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| Big trucks "rolling coal" emitting huge clouds of black smoke. Healthy and not adding pollution to the atmosphere, right? |
Certain people on the road want to be more obnoxious than everyone else.
It's a competition, you see.
One bit of obnoxiousness that's been popular for a few years is a phenomenon called "rolling coal."
Young men, almost alll of them losers with very small dicks who are overcompensating, trick out their big he-man pickup trucks with a smoke stack and mechanical stuff that lets these morons trick the engine to need more fuel.
The result is a burst of black smoke that has bystanders choking on the fumes, other drivers blinded by the clouds, and these losers laughing hysterically. Because they're too stupid to laugh at anything else, I guess.
To get the very limited mentality of people who like to roll coal, all you have to do is go to the dialogue in a November, 2015 report from NPR member station KUNC in Fort Collins, Colorado.
Reporter Stephanie Paige Ogburn starts"
Ogburn: "If you've never heard of rolling coal, Jake Rogakis can explain it in one sentence."
Rogakis: "To roll coal is to pretty much just floor it and blow as much black smoke as you possibly can."
Ogburn: "Rogakis has tuned his diesel engine so that he can blow clouds of thick black smoke from his tailpipe on purpose."
Rogakis: "It's just fun. Like, go drive my truck. You'll have a blast, guaranteed."
Ogburn goes on to explain that Rogakis is one of about 100 guys hanging around a Fort Collins strip mall, mostly to compare notes on their big trucks and their rolling coal contraptions.
I really hope Fort Collins is so boring people are reduced to doing this, but my guess is the problem is not really Fort Collins, but these young guys without imagination.
Ogburn asked Brock Anderson and Cory Wiggins, who were in another group from Rogakis at that Fort Collins parking lot, why coal rolling is so popular.
Anderson: "I'm not sure. It's - you know, why do people do a lot of things, you know what I mean? It's 'cause everybody's doing it."
Wiggins: "You also get more power, and it's just something cool. Ladies like it."
Anderson: (laughing) "No, I don't know if women like that."
Wiggins: "No, all ladies love it."
Anderson: "No"
I'm with Brock here. Notice how delusional Cory is. He thinks he's such a lady killer with his black smoke and his presumably teeny tiny, um, anatomy. By the way, Brock Anderson is fairly reasonable. Unlike some of his friends, he says he only does this out on the farm, with nobody around, so nobody gets a cloud of black smoke in their face.
My guess is most women, and most people for that matter, actually don't like rolling coal. Guys, don't date the few women in the world who like rolling coal!
Anyway, let's go on.
Let's get back to our friend Jake Rogakis, who loves his rolling coal truck.
He says he doesn't envelop people in smoke, "Unless they, like do something to make me mad, cut me off."
There ya go, Jake. They cut you off, you blind them with smoke and have them crash into somebody else. Real considerate of you.
Rogakis, like many coal rollers, has a particular enmity against bicyclist. It seems all these guys with big trucks hate bicyclists.
"If you see a bike, you just can't help but to do it. No matter how many times you do it, every single time, you'll still get a smile on your face."
Yeah, blinding bicyclists in choking smoke and making them inhale potentially cancer causing and lung disease causing diesel particles is a real laff riot.
A bicycle tour group from Canada was recently the victim of some idiot repeatedly rolling coal with his big nasty truck in otherwise scenic north-central Vermont, says the Burlington Free Press.
One of the tour group members, Steven Fischer, said his group was blasted by the truck, then it came back.
"Ten minutes later it was my turn. The truck - at least I think it was the same one, but I can't be certain - pulled up beside me and unleashed another black cloud."
This, not surprisingly, is not the first time bicyclists in Vermont or elsewhere been tormented by those idiots rolling coal.
The Free Press quoted Phyl Newbeck of the Green Mountain Bicycle Club who said he's been blasted by these idiots.
By the way, if you were thinking this rolling coal stuff is illegal, it is. It violates the federal Clean Air Act. Plus federal and many state guidelines prohibit altering vehicle exhaust systems like the rolling coal boneheads do.
Of course, it's hard to catch all these idiots because you can't read the license plates through all that smoke.
So, we can only hope for karma for these small dicked diesel dumbasses. They deserve a good asthma attack, or a little bit of lung disease, maybe?
That's mean, but karma's tough, you know.
Here's a video of a motorist haveing to deal with some idiot "rolling coal" in Essex Junction, Vermont:
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