and 2, reported the Salt Lake Tribune.

Trentelman said he was going to take the cardboard castle down soon. After all, cardboard isn't all that durable in the outdoors.

Now he's going to leave it up longer. Because Ogden City Code Enforcement swooped down quickly.

The enforcement officers said the castle constitutes "waste materials or junk," and he would have to take the castle down within 15 days or face $125 in fines.

"It was a great project for all of us to build, and now it's just fun watching them play in it, and watching their imagination run wild is just fantastic," Trentelman said.

Trentelman said it's absurd that code enforcement acted so instantaneously, so he's going to keep the cardboard castle up longer, out of spite.

Like all code enforcement department's Ogden's is understandably worried about piles of materials that could pose fire, safety and health risks. Secondarily, they want to keep the city looking pretty.

Which all means there's good reason for most city zoning codes, in Ogden and everywhere else.

What gets me is when zoning officers strictly enforce city ordinances in a way that make no sense. Clearly, the Ogden cardboard castle wasn't going to be there forever. Maybe the city prefers children not play outside or use their imaginations.

Maybe code enforcers they feel they have to enforce the codes when they make no sense, because, after all, they do have to follow the law.

That's when you get stupid things like crackdowns on Little Free Libraries. Those are little kiosks that people put in front of their houses so people can voluntarily put books in, then take them out for awhile to read, then put back in the kiosk.

Nice thing, but code enforcers say those are structures. You can't have a fun little convenient little free library.

Some cities said they would allow the Little Free Libraries only if people pay for permits, and they can get the money to do that from local arts organizations, say these crack code enforcers.

Or as The Atlantic put it:

"We've constructed communities where one must obtain prior permission from agents of the state before freely sharing books with one's neighbors! And their proposed solution is to get scarce public arts funds to pay for the needless layer of bureaucracy being imposed on the thing already being done for free."

There've also been big crackdowns on people who dare to plant vegetable gardens in their front yards.

Apparently, your front lawn is supposed to be a useless expanse of wasteful grass, and not something that can provide food, and, if properly cared for, some beauty to a neighborhood.

In most of the enforcement of libraries, gardens and in the Ogden castle, action was prompted by an anonymous complaint. Apparently every neighborhood has at least one miserable killjoy who can't STAND to see anyone have any kind of fun, and in their wimpy, anonymous fashion, try to put a stop to it.

Back in Ogden, a protest movement is growing. The Salt Lake Tribune said a Facebook event is on calling for people to build cardboard castles in their front lawns.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Go-Pro Camera's Free Falls Is Dizzying, Cool

The view from a Go Pro camera just before
the photographer dropped it, and it filmed
itself in a 10,000 foot freefall.  
Some skydivers in Kristianstad, Sweden dropped a Go-Pro camera while way up there at around 10,000 feet.

Somebody later found the camera in the grass and was able to upload the film to YouTube.

The camera spun wildly on the way down, so you can't really see exactly what it was going to land on, but it's a terrifying perspective of the ground getting closer, closer, CLOSER!! in a free fall.

Glad it was a camera and not a person.

A person later found the camera in a field, its memory card intact. That person uploaded the last video on the memory card - the free fall -- onto YouTube and put out a plea to find and return the camera to the owner.

The camera has since been returned to the skydiver. 


Monday, April 6, 2015

I'm So Happy "Revenge Porn" Guy Will Rot In Prison For Awhile

This jerk is going to prison because of
his "revenge porn" site. Things like this
happen to creepy guys. Hope he has fun in jail.  
Remember the revenge porn guy?

He was the moron who collected nude or sexually explicit photos of women posted by angry ex-girlfriends and ex-husbands, and posted them on line for all to see.

He then charged the women $300 or more to have those photos removed from the web site.

Yeah, the guy's a real charmer.

The jerk,  Kevin Bollaert, was just sentenced to 18 years in prison after being convicted of operating the revenge porn site, says the Los Angeles Times.

I'm hoping the stiff sentence is a deterrent to others who have the same bright idea as Bollaert. NBC San Diego says two other California men are also facing charges in connection with their revenge porn sites.


"Sittng behind a computer, committing what is essentially a cowardly and criminal act, will not shield predators from the law or jail," said California Attorney General Kamala Harris, whose office handled the prosecution against Bollaert, says the LA Times.

Bollaert was  convicted of multiple felony counts of identity theft and extortion. Bollaert is also supposed to pay $15,000 in restitution to his victims and a $10,000, but that's almost besides the point.

He is not going to do well in prison, is my guess.

He's not off to a good start. He cried in court as his victims talked about how traumatized they were, and still were, by all those perverts out there who saw the photos and are still trying to contact them.

That crying jag was surely a contrast to Bollaert's cocky demeanor when he thought he was this big hotshot stud running his horrible web sites.

Somehow, when Bollaert gets out of jail in as little as 10 years, he's not exactly going to be the most sought after bachelor in California.

I think his being alone all the time will be good for him. But even better for the women of California.

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Wedding Save The Date Is Epic Action Adventure Movie

This couple made an unforgettable video
so that would be wedding guests wouldn't forget
the date of their nuptials. 
Most of us have received one of those "save the date" wedding announcements. Not exactly an invitation, but a notice that a couple is going to get married on such and such a date.

The risk, of course, is forgetting that date.

To combat this, couples could offer up an unforgettable save the date announement.

One California couple, Tyler Macniven and Kelly Hennigan, put this concept to a new level with an epic action adventure movie in which they "save the date" from thugs using such wedding staples as garter belts, thrown flowers and a wedding cake. (this one rigged with a bomb!)

This is so entertaining. I wish I knew the couple. If the save the date video is so good, I can't imagine how good the actually wedding would be.

According to the Huffington Post, Macniven offered hints at what the wedding might be like. "Instead of a cake cutting, were going to have a traditional cake explosion, where we blow up a giant wedding cake. "

Wedding guests will also have to sign a liability waiver for the secret hijinks they have planned for their nuptials.

Watch the video and see for yourself:

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Texas State Police Say Officer Needs Counseling Because He Posed For Pic With Snoop Dog

Are you a crazy person, or at least need counseling if you pose for a photo with rapper Snoop Dog?

That's what Texas Police officer Billy Spears must be wondering after his bosses got mad, really mad at him for the crime of posing with Snoop Dog.

This Texas police officer got in
trouble with his bosses for the High Crime (ha!)
of posing for a pic with Snoop Dogg.  
Maybe it's because Spears' bosses hate him for some reason, or he did something else wrong, but posing with Snoop Dogg is apparently a big, BIG no-no in Texas Police circles, according to The Guardian newspaper. 

Spears briefly posed with Snoop Dogg at SXSW in Austin recently. Snoop put the photo on his Instagram page and captioned it, "Me 'n My Deputy Dog."

Texas Police said Spears should have never posed with Snoop Dog because he has past criminal convictions for drug possession.

The Dallas Morning News says the counseling was needed because posing with a convicted drug dealer reflects badly on the Texas Department Of Public Safety.

Of course throwing the book at a cop for posing briefly for a pic with a famous person reflects badly on the department, too, but never mind.

Spears said he didn't know about those convictions, which is plausible because you can't expect a cop to know the criminal history of every single celebrity walking around out there.

Besides, Snoop Dogg has no outstanding warrants and no new criminal charges hanging over him. In that respect, the rapper was just another citizen walking around. I'm not sure what the harm is in this photo, then.

Maybe Spears was supposed to come up with some excuse to arrest Snoop Dogg again, just because they figure he's not a good guy?

Apparently, since Spears was forced to undergo counseling for being so outlandishly crazy to spend, say 20 seconds, posing for a photo with some random celebrity.

The counseling, says the Dallas Morning News, includes an order not to pose for photos with anybody. No sense in having a police officer appear friendly, with all the negative publicity about police brutality circulating around.

So be forwarned, law enforcement: If you see Snoop Dogg, stay as far, far away as possible.

Friday, April 3, 2015

Indiana's Little Pizza Shop Of Horrors

Memories Pizza in Indiana played the culture
wars well, and were rewarded with nearly $500,000
in GoFundMe loot.  
I hope the owners of Memories Pizza in Indiana are pleased as punch that they signed on to the nation's long running culture wars.

The people who run the place decided to get on TV and talk about their bigotry (they say Christianity), making themselves a target for all the yahoos out there, and then playing the martyr card when the yahoos inevitably attacked.

They've got the playbook down pat, don't they?

Here's the backstory: As you probably heard, Indiana is in an uproar because the governor, Mike Pense, signed legislation called the Religious Freedom Restoration Act.

Though the backers of the law denied it, the new legislation went beyond somewhat similar, existing laws in other  jurisdiction and pretty much opened the door for businesses to turn gay people away because some business owners' religious beliefs say that gay people are scummy.

Or something like that.

Amid cries of boycotts, and the business establishment canceling expansions, hiring and events over the uproar, the law was just "modified" a bit to make it a tiny bit less discriminatory.

The owners of the pizza place, Crystal O'Connor and her father Kevin O'Connor,  came forward the other day and said their restaurant is a "Christian establishment" and thusly favored the law as it was originally signed by Pense, because they wouldn't want to be forced to cater a gay wedding because they don't believe in the "homosexual lifestyle," whatever that is.

I'm not sure there's any gay couples out there who think their dream wedding is one catered with pizza from Memories Pizza, but what do I know?

They would, grudgingly, serve a gay couple if they came into the restaurant and just wanted a pizza. But for all I know they'd spit in their pizza.

By announcing to the world that they favored discrimination against gay people, the owners of Memories Pizza had to have known they would put themselves in the middle of a huge shitstorm.

And boy did they ever.

The backlash against Memories Pizza was, well, memorable, but also predictable. All kinds of off-color, crude, and very negative Yelp reviews went up, the restaurant's web site was hacked, and the restaurant owners got the inevitable death threats.

Because trolls of all stripes, be they liberal, conservative or neither, have their go-to button. Anytime they remotely dislike something or someone, they let the death threats fly.

As if that would accomplish anything.

Of course, the pizza place shut down in the face of the threats, and stupid pranks like ordering pizza they have no intention of actually buying.

The idiots that issued the threats enabled the pizza restaurant owners to play that martyr card, that all gay people were fascists who wanted to take over the world.

The pizza joint established a GoFundMe page to garner donations from like minded people (some say mouth breathing knuckle draggers, you decide) to stay afloat. At last check they'd collected something like $485,000, probably more than that by now.

I bet the owners of Memories Pizza are already packing their bags for a nice vacation to Cabu with that loot.

I have no idea how financially stable Memories Pizza was before all this started. It might have been making money like gangbusters, or it could have been about to fall off a monetary cliff. Who knows?

But you've got to hand it to the people who run this pizza joint. They certainly took full advantage of a Big Public Controversy.

They got their own bully pulpit, so they could attempt to bully people they don't like, as prescribed by their so-called "Christian" beliefs. And they get a ton of free money to boot.

I don't know if Memories Pizza people thought this through ahead of time as a money making scheme, but it sure worked out that way.

Yes, they were probably genuinely frightened by the idiots issuing their threats and probably didn't think their public comments would blow up to be a national story.

The anti-gay bigots win big, too. They can point to Memories Pizza and say anytime they come down on the side of what they call righteousness, "Big Gay" will threaten them into silence, and take away their free speech rights.

Of course, anytime you say something, the First Amendment doesn't give you any protection from people criticizing it.

Plus, there's always a few idiots among the mostly peaceful, normal people who don't like anti-gay bigotry.  The idiots who issue threats are the ones that get all the attention, because they're not about anti-gay bigotry, they're all about getting attention. Morons.

Death threats are always, always wrong. I've always wondered why they're not prosecuted more vigorously.

The anti-gay activists can also claim, falsely, that the bundles of money Memories got via GoFundMe proves that everybody in America hates the gays, just like them.

Though the corporations that rebelled against the "religious rights" law know a majority of people don't like this type of discrimination. It's bad for business.

But, Memories Pizza sure captured a niche here. There are a fair number of people out there who Hate The Gays.

In terms of making bundles of money and becomin a poster child "martyr" for the radical Christian right, well played, Memories Pizza!

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Sorry, But This "Mean Tweets" Episode Isn't Funny Like The Others. But It's Important

A couple of the homeless people after
 reading mean tweets about the homeless
for a PSA to encourage looking looking at all
people as part of humanity.  
I'm a big fan of Jimmy Kimmel's "Mean Tweets" segments, in which  celebrities read the horrible things people say about them on Twitter.

The celebrities have a good sense of humor about it, and it's pretty funny. I've featured a few of them on this here blog thingy.

I don't mean to be Debbie Downer here, but there's another "Mean Tweets" episode circulating, and Jimmy Kimmel and his humor were not involved.

The organization, Raising The Roof Canada,  has homeless people read mean Tweets about themselves.

It turns out, Surprise! lots of idiots on Twitter say idiotic, mean things. Among the awful things they say are insults about homeless people, how they are supposedly subhuman, not something we shold see, and it's all their fault, blah, blah, blah.

The Canadian broadcaster CBC has the deets:

"The goal? To get people to see that these people who have nowhere to live are human beings, too.

'Only when this happens will people stop saying nasty things, stop assuming the stereotypes are true,' said Carolann Barr, executive director of Raisiing the Roof. 'Then we can work together to prevent and end homelessness.

Barr and Raising the Roof wanted to create a campaign that would help people look past stereotypes about homelessness and see the real folks who live their lives without a place to cal home."

I'm sure the heartbreaking PSA you'll see in the video below won't change the behavior of the Twitter twits who make sport of skewing homeless people. (And in the process making themselves far less dignified than said homeless people.)

Homelessness is often a product of bad luck. Sometimes it's a product of a bad decision, but we're all guilty of bad decisions. Usually we recover quickly, but occasionally, the recovery is hard to come by.

Maybe the mean Twitterers should become homeless for awhile. Just to see what it's like.  I'd also like to see the idiot people who Tweeted such nonsense to say it face to face to the people featured in the video.

How would they react to the fact they made some of these people cry, and many of us viewers cry?

I'd like to think there's some humanity hidden somewhere inside the mean Tweeters, but I have mh doubts.

For the rest of us, the video you'll see below is a useful reminder that everybody, including the homeless, are humans with hopes and feelings and worthiness.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Against All Odds: Martha Stewart KILLS It Roasting Justin Bieber; Laugh Out Loud

Martha Stewart does maybe the best, and crudest
celebrity roast ever, and it is laugh out loud funny. 
Perhaps my least favorite famous person is Justin Bieber.

When a celebrity roast of Bieber was due on TV the other night, I practically ran screaming out of the room in terror at the thought of it.

Then I learned Martha Stewart was going to be one of the people doing the Bieber roasting. She is also on my Least Favorite List of celebrities. This was going to be grim.

Then, somehow, I caught a clip of Stewart doing the roasting of Bieber, and all the other comics and famous people sitting there on the stage.

It was brilliant! I found myself laughing out loud. Really loud. Enough to scare the dogs out of the room.

Yes, I know somebody wrote the script for Stewart, but she had the gall to deliver it.

Stewart's comedy routine was profane and big time crossed the line past good taste. The video is totally NSFW, and if you're easily offended, the video you'll see below is definitely not for you.

But for those of you who like a bit of crude, wildly funny humor, Martha Stewart absolutely killed it. At let me tell you, at age 73, she certainly seems to have some street cred.

I actually find myself liking her a bit more. Maybe she's off my list of Least Favorite Celebrities.

As for Bieber, well, go away.

But first, watch Martha Stewart be just perfect, but not the brand of perfect you're used to from her:

Guy In Jeep Decides He's NOT Going To Get Towed

A White Jeep was illegally parked outside a Chicago Walgreens. A tow truck dutifully showed up to remove the offender.

The driver was still in the Jeep, though. And he managed to score a victory. Watch: