Monday, June 30, 2014

SCOTUSBlog Gleefully Trolls The Trolls.

An on line site that reports on the Supreme Court is getting a lot of hate today. Because people are too clueless to distinguish between the Supreme Court and SCOTUSblog, which is the news site.
I'm sure many people in social media will never
get it, but SCOTUSblog is NOT part of the U.S.
Supreme Court.  

A quick, and I mean very quick, glance at their profile reveals that SCOTUS blog, or @SCOTUSblog on Twitter, is a site that offers news and analysis of what the US. Supreme Court is up to.

They're the go-to place if you want to know the ins and outs of what the High Court is doing and what their rulings mean for you and me.

But I guess social media is the land in which everybody likes to yell but nobody knows who they're yelling at.

On Twitter, people have been firing away at SCOTUSblog, yelling and screaming at them for the "ruling" they issued today saying privately held businesses like Hobby Lobby can withhold insurance coverage for contraceptives, based on their religious faith.

Of course, it was the Supreme Court that made the ruling, not SCOTUSblog, and as far as I know the Supreme Court doesn't keep a blog. But if you have to yell at somebody, might as well yell at someone who just reported on the decision, but otherwise had nothing to do with it.

What's wrong with these people? Yeah, I know there are similar sounding names on social media like Twitter, or people pretend they are someone or something they are not, but really.

So, the fine reporters at SCOTUSblog, who are only trying to help us understand what the Supreme Court did, are an outfit that "sided with the crazies" and treat women like second class citizens.

I bet the people who work at SCOTUS blog wish they had the kind of power the Supreme Court does.

At least SCOTUSblog is having fun with peoples' stupidity. Responding to someone who Tweeted: "You disgust me," SCOTUSblog responded, "But you complete us."

Someone else asked SCOTUSblog: "When will you start honoring the constitution." SCOTUSblog responded. "When you start reading our description."


Now, social media is alive with the correctors, the media outlets and such (like me!) that are trying to give people a clue. REPEAT!, they're saying. SCOTUSblog is NOT part of the Supreme Court.  wise up, doofuses!

But the yellers and trolls will have none of it.

Says one person, clueless upset that SCOTUSblog is having fun with the ignorant, and not part of the Supremes: "The passive aggressive way @SCOTUSblog is answering right now is horrible considering the position they just put women in. Not okay."

What's not okay is the people who are continuing with their willful ignorance. It's the American Way!!

On the bright side, this is surely making LOTS of people click on SCOTUSblog to see what all the fuss is about. It can't help the blog's bottom line, no?

Watch What Happens When You Rain Play Manna On A Beagle

Throw a ball and a dog will go beserk with joy playing with it.  

What happens if you throw about 100 at once?

Find out by watching this video of a beagle a bit overwhelmed by a play options on his birthday.

He survives, though. Of course he does need a nap near the end, but you can't blame him

Watch and feel the joy:

Sunday, June 29, 2014

World's Worst Parallel Parker Ever!

A woman in Portland, Oregon recently tried to parallel park. It didn't go well.
A still from a video in which the
world record might have been set for worst
attempt at parking  

I guess some people don't have really good spatial capabilities. This woman didn't.  Especially since you could have almost parked a Mac truck where she was trying to pull in.

I know, I know. The ability to parallel park is not necessarily a sign of intelligence.

But this lady sure needs a refresher course on this task. Watch and you'll see why:

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Little Owl Does A Dance, Because You Should On A Nice Weekend

This owl wants to help you dance away your cares
this summer weekend. 
This video, going viral,  shows a little Morepork, an owl that was at a wildlife rescue center in New Zealand.

It appears he has decided to do a little dance, because what the hell.

This verbiage of importance from New Zealand Bird Rescue:

"New Zealand Bird Rescue supports the community by assisting many thousands of sick, orphaned, injured and lost birds every year. Birds that come into care here are rehabilitated until they are ready to release back into the wild. We accept and care for all New Zealand birds; no birds is ever turned away."

The morepork in this video was eventually released back into the wild.

It's just a little video to put you in the right, happy weekend move, so watch:

Unique Oklahoma Politician Says He Was Defeated By Robot Or Body Double

Unsuccessful Oklahoma Congressional candidate
Tim Murray said his winning opponent is actually
a robot or body double, and is thus disqualified.  
U.S Rep. Frank Lucas, R-Oklahoma won the recent primary for his party's nomination to the House of Representatives. It looks like he's headed for an easy re-election.

But one of the defeated candidates isn't going to take this lying down. Candidate Tim Murray says Lucas is actually a body double or robot for someone who died in 2011

"It is widely known Rep. Frank D. Lucas is no longer alive and has been displayed by a look alike," Murray writes in a note to television station KFOR.

Murray claims Lucas is among several U.S. Congress members who were executed in Ukraine in 2011.

Hmm. I'm pretty up on the news and I would have seen in the papers and on TV and the Internet a few years ago word of the execution by The World Court of Lucas and other Congress members in Ukraine three years ago.

Murray said these executions by hanging were televised world wide and it's common knowledge that it happened.

Somehow, I don't recall it. You think it would be all over the news. Like Benghazi or something.

Maybe there was a coverup or something.

KFOR reports that Lucas is a bit shocked by the news he doesn't exist. "It does come as kind of a shock to read that you're not you," Lucas said.

Lucas says he has never been to Ukraine. That's what they all say.

By the way, you HAVE to check out Murray's campaign Web site, that's still up despite the fact that he lost to the robot that is pretending to be Lucas.

Here's one example of Murray's accomplishments, taken from his Web site:  "Requested and obtained removal, from humans, of an illegal de-human chip from persons abroad and in armed forces use. Helped block the 7th day Legislation in the '70s that would put the 666 de-human chip on every person on earth. In prevention of the fore-mentioned, it was sealed with The People, The U.S. President, and the U.S. Supreme Court at that time and since that time."

I hadn't heard about this. 666 de-human chip? 7th day legislation? Tim, Tim, you have to explain this more to us ignorant sheeple.

However, the conspiracy Web sites, which are oh, so accurate, are all over it, Thank Gawd!

On the ZPi Blog, "serving the paranoid since 1997" we have this laudatory report on Murray:

"Murray is not threatening to break the set of political theater by exposing the conspiracy at the heart of modern government: Most politicians are actually android replacements known as Simulacra."

Now I'm even more confused. Simulacra? I've never even heard that word. And why hasn't anybody embedded a 666 chip in me? Or did they?

Maybe Murray will win his appeal of the election which Lucas, or his body double, won. Then we can learn more about this insidious plot.

Or at the very least, be entertained by this, um unique candidate.

Friday, June 27, 2014

This Year's Nominee For Man Who Did Worst Job Handling His Romantic Breakup The

Seattle area law enforcement said they arrested a jerk
for telling them his ex-girlfriend had a bomb
aboard a Southwest flight. He was getting back
 at her for breaking up with him, say authorities.  
If what police say is right, our nominee for creepiest guy, guy who does the worst job of handling a romantic breakup and all around jerk goes to Zachary Milliren, 26, of the Seattle area.  

A 22 year old woman broke up with him not long ago. I'm guessing she wanted to get away from it all, especially him, so she boarded a Southwest flight from Seattle to Las Vegas on June 18.

Milliren knew she was on the plane, so he did what any reasonable jilted man crazed maniac would do. He called police and said the woman had a bomb with her and planned on blowing up the plane, accoring to Seattle PI.

When this sort of thing happens, even if the whole threat seems like a stupid threat, you have to evacuate the plane, and in this case, interview the woman who was said to have the bomb.

Of course, the woman didn't have a bomb, but she certainly had a real dud of an ex-boyfriend. If what police say is accurate, he's one of those horrible, mentally ill people who scare the bejeezus out of their ex's by threatening them. Because they had the GALL to (wisely) leave them.

I'm not minimizing it, either. These guys ARE threats. I just hope he doesn't end up killing anybody.

The woman thought it wise to mention to police the threatening notes she'd gotten from Milligren, so they had their suspect.

He was easy to catch, too. (These wackos are usually pretty dumb) Milliren phoned in the bomb threats from his grandmother's house, police said.

The threats against the ex-girlfriend were pretty scary, so he faces charges along those lines, too. Some of the "love" notes he wrote after the breakup included, "Every day you will be unsafe...Just because you're in another state doesn't mean I can't get you."

And this doozy: "If the pigs come after me because of you, you will live the rest of our life in fear." That one went out to the woman right before he called in the bomb threats.

Milliren thought he was home free, though. He told police he was innocent because, "I didn't make a bomb threat...I just said my girlfriend had a bomb."

Not surprisingly, that argument, did not, um, fly.

He's charged with making a bomb threat and intimidating a witness, and was being held on $250,000 bails, says Seattle PI.

So at least he's off the streets and the women of Washington State are (temporarily, at least) safe from this clown.


Thursday, June 26, 2014

Why Did Nancy Grace Tell The Dad His Missing Kid Was Found Instead Of The Police?

I think we've reached full Truman Show horror.  
How did Nancy Grace learn the missing kid was
found before the kid's dad did? 

The Truman Show, you might remember, was that Jim Carrey movie in which a man is unwittingly the subject of a reality TV show and his wife, friends and neighbors are all in on the ruse.

The movie was a meditation on how the media could ultimately exploit someone to the extreme. 

So now we have Nancy Grace ambushing a guy by telling him his son had been found.  She then bombarded the stunned dad with a lot of questions, which he definitely seemed unprepared to answer, given the news he'd just received.

Hey, anything for ratings, right?

Now, I don't want the media to censor itself. The more information the better. And the public is served by informing us what the circumstances were with this kid. But the Grace episode was more about entertainment and gawking, not information.

And what about the police? I certainly expect law enforcement to be fully transparent in their investigations, and to let the public know exactly what is going on in terms of public safety.  
Charles Bothuell, 12, was found after
being missing 11 days. Lots of murky
circumstances surrounding how they
found him, and who knew what, when.  

But what happened to protocol here? Typically, when police learn something significant in an investigation, they inform the immediate family first, then tell the public what's going on.

How did Nancy Grace know the kid was found before the kid's father had any clue?  Did police feel like they were more beholden to Nancy Grace than the kid or his family?

Is it the job of police to help the public, or help Nancy Grace get a ratings coup?  

We don't know the full circumstances of this missing kid case yet. I'd like to hear more of an explanation from the police.

It is odd that he was found in his basement after people had been searching high and low for him for a week and a half, and had already searched the basement.

If the father is somehow culpable, I hope they charge him with a crime. If he is not guilty of anything, I hope that police, and especially Nancy Grace, go out of their way to make sure we all know that. 

However, if the father is innocent, will that be reported? Or maybe not, because the ratings associated with a report about an innocent dad would not be high enough to keep advertisers happy.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Awesome Four Year Old Busts Babysitter's Burglary Plot

This little girl foiled her baby sitter's burglary plot.  
Hats off to Abby Dean, 4, of Ferndale, Washington State, who royally screwed up an elaborate burglary plot by her babysitter.    

The babysitter set up this elaborate scheme that staged a home invasion in which a bunch of stuff, including Abby's "kitty" bank, iPod, Wii and X-Box, were stolen.

The babysitter said one of the suspects looked like the next door neighbor. That neighbor, Cody Oakes, who is black, was detained by police for about five hours.

But Abby would have none of it. "Wrong skin color," she said of the next door neighbor suspects. The burglars were white. The whole robbery scheme fell apart.

Abby was NOT happy about the set up. "Wednesday was the worst day in my life," she told a local television station.

"They told us to get out of the house 'cause they wanted to steal stuff," Abby said.

She's also displeased by the babysitter, and I can't blame her.

Said Abby: "That was really her being bad. She's not a good babysitter."

I guess Abby isn't going to give the babysitter a good review on Angie's List, is she? Abby certainly does seem to be a good judge of good vs. bad babysitters, so she's pretty smart there.

In the end, the cops arrested the babysitter and her friends, and the family got their stuff back, including Abby's kitty bank, Wii, X-box and other items.

"They got it back because of me being the superhero," Abby said.

OK, Abby's not shy, but she's certainly accurate.

Here's the news video of Abby explaining what happened.

For Anyone Who Has Ever Been A Waiter, This Rant Is For You

Many moons ago, I waited tables to make ends meet.
Thadra Sheridan has LOTS to say
about waiting tables, and she does
it hilariously.  

That's true for a lot of us.

Waiting tables is a lot like watching Issues on Parade.

Most people were nice enough, but some people were just demanding and weird.

You learned if you scratched the surface their whines and complaints had little to do with the food and the service and a lot to do with their own inability to handle life.

These people made you really want to rant and explode they were so infuriating. However we luckily have this video from Thadra Sheridan that says it like it's meant to be said.

Sheridan is a well established and popular poet, essayist, performer, columnist and teacher. It's worth checking out her Web site. 

Meanwhile, her rant about waiting tables is so highly entertaining and laugh out loud funny you HAVE to watch:

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

McKenzie Carey And Her Dad Might Be Best Pageant Duo

From Buzzfeed, we get news of McKenzie "Kenzie" Carey, 12, who competes in pageants.  
McKenzie Carey and her dad in their pageant video.
which has gone viral.  

Nice enough. But she needs help from her dad because she had mitochondrial disease, which makes it hard for her to move around.

So dad serves as a bit of an interpretor during their dance routine to the Miley Cyrus song "The Climb."

According to the Blaze, Kenzie had wanted to have a routine to perform like other girls in pageants, so she enlisted her father's help.

I love the contrast. McKenzie in her pretty, frilly pink and purple and blue dress, and dad, this burly dude with a mustache, red baseball cap, jeans and tired t-shirt concealing maybe a bit of a beer belly.

The act works beautifully, as anyone can see in their video, which has gone viral this month.

Probably what makes this so compelling is the look of happiness and security on Kenzie's face as she dances with her father, and the proud I-would-do-anything-for-you expression on dad's face as he dances with his daughter.

Kenzie and her dad are doing this in part to raise funds for expensive treatment for her illness.

Still, the performance makes Kenzie's dad a strong contender for Father Of The Year.

Watch and find out for yourself, but warning: Kleenex alert:

Monday, June 23, 2014

Sam Smith Dramatically Remakes A Whitney Houston Hit; And It's Gorgeous

Sam Smith  
British soul sensation Sam Smith has just released one of the most dramatic remakes of a big past hit, and it is gorgous.

Now, Smith has reworked the 1980s classic and has done it beautifully. 

In 1986, Whitney Houston scored with the song "How Will I Know." The original Houston hit was uptempo and bouncy, a happy little ditty on the uncertainty of new love.

Smith changes the whole song around to something more close to heartache, unrequieted love, perhaps?

 In any event, it's always fun when somebody radically makes a popular song, with results that are as good as this. 

Here's a video of Smith singing "How Will I Know."

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Yacht Fire: Someone Had A Worse Weekend Than You

Today was a perfect summer day where I live near Lake Champlain in Vermont.  
Worst possible start of summer: A $24 million yacht
burns near San Diego. 

Not surprisingly, there were a LOT of boats on the lake as people enjoyed a Sunday full of blue skies, bright sun, warmth and low humidity.

It looks like everyone had a good time, unlike the owners of a yacht that was being repaired near San Diego.

Something when wrong during the repairs and a fire ended up destroying the $24 million yacht.  The ultimate bummer at the start of summer

Somebody sent up a drone, which caught the dramatic fire.   

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Most Unfortunate Middle School Music Performance Award Goes To...

From Mashable, we get this video of some middle schoolers at the Grosse Point Music Academy Spring Recital launching into a song by the group Weezer, but the performance turns into something of a wheezer.

Damn keyboards never cooperate.

Here's the video:

Friday, June 20, 2014

City Closing "Little Free Libraries" Because Interesting, Fun Neighborhoods Are So Un-American

A fun little idea has been spreading fast across America: They're called Little Free Libraries.  
An example of a neighborhood Little Free Library. 

You might have seen them. They're little kiosks on suburban and neighborhood streets that look sort of like itty bitty houses in which there are maybe a dozen books.

These are mini-self serve libraries that people voluntarily set up in front of their houses.

Their neighbors can borrow books from these, and maybe even contribute a few tomes.  Little Free Libraries have become all the rage. 

It's a great idea, which means boring zoning officials, aided and abetted by a few homeowners who HATE it when their neighbors do anything vaguely interesting, must put a stop to these little libraries.

So it is in Leawood, Kansas, where the city is telling people to get rid of their Little Free Libraries, or face fines, says television station KCTV in Kansas City.  The zoning people are saying free standing structures are not permitted in front yards.

The reason, of course, is property values. KCTV says a city spokesperson told him that's a main reason behind the crackdown.

Apparently, any deviation from the most bland, beige cookie cutter look to a neighborhood would mean the value of every house on the block would crash to zero, no matter how slight the aberration in the neighborhood.

Now, there is a place for reasonable rules here. It's perfectly fine for a city, and a neighborhood to demand that Little Free Libraries stay little so they don't become de facto businesses, and that they be properly maintained.

That's the same reason why I wouldn't want my neighbor across the street to have a bunch of wrecked cars on blocks on their front lawn, but I don't mind that their flowers are a little unruly. (And the reason I hope that the neighbors don't mind that I'm a little behind on my garden weeding)

As is usual in the case like this, most neighbors in Leawood like these Little Free Libraries, but a few people, who wouldn't speak on camera, called them eyesores.

This battle is remiscent of another suburban battle raging across the nation. Some people are putting vegetable gardens in their front yards, with the logic they might as well make their property productive.

But that once again raised the fear it could Ruin Property Values. Because a tomato plant growing in a front yard would obviously make the McMansion next door look like a run down shack, or something.

In any event, if my neighbor wants to put up a Little Free Library, go for it. Just note I'd probably use the HELL out of it, because its such a fun idea.

I know, I know. I must by un-American for wanting a fun neighborhood. Maybe the zoning board has already begun investigating me.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Random Ducks In A Stampede, Just For Fun

Today, we offer you this YouTube video of a unique stampede.
A duck stampede in Thailand.  

The stampede inspired this week's best newspaper headline, from the Bangkok Post: "Ducks In "Mass Revolt" in Nakhon Pathom."

The Post said a farmer was herding the ducks to another area to find more food.

The International Times Tribune said the stampede tied up traffic on a rural road about 150 miles from Bangkok, Thailand.  

School Let Out For the Summer A Minute Ago, So It's Time For Back To School Sales!!

Last weekend, high schools in my area held their graduation ceremonies and the kiddies in all grades are now enjoying their first full week of summer vacation.  
Kids just got out of school for the summer.
Time for back to school sales!  

Which, in the world of retail logic, means their parents must drag the kids off THIS INSTANT!! for back to school sales.

Yep, they're on, according to Consumerist. Retailers always seem to start their sales seasons earlier, and earlier. You can probably pick up Christmas items now. Or at least soon.

But you'd better hurry, because I'm sure the Christmas season clearance sale will start in August or something.

All this advanced season stuff means you can't actually buy the stuff you need when you need it.  In retail land, and retail land only,  it doesn't make sense to sell t-shirts and shorts in June, bug spray in July, or swim suits at the beginning of August.

We're only supposed to buy things we won't need for many months yet. Maybe they hope we'll lose what we bought, and have to buy it again?

That's one way to maximize profits, I guess.

The retailers indeed say seasonal creep, be it Christmas or back to school is good for them and somehow good for parents. 

"Some schools start back up as early as the third week in August, so it's not really early," said National Retail Federation spokeswoman Kathy Grannis last year in the Tampa Tribune.

What, it takes two months to stock up on school supplies so you have to start now?

Then again, some people apparently live to shop and need an excuse to do that. "While 47.8 percent of parents will start back to school shopping one month before the school year starts, a full 22 percent will start two months out."

Because shopping for your kids in icy, air conditioned, sterile malls is apparently more fun than playing with your kids in the summer sun.

Gotta go. I need to shop for a new pair of shorts for summer. Oh, wait. Summer officially starts in a few days. I can't buy shorts. I'm way too late. Summer clothes are so February. I guess I'll have to shop for a ski parka instead.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

The Fact That OK Go Just Released Another Video Made My Day And More

OK Go put out another video today, and that fact makes me extremely happy.  

Some readers might remember I'm a huge, HUGE fan of their videos.

For the uninitiated, OK Go is part band, part video production team. They put out amazing, intricate music videos for their songs.

You might remember their incredible Rube Goldberg inspired video for their 2010 song "This Too Shall Pass" which went totally viral. It now has something like 43 million hits on YouTube.

OK Go's latest video is for their song, "The Writing's On the Wall" and this time, the song contains a series of optical illusions that will totally wow you.

Here's the video:

Weather Forecaster Feels Earth Move Under Her Feet

Television weather forecasters and meteorologists in Oklahoma often busy themselves warning the public or describing tornadoes, droughts, floods, giant hail and other disasters.  
This KOKO-TV meteorologist was trying to forecast
baking hot weather in Oklahoma Monday, but
got earthquake shaken instead.  

At least they can predict those.

What do you do about an earthquake while you're on-camera, though?

Oklahoma has been hit by an escalating series of earthquakes in recent years, especially this year. There've been at least 200 this year.

Many people blame fracking, the practice of trying to extract oil from bedrock by shooting high pressure water and chemicals into the rocks, fracturing them and releasing the oil and gas.

For whatever the reason, these quakes are definitely unnerving in a state that's definitely not California.

This TV weather presenter on WOKO found out on camera how startling a 4.3 earthquake can be. Still, she managed to hold it together pretty well on live TV, better than supposedly earthquake savvy Los Angeles newscasters have been

Watch the WOKO reaction:

Monday, June 16, 2014

"Homeless Studs" Cropping Up To Get Rid Of People Sleeping In Doorways.

This does seem rather harsh.  
Anti-homeless studs in a British doorway.
A public outcry led to their removal.  

As the Guardian newspaper reported, some building owners and property maintenance workers are putting in these things called "homeless studs" to keep people from sleeping in doorways and such.

The studs are very much like those spikes you see on window ledges to keep pigeons away. It is a tasteless thought: The spikes seem, to equate homeless people with annoying pigeons.

Yes, I get it, people are unnerved when homeless people sleep in their doorway, or nearby ATM vestibule.

But the whole thing to me seems too easy. Put in the pigeon/homeless studs, and the homeless magically disappear.

Of course, they don't disappear off the face of the Earth, but never mind.

As if to demonstrate that you can't just magically make the problem of homelessness go away with just a few metal studs embedded in concrete, a big outcry followed some of these anti-homeless stud installations.

An activist group recently poured concrete over the studs over a supermarket entryway in Britain. The supermarket chain, Tesco, said the studs were mostly to keep away cigarette smokers and people with antisocial behavior away.

And in any event, Tesco would rethink the studs and come up with another solution.

A London luxury apartment building where the "homeless studs" were installed also removed them after a public outcry.

So, it's beginning to look like pigeons are still not welcome on or near buildings, but in a small, welcome sign that the public in general has some mercy, we're not going to treat the homeless like annoying pigeons.

Any small sign of humanity is better than nothing.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Now THIS Is A Hedge Trimmer!

I don't know if you got your dad one of those electric hedge trimmers for Father's Day, but somebody has the ultimate hedge trimmer that he might like even better, if he has a mind anything like mine.

The video below shows a REAL hedge trimmer, the right, BIG size, dangling from a helicopter and doing some trimming along some power lines.

This is the kind of yard machinery I want. Watch:

Saturday, June 14, 2014

"Sky Mall" In Flight Catalog Is A Wonder To Behold

If you forget to bring something to occupy your time on a flight, airlines come to the rescue with these AWESOME catalogs in which you can buy, buy, buy!! Everything you never thought you needed but really do.
This guy looks like a car crash victim after the
air bag goes off, but it's a pillow for sleeping
on a plane! From Sky Mall! Get yours today!!!  

So it was on a recent journey from Burlington, Vt. to Sioux Falls, South Dakota, (with a stopover in Chicago)

The flight had  Sky Mall, and I never knew there were so many products I just had to have.

Take computer mouses. Mine's a standard grey, inexpensive, unremarkable little thing. Why shouldn't I go fancy. Like one that looks like a little yellow Lamborghini. Why be boring? Drive your web surfing with the best! A Lamborghini!! .

If I'd gotten tired on my flight, SkyRest could have come to the rescue. It's this inflatable thing you put on the tray at your airline seat and you're supposed to sleep against it. It kind of looks like an airbag that has gone off in a car during a crash.

Somehow, thinking of crashes on an airline flight isn't restful, so I'll skip the SkyRest, thank you very much.

In the pet section, we have something for people who have a dog and no yard. It's a patch of fake grass you put maybe out on your condo balcony. It's where Fido can do his business. It even has a little fake red fire hydrant to get your pooch in the mood to pee. How clever!

But wait, there's more!  I quote the brochure: "The Premium Porch Potty offers an automated rinse and drain system that utilizes embedded sprinklers and an optional water timer to assure the cleanest environment possible."

Yeah, and I'm sure the people who have balconies on the floors below you just love the daily shower of dog crap and pee as you happily and easily wash the Porch Potty.

Now that Fido has done his business, it's time for fun in the sun! Make your pool party special by getting a Singing Gondolier. As the Sky Mall states: "Turns your pool into an enchanging Venetian canal!"

Or at least the noisiest chlorine puddle in the neighborhood.

The contraption is  a little motorized boat that meanders around your pool. On the boat is a little guy with a white hat and striped shirt, holding a paddle, who "serenades you with 3 traditional Italian songs."  The guy's name, I'm not making this up, is Luciano Poolvarotti.

If Venice is this tacky, I will never go there. Let it flood

If Luciano Poolvarotti doesn't make your property fancy and artistic enough, theres some great statues in Sky Mall for all your landscaping needs. Turn your yard into a horror show unique attraction with "The Zombie of Monclaire Moors"  which essentially looks like a terrified boy being sucked into the hell beneath your crabgrass infested lawn.

If that doesn't work, there's the Bigfoot the Garden Yeti statue, which resembles a hungover orangutan. Or try the "Peeing Boy of Brussels" which is basically a statue of a smug looking boy who is definitely peeing and seemingly challenging you to do something about it, you wimp.

If you want something a little friendlier, ther's the "Delightful Dancing Ducks" which is an image of three ducks who look like three very drunk waterfowl trying to imitate the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes.

All this and more is available in Sky Mall! Maybe we should just take random flights around the country and shop to our heart's content.

Or maybe not.

Friday, June 13, 2014

Dramatic Rescue Shows Why I'm Sometimes Afraid of Pumping Gas

In a surveillance camera video that's going viral, a car driven by a guy who went into diabetic shock blasts into gas station pumps in Westchester County, New York, setting off a big explosion and fire.
Chaos and a rescue after a crash at
a New York State gas station.  

As you can see in the video, below, a guy who was pumping fuel, an off-duty police officer has a gas pump fall on him.

He manages to run away just at the fire erupts, but then manages to run back and pull the guy who had the diabetic shock out of his car before the fire really consumed everything.

Reports are there were a few minor injuries, but nothing life threatening.

I can't blame the guy who went into diabetic shock; these things happen.

What I can blame is the little stab of fear I get when - this happens more frequently than it should - I'm pumping gas and some bozo comes and fills his tank, or little gas tanks in the bed of his truck, while nonchalantly lighting and/or smoking a cigarette.

Those idiots deserve to be in an explosion, but please just don't involve me.

Anyway, here's the Westchester explosion and rescue. Quite amazing:

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Ineffective, But Highly Satisfying Identify Theft Protection You Might Want To Try

In the video in this post, "Mr. Forthright" explains how you can avoid on-line identity theft.

I'm not quite sure his method would work, but it sure looks cathertic. Given the troubles I've had with my balky laptop lately, I just might take Mr. Forthright's advice.

You might want to, too. Watch his video and find out:

Your Father's Day Gift Won't Be As Good As This Guy's

Whatever you get for your father for Father's Day this year won't be as good as what one guy in Kentucky already received.  
Nice wheels: Roger King got this sweet '57 Chevy
Bel-Aire from his son, fulfilling a 49-year old promise. 

So you might as well just give your father that badly designed tie, apologize and move on.

In a video that's gone totally viral over the past week, we see Mike King surprising his father, Roger, with an early gift.

When Mike was 8, he told his dad he'd get him a 1957 Chevy Bel-Air when the dad turned 57. This year, good old dad turned 57, and like magic, in the garage, there was a 1957 Chevy Bel-Air.

Mike King said he was able to buy the car by working extra shifts at the factory which employs him. He skipped up to New Hampshire to buy the car.

Judging from the video, Roger King seemed to like the gift. Very moving.

And remember, you probably won't get your father this good a gift. But don't worry. He loves you anyway.

Happy Father's Day all you dads out there.

Here's the video of the 57 Chevy gift:

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Brilliant PSA On Texting And Driving Tricks Moviegoers Awesomely

We've heard over and over again that simultaneously texting and driving is dangerous.  
This woman sitting in a Hong Kong movie theater
just got a text message. And she's in for a big
surprise in just a moment.  

Everybody should know that by now, but people are still getting killed and hurt on the road because some idiots insist that texting "OMG!!! I Love Bieber!" while blasting down the highway is worth killing other motorists over.

To drive the danger home, Volkswagen, made a video which shows a crowd settling into a movie theater to watch a film.

As people munch popcorn and settle into their seats, the film they're watching starts with a driver's eye view of a trip in a car down a nice road, lined with big tall trees.

But the theater, and the makers of the ad are equipped with a location based broadcaster. They hit a button, which makes the mobile phones of everyone in the the theater start ringing, signaling they all got a text message. Many movie goers drag out their phones and start to look at the tiny little screens on their mobile devices.

As they look at their phones, something happens on the movie screen. You'll have to watch it the video, below, to see what happens next (don't want to spoil it!)

You'll see the point is driven (pun intended) home: Don't text and drive. That text message to your friend about that hottie that was on "America's Got Talent" last night can wait.

Here's the awesome video:

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

You Make Me Feeling Like Dancing, Or Failing

If you feel like dancing, better check out this video.  Time to change yoru mind, perhaps?

It's a dangerous business, a case of happy feet, as these people now know.

Best to sit still in your chair and not let the music get to you:

Monday, June 9, 2014

Cop Won't Work At Pride Parade Because He's Afraid Of Gay Cooties

My nomination for the wimpiest cop on the planet is the one in Salt Lake City who refused to work traffic and crowd control at a gay pride parade.   
A Salt Lake City cop is apparently terrified of these
absolutely "scary" bunch of people.  

About 30 cops were assigned to the parade. It sounds like a pretty routine assignment. Every parade in every city has police making sure everything runs smoothly.

I don't know that much about policing, but traffic control at a parade doesn't seem all that dangerous, at least compared to dealing with murderers and robbers and such.

The officer has not been identified, but he has been placed on leave pending a review.

It appears the cop's supervisors are not amused:

"We don't tolerate bias and bigotry in the department and assignments are assignments... To allow personal opinion to enter whether an officer will take a post is not something that can be tolerated in a police department," said Salt Lake City Police Department spokeswoman Lara Jones.

In other words, do your job, pal.

Oh, the small number of virulent anti gay ranters and bigots and wacked out extreme right wingers will hold up this guy as a martyr. They'll say how we can no longer live our lives in the Christian way we want. Or something like that.

That forgets the little detail that the cop was never asked to endorse the march, or gays in general. He's only supposed to do crowd control. In other words, be on the same street as a bunch of gay people and their supporters.

I'm sure he's been in the same room with murderers and thieves and such. Does that mean he endorses murder and thievery?

No, he's just afraid of gay cooties. Or something.

Can you imagine the chaos if all of us refused to work around people we don't like? Just ignore laws and rules to keep our sensitive little ignorant brains happy?

If the cop is this afraid of a bunch of gay people enjoying a parade, he must be absolutely terrified of more dangerous people, like rapists, muggers or even jay walkers. Is this the type of cop who should be trying to keep us safe?  

The other 29 cops who were assigned the gay parade in Salt Lake City don't seem to be complaining. I'm sure some of them aren't super enthusiastic about gay people. But they're doing what they're paid to do.

Salt Lake City Police are gay friendly enough anyway. The organizers of the Pride parade say they have a good working relationship with the city's police department.

It's just that our wimpy cop is an outlier. Happens to the best of organizations. Not every employee turns out to be competent.

Maybe the cop can find another line of work. Let's just hope he doesn't apply for a job as a bouncer at the wrong night club. Can you imagine what would happen if his first night turned out to be the Mr. Leather competition at some gay bar?

ALT LAKE CITY (AP) — A Salt Lake City police officer has been placed on leave after refusing an assignment to work at a gay pride parade.
The officer was among about 30 officers assigned to provide traffic control and security for the annual Utah Pride Parade on Sunday in Salt Lake City, said department spokeswoman Lara Jones.
"We don't tolerate bias and bigotry in the department, and assignments are assignments ... To allow personal opinion to enter into whether an officer will take a post is not something that can be tolerated in a police department," Jones told KSL.
She declined comment on the officer's reason for refusing the assignment.
The officer, whose name was not released, is on paid administrative leave pending the outcome of an internal affairs investigation.
Utah Pride Center spokeswoman Deann Armes said her group is pleased with the department's stance and thinks officers should undergo sensitivity training before joining the force.
"Our goal is to make sure that police training and certification includes policies and oaths to ensure that all officers are committed to providing equal service and treatment of all citizens. Clearly, bigotry is alive and well," Armes said in a statement.
Police Chief Chris Burbank has marched in the parade in the past, and three deputy chiefs will march Sunday while he is out of town.
The department also will have a community outreach and recruitment booth at the pride festival, Jones said, and participates in a standing committee to address public safety issues relating to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender residents.
"We have gay men and women that serve in the police department," Jones told The Salt Lake Tribune. "One officer's situation does not reflect the vast majority of officers that work in the Salt Lake City Police Department and certainly not Chief B

Friday, June 6, 2014

Update: "Singing Nun" Sister Cristina Scuccia Wins Italy's "The Voice"!

Some weeks ago I told you in this blog thing here about Sister Cristina Scuccia, the unlikely contestant on Italy's version of "The Voice."   
Sister Cristina Scuccia sings her way to victory
on Italy's version of "The Voice"  

That's the show that begins the season when judges listen to singers with their backs to the performer, so they can't make assumptions based on their looks.

If the judges like what they hear, they press a button, their chairs turn and they face the singer.

The season progresses from there until one singer is crowned the champion

In this case, we have good news from Italy this morning: Sister Cristina Scuccia was the big winner!

And good for her!

She got a recording contract with Universal.

According to Variety, this was Scuccia's reaction to the win:

"My presence here is not up to me, it's thanks ot the man upstairs," she said before reciting the Lord's Prayer onstage."

Variety said Scuccia is a member of the Ursuline Sisters of the Holy Family, and was inspired to audition for The Voice by Pope Francis, who wants people to "get out onto the streets" in his call for the Catholic Church to come closer to the common people and their everyday lives.

At the same time, she's helping us understand that many Catholic priests and nuns really do want to make the world a better place. And they can have fun.

As proof, here's this great video of a "battle round" in the voice in which Scuccia sings with another contestant to see who can do a better job with Cindi Lauper's classic, awesome song "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

The video is wonderful. Love the contrast between Scuccia and the other contestant. Watch:

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Scam Alert For Those Dumb Enough To Order A Penis Enlarger

A not very self confident guy in Malaysia responded to one of those scammy ads that promise men they can enlarge their penis.

He got what he paid for.

In short (ha!), he got a magnifying glass.

Technically, then, he wasn't scammed, because holding the magnifying glass to his, um, equipment, makes it at least look bigger, no?

And the magnifying glass came with some very helpful safety instructions: Don't use it in the sun.

Doing so would surely be more painful than falling for a scam.

The lesson from all this: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Restaurant News: Eatery Shows Skin, Finds Success, But Toilet Themed Restaurant Goes Down Toilet

Somebody recently took to one of those on line restaurant review sites to take a West Virginia restaurant to task because the lovely waitresses there seemed disinclined to "show more skin."
The Atomic Grill in West Virginia
is "showing more skin."  

The ever-obliging owner of the restaurant, the Atomic Grill in Morgantown, decided to respond to the reviewer and did just that. He had the restaurant staff show a LOT of skin.

Oh, not like that, you dirty pervert.

The restaurant owner added potato skins to the menu, and turned the dish into a big promotion that raised money for the West Virginia Foundation for Rape Information and Services, says television station WBOY. 

For the reviewer who wanted the actual waitstaff to show more skin, he was out of luck. "That sort of attitude is Cro-Magnon at best,' said Atomic Grill owner Daniel McCawley.  The restaurant did not alter or change the design of the uniforms the staff wear.

But the potato skin promotion was a big success, according to WBOY.

What wasn't a big success is the toilet themed restaurant in California, which recently closed its doors.

Apparently, a  restaurant with toilets as seats and fare named after poo is not a great business model. 
The lovely (??) Magic Restroom Cafe has closed its doors.
And toilet seats.  

The Magic Restroom cafe featured Taiwanese cuisine, but some of the dishes had names like "black poop" and "smells like poop."

Appetizing, no?

The good news about the restaurant's closing is it prompted  local news headlines like "Magic Restroom Cafe Craps Out After Eight Months: and "Magic Restroom Cafe Goes Down The Toilet."

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Time Waster Of The Day: Hilarious "Terrible Real Estate Photos"

If you've put your house on the market and fret that it doesn't look impressive enough for potential buyers, don't worry.
Maybe Jackson Pollock lived here? 

It could be worse. Much worse.

A Tumblr site called Terrible Real Estate Photos is a hilarious time waster that shows properties that are, shall we say, unique fixer uppers.

A few sample photos from the site are in this post, but go ahead and peruse the Tumblr site. You'll never look at real estate sales brochures the same way again.

A property perfect for your weekend firing squad parties!  

Airy living spaces in this newly listed home.  

This bathroom leaves
quite an impression.   

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Don't Steal From Church Collection Boxes If You're Looking For Sunday Thrills

It's Sunday.
An older couple stole money from
this tiny Swiss chapel, and many more
just for the thrill of it, officials said.  

Some of us are going to church. And some of us are looking to do something fun and exciting on a nice weekend day.

Once couple in Switzerland decided to combine the two pursuits and are surely now regretting it. I, for one think it's a good idea.

The couple, age 70 and 73 spent Sundays until recently going to churches and stealing church collection boxes, says the BBC. 

They didn't need the money, reports said. They just did it for the rush of getting away with something kinda mean. And criminal.

Of course, now police are investigating and it looks like charges will be brought against the couple.

The bottom line: If you're going to church today, Great! Just donate a bit of money if you want, but don't steal any.

If you're looking for a Sunday thrill, maybe a nice hike in the mountains, or even a sky diving excursion will do the trick.