Happy 100th Birthday Dad, Wherever You Are

Here's an open letter to my dad, who would have turned 100 years old today:

My dad, Red Sutkoski, would have turned 100
years old today. Happy Birthday, dad! 

Dear Dad:    

Happy 100th birthday!  I hope wherever you are, they're showing you a good time. 

I can't believe it's been more than four years since who left Earth.  But you never really did leave us, did you? You show up in my dreams at least twice a week. Lynn and Laurie say you visit them frequently, too. 

In those nightime visits, you're the same as you always were. Steady, good humored, ready with good stories. You always remind me to try and be the same way.  Funny how I always wake up feeling better on mornings after your visits. 

As you well know, times are tough right now down here on Earth.  That virus going around the world is killing lots of people, and scaring the rest of us. The economy has bottomed out. A lot of people are unemployed.

We're told to stay home and socially isolate ourselves so we don't make the situation worse.

It would have bothered you to have to do what we're doing now. You were always such an outgoing, social person. You always wanted to hear the latest stories, the latest news, the latest silly pratfall somebody in town did. 

But you would never complain about the situation, would you?  You understood duty, and your responsibility toward others. You always found ways to make do. You would have in this situation, too.  I try to use all that as a guide for me to get through this mess.  

You lived through tough times, too. You endured the Great Depression and World War II. You always told all kinds of colorful stories about those times. You'd acknowledge the difficulties during those years, but barely. 

Instead, you focused on the life, the color, the humor. You talked about how sometimes, you'd indulge yourself by watching  a film at the Joy Theater in West Rutland during the Depression. Or tell a funny story about how Mrs. Reczek got busted for moonshining during Prohibition.  You'd tell us about the leaders, like FDR, who shepherded us through the rough times. 

And you cherished the memory of World War II, finally ended, as you and your mates were serenaded by the song "Sentimental Journey" as you sailed home into Boston Harbor. 

Your style is a road map on how to get through our times.  I'm taking notes on how we are all coping through the current crisis, how humor and compassion like yours is helping people get through this now. 

All through life, at your tavern, Red's Place, you always knew to surround yourself with good, fun, kind and down to earth people.   Sometimes they were raucous, and they always made us laugh.  You know the type. Friends like Julia Redington, Clay and Jeanie Burney, Larry Carrara and all the rest. You kept each other grounded. Sane. In good humor. You taught me that's the way to do it. It's a good lesson for all of us. 

Down here on Earth, we can't get together now in a bar like Red's Place. At least for the moment. But we have technology and such, so we can connect and  find ways to laugh, and raise a glass. And try to look on the bright side. 

To blow off steam, or just to keep yourself occupied, you always had outdoor projects. You would build stone walls, clean out the Whipple Hollow Cemetery, or just tinkering around out in the fresh air.  I find myselt doing the same thing, as it works so well. It really clears my mind.  I always feel better after planting more perennial beds, clearing brush, and yes, building stone walls. 

Jeff says hi.  Jeff still keeps telling me how appreciative he is of you because of how accepting and warm you were to him when he came into my life. Also, your embrace of Jeff confirmed that I had chosen well in marrying him. 

That was your M.O. anyway.  You held tight to anybody from any background who was a good person. You rejected the haters.  It's a great way to go through life, as I keep discovering, over and over again. Thanks for instilling that in me!

Jeff's mom just joined you up there a month or so ago. I hope Jeff's parents, Don and Lois, are able to swing by to wish you well today. But I guess everything is pretty well up there, isn't it?

So a toast. Only a select few will understand what I'm saying, but I raise a glass in your honor and to you: Nice Driveway! 

Love, Matt

Cuomo Brother Begin Coronavirus Family TV Comedy-Drama

The Cuomo Brothers, Chris and Andrew, have been giving us a bit of
family comedy amid the tragedy of the Coronavirus pandemic 

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo is trying to lead his state through one of the world's worst and most tragic "hot spots" in the global coronavirus pandemic.

His brother, Chris Cuomo, is a CNN anchor trying to report on this massive story. In a plot twist, Chris Cuomo has come down with the illness.

Chris has had to interview his brother Andrew through this.  The brothers' sibling rivalry has become maybe the hottest TV comedy-drama out there.

Its' obviously the brothers love each other, but boy, are they brothers in every sense of the word!  Through this serious time, despite the Cuomos serious demeanors, they've given us several splashes of welcome comic relief.

Here's a highlight video to prove my point:

Looney Tunes Tasmanian Devil Causes Family Crisis In Staten Island

A phobia of Looney Tunes' Tasmanian
Devil is at the center of a weird New
York family dispute 

The holidays are finally over, and most of us have headed home after spending time with our families.

Many of our extended families have a few eccentrics among them, but one Staten Island family takes the cake for oddness and discord.

According to the New York Post, Mazem Dayem, 36, has had a lifelong phobia of the Tasmanian Devil, the ill-mannered angry and inept Looney Tunes charactor.

Dayem's father in law, Yunes Doleh, 62, has been tormenting Dayem by menacing him with a toupee that supposedly looks like the Tasmanian Devil.

This all came to a head at a funeral in November, when Doleh waved his toupee at Dayem and grimaced, snarled, grunted and gesticulated toward him.

Which is odd behavior anyway, but especially at a funeral, but maybe that's just me. There's a chatge of criminal contempt against Doleh, lawsuits and general bad blood. I'd love to hear conversations in this family.

And how were your holidays?

Bears Make The Most Of A Hot Suburban Afternoon

A family of bears enjoys a refreshing dip in a New Jersey
pool on a recent hot afternoon. Video of
this scene has gone viral  

If you live in the suburbs, what better way to spend a hot afternoon to play out in the pool. You know, mom, the kids all splashing around having a good time.

So it was in Rockaway Township, New Jersey recently, when a a family did just that. Of course, it was a family of bears, not humans that were splashing around the backyard pool.

The Basso family, who normally plays in the pool, huddled inside and filmed the spectacle.

The fun part about the bears on video is how much they are just like a regular human family playing around the pool, the toys and the swingset.

One of the young Basso kids is distraught at one point and starts to cry as they watch from their window. ""They took my floaty!" the crying girl says. Those selfish bears! They should share the toys.

Mrs. Basso assures the kid that she will buy her daughter another floaty.

The bears obviously causes some damage to the pool and toys, as the yard was designed for humans, not bears, but the Basso family said the harm was not great and that the bears were pretty good houseguests.

The video below is 11 minutes long but worth the entire time. The Bassos said the bears were in the back yard for almost an hour.

The video has naturally gone viral and has been featured on many MSM news programs. But I can't resist sharing it here, too:

A Vermont "Sentimental Journey" Honors World War II Vets, LIke My Dad

My dad, Henry "Red" Sutkoski, 95, catches up with
friends during a World War II Memorial unveiling
in his home town of West Rutland, Vermont Saturday.  

My father, Henry "Red" Sutkoski, now 95, says he remembers when World War II ended, the troop ship carrying him and fellow soldiers returned home and prepared to dock in Boston Harbor.

A tug boat pulled up along side the troop ship dad was on. Suddenly, a band on the tug boat started playing "Sentimental Journey" to welcome the returning soldiers.

To this day, "Sentimental Journey" is just about dad's favorite song.

Fast forward 70 years later and there we were, in West Rutland, Vermont Saturday, where dad has lived most of his life, taking another sentimental journey, this one returning back to World War II.

Saturday was the 70th anniversary of World War II's end, and also the day West Rutland unveiled a memorial to all the people from West Rutland who'd served in World War II.

There was a lot of 'em, considering the town only had about 3,000 residents at the time. About 600 West Rutland residents served in World War II, or about 20 percent of the town's population.

Few World War II veterans survive to this day, of course. My dad was an honored guest at the memorial unveiling, along with a few other surviving West Rutland veterans like Joe Czachor, Leo DiGangi, Charlie Katomski and Stanley Wos.

The story of how West Rutland's new World War II memorial came to be is its own sentimental journey, one graced with an overwhelming need to honor the town's World War II heroes.

On Facebook, people began to wonder what happened to an old memorial that had to be taken down years ago because it had deteriorated.

A nice crowd gathers in front of the West Rutland, Vermont
Town Hall Saturday for the unveiling of a
World War II memorial.  

The town's historical society had a World War II discussion one night and somebody came up with the idea for a new memorial.  The idea took hold, big time.

Lots of research, lots of community fundraising and lots of planning over several years led to this new World War II memorial that was unveiled Saturday.

The memorial, listing all 609 men and women from West Rutland who served in the war, is in a place of honor at the most prominent place in West Rutland, right in front of the community's handsome Town Hall.

On Saturday, the guest speaker was retired Senior Master Air Force Sergeant Rick Aldridge. He's too young to have served in World War II, but the West Rutland native who served a long, proud career in the military announced at the beginning of his talk that he would take the audience on a sentimental journey back to those war years.

I don't know if Aldridge's announcement that his talk would be a sentimental journey was a nod to my dad or not,  but Aldridge told the story of the quarry workers, farmers, merchants and others from West Rutland who answered the call of duty to fight in the war, because that's just what had to be done.

Aldridge described how everyone else left behind in West Rutland during the war coped with strict rationing, the worry over what the Axis dictators would do if they were not defeated, and fear for the fate of their loved ones literally battling to save democracy.

After the war, the returning West Rutland veterans picked up their lives. Some stayed put in the quarrying community, others set off to start educations, careers, families elsewhere in the nation.

Aldridge remarked how the people of the World War II era are always referred to as the "Greatest Generation."

He's right, of course. If I had to judge a "Greatest Generation" by the way my father has lived his life, he truly lived the life of someone who deserves that title.

Through the decades, through his successes, his mistakes, his fortitude, cheerful stubborness and especially his sense of humor, dad has always been a model of how to live a life with dignity and grace.

So many people from the "Greatest Generation" are like dad, too. In this era of screaming, bickering TV pundits, a "gimme gimme" culture, opportunistic politicians, corrupt business people, routine dishonesty and other ills of today's society, we'd all do well to take careful notes on how the "Greatest Generation" lived their lives during and after the war.

My generation, the ones after that, and the ones who aren't even born yet should just take a sentimental journey and look back at what the World War II generation did.

They say the Greatest Generation made America great. That's true. They also say America isn't as great as it once was. Maybe that's true, too.

All the more reason why we should really embrace the ethos of the World War II veterans. Like the ones gathered in West Rutland on Saturday. Like my dad.

The World War II memorial unveiling in West Rutland Saturday sent me on my own sentimental journey, reflecting on the lessons my dad taught me. The example if his life, teaches me, teaches everyone, how to live honorable.

I don't measure up to my dad's level, of course, but at least he's a guide that puts me on the right path and keeps me from veering off course into too much laziness, meanness, or selfishness.

Maybe if we all follow the steadiness and honor of World War II veterans, this country might yet have another "Greatest Generation"

That would be the ultimate way to thank all the World War II heroes, like my dad.

Also, dad? Here's that song you like. Thank you. For everything.

Sea Lion Wins Fame After Hitching Ride On Family's Kayak

Cecil the sea lion pup hitched a ride on the
Gist family kayak and gets to know Rodney
Gist during an excursion at Santa Monica CA.

A sea lion pup whose recent aquaintances named Cecil is getting his 15 minutes of fame right now.

A family was kayaking in the water just off Santa Barbara, California when the sea lion pup decided to hitch a ride on the little boat, says television station KTLA in Los Angeles. 

The sea lion plopped down behind Rodney Gist of Fullerton, California who was riding the kayak with his two children.

Gist said at first he was a little concerned for his kids. A sea lion is a wild animal, after all. He said the family was "a little bit interested in seeing how he would behave."

It turned out Cecil was a nice guy, (I'm assuming guy) as sea lion pups go. KTLA said Cecil nuzzled against Gist as it sat behind him. "The cute creature appeared at one point to even kiss the back of his head, video of the incident showed," KTLA reported.

You can watch the video at the bottom of this post.

"I could tell he was kind of playful like a dog," Gist said.

The family isn't sure why Cecil wanted so badly to meet the Gist family. "Maybe he was just tired of swimming. Maybe he was wanting to interact with people. Maybe he just wanted to snuggle," said Lee Gist, Rodney's daughter.

Eventually, as the kayak maneuvered around a pier, the Cecil drew a crowd of onlookers. Maybe Cecil got a little freaked out by all the attention so he jumped off the kayak and swam away.

At least the family got this video as a remembrance of their time with Cecil:

Breaking With Tradition, I Give You Darlene Love's Christmas Song Early This Year

Darlene Love belts out "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)"
during her final holiday appearance on "Late Night With
David Letterman last night.  

I've made a tradition over the last several years on this here blog thingy of posting on Christmas Eve, Darlene Love's annual appearance on "Late Night With David Letterman" to sing "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home.)"

This year, I'm doing it a few days earlier than usual because last night, Love gave the final performance of the song she'll ever do on Letterman.

That's because Letterman is retiring from his show next year.  No Letterman show, no Darlene Love appearance in 2015.

I guess it's fitting that I'm fiddling with tradition this year as this is an odd, maybe a little bittersweet Christmas for me this year anyway.

My husband Jeff is simultaneously home and not home for Christmas this year. By that I mean he went home to his side of the family in South Dakota for Christmas because we both thought it would be best if he went, since his dad passed away earlier this year.  The family should be together for the holiday.

Meanwhile, I'm staying in Vermont. I didn't spend Christmas with my side of the family last year, and we think it would be best if I spent the holiday with the Sutkoski clan in the Green Mountain State.

We're staying in touch, of course, and both sides of the family will visit each other via Skype or Facetime on Christmas Day, so it's all good. Any chance to see the Moderegers/Stengles et al and get the families together, even through technology, is a nice holiday gift indeed.

So, I'm dedicating this year's "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" to Jeff, as he is and isn't home, but always in my heart.

Here's the awesome Darlene Love video:

ANOTHER Awesome Narvaez Family Version of "Home"

Back in 2011, I blogged about Jorge Narvaez and his young daughter Alexa, who did an awesome cover of the already excellent song "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes.   

Jorge, Eliana and Alexa Narvaez.  

Jorge and Alexa soared to viral video fame with their version of the song, and it even landed them a spot on the show "America's Got Talent," where Alexa proved to be the most charming young girl in America.

Now the Narvaez family is back, with an addition, younger sister Eliana, who joins the group.  They do another version of that same song.

This version has a new poignancy. According to Buzzfeed, Esther Alvarez, who is Jorge's mother, was deported recently because she came to the United States without papers in 1987.

Buzzfeed said she returned to Mexico a few years back so her husband and son, both U.S. citizens could sponsor her for permanent residency. But her application was deined and she has been away from the family since.

From Buzzfeed

"And so when Jorge, Eliana and Alexa sing: "Home, let me come home/Home is wherever I'm with you," they mean it.

The new video is part of a campaign that aims to reunite at least some of the thousands of families that have been separated by an unprecedent wave of deportations."

There's a Twitter campaign called #BringThemHome which is trying to support people who have crossed into the U.S. from Mexico and are seeking asylum.

Usually, you can't get asylum in the United States unless there are "credible threats" against that person in the country they're trying to leave.

The Narvaez family is circulating a petition to let their grandmother back into the United States.

No matter what you feel about the issue, you'll love the Narvaez family's updated version of "Home"

Watch:

Worst Family Dynamic: Woman Calls Caterer To Cancel Brother's Wedding

Somehow, I think things are a little tense between Ann Duffy, 50, of Plymouth, England and her brother David Geatrex.

You have to admire Ann Duffy's persistence
in trying to stop her brother's marriage  

Last fall, Geatrex was getting ready to marry a woman named Sandra, the love of his life.

Duffy called the people putting on the wedding, and pretending to be Sandra, said she was canceling the wedding, according to the BBC.

The BBC continues "She called her brother David Geatrex and told him 'You had better put this on speakerphone. I have saved you from a divorce. I have cancelled your wedding. Would you like to send you the confirmation email?'

THAT didn't go over well, that's for sure.

The BBC said Duffy had a strained relationship with her sister in law (You think?) and was trying to prevent her brother from marrying a woman she disliked.

Duffy told police she did not mean to cause her brother distress, only Sandra.

Seems the brother IS distressed, though, so I guess that didn't work out.

Luckily, David and Sandra were able to contact the wedding company, get their bookings reinstated and were married as planned on their chosen date.

My guess is Duffy didn't show up to the wedding.  Which is probably a good thing. We have no reports of any trouble at David and Sandra's wedding, so all's well that ends well.

For her trouble, Duffy was jailed for eight weeks and has an indefinite restraining order forcing her to stay away from Sandra, which probably is the smart way to go.

The only question is, what fun things does Duffy have planned for the happy couple's first anniversary?

Video! A Modereger Family Christmas In South Dakota

I've had a great week in South Dakota, hanging out with relatives to enjoy the Christmas holiday.

The video in this post is one I put together to show glimpses of the sights and sounds of a wonderful holiday in Yankton, South Dakota. Hope your Christmas was as good as this:

My Yearly Christmas Tradition: Darlene Love Sings The Holiday (This Time From Yankton, S.D.!)

Here's my annual tradition that I've presented in this blog for each of the past four years or so now: Darlene Love's annual performance of "Christmas Baby (Please Come Home)" on David Letterman.

Husband Jeff Modereger gets his ducks in a
row as he decorates the family home
 for Christmas

The Darlene Love performance is at the bottom of this post. Scroll down later to see and hear the  mix of emotions, but mostly joy, her performance brings.

I'm 51 years old and this will be the first Christmas I've ever spent outside Vermont.

Yep, I'm reporting live from Yankton, South Dakota. I'm with the in-laws, as my husband Jeff and I drove cross country from Vermont to the Great (cold) Plains to be with family.

This is awesome. The Moderegers are definitely into Christmas. My mood is like the closing scene of the Grinch, when my bah-humbug heart grows three sizes bigger, breaking the frame of the picture of my holiday intoxicated heart.

Sure, I miss Christmas with my relatives in Vermont, but we'll have a nice celebration with them when we get back to the Green Mountain State. So it's all good.

The Moderegers of Yankton love Christmas traditions, and now I'm into it, too. When he arrives a couple days before Christmas, Jeff always decorates the house perfectly with his professional, caring set designer eye.

Jeff manages to turn a pleasant sun room at the Modereger house into a holiday wonderland within an hour. It's like he waves some sort of magic wand or something.

The Modereger men all wear red sweater vests on the holiday, so I have mine on.  (The official family Christmas portrait with the red vests happened this afternoon. ) The family Christmas tree is loaded with decorations and mementos that date back through decades of Modereger family history and lore.

The family all gathers at the home of patriarch and matriarch Don and Lois Modereger, and it's a scene of happy chaos. Booze is stored in the chilly garage, at the ready for the daily parties.  We gather at tables and on hastily arranged chairs, and talk into the night.  The Moderegers tend to be smart and funny, which always makes for a good time.

Jeff has his first face to face meeting with
Poppy, our grand niece, at this week's
Modereger family Christmas gathering.  

It's mostly stories of Modereger family history, the clan's happy moments, it's revered dearly departed grandparents and uncles, the past teenage escapades,  the quirks and talents that make the family so cool.

I love listening to these stories. Some are ones I've heard before, and I never get sick of hearing them. Other stories are fresh news to me. With each story, I feel closer to the family.

Jeff and I are starting to add our own stories to the mix, to be woven into the fabric of Modereger family history.  We hope our stories are as interesting and fun as the rest of the family's.

At night, exhausted from the festivities, we slump in spare beds, in easy chairs, on couches to rest, and then do it all again the next day.

We've come to this South Dakota house, from Minnesota, from Kansas, from Vermont to celebrate what we've got. We've heeded Darlene Love's call, and baby, we've come home for Christmas.

And I couldn't be in a better place right now.  I wish all of you the best of Christmas. Especially the Moderegers in South Dakota and the Sutkoskis in Vermont. You're all awesome.

Take it away, Darlene!!

Family Christmas Video Overshares, But Lots Of Fun Anyway

I take the miminalist approach to Christmas greetings.  If I send out cards,  I just limit it to a quick greeting, acknowledging that I'm thinking about the recipient and moving on.

Some people take Christmas greetings to a whole new level. Case in point is the Holderness family, who offers the world the holiday video card that you see below.

Oversharing? Hilarious A bit much? Just right? You decide

Gorgeous Skies And Fun Quirks in Yankton, South Dakota

I'm continuing my tour of southern South Dakota with my hosts the Moderegers - my husband Jeff's side of the family.

The massive Gavin Point Dam on the Missouri River
near Yankton, S.D. with an even bigger sky above this week.  

My husband Jeff took me out here this week to visit the family, many of whom live in the pleasant southeastern South Dakota city of Yankton, in the Missouri River valley.

I continue to be fascinated by the big sky here. They say Montana is Big Sky country, but South Dakota has to be in the same league as Montana.

As proof, Jeff took me to the Gavin Point Dam, which is on the Missouri River near Yankton. And later,  Drew, the son of Jeff's cousin Shann, took us for a spin on his boat on Lewis and Clark Lake, which is behind the Gavin Point Dam.

The light was exquisite. On the boat ride, small showers and thunderstorms erupted in the distance, and a strong sun peeked in and out of the billowing white and black clouds. Orange sandstone cliffs ring the lake, adding to the color.

I could have stayed out there all night, though I'm sure Drew wouldn't have appreciated being out on that water as it got cold overnight.

I continue to find a number of quirks in the area that just adds to the fun.

A beautiful sky on Wednesday on Lewis and Clark Lake
behind the Gavins Point Dam on the Missouri River
near Yankton, South Dakota.  

At and near the Gavin Point Dam, I noticed a lot of people, mostly high school age boys, armed with bows and arrows.  Did we stumble upon a Boy Scout camp?

Nope. They shoot fish with arrows here. They even do it from overlooks near the dam. They shoot the fish, and a line attached to the bow and arrow allows the fishermen to haul the fish up the cliff into their hands.

The parks around the dam even have a number of helpful kiosks where people can clean and cook their fish.  

Everybody in Yankton goes to Charlie's Pizza, so we did too after we finished the boat ride.  It looks like it hasn't been redecorated since the 1950s or 60s, which makes it a cool place.

For some reason the sign out front has a badly rendered painting of the famous picture of Marilyn Monroe with an air vent lifting up her white dress.

In the Charlie's Pizza men's room, there are two photographs of Marilyn Monroe and a movie poster from the 1950s  camp classic "Attack Of The 50 Foot Tall Woman."

There is no explanation as to why that is.

Back at home in Vermont, almost all the flower gardens have mulch in the beds, surrounding the plants.

In South Dakota, nobody uses mulch. Instead, all the flower beds, and I mean virtually all of them, have smooth round river rocks, averaging about the size of hens eggs in the gardens. The rocks supposedly hold down the moisture and block weeds like mulch is intended to do.

A garden in back of the Modereger home in
Yankton,  South Dakota, after I planted a few
perennials. They use river rocks for mulch in South
Dakota, not mulch, like in New England.  

I planted a few perennials and annuals in the Moderegers' garden, just to feel useful. I wonder how the rocks will affect the plants. Will the rocks collect heat and cook the plants on hot, sunny days?

It seems to work for everybody, though, and peoples gardens look healthy enough.  And the soil beneath the rocks seemed rich and moist enough when I did some planting.

The rocks must be mostly a South Dakota aesthetic.  Out here, it's dry and windy and sunny, which evokes the bleached, vaguely barren look the rocks give. It works here. New England is damp, cool and woodsy, so mulch seems to fit the surroundings more.

We'll give it a go.

Two days from now, I'll head back to Vermont. I'll miss Yankton. Part of it is because I spent the week being a slug. I didn't do anything useful or productive and slept in mornings until what for me is the crack of noon. (I'd get up at around 7 or 8)  In Vermont, I usually get up at 4 a.m.

But a large part of why I will miss Yankton once I leave is it is so comfortable here. It's not a flashy place. Yankton is well kept, productive and energetic enough, but definitely not frenetic.  It doesn't  feel like everybody is in intense competition with each other in Yankton, like it does in the dreaded "Back East."

People work hard here, that's for sure. But they work hard because they want to feel good about themselves. They want to provide for others. They want to contribute. They want to make sure everything is in order and working.  But they're not trying to impress others as much as you sometimes see on the East Coast.

All this is a generalization, of course, based on my first impressions and clouded by my lack of expertise.

But first impressions matter, and I'm sure getting a good one in Yankton.

A Vicarious South Dakota Christmas

As readers of this blog know, on August 26, I had the excellent fortune to marry Jeff Modereger.  I  still  can't get over the fact I was so lucky to meet and marry him,  but that's another story.

The beautifully decorated sunroom in the Modereger
home, Yankton, South Dakota

I'm pleased to report  the marriage is a rousing success. However, like every person in every marriage, certain aspects of wedded life take getting used to, even in the months leading up to the actual marriage.

So it was with me.   Married  couples know you need to plan well ahead with vacation time, so you can celebrate holidays as best you can with your spouse's family.

You know how it works:  Spend maybe a few days with one side of the family, then a few days with the other side of the family, somewhere else in the country

You just have to do the best you can.

Yes, I knew months in advance I was going to become a married guy in August. But did I plan ahead early in the year to schedule the appropriate vacation time around Christmas? Of course not!   My brain hadn't fully processed that I would be married by the end of the year.  Some old habits die hard, I guess.

The result: Jeff is in South Dakota with his family this Christmas Day,  and I'm staying in Vermont to be with my family.

Actually, his family is my family now and vice versa, but you get the idea.

Luckily, the way my mind spins and races and twists, I can use my vivid imagination and "see" what's going on with Jeff and the rest of the  Moderegers/Stengles/Wainscotts in Yankton, South Dakota, even as  I open gifts and toast the holiday with the Sutkoskis in West Rutland, Vermont.

Even more luckily, I've got material to work with.  Jeff has been sending regular updates and news bulletins,  describing how the holiday is going there. Ever the helpful husband, he's even sent pictures.

Jeff, in his professional life,  is a busy, highly regarded theatre set designer. (Don't believe me? Google "Jeff Modereger" and see for yourself.)

With that talent, Jeff is in charge of decorating the Modereger hacienda in Yankton.

His parents have a fantastic sunroom overlooking a very nice golf course in back of their Yankton home. With all those windows and space, Jeff arranged lights and a nice big Christmas tree tin the sunroom. The lights  reflect just perfectly off the windows at night. It's cold in South Dakota, but he makes it look warm.

The best part of the sunroom decorations comes from Jeff's mother, my mother in law. She has a   beautiful and large collection of little buildings as Christmas decorations. Jeff lines the buildings up along shelving by the windows, forming a gorgeous  miniature village that could be Main Street Yankton, South Dakota or Main Street, West Rutland, Vermont, take your pick.

I'm mentally in both towns today anyway.

Just to feel a little more at home, I went to Google images and looked up photos of Yankton,  to get my bearings.  Plus, I'm Facebook friends with some of the Moderegers/Stengles/Wainscotts, so I get clues from their posts.

 In some ways, Yankton looks similar to the Rutland, Vermont area, which I found comforting. Yankton, on the banks of the Missouri River, has nice rolling bluffs and low hills. Bigger hills and mountains surround West Rutland. But both towns have two or three story brick buildings in their little downtowns and sturdy houses with nice yards that suggest rural stability.

One disconcerting Google photo I found of  Yankton shows a pair of menacing tornadoes heading toward Yankton from nearby Nebraska, but I'll let that go.  

Of course I got to meet many of the Moderegers/Stengles/Wainscotts when Jeff and I married in August, so I have a sense of what they're like.

There's some simularities between the South Dakotans and the Sutkoskis. Many members of both families are prone to boisterous bursts of laughter.

So while us Sutkoskis laugh at our pratfalls and crack up at my wildly inept gift wrapping "skills",  I can almost hear the Yankton contingent laughing up a storm, too.

For most of us, it's impossible to physically be with everybody you love on Christmas.  But in your mind and in your heart, you can be with the best, most important people in your life anytime, anywhere.

I'll have my share of Christmas fun today in West Rutland, Vermont.  But part of me will be in Yankton, South Dakota, enjoying the glow and the laughter of the big, warm extended family Jeff brought into my life.

You can't top a Christmas gift like that.

I'm Getting Married Today

Today, I will marry the love of my life, Jeff Modereger.

I've been with him for three years, He's lived with me in St. Albans for two years. We have two dogs, a house, a yard. We're already a married couple in just about every respect.

So why bother today tying the knot, officially, complete with a marriage license and a beautiful ceremony that Jeff designed?

Me and Jeff clowning around in a blueberry patch

Because any time a couple is as commited, and as in love as we are, any time a couple knows their relationship is forever and is a million times stronger than the tungsten wedding rings we'll wear, you have to make a public statement. It's that important.  It's a touchstone for people.  Times are bad, bad things happen around the world every day, every minute it seems.

What we're telling people is love conquers all.  Our marriage is a shield against all that bad that can happen. Our marriage is our strength, and that strength spreads over into the family and friends that are so important to us, and who are of course in town for today's wedding.

I met Jeff three years ago. Our first face to face meeting was at a TGI Fridays. OK, it wasn't a romantic evening at the Eiffel Tower or something, but it was a start.

The first couple of minutes were awkward, but then we were laughing, relaxing, fitting well together, connecting. I'd been lonely. This felt good.

Jeff jumped right into the relationship. I was much slower. At first I resisted the pull of a deep connection. I was too proud of my independence, I told myself. Too unready for complications. Deep down, what was really going on is I was too afraid this would work out.

You see, I've always lived by the adage that if it's too good to be true, it probably is. And I found that being with Jeff did seem too good to be true.  Still does. We laugh all the time. We cried together when his beloved dog Rocky died. We support each other.  When one of us has a bad day, we make each other feel better.  It just feels so right.

But there was that "too good to be true" cliche nagging at me as the relationship between Jeff and me grew.  The other shoe would drop, the red flags would appear. The happiness I was finding would be a mirage and I would get hurt. Again.

No shoes fell. No red flags appeared. Jeff was, is, a glowing exception to the "too good to be true" rule.

Because he is true. Genuine. Honest. You can trust him. With your life. That's what I find most important, most endearing about Jeff.

He is my life now. The trust I have in him is what makes me know I'll be OK whatever happens. I hope he feels the same toward me.

Over the Christmas holidays last December, Jeff went to South Dakota to see his family. I stayed here in Vermont and visited my family. He came back right around New Year's Day. My proposal was simple. On the evening of January 2, he was in his easy chair, watching TV. I interrupted him. I got down on one knee, pulled out a ring and said, "Would you marry me?"

We both cried. And laughed a lot. Again.

I knew he would say yes. Jeff was certainly hinting enough he was ready for marriage. But nonetheless, a huge wave of relief washed over me when he said "Yes."  We were officially a team. It's funny how two people so connecting like we are have the emotional, moral, loving strength of 200 people, not two.

Jeff is nationally known in the theatre world as a highly respected scenic designer. He had ideas for the ceremony in his head for a long time, you could tell. I won't yet give away how the marriage ceremony will work. It's very theatrical, of course. It will take place in the beautiful Royall Tyler Theatre at the University of Vermont this afternoon.

Jeff built the set, the script, pretty much all aspects of the ceremony himself. He's paid attention to so much detail for this. It really symbolizes how much he pays attention to me and our love.  It makes me feel so safe. A good feeling to have, let me tell ya.  And in return, I will live each second of the rest of my life stoking, nuturing, growing my love for Jeff. I don't need an official wedding vow to say that.

Jeff's very extended family is in town for the wedding. They're mostly from the Midwest. It's overwhelming trying to keep all the names straight. I've been meeting most of them for the first time these past few days. I can certainly see where Jeff gets his honesty, his sky-high character, his compassion, his groundedness. And the family is damn fun. They laugh a lot, too. Just llike me. So I think this is a good fit.

Marrying into this family is another  stroke of awesome luck for me, if I haven't had enough already. I'm honored to be marrying into this family, that is for sure. I'm making a commitment to Jeff today, of course. But I'm also making a commitment to his family. It's my duty and deep pleasure to honor, love and respect them too. And I'm looking forward to it. Even if I'm not quite used to be called "Uncle Matt " yet. I'll get there.

This is a same sex marriage, obviously. It's legal in Vermont, but not yet in most states, but I think that will change. I get it that some people's religious beliefs don't condone this. But the God I believe in doesn't make mistakes.

He didn't make a mistake making me and Jeff gay. And neither of us chose to be gay, notwithstanding what some social conservatives might tell you.  It's part of who we are. It doesn't make us better or worse than we otherwise would be.  Being gay just happens. But being good people is a choice.  Honoring, respecting and loving each other and those around us is a choice. A damn good choice. Joining in a marriage is a choice. It's exactly the right choice. For us. And I think for everyone around us.

If there is a good, righteous God, He did not make a mistake bringing Jeff and me together for this marriage. Marriage is a right  and a responsibility. Jeff and I have the responsibility to keep our love growing, to make our trust grow and spread, to show the world that love indeed conquers all.

Jeff and me are up to the challenge, and we can't wait to start.

Bailey The Dog Moves In With Us

Funny how families can change dramatically at the drop of a hat.

Like ours, for instance.

Bailey, the latest addition to the
Modereger/Sutkoski family. 

It's now a two-dog, two person household here in St. Albans with the arrival of Bailey, a dog of indeterminate breeds and high levels of sweetness. (His name until Tuesday was "Baileys" but Jeff and I decided to drop the "s")

We'd vaguely discussed getting another dog at some point, but had no firm plans.

Barb, the woman who runs the excellent Deja Vu Kennel in Milton, Vermont  where we take Jackson, our very active cocker spaniel, was worried about a dog she was taking care of.

The dog's name was Baileys, because his fur is the same color as Bailey's Irish Cream.

Baileys' family had fallen on hard times, from what I heard, third hand.  They had to move to a place that wouldn't accept dogs. Their future together was uncertain. Barb was looking for a foster family to take Baileys in temporarily. Would Jeff and I be interested?

Jeff and I discussed it Monday night, and decided we would tell Barb on Tuesday that we were leaning toward become Bailey's foster family, but we'd have to think about it for a few days.

Tuesday morning, I brought Jackson to  Deja Vu Kennel,  like we usually do. Barb introduced me to Baileys.  I noticed immediately how sweet and affectionate he is.

Then she told me Bailey's family abruptly got an opportunity out of town. They couldn't take Baileys, and had to give him up. That day. The family said they would bring Baileys to the Humane Society of  Chittenden County  and hope for the best.

Now, the Humane Society does an excellent job. But Bailey just turned 12 year old. He might not be that adoptable. He could be euthanized there.

I know I can't save every dog out there. I can't turn into a hoarder. I can only take care of the people and the animals that I can manage. Doing more would be unfair to me and especially the dogs and people I try to aid.  Sombody else will have to do the rest. Cold as that sounds, that's just the way it is.

But I'd already made a connection with Bailey. And he with me. He looked me in the eye when we met  briefly Tuesday morning and we formed an attachment. I know Bailey didn't know what was going on, but it almost feels like he looked at me and said, "You're my last chance, bro."

I could manage two dogs in the house, and so could Jeff.

Jeff was at work. I called him and told him the situation. "I couldn't live with myself if we let him go," I found myself blurting out. I found my eyes getting wetter.

Jeff wanted him too. Our family's fate was sealed. Bailey is now a full standing member of the Modereger/Sutkoski/ household.  I feel like the Brady Bunch theme song should be playing right now.

It'll be hard at times, but Jeff and I have the wherewithal to take care of Bailey. We'll give him an imperfect, but good home. He'll be loved. Jackson will make sure he has a fun playmate.

Jackson has some jealousy issues, but I know that will work out. Both Jackson and Bailey crave individual attention. Both dogs will realize soon enough that there's plenty of love to go around at this house.

Despite the jealousy, Jackson and Bailey do play well together.

Bailey looks and acts younger than his 12 years. He's mellow. Incredibly affectionate. He already likes to curl up under my desk as I type away at my laptop.  I know that given his age, Bailey won't be with us for too many years. That makes me sad, but I'll just enjoy the time we have together and focus on that.

Right now, as I type this, he's at my feet, listening to the clatter of this keyboard as I sit on the couch pounding away at the laptop.  He looks at me every once in awhile to see that I'm OK, and that I think he's OK. We agree everything is fine and go back to what we're doing. Jackson's asleep, curled up against my side, looking blissful.

Jeff had to go to work for a few hours and he'll be home soon. The four of us will go outside and play around the yard. A happy, suddenly bigger family.