Thursday, February 20, 2014

Jesus Coming Back To Earth Armed With AR-15 Assault Rifle, Says Crazy Ex-General

Retired Lt. Gen. William G. Boykin certain has the most interesting theological idea I've heard recently.
Jesus is coming after you heathens with an AR-15 assault
rifle, says retired Lt. Gen. William Boykin.  

It turns out the Second Coming of Christ is going to be kind of a shock and awe kind of thing, Boykin said.

According to Right Wing Watch, Boykin says Jesus will come armed with an AR-15 assault rifle, apparently to slay us heathens who mock statements like Boykin's.

Said Boykin, at a pro-family legislator's breakfast last fall, according to Right Wing Watch:

"The Lord is a warrior and in Revelation 19 it says when he comes back, he's coming back as what? A warrior. A mighty warrior leading a mighty army, riding a white horse with a blood-stained white robe....I believe that blood on that robe is the blood of his enemies 'cause he's coming back as a warrior carrying a sword.

And I believe now --I've checked this out -- I believe the sword he'll be carrying when he comes back is an AR-15."

Well, then.

This sounds like it's straight out of the pages or the Web site of The Onion or Daily Currant. I wish it was, since it does make me worry that a former U.S. military leader is this crazy.

Although Right Wing Watch does have a political agenda, they usually are pretty good at just finding these kinds of statements and quoting them verbatim.

I hope Boykin wasn't this bad before he retired. At least he's entertaining, I'll give him that.

Gawd this is delicious. Praise Jesus for giving us entertaining crazies like Boykin.
Add some blood to his robes
and this is pretty much how
you will see Jesus during the
Second Coming, Boykin says.  

Boykin goes on to say that the Second Amendment, Americans' right to bear arms comes fromo the Constitution, thought up by the Founding Fathers.

OK, totally true and reasonable, for once. Go on, Mr. Boykin:

"But where did the whole concept come from? It came from Jesus when he said to his disciples 'now, if you don't have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one.'

I know everybody says it was a metaphor. IT WAS NOT A METAPHOR! He was saying in building my kingdom, you're going to have to fight at times. You won't build my kingdom with a sword, but you're going to have to defend yourself. And that was the beginning of the Second Amendment, that's where the whole thing came from."

"And the sword today is an AR-15, so if you don't have one, go get one. You're supposed to have one. It's Biblical."

AR-15s were in the Bible? I don't recall ever seeing such references. Swords, yes, but assault rifles?

Maybe this is blasphemy, but I don't buy the idea that AR-15s are Biblical. They do seem like pretty handy assault rifles, if you're into that sort of thing, but I'm not sure spraying bullets from this thing around the neighborhood is a religious experience.

But then, to a few gun enthusiasts, any time you shoot a gun is a religious experience.

Boykin sure is going to hate me, because I'm not going to sell my cloak and use the proceeds to buy an AR-15.   It's supposed to be really cold next week, and my cloak, which is really a very nice light weight but toasty warm down parka, is very comfortable and I don't want to give it up.

So much for the warrior mentality.

Plus, would you really trust me with an AR-15?  Put it this way, when I water the flowers in the summer using a garden hose, I'm the one that gets wet, not the peonies. So imagine what I'd do with an AR-15.

Besides, I don't think a Warrior Jesus would waste his time with any stinking flowers, do you?

I know God is all powerful, and I guess by extension so is Jesus.  But you'd want the Second Coming of Christ to be somewhat welcoming, wouldn't you?  I don't know how well a wild-eyed guy in bloodstained flowing white robs wielding an AR-15 blasting his way down the street would be received.

Boykin also doesn't make clear exactly who Warrior Jesus is fighting. Maybe he'll clear that up in his next insane speech.

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