Sunday, July 10, 2011

City to Gardener: Lawns Rule

A woman in Oak Park, Michigan is in big trouble for a terrible crime.

She is growing vegetables in her front lawn.  How dare she? How un-American! Doesn't she know that front lawns are supposed to be grass, and you're not supposed to grow anything useful there?

The offending front yard garden in
Oak Park, Mich.
I mean, what if she eats some of the vegetables. Or worse, shares some with her neighbors?  Terrible. She must be some commie. Because the real, American way to do things is to fire up a noisy, smoky lawnmower and blast away at the grass.

And doesn't this woman know that you're supposed to buy vegetables in a giant store with florescent lights that give you a headache, and not grow your own veggies?

 That's why God created supermarkets. You're supposed to drive to a supermarket, fight traffic, find a space in a hot parking lot, struggle against clueless shoppers in the store, pay an arm and a leg for vegetables grown in another country that taste like plastic and then go back out into the parking lot and find your car has been dinged by wayward shopping carts?

What's the fun in getting some fresh air, getting the sense of accomplishment by growing your own veggies, then having a very tasty salad with extremely fresh lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers that evening?

The city of Oak Park is going after this woman because her front yard is not "common." Again, it's supposed to be a lawn, you see.

"I don't know of any community where I have seen a full garden in the front yard. In planning and zoning, we try to put things in appropriate places, said Oak Park City Planner Kevin Rulkowski, according to the Detroit News.

So I hope this city jails this woman forever over her shocking front yard behavior. Critics say the city of Oak Park should be spending precious tax dollars on other resources, like fighting crime and fixing potholes.

But go for it, Oak Park. Get that veggie lady!  As it stands now, she could get 93 days in jail for growing her vegetables. That's more than many drug dealers get.

However, if we don't crack down now, people will do even more outlandish things. What will this country become if people started planting blueberry bushes or strawberries in their yards?

We MUST make an example out of veggie lady!

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