|Bill Eves, in the photo that ran with|
his spectacular obituary. He died recently in
Kingston, Ontario at the age of 76.
I didn't know Mr. Eves, but I have to tell you, the hilarious obituary the family ran makes me wish I DID know him. Anybody whose obituary mentions farts and Molson beer has my respect.
I believe in death with dignity, but obituaries don't have to be dignified, in my opinion.
The sometimes canned, reverential language in most obituaries is fine, but if the dearly departed had a great and unique personality, let that shine through.
Eves' obituary starts this way:
"Saturday, February the 8th, Molson's stock price fell sharply on the news of Bill Eves' passing. Senior executives at Molson called an emergency meeting to brace for the impact of the anticipated drop in sales."
OK, he liked Molson, apparently. The obit goes on to mention his successful, long career as a school principal, and his cooking, gardening and carpentry skills.
Then we get into this:
"Perhaps most important to Bill was educating people on the dangers of holding in your farts. Sadly, he was unable to attain his life-long goal of catching his beloved wife Judy "cutting the cheese" or "playing the bum trumpet"--which he likened to a mythical rarity like spotting Bigfoot or a unicorn."
Maybe mourners indulged Mr. Eves by eating a lot of baked beans before, not the services, mind you, but the "Praise Bill Party" in honor of him.
Also in the obituary: "He also mastered the art of swearing while being splattered by grease cooking his famous wings. In fact, he wove a tapestry of obscenities that still hangs over the Greater Kingston Area."
They even thought to run an unflattering picture of Eves with his obituary, which you can see in this post.
I can tell the world is a slightly less good place now that Eves has passed on. And I'm sure Greater Kingston will have fond memories of Eves for a long, long time.
Even if people in Kingston are still holding their noses at the thought.