Friday, February 28, 2014

Another Month of Entertaining News Bloopers

I always like those compilation videos that demonstrate that live TV when doing newscasts is fraught with danger.
Uh, Am I on now? Another month of
head-slapping news bloopers.  

This month's episode of TV newscasters having their share of problems includes one reporter who, on air, fell into a North Carolina creek terribly polluted with coal tar.

The famous clip of the U.S Congressman threatening to throw a reporter over a balcony railing is there for good measure.

There's lots of weather clips, which makes sense because there's been lots of weather lately.

My favorite moment when a man being interviewed says winter is "Like Justin Beiber, kind of cute and exciting when it first started out and now it's a bit obnoxious and should just stay in Canada."

Here, here! on that one.

Here's your morning news. Watch:

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Cool Ad: Incoming Subway Blows Around The Hair of the Model In the Ad

Here's a advertising idea that might be a little startling but really cool
The hair on the model of this ad blows
in the "wind" when the train enters the station.

At a train station in Stockholm, Sweden, there's what looks like an ad for a hair car product, the kind of still ad with a photograph you see at any train station or public place like that.

Then, according to Mashable, when the train rolls into the station with its little rush of a breeze, the "photograph" becomes animated. The model's hair blows in the wind like she's there, caught in the gust from the train: an

Says Mashable:

"Apotek, a pharmacy brand, outfitted subway platform ads in Stockholm with ultra-sonic sensors that discerned when a train was coming. The ad featured a model with a lush mane, and when the train came, her hair flapped in the wind and she struggled to keep it in place"

The ad probably scares some passersby who don't expect the ad to move like that, but it does draw attention.

And the thinks kids do with technology these days!

Here's the Vimeo video of the ad:

Apotek Hjärtat - Blowing in The Wind from Ourwork on Vimeo.

"Doxxing" Is The Latest Fad Among Stupid, Disgusting Internet Trolls

You have to admit it, Internet trolls, the sadistic weird people who often make being online such a chore, keep coming up with lots of innovative ways to annoy and torture people.
Wouldn't it be great if we had a
product like this to rid the Internet
of all the trolls out there? 

The latest one I heard about is "doxxing."

Doxxing is just a fancy name for research. You look online for documentation of something to get a full understanding of what, or who it is. Doxxing isn't inherently bad, but it is when the troll try it.

Usually, doxxing has a negative connotation, when people find others' personal information like addresses and Social Security numbers and put them online.

Some doxxers/trolls get their jollies by finding nude or sexually compromising photos of women on line, usually put there by revenge-minded ex-boyfriends or hackers who stole their personal data. The trolls then do a little research to figure out all the identifying clues about the women.

They find out their name, age, exact place of residence, where they work, who their friends, bosses and family are and all kinds of stuff like that, just to cause lots of pain and embarrassment.

Because that's fun, you know?

Doxxing has gone to ridiculous extremes. Now the trolls are doing the doxxing against women who are  photographed out in public, clothed and doing nothing that anyone would think is unseemly.  But they use the pictures to get a specific ID, then play out their sexual fantasies about these people.

Because they are such losers, they can't get anything in real life.

For some reason, certain sections of the online forum site Reddit really attract these kinds of weirdos.

It happened to an Olympic volunteer recently photographed during the winter games in Sochi, according to Salon. 

"Her shirt is folded up, revealing a taut stomach, and her bright blue snow pants are pushed halfway up her sins. Eyes closed, she's leaning against a barrier that reads, 'Sochi, 2014 - Hot. Cool. Yours.'

"........before long a user in the subreddit/ r/randomsexiness managed to figure out her name, track her down on social media and post a host of personal photographs, including requisit bikini beach shots, along with her full name. As can be expeted, there were creepy remarks, like this one: 'From when her first pic showed up, I knew that chick was looking for attention.'"

Yeah, that Olympic volunteer was just desperate for the chance for pervy weirdos to look up information about here.

For women with compromising pictures, it gets really bad: Again from Salon:

"Redditor kwamiz wrote about her experience having her email account hacked and naked images of her, along with her name and address, posted on 4chan. "Men at bars in the (large) town where I live call me slut. Entire threads on 4chan are devoted to finding out which Facebook events I am attending. I receive multiple emails everyday calling me horrible things.

So do my mother, father and little sister. And my dear cousin, who is only 14, had them sent to her as well. I cannot begin to explain the hurt of being called up by a child, wondering why I'm naked in her
Facebook inbox."

Both the writer at Salon, and me, find it interesting that these creepy trolls think the women "deserve" to be put out there like this, against their will because they were "sexually liberated" enough to allow themselves to be photographed.

Yet when somebody outs one of the trolls, it's suddently a huge invasion of privacy.

So yes, all this is more proof that there area a certain subset of creeps out there, ruining it for everybody.
And they are very, very creepy.

It would be fun to dox the trolls, and put their sick mugs and their personal information out there as revenge. Of course, that would be falling to their level.

And I'm sure the trolls stick together. That's all they've got, really, is each other. If one troll gets humiliated, the rest will probably gang up on the person humiliating them, which chills the urge to go after the trolls.

They say don't feed the trolls and that's great advice. But when they do this kind of thing, it's time to feed the trolls to the lions.

Safe? Bottle Rockets Launched Into Crowd To Give Them "Good Luck"

Everybody wishes each other well when the New Year hits.
People intentionally subject themselves to
a barrage of bottle rockets for "luck"
I wish them luck, too.  

In a Taiwanese city, they have an interesting way of showing it. During the Chinese New Year, they fire tons of bottle rockets into a willing crowd, because that is suppose to give them good luck through the rest of the year.

It's called the Beehive Festival in part because the fireworks, like angry bees, emerge from a big contraption that looks like a beehive.

I do notice most of the people in the crowd wear helmets, which is good. But I wonder if a high speed bottle rocket, fully lit blasting into your face is the luckiest way to start a new year.

But what do I know. Watch, and then you can decide:

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Why Picking Up An Old Rusty Can On Your Property Can Be A $10 Million Good Idea

A middle aged couple somewhere in California were walking along a path on their rural property not long ago.
A lucky California couple found $10
million in gold coins buried on their property.  

They'd lived there for years and walked along the path countless times.  But on this day, the wife glanced down to the edge of the path and noticed the ground had eroded a bit in one spot, exposing part of an old, rusty can.

She examined it further and found a whole bunch of gold coins in and around the mostly buried can.

In all, there were 1,427 coins there, all dating from between 1847 and 1894. They're worth $10 million, and at this point, it's finders keepers, according to CBS News.

The gold in the coins isn't super valuable. But since the coins are in mint condition and some of them are exceedingly rare, numismatist Don Kagin came up with the $10 million figure when he assessed them.

Not surprisingly, everybody is keeping their mouth shut about precisely where the coins were found and who the lucky couple is.

The couple don't want their property overrun by prospectors digging around for more coins, and the couple want to keep their low-key, quiet lifestyle without everybody bugging them for handouts or suddenly becoming their long lost cousin who could stand a few bucks.

According to Kagin, the couple will sell most of the coins and use a lot of the money to give away to charity, which is super cool. They'll keep a few as momentos.

And I bet they'll keep an eagle eye out on their rocks for more rusty cans.

They're so much luckier than me. The strange person who lived in the St. Albans, Vermont house before I bought the place left a whole lot of "buried treasure" around the property.

As I've been digging the past five years creating gardens on my land, I've found dozens of buried tires, for some reason. Also, a few pairs of old boots, some childrens' toys, pieces of pipe, a window frame, too many beer cans to count, and an empty wallet with no ID in it.

But this California find galvanizes me to not get too upset when I inevitably find more buried stuff in my yard as I make new gardens this spring. You never know. I might find something valuable, eventually.

As long as I don't dig up any dead bodies, it's all good.

Putting The Piano Scene In The Movie "Big" To Shame

Some of you might remember the adorable scene in the 1988 movie "Big" in which Tom Hanks and Robert Laggia danced on the giant piano on the floor of the toy store FAO Schwarz. They banged out a nice version of "Heart and Soul"
The piano scene from "Big" Now try it with
a Bach number.  

One of the better movie moments I can remember.

But as always, somebody had to outdo them.

The video below was uploaded to YouTube way back in 2009 but for some reason it's just going viral now, so it came to my attention.

Same idea, same basic scene as in the "Big" piano. But these two women are more ambitious.

Be prepared to be amazed as these two people perform "Toccata & Fugue in D- Minor" by Bach:

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Some Horrible Person Is Leaving Poisoned Meatballs in San Francisco To Kill Dogs

A mystery person in San Francisco deserves a special place in hell for leaving dozens of poisoned meatballs around certain neighborhoods for dogs to find, eat, and then die.
Poisoned meatballs found in San Francisco.
Someone is trying to kill dogs in one
neighborhood in that city.
Boy, when that person is caught..... 

Nobody knows who is getting their jollies from trying to kill dogs this way, but I hope they find this person soon. Then force that idiot to eat spoiled or dangerous meat for a long, long time.

According to the San Francisco Chronicle, a city animal control officer found at least 35 poisoned meatballs in the Twin Peaks neighborhood of the city last Saturday. 

The meatballs were hidden in bushes, hedges, in carports, behind stairwells  and other areas that wouldn't be readily seen by humans, but would quickly be sniffed out by dogs with their super-strength senses of smell.

"These were incredibly well-hidden, said Lt. Denise BonGiovanni, of San Francisco's animal control division according to the Chronicle.

So far, no dogs are known to have gotten sick or died from the poisoned meatballs, but one dog died last year, when probably the same idiot left similar poisoned meatballs in the same neighborhood.

The city has put up a few dozen signs urging people in the neighborhood to keep their dogs on a short leash, don't let them grab anything and to snatch it away if they do get what might be one of these meatballs.

Meanwhile, I hope the person who left the meatballs has a rolicking, severe case of food poisoning right now.

I'm hoping this person gets caught. There has to be a lot of security cameras in the area, so maybe one or more of the cameras picked up on something.

I don't know what this person's motive is, but I bet he or she is currently the most hated person in San Francisco.

And if they find this person, I bet I could come up with a GREAT meatball recipe for that jerk to "enjoy" in jail.

No Shark Bites: Emergency Surgery Frees Shark From Certain Death

There's an endangered aquatic animal, the grey nurse shark that mostly lives around the coast of Australia.
This poor shark along the coast of Australia had a cord
wrapped around it like a noose, which was going to
kill it. Watch what some humans did about this. 

As sharks go, this type isn't really the most likely to chomp a surfer's leg off, but you still want to be careful. Which makes the video in this post all the more interesting to watch.

The danger brought up a dilemna recently when one of the endangered grey nurse shark's was found with an elastic cord that somehow got wrapped around it like a noose. If that cord didn't come off, the shark would die a slow, painful death.

Not wanting THAT to happen, a team of divers and a veterinarian from Sea Life Museum went to work.

The divers went underwater and coaxed the shark into what was essentially a giant, clear sock, which they used to bring her to the surface. They put her on a stretcher, and brought the shark to the surface where the veterinarian was waiting with a pair of scissors.

The vet cut the elastic off and made sure the shark had no additional injuries. The vet grabbed a syringe, injected the shark with an antiobiotic, and the patient was then free to go.

So congratulations to the divers and the veterinarian for a job well done!

Here's the video from 7News in Australia of how the whole thing went. It's fascinating:

Monday, February 24, 2014

Chinese Bank Teller Laughs Adorably At Really Dumb Bank Robber

This video is going SO viral, and you'll see why.
"Get a load of this guy" the Shanghai bank teller
seems to say as a meat cleaver wielding robber
fails to complete his crime. 

Some idiot tried to rob a bank in Shanghai. It went over very poorly.

You see the guy in the blue jacket come in, holding a meat cleaver. The stylish customer already at the window looks at the guy, seems nonplussed and walks away.

The robber, on his cell phone, turns to the teller, shows her his meat cleaver and apparently demands cash.

Our fearless bank teller is behind bulletproof glass, and the look on her smiling face says it all: "Get a load of this guy."  It looks like the incident made her day it was so funny.

According to the Daily Mirror of London, here's how the bank teller, Rong Ku, 41,  described the situation:

"I might have taken it seriously if he'd had a gun, and you never know really if the security glass will stop a bullet, but I knew he had no chance of getting through with a meat cleaver. It was a bizarre situation and I just had to laugh especially when he took a telephone call in the middle of the robbery.

He said, 'This is a robbery in a really quiet voice and then asked me to hold on while he took a phone call."

Yeah, it's terrible when you have to conduct urgent phone business right when you're trying to hold up a bank. It's kind of like when the phone rings when you're in the bathroom, isn't it?

In any event, some calm looking security guards quickly arrested our multi-tasking meat cleaver robber.

Watch and laugh for yourself:

New Anti-Gay Laws Promoting "Religious Freedom" Reflect Chutzah, Will Backfire

Arizona looked, at least until today, like it was onthe cusp of enacting a law that basically says if a gay person comes into your shop and your "heartfelt religious convictions" make you not want to serve them, go ahead and throw them out.
Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer is
deciding whether to veto a really
over the top anti-gay bill.  

At first glance, this might seem too bad. Why should business owner have to deal with somebody they don't like?

Well, because you're discriminating against a whole class of citizens, that's why. It's really like the Jim Crow laws back in the 1950s.

Black people don't have a choice other than to be black, so you can't discriminate against that entire class. Gay people, despite the protestations of religious  conservatives and the discredited "ex-gay" types, really can't change their sexual orientation.

And it's a little much to ask gay people to either pretend they are straight or to spend their lives being celibate, just to make adherents of certain religions feel better.  

Arizona's proposal, and similar ones in other conservative states, have come up because same gender, gay marriage is sweeping the nation.  It's legal in 12 states (including Vermont, Yay!, where I live and have been gay married to the wonderful Jeff since August 26, 2012. )

The people who don't like gay marriage are afraid that say, a religious wedding cake baker might be forced to bake a cake for a gay couple who are getting married.

And under anti-discrimination laws in some states, that's entirely possible. Here in Vermont, a bed and breakfast owner got in trouble for declining to host a wedding between two same gender partners, based on the inn owners' religious beliefs.

Contrary to some conservatives' assertions, people aren't going to get thrown in jail for refusing to serve gays, but they might lose civil lawsuits, as the owners of the Vermont bed and breakfast did to the tune of $10,000.

The deal is, if you run a business open to the public, some of your clientele are going to be people you'd rather not associate with.

Unless those people cause a direct disruption to your business, say by shoplifting, disturbing other customers or causing damage your really have to do business with them.

If you don't want your business to serve gays, blacks, Jews, Hispanics, and I don't know, purple people from Pluto, then don't have a business that serves the public.

It really does take a lot of gall to say people are being "discriminated" against because they have to live in the same world as people their religion says they should hate.  I don't like, say, Internet trolls, but no matter how much I whine, they're going to exist. Deal with it.

All this is why the Arizona bill, if the state's governor, Jan Brewer, signs it into law, will probably get struck down by the courts.

The people behind the bill surely know that, but are just trying to score political points with their conservative base voters.

Of course the court of public opinion could easily shoot down the law before any federal appeals court event gets to glance at the thing.

It seems most people nowadays either tolerate gays or are fine with them. Most businesses want to have as many happy customers as possible. After all, the point of having a business is to make money and you need customers to do that, right?

That business angle is why a similar bill in Kansas recently got shot down. In Arizona, the state's Chamber of Commerce and Industry, not exactly extreme leftists, urged Brewer to veto the bill. As did the state's two Republican U.S. Senators.

And three of the state legislators who originally voted for the bill now say thir vote was a mistake and want the governor to veto it.
Here's what the Arizona Chamber of Commerce has to say:

"After analyzing the bill, we are very concerned about the effects it would have on Arizona's economy. As leaders in the business community, we cannot support measures that could expose our businesses to litgation, nor do want to send a message that our state is anything but an open and attractive place for visitors and the top talent that will be the cornerstone of our continued economic growth"  

I also think the law, if it's enacted, would backfire on the religious fundamentalists who backed it. What if a business owner said it was against his heartfelt religious belief to serve someone who would discriminate against gay people?

Already, a Tuscon pizzeria put up a tongue in cheek sign saying it reserved the right to not serve lawmakers who supported the bills. 

So,  as is usually the case, when legislators pass laws based on their well, basic bases, and adhere to narrow, ideological world views, the laws don't end up working in their favor.

Which tells me even if Brewer doesn't veto this stupid proposal, it won't last long, even the most conservative corners of Arizona.

The fun part? All those national extreme right wing fundamentalists that goaded the legislature to take this up willl end up looking even more stupid once the bill, or the law dies.

Bummer, dude

Sunday, February 23, 2014

TV Station Has Audio Meltdown. News Anchors Hilariously Make Do With Handwritten SIgns

Television station WGN in Chicago recently had probably one of the worst possible types of meltdowns during a morning newscast.

The audio failed, except for a lone feed from a reporter out on a frigid looking street.

This normally would have been cause for irritation for the TV viewer, except the deadpan news anchors in the studio got a bit creative and took us back the to Golden Age of silent films. Or something like that.

Watch and laugh:

Worst Family Dynamic: Woman Calls Caterer To Cancel Brother's Wedding

Somehow, I think things are a little tense between Ann Duffy, 50, of Plymouth, England and her brother David Geatrex.
You have to admire Ann Duffy's persistence
in trying to stop her brother's marriage  

Last fall, Geatrex was getting ready to marry a woman named Sandra, the love of his life.

Duffy called the people putting on the wedding, and pretending to be Sandra, said she was canceling the wedding, according to the BBC.

The BBC continues "She called her brother David Geatrex and told him 'You had better put this on speakerphone. I have saved you from a divorce. I have cancelled your wedding. Would you like to send you the confirmation email?'

THAT didn't go over well, that's for sure.

The BBC said Duffy had a strained relationship with her sister in law (You think?) and was trying to prevent her brother from marrying a woman she disliked.

Duffy told police she did not mean to cause her brother distress, only Sandra.

Seems the brother IS distressed, though, so I guess that didn't work out.

Luckily, David and Sandra were able to contact the wedding company, get their bookings reinstated and were married as planned on their chosen date.

My guess is Duffy didn't show up to the wedding.  Which is probably a good thing. We have no reports of any trouble at David and Sandra's wedding, so all's well that ends well.

For her trouble, Duffy was jailed for eight weeks and has an indefinite restraining order forcing her to stay away from Sandra, which probably is the smart way to go.

The only question is, what fun things does Duffy have planned for the happy couple's first anniversary?

Saturday, February 22, 2014

This Guy Would Do ANYTHING For A Twix Bar, Apparently.

This has happened to me and I'm sure it's happened to you.
An Iowa man went through great lengths to
retrieve a Twix bar from a vending machine.  

Against your better nutritional judgement, you break down and head to the vending machine at work to get something very bad for you. Soda. Chips. Chocolate bar. Whatever.

You put your money in, the little spiral mechanism or whatever starts pushing out the item you ordered and then.....nothing.

What you ordered is stuck there. You shake the machine. It's no use. The stupid machine will not cooperate. You don't get your candy bar, and you walk away, fuming over the injustice of it all.

Well, Robert McKevitt of Spirit Lake, Iowa was not going to accept such an injustice, No Sir!

One day last fall, when the vending machine at his job at a Polaris Industries warehouse in Iowa wouldn't give him his Twix bar, he made sure he FORCED the dastardly machine to give up the goods.

According to the Des Moines Register, McKevitt commandeered a forklift, used it to grab the vending machine, lift it off the floor by two feet and let it drop.

It took six tries at dropping the vending machine repeatedly with the fork lift, but McKevitt got his Twix bar. He was able to declare victory.

Sort of.  McKevitt won the battle but lost the war. He enjoyed his Twix bar, but his bosses at Polaris really didn't enjoy his creative use of the company forklift, so they fired him.

Which surely affected his ability to afford more Twix bars in the future.

He appealed his firing, saying he had moved the vending machine to get his Twix, and then used the forklift to put it back in place, but Iowa unemployment officials weren't buying it, according to the Register.

So here's an employment tip: Next time you have a hankering for a Twix bar and the vending machine won't give it to you, avoid the company forklift and instead ask your bosses for a half hour off from work. That way, can run down to the store and get a whole bunch of Twix bars.

I bet you wouldn't even need a forklift to get the convenience store clerk to sell you all the Twix bars you want.

Friday, February 21, 2014

"Funniestnphilly" Points Fake Gun At Passersby, Thinks It's Hilarious. Everyone Else Disagrees

Daron Stinson is known as "funniestnphilly" on his Instagram account.
I wonder if Daron Stinson, aka "funniestnphilly"
is laughing now that he is jailed and facing serious charges.

In reality, he's "stupidestinphilly." Possibly the stupidest in the whole world.

In the rapidly devolving world of prank videos on YouTube, in which morons scare the bejeesus out of people for fun and lucrative click counts, Stinson thought he had a fantastic idea.

Why not point a pellet gun, which really, really looked like a menacing handgun at passersby and film their reaction for his adoring audience on Instagram?

You can imagine where that went. First of all, the police were unamused, but at least they had an easy investigation since they could just find this bonehead on Instagram.

I'm sure the people who dove for couple because they thought a wacko was trying to kill them with a gun thought the whole thing was boffo hilarious.

Um, probably not.

My guess is Stinson isn't laughing now, either.

At last check, according to The Smoking Gun, Stinson was jailed in lieu of $125,000 bail, facing charges including aggravated assault, robbery, making terroristic threats and reckless endangerment.

And being this week's Biggest Moron and Potential Darwin Award winner.

After all, I would NOT have been surprised if somebody, seeing Stinson with his stupid gun, return the favor with a real gun and blast away.

I wouldn't have wanted to see him killed, but if anybody deserved a taste of his own medicine it was the idiotic "Funniestinphilly."

NBC's Brian Williams And Lester Holt Are Hot New Rappers

I wasn't going to post this because it's been all over the place, but it's too good to pass up.
NBC's Brian Williams, the unwitting rapper  

The folks at The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon spliced together teeny, tiny snippets of a zillion newscasts by NBC News anchors Brian Williams and Lester Holt so that they do a great rendition of the rap classic "Rappers Delight" by the Sugar Hill Gang.

It looks as if it took an enormous amount of editing work to put it together, but it was worth it.

It almost makes you wish the button-down Williams would rap through entire newscasts of Olympic coverage, shenanigans in Washington, polar vortexes and moronic criminals.

Watch the performance:

Weird Random Video Of The Day: Dot Matrix Printer Plays "Eye On The Tiger"

Just because I like showing bizarre little videos, today we give you an old fashioned dot matrix printer from the 1980s doing a pretty decent job of playing an old fashioned tune from the 1980s.

So today, Dot Matrix performs, "Eye Of The Tiger." It's actually pretty good.


Thursday, February 20, 2014

Jesus Coming Back To Earth Armed With AR-15 Assault Rifle, Says Crazy Ex-General

Retired Lt. Gen. William G. Boykin certain has the most interesting theological idea I've heard recently.
Jesus is coming after you heathens with an AR-15 assault
rifle, says retired Lt. Gen. William Boykin.  

It turns out the Second Coming of Christ is going to be kind of a shock and awe kind of thing, Boykin said.

According to Right Wing Watch, Boykin says Jesus will come armed with an AR-15 assault rifle, apparently to slay us heathens who mock statements like Boykin's.

Said Boykin, at a pro-family legislator's breakfast last fall, according to Right Wing Watch:

"The Lord is a warrior and in Revelation 19 it says when he comes back, he's coming back as what? A warrior. A mighty warrior leading a mighty army, riding a white horse with a blood-stained white robe....I believe that blood on that robe is the blood of his enemies 'cause he's coming back as a warrior carrying a sword.

And I believe now --I've checked this out -- I believe the sword he'll be carrying when he comes back is an AR-15."

Well, then.

This sounds like it's straight out of the pages or the Web site of The Onion or Daily Currant. I wish it was, since it does make me worry that a former U.S. military leader is this crazy.

Although Right Wing Watch does have a political agenda, they usually are pretty good at just finding these kinds of statements and quoting them verbatim.

I hope Boykin wasn't this bad before he retired. At least he's entertaining, I'll give him that.

Gawd this is delicious. Praise Jesus for giving us entertaining crazies like Boykin.
Add some blood to his robes
and this is pretty much how
you will see Jesus during the
Second Coming, Boykin says.  

Boykin goes on to say that the Second Amendment, Americans' right to bear arms comes fromo the Constitution, thought up by the Founding Fathers.

OK, totally true and reasonable, for once. Go on, Mr. Boykin:

"But where did the whole concept come from? It came from Jesus when he said to his disciples 'now, if you don't have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one.'

I know everybody says it was a metaphor. IT WAS NOT A METAPHOR! He was saying in building my kingdom, you're going to have to fight at times. You won't build my kingdom with a sword, but you're going to have to defend yourself. And that was the beginning of the Second Amendment, that's where the whole thing came from."

"And the sword today is an AR-15, so if you don't have one, go get one. You're supposed to have one. It's Biblical."

AR-15s were in the Bible? I don't recall ever seeing such references. Swords, yes, but assault rifles?

Maybe this is blasphemy, but I don't buy the idea that AR-15s are Biblical. They do seem like pretty handy assault rifles, if you're into that sort of thing, but I'm not sure spraying bullets from this thing around the neighborhood is a religious experience.

But then, to a few gun enthusiasts, any time you shoot a gun is a religious experience.

Boykin sure is going to hate me, because I'm not going to sell my cloak and use the proceeds to buy an AR-15.   It's supposed to be really cold next week, and my cloak, which is really a very nice light weight but toasty warm down parka, is very comfortable and I don't want to give it up.

So much for the warrior mentality.

Plus, would you really trust me with an AR-15?  Put it this way, when I water the flowers in the summer using a garden hose, I'm the one that gets wet, not the peonies. So imagine what I'd do with an AR-15.

Besides, I don't think a Warrior Jesus would waste his time with any stinking flowers, do you?

I know God is all powerful, and I guess by extension so is Jesus.  But you'd want the Second Coming of Christ to be somewhat welcoming, wouldn't you?  I don't know how well a wild-eyed guy in bloodstained flowing white robs wielding an AR-15 blasting his way down the street would be received.

Boykin also doesn't make clear exactly who Warrior Jesus is fighting. Maybe he'll clear that up in his next insane speech.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

I Don't Know Why I Obsess Over Logan Paul And His Vines

I usually don't do this, highlighting a funny goofball twice with a few months time span.
Logan Paul, Vine video producer/goofball, at it again  

Back in November, I featured Logan Paul, who is a bit of a nutcase who puts together compiliations of his Vine videos.

Paul, a college student, is hilarious, obnoxious, creative, vain, daring, stupid, and he's a "Gawd I want him to go away, no, wait, stay, you're funny" kind of guy.

He's just put out a second compilation of his Vines, those six-second video snippets. And here you go, for your enjoyment:

Stalkers: Capital One Credit Card Has Totally Creepy Terms of Service

I guess I won't be getting a Capital One credit card anytime soon.
Does Capital One's Terms of Service make them
creepy stalkers? Some people think so.  

David Lazarus at the Los Angeles Times found some really creepy details in the fine print terms of service verbiage that comes with the credit card.

Hat tip to Ellen Cronin via Facebook for alerting me to this.

Lazarus writes: "The update specifies that 'we may contact you in any manner we choose' and that such contacts can include calls, emails, texts, faxes or a 'personal visit.'

"As if that weren't creepy enough, Cap One says these visits can be 'at you home and at your place of employement.'"

Of course, as Lazarus points out, the 4th Amendment to the Constitution bars searches and seizures like the one described in the Cap One terms of service. However, the 4th Amendment only applies to government agents. Private companies like Cap One are not covered by the 4th Amendment, so apparently this is legal.

Also in the Cap One terms of service, says Lazarus: "We may modify or suppress caller ID and similar services and identify ourselves on these services in any manner we choose."

Again, as Lazarus notes, that's called spoofing.  They can just use a local number to pretend the person calling might be somebody you know, or pretend to be some benign charity request call.

Lazarus contacted a company spokesperson, who said that Cap One wouldn't visit somebody's home or office except in very rare instances when a big ticket item needs to be repossessed. The spokesperson also said that Cap One wants their calls on people's cell phone so identify the company correctly, but sometimes local phone service doesn't allow that.

The spokesperson said some of the language has been there for years, but people are noticing now.

I totally agree with Lazarus when he says that, if the spokesperson is right, why not just say it like the PR person did in the terms of service language?  Cap One says it's reviewing the language. But is the review happeneing only because a pesky reporter or two is calling with questions about the terms of service verbiage?

Look, I understand banks and other businesses have to be fairly aggressive to make sure some recalcitrant debtors pay up. But the language in the Cap One is tantamount to stalking.

Anyway, I don't trust this. I'm staying away from Capital One. So they can just stop sending me letters in the mail Every. Single. Day. telling me to sign up for their cards.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Sad News: Devo Guitarist Bob Casale Has Died

A guitarist for the group Devo, Bob Casale, died of heart failure Monday at the age of 61.
Devo guitarist Bob Casale died Monday
at the age of 61.  

I often make references to Devo, talking about those famous red hats they wore, basically flower pots.

But really, Devo was amazing. Strange, for sure, but that's what I like. I'm definitely saddened by Casale's passing.

Devo was, is certainly much, MUCH more than wearing flower pots on one's head.

The band's name, by the way, comes from the word, or their word "de-evolution" the idea that mankind has stopped evolving and is actually regressing.

When they formed way back in the late 60s or 70s, they used as evidence of "de-evolution" the dysfunction of American society.

Given how much worse some aspects of American politics, media and society are now compared to a generation ago, Devo maybe had a point.

Rolling Stone has a good article on Casale, and some awesome links to past articles on Devo.

You probably remember Devo for the song "Whip It"

I personally like their reworking of the Rolling Stones' "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction." The video is awesome and entertaining and weird and wonderful, too. Watch:

Laughing At Death: A Hilarious Obit Involving Farts For Ontario Man

My condolences to the family of Bill Eves, of Kingston, Ontario who died recently at the age of 76.
Bill Eves, in the photo that ran with
his spectacular obituary. He died recently in
Kingston, Ontario at the age of 76. 

I didn't know Mr. Eves, but I have to tell you, the hilarious obituary the family ran makes me wish I DID know him.  Anybody whose obituary mentions farts and Molson beer has my respect.

I believe in death with dignity, but obituaries don't have to be dignified, in my opinion.

The sometimes canned, reverential language in most obituaries is fine, but if the dearly departed had a great and unique personality, let that shine through.

Eves' obituary starts this way:

"Saturday, February the 8th, Molson's stock price fell sharply on the news of Bill Eves' passing. Senior executives at Molson called an emergency meeting to brace for the impact of the anticipated drop in sales."

OK, he liked Molson, apparently. The obit goes on to mention his successful, long career as a school principal, and his cooking, gardening and carpentry skills.

Then we get into this:

"Perhaps most important to Bill was educating people on the dangers of holding in your farts. Sadly, he was unable to attain his life-long goal of catching his beloved wife Judy "cutting the cheese" or "playing the bum trumpet"--which he likened to a mythical rarity like spotting Bigfoot or a unicorn."

Maybe mourners indulged Mr. Eves by eating a lot of baked beans before, not the services, mind you,  but the "Praise Bill Party" in honor of him.

Also in the obituary: "He also mastered the art of swearing while being splattered by grease cooking his famous wings. In fact, he wove a tapestry of obscenities that still hangs over the Greater Kingston Area."

They even thought to run an unflattering picture of Eves with his obituary, which you can see in this post.

I can tell the world is a slightly less good place now that Eves has passed on. And I'm sure Greater Kingston will have fond memories of Eves for a long, long time.

Even if people in Kingston are still holding their noses at the thought.

Artist Destroys Another Artist's $1 Million Vase Because Local Museum Doesn't Show Local Art

In what has to be the stupidest, most misguided protest I've seen in a long time, a Miami artist strolled into a museum, picked up a valuable vase by a Chinese artist that was on display there, and smashed it to pieces on the floor.
A Miami artist destoyed one of these vases
by a Chinese artist because he wanted more
local art shown in Miami musuems.  

The destroyed work might have been worth as much as $1 million.

According to the Miami New Times, Artist Maximo Caminero said he smashed the vase as a protest because local museums seemed to never display works by local artists.  

Like himself, apparently.

"I did it for all the local artists in Miami that have never been shown in museums here....They have spent so many millions now on international artists. It's the same political situation over and over again. I've been here for 30 years and it's always the same," Caminero told the New Times.

Well, what a huff!  The local museum doesn't show local artists so I'll just destroy works of art by people from overseas. A little self-centered, are we?

Maybe if Caminero destroys enough works from overseas artists they'll have no choice but to show his own stuff, right?

Or not.

The work he destroyed was by Chinese artist Ai Weiwei. Caminero said he had no idea it was worth that much. Judging from the photos of the vases, I would have had no idea they were worth that much, either.

Geez, they're nice, but..

Anyway, here's what Caminero had to say:

"But honestly, I had no idea the vase had any value. I admire Ai Weiwei greatly and have always supported his actions while he was suffering indignities from the Chinese government," Camiero said.

Caminero faces a charge of felony criminal mischief for his act of protest, or vandalism or whatever you want to call it.

While most people, including Ai Weiwei, think Carminero was a dufus for destroying the work, some are on his side.

According to the Miami New Times:

"I think it's the most courageous act ever undertaen by a Miami artist," says Sergio Garcia, a 54-year-old Cuban-born artist. "I commend Maximo Caminero totally for his actions and think he has helped squarely focus attention from the international community on the plight of local artists."

Who knew artists were so strident?  I don't pretend to know whether local artists in Miami get the short shrift as far as museum showings go, but are we going to have some sort of artists riot?

Will international artists and those from the local area start smashing each others' work in a war of attrition? Which ever side has the most artwork left after the riots gets to display them in what's left of the museums?

On the bright side, maybe we can turn the dispute among artists into some sort of performance art. Museums can sell tickets, and the proceeds can go toward buying more art.

Which would probably be promptly destroyed by more protesting artists

Those 1970s Abba Outfits Existed To Avoid Taxes

Let's hark back to the golden years of the late 1970s and maybe early 1980s, shall we?
Abba and their, um, incredible fashion sense.  

Specifically, let's ponder the fashion sense of Abba, that pop sensation that gave us everything from "Dancing Queen" to "Waterloo"

It turns out that Abba's fashion sense, if you can call it that, was at least in part, not really a fashion sensibility. They were trying to avoid paying taxes, according to the Guardian newspaper.

Apparently, under Swedish law, clothing was tax exempt if they were for performances and it was judged that no sane person would wear them out in the streets as everyday wear.

"In my honest opinion, we looked like nuts in those years. Nobody can have been as badly dressed on stage as we were," Bjorn Ulvaeus of Abba said, as quoted in the Guardian article.

Watch it, though. If any country has any similar laws, you might start to see people on the street dressed more strangely than people already tend to dress.

To fully enjoy Abba, their fashion sense, their (legal) tax evasion and that era, here's their video of "Dancing Queen" so you can dance the rest of your day away.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Jamaican Bobsled Song Almost As Much Fun As Jamaican Bobsled Team

A video surfaced of a song celebrating the Jamaican Bobsled Team at the winter Olympics at Sochi, Russia.
The watermelon pattern on the Jamaican bobsled
team's helmets is kinda fun.  

It you start the video while simulataneously watching a clip of their run at the Olympics bobsled race, the video matches the run of the course almost precisely.

Even if you don't have a video of the bobsled race, that's OK. The video and song will brighten your mood.

At last check, the Jamaican bobsled team was in last place among the 30 international competitors. But that doesn't mean incompetence. They know what they're doing. But a few seconds makes a huge amount of difference in this sport.

By the way, I love the watermelon pattern on the Jamaican bobsled team's helmets. Nice touch.

Here's the Jamaican bobsled song/video to improve your mood for the rest of the day.

Frozen Lakes Are Meant For Frigid Mishaps

Here in northwestern Vermont, where I live, large Lake Champlain has pretty much completely frozen over for the first time in seven years.
Ice fishing enthusiasts on Lake Champlain, Vermont
in a photo I took two years ago. Unlike the people
in the video in this post, this trio played it safe
and walked only a thick, solid ice.  

We've had a lot of really warm winters in the past decade, so there's been a lot of open water in recent years.

You'd think a lake in Vermont would freeze over every winter, but not with the mild temperatures we've had.

Until this year. It's been sort of cold, so we're back to walking on water on the lake.

Of course, no ice is completely safe, so there's always the danger of falling through. But the ice on most (but not all!) of Lake Champlain is thick and solid, so you can walk or even drive on it.

The lake has turned into a skating, skiing, ice fishing playground.

But in the spirit of warning people about the dangers of thin ice, pressure cracks and the like, we offer you this video of stupid people going out on ice that is decidedly NOT safe.

For your amusement and an instructional tutorial on what not to do in the winter, I present this very very funny compilation:

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Video: Race Car Blows Up Dramatically; We Take You There

Mechanical problems with your car out on the road are a real bummer.

But next time that happens to you, thank your lucky stars it isn't as bad as in the video you'll watch below of the recent National Hot Rod Association Winter Internationals race.

Thankfully, nobody was hurt. But POW!!

World's Worst Snow Shoveler

The random video of the day: Watch the world's most incompetent snow shoveler.

Yeah, that'll work, load the snow into a shopping cart and take it away.

Here's today's moment of stupidity:

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Dear Wells Fargo: If You're Going To Demand Guy Pays His Bill, Make Sure He Owes You

Back in November, Dominic Maier of North Carolina started getting calls from Wells Fargo Bank demanding he start making his mortgage payments again. He owed them, he ought to pay.
Wells Fargo is being sued by a North Carolina man
because the bank has been too lazy or stupid, apparently,
to stop calling him about a mortgage he doesn't have.  

There's only one problem: Maier has no mortgage with Wells Fargo and has never done business with the bank, according to the Charlotte Observer. 

OK, that happens. Mistakes happen. No big deal. Somebody at the bank probably keyed in the wrong number during data entry, and mistakenly put in Maier's phone number. Easy to fix, right?

Not so, it seems when you're dealing with one of these huge banks. In a case unfortunately familiar to many, it seems once somebody puts your phone number in the system at these places, nobody is willing to get rid of it.

So Maier's cell phone kept ringing and ringing for months with Wells Fargo demanding he pay the mortgage. They kept asking for a man Maier never heard of. He asked Wells Fargo to stop calling. He put his phone on the "Do Not Call" list.

Still, the phone kept ringing. Predictably, he's suing.

Why, then, did the bank let this go that far? They could have easily investigated, figured out they were screwing up, and gone after the right person.  Instead, Wells Fargo is getting sued, again.

According to the Observer:

"This is not the first time Wells Fargo has been accused of repeated illegal phone calls. Well agreed to pay $17 million in 2012 to resolve a class action lawsuit claiming people received unwanted calls on their cell phones, causing them to incur charges.

The bank also pledged that it had set up a system to ensure people only received calls on their cell phones if they actively gave the bank permission to use the numbers."

Or not, apparently.

As is typical in these cases, the Charlotte Observer tried to get a comment from Wells Fargo, but were unsuccessful. Kind of a "f**k you from Well Fargo as they are apparently arrogant enough to figure they can do what they want with impunity.

Even if they screw up.

I hope Maier's lawsuit is successful. If somebody at Wells Fargo was too lazy to fix incorrect information and let a database error continually torture the guy with robocalls, they deserve punishment.

I've not been able to find anything on line,  in a cursory search anyway, why it is so difficult to get wrong information about oneself in some corporate database corrected.

This is how bad it gets: I was involved in a minor car accident in 2005. I was to get a small settlement from an insurance company for the damages to the car I incurred in the crash, which was the other driver's fault.

I'm still trying to collect. In 2007, I moved from the address I was at when the crash occured. Here it is seven (!!!) years later, and after repeated entreaties to get them to correct my address in their database, mail is still going to my old address.

So: Are some sectors of corporate American trying to set world records for stupidly or laziness.

You decide.

Read more here:

Classic Guns N' Roses "Sweet Child O' Mine" Gets Amazing Re-working

A lot of us, myself included loved thashing to the pop heavy metal band Guns N' Roses in the late 1980s.
Miche Branden's unlikely channeling of Guns N'  Roses
is brilliant. Add caption

One of their classics was the song "Sweet Child O' Mine," a huge hit which also has something like 95 million hits on YouTube (I'm not exaggerating)

It's always interesting when a song is reworked. Here's the most extreme example of a reworking of a popular song I've ever found, and it's awesome.

Watch and listen to Miche Braden do this New Orleans-style version of "Sweet Child O' Mine." It might be unrecognizable, but it's superb:

Friday, February 14, 2014

Study Confirms What We Already Know: Internet Trolls Are Totally Annoying Sadists

Here's a news flash for you. Internet trolls, those idiots who clutter up social media and web sites with hostile, inane, persistent drivel and just make pests of themselves, are sadists and psychopaths.
New study confirms what we know:
Internet trolls are as hard to eradicate
as cockroaches. And just as unpleasant.  

Yes, yes, you can tell that by just reading the trolls' so-called comments, but now a scientific study backs that up.

According to the Washington Post, Canadian researchers said that "trolling correlated with higher rates of sadism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism, a certain lack of scruples when it comes to deceiving or manipulating other people."

The Washington Post goes on:

"....the intriguing thing about this new study by researchers from the University of Manitoba, University of Winnipeg and University of British Columbia is the idea that trolling behavior springs not from the opportunity provided by the Internet, but from innate characteristics people possess both online and off."

CNN elaborates:

"...  trolls are offensive for the sheer enjoyment of it. Or, in Internet parlance, "for the lulz"

'Trolls operate as agents of chaos on the Internet, exploiting hot button issues to make users appear overly emotional or foolish in some manner,' the article reads. 'If an unfortunate person falls into their trap, trolling intensifies for further, merciless amusement. this is why novice Internet users are routinely admonished, 'Do not feed the trolls'

More from the study: "That bodes poorly for efforts to tame the trolls. It also suggests, somewhat ominously, that there are lots of "everyday sadists among us."

Yeah, it is scary the sadists have been among us all along. But the Internet is letting them shine. Since psychologists say it's hard to cure sadist of their mindset, I guess we have to find the most effective way to fight them off.

Which brings us back to feeding the trolls. It seems the sadist trolls get the most pleasure from our reaction to them. So if we don't react, we deny them that pleasure.

Maybe this next point indicates some sadistic qualities I have, but it gives me some satisfaction to not taking the trolls' bait, to imagine they are upset with me for doing so.

Then again, I've thrown them a bit of a bone. After all, I'm complaining about trolls in this post, I am reacting in a limited way. So it's a nice compromise. I'm happy. The trolls, if not happy, are as happy as they are going to get.

Sadly, there's no real way to get rid of trolls leaving their bile on blogs, websites, forums and social media. You can block them, which is a lot of work. You can bar comments, which takes away the give and take of the Internet. You can ban anonymous comments, which I suppose helps a little.

Any other ideas out there among readers to rid of us of the trolls? Or at least shut them up?

Rich Troll Twit Tom Perkins' Latest Idea: Let Rich Buy Up Votes In Elections

Poor Tom Perkins.
Tom Perkins thinks the rich should buy up all the votes

By poor, I don't mean monetarily. He's a billionaire.

But in his mind, he doesn't have enough rights. In his mind, if you're rich, you should be able to buy everything. Material things like mansions, Lear jets, baubles and jewelry isn't nearly enough, oh no sir!

If you're very rich, like Perkins is, you ought to be able to buy the adoration of all the serfs under his feet.

How dare anyone have the temerity to criticize the rich!  Or say even the most slightly mean thing about them! Even to envy them!  In his mind, respect is bought, not earned.

Yes, last month, he was the guy who said that criticism of the rich amounted to Kristallnacht, that awful night in Nazi Germany when they started rounding up the Jews for extermination. Yep, mild criticism of the rich is JUST as bad as the Holocaust.

Now our buddy Perkins is back with a brand new idea. Oh, some of these rich people are full of ideas! See, in his mind, elections are another commodity. You buy as many votes as you can muster.

No "one person, one vote" crap that has kept this country running all these years.

According to CNN Money, this is what Perkins said is his great idea:

"'The Tom Perkins system is: you don't get to vote unless you pay a dollar of taxes,' Perkins said, 'But what I really think is, it should be like a corporation. You pay a million dollars in taxes, you get a million votes. How's that?"

Oh, perfect, Tom! Instead of this byzantine system of corporations buying off politicians through campaign contributions to do their bidding, you just buy them off directly.

Pay a few million bucks to just do whatever you want and screw the wishes of everybody else, who you think were too stupid, too undeserving to become obnoxious billionaires like yourself.

Plus, this guarantees the people with the money stay rich, and one of your serfs who has the audacity to try to get rich through talent, hard work and great ideas has no way to do so, because you've thwarted  him or her by buying the government.

 CNN Money reported that his audience at the Commonwealth Club in San Francisco kind of laughed at the idea, but Perkins said he's serious, though he allowed, "I intended to be outrageous and I was."

Tom, you were right. We are outraged. I know we shouldn't even pay attention to you. You're just a troll. A moneybags troll, but a troll, and we're not supposed to feed the trolls. It encourages you.

But I'm going to pay attention to you and your ilk anyway. We serfs have to do everything we can and expose your nonsense to you don't buy off the nation for yourself even more than you already do.

Yep, people like me hope to be your Kristallnacht. Except we're not going to smash your windows, arrest you, put you in concentration camps, persecute you or otherwise hurt you. You deserve to live out your life in opulent splendor. Go for it!

Instead, us serfs need to do something that to your mind is surely much, much worse and much, much more painful.

We want to ensure that everybody, even you, Your Highness Tom Perkins, obey the same rules, laws and societal conventions as all the rest of us, including the poor you hate so much, are expected to do.    

Oh the horror!

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Gus Kenworthy Is Olympic Silver Medalist And Dog World's Gold Medalist

OK, so I was impressed with American athlete Gus Kenworthy's silver medal winning performance in the slopeside ski event at the Sochi Olympics.
Gus Kenworthy with one of the
stray puppies he's trying to
rescue from Sochi and bring
back to the United States.  

But the guy has been making news and waves that gives him a total gold medal in this dog lover's mind.

Sochi was overrun by stray dogs as the Olympics neared and the Russian government hatched a plan to poison and kill them before the cameras and kleig lights captured them during the games, thereby ruining the nice photo opps that go along with the Olympics.

A lot of people of course didn't want the dogs killed. After all, it's not their fault humans let them reproduce and run roughshod over the city. So Russian billionaire Oleg Deripaska, who underwrote much of the financing for the Olympics, is paying for their care. 

Kenworthy is trying to arrange to have as many dogs as possible shipped back to the United States for adoption.  He seems particularly attached to a mom dog and her four puppies. 

He's doing the legwork to get them back to the United States.

Meanwhile, there's an underground railroad of sorts going on around Sochi, in which Russian volunteers are smuggling stray dogs out of the Olympic area to other spots in Russia where the volunteers hope they can be adopted and live out their lives in peace.

That effort is part of what the billionaire Deripaska is helping pay for.

Wicked Creepy Guy Banned From Internet Due to Bizarre "Prank"

This is Jason Willis' idea of a good time:
Jason Willis has been kicked off the Internet
for committing a weird crime against his neighbor.  

Put an ad on Craigslist, telling people to show up at his unsuspecting neighbor's house naked.  He put her name, address and photo in the ad, too.

So the neighbor had all kinds of weirdos show up at her doorstep. And these weirdos now know where she lives.

According to police, Willis, 31, of Wisconsin, thought this was a great prank. Kind of on par with dropping a water balloon on a kid out in the yard on a hot summer's day

Of course the neighbor, police and society got the last laugh.  A judge has ordered Willis kicked off the Internet. He cannot go on line for at least 30 months, during his probation. If goes on line even once, Willis could spend 18 months behind bars.

According to Uproxx:

"Judge Pat Torhorst determined the Internet was Willis' 'weapon' in the crime and issued the ban as a way to disarm him. 'If you want to drive drunk, you're not allowed to drive! To me, a public availability of the Internet to use it the way he did, is unconscionable,' he said."

Nowadays, such a sentence, being kicked off the Internet is severe. If you want to apply for a job, you usually have to do it on line. Most jobs are done in part on line.

Increasingly, you have to pay your bills on line.  Most people communicate on a day to day basis via email, text or social media, so having friends is tough without the Internet.

Who'd want to be Willis' friend anyway? But that's another story.

Being kicked off the Internet is far more difficult than being barred from driving, using the judge's drunk driving analogy. You can take public transportation, bum a ride from a friend, or, yes, go on the Internet to get stuff done. You don't need a car so much.

Normally, I'd be opposed to a judge sentencing someone to stay off the Internet. It almost amounts to cruel and unusual punishment.

But GAWD, what Willis did is so creepy. That neighbor could have been raped or killed. She's probably still afraid.

(Note: Me, and the rest of the media are not making the woman's name or any other identifying information public. She's been through enough.)

So I'm glad Willis is not online, at least for awhile. The only bummer is he can't read on line how many people think he's disgusting. He can't read this blog post, for example, given that it's only available on the Internet.

Willis apparently never did give a good explanation as to why he conducted this "prank."  According to the Journal Times in Wisconsin, he did it for "fun" and as retribution to the woman for picking on him for previously being in jail on an unrelated charge.

I'm personally tempted to put an ad out and send creepy people to his house to see whether he likes it, but I'll resist the urge.

I'm too addicted to the Internet.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Gruff Sportcaster In Dallas Offers The BEST Reaction To Gay Likely NFL Pick

The sports world, and a lot of the rest of the world has been abuzz for a week now with the news that Mizzou football star Michael Sam is gay.   
Dallas sportscaster Dale Hansen has
this whole Michael Sam gay thing
figured out, brilliantly.  

And he's likely to become the first openly gay NFL player. Lots of people are fine with this and feel like it doesn't matter, as long as the guy can play a decent game of football.

A few people have been weirded out by it, for no good reason.

OMG! What if he sees me naked in the shower, a few big, supposedly tough (but squeally and wimpy) NFL guys are saying.

Um, he'll probably ignore you? You're probably not his type anyway.

Along comes Dale Hansen, the gruff no-nonsense sportscaster for television station WFAA in Dallas to put the issue to rest, brilliantly. No further comment from me, because Hansen says everything perfectly:

A Photographer's Priceless Answer To "Work For Free, Get Exposure!"

Freelancers, independent workers and such always scramble for any kind of work they can get. It's the nature of the beast.
Here's a photographer's mock Craigslist ad seeking
free labor after the photog got sick of being asked
for free shoots. Click on image to make it bigger,
more readable. Add caption

The biggest rubes out there, the biggest cheapskates, think they can get free labor by pitching jobs to people by saying, that people will see it, you'll get exposure.

Of course we all know this is bullcrap. If you hire somebody, you've got to pay them. Still, the cheap bastards always try to get a free lunch, as it were.

A photographer recently put out a priceless Craigslist ad that responded to this, as reported at

"I am looking to hire all types of people to do all sorts of jobs for me, as long as I do not have to pay anything.....Just think, you will gain more experience, and I will put the word out for you and let everyone know what wonderful work you do," the photog writes in the Craigslist ad.

My bet is the photographer got no takers. Especially since he wanted references.

Don't ask the doctor for a free, offhand diagnosis. Don't ask a writer to do some promo work for you for no pay.

Remember, all you cheapskates out there (And I know you're a minority) If you hire someone, you get what you pay for.

If you pay nothing, don't expect much.

Such Creative Ways To Rob Stores! Chainsaws and Flower Pots

I can NEVER get over the creativity of those people who like to rob stores for fun and profits. (Or maybe cigarettes, beer and lottery tickets)
Our flower pot wearing buddy trying
to rob an Australian convenience store
with a chainsaw. n

A perfect example of this takes to Australia recently, when a young guy wearing a flower pot on his head maybe inspired by the band Devo, tried to rob a store while holding onto a running chainsaw.

Alas, as is often the case in these robberies, our suspect, Steven Frank Steele, didn't get away with much, and was arrested to boot, according to Australian authorities, according to the Queensland Times.

He did manage to get away with a bottle of soda, was able to moon the terrified store clerks, and damage a window and some display shelves, so there is that.

Police said the chainsaw was stolen, too. Oh well.

And that flower pot looked pretty cheap, don't you think? Dude, you want to go for quality. Don't the garden centers in Australia have anything nice in ceramic or terra cota?

Last we checked, Steele was being held until his next court appearance. And he apparently no longer has a chain saw with him.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

A Winter Storm Watch In Vermont if It Were REALLY Truthful

There's a winter storm watch up for Vermont because we might, maybe get a routine snowfall of 6 to 10 inches Thursday night. We'll see.
Read this post if you want to read how I'd warn
the public about a winter torm like the one pictured.  

I poached this from my sister blog, Matt's Weather Rapport because it's not strictly weather related.

If I were in charge of issuing storm warnings for the National Weather Service, this is what I would come up with.

"The National Weather Service has issued a Winter Storm Watch in Vermont.
Snow is expected to begin Thursday and continue Thursday night into Friday.  Screams of "Powder Day!!!" from Vermonters are expected to accompany the heavy snow.

The snow is expected to mix with scattered idiotic drivers on Interstate 89 during the storm, especially during the morning and late afternoon commutes. The fast-moving idiots, coming mostly in the form of SUVs,  will cause traffic delays, bent fenders and derisive laughter as people mock the upside down SUVs in snowbanks.  

Also in effect is a Tow Advisory to continue into Saturday as people leave their cars on the streets despite winter parking bans. Scattered cursing and arguing will occur during the Tow Advisory. There is even a chance of a thrown punch during the Tow Advisory period.

The National Weather Service has also issued a Sledding Hill Congestion Watch through Sunday as heavy sledding and tobogganing is expected to develop this week. The areas most threatened with sledding hill congestion are areas near schools closed by the snowy weather, where children will gather to play, proving they could have made it to classes after all. 

Additionally, a Clueless, Rude Out of State Skier Watch is in effect through the next week at least.  There is a risk that some out of state visitors might travel on the wrong side of the road, text while zooming down a ski slope and yell at a hapless waitress because the restaurant is out of Stoli O. 

Vermonters are urged to exercise caution and patience during the Clueless, Rude Out of State Skier Watch period. 

Finally, a seed catalog greenery advisory is in effect through March. Winter weary Vermonters might start drooling over the lush plants pictured in the seed catalogs now appearing in Vermont mailboxes. Slick spots due to gardeners' drooling over the pictures are likely. 

Police Dog Takes Bite Out Of Crime Committed By McGruff Crime Dog Actor

I love it that an actor who portrayed McGruff the Crime Dog was convicted of multiple crimes, and the big break in the case was made by a drug sniffing dog.
The cartoon McGruff the crime
dog is one of the good guys.
A Texas actor who portrayed him,
 not so much.  

Apparently, the actor, John Morales, was speeding down a Texas freeway when cops stopped him and the dog detected some pot, according to Houston area media outlets, including CBS Houston and the Houston Chronicle. 

Police said they ended up searching his house and finding 1,000 marijuana plants, 27 weapons including a grenade launcher and 9,000 rounds of ammunition.

Gee, it seemed like this McGruff the Crime Dog, who urged us to "take a bite out of crime" went beyond biting. What, was Morales getting ready to start his own war? A grenade launcher?

And I thought the pot types were mellow and didn't need 9,000 rounds of ammunition.

Morales was recently sentenced to 16 years in jail. I don't even want to know what he's going to take a bit out of when he's in the slammer.