NASA Is Kidnapping Children, Taking Them To Mars

Alex Jones informs us that NASA is kidnapping children
and turning them into slaves on Mars

Lost amid the hubbub over Donald Trump's insulting tweets to Mika Brzezinski was the breaking news that NASA is kidnapping children, taking them to Mars and making them slaves there. 

Yeah, that story sounds just a wee bit unbelievable, but Alex Jones says it's happening, so it must be true.

You might remember Alex Jones, who is fast becoming one of my favorite punching bags.

He's the blowhard from the conspiracy web site InfoWars who tells us the government is putting something in the water to make frogs gay, the Sandy Hook massacre never happened, and Hillary Clinton was running a child sex ring out of the basement of a Washington DC pizzeria.

You might think none of these things are true, but our Dear President is a big fan and even wants to give Alex Jones press credentials, so I guess we got to believe this stuff.

On his show Thursday, Jones welcomed "CIA insider" Robert David Steele who informed us, "We actually believe that there is a colony on Mars that is populated by children who were kidnapped and sent into space on a 20-year ride.... So that once they get to Mars they have no alternative but to be slaves on the Mars colony."

It was unclear from Jones' show why NASA is kidnapping children and sending them to Mars, but Jones, naturally is a believer. Jones said every time a probe is pointed in the direction of Mars, NASA shuts if off. Or something like that.

It gets worse. NASA is killing some of the children and using their blood and bone marrow as a sort of growth hormone. Again, we're not sure why.

As you might expect, NASA denies the allegations.  A NASA spokesman said, "There's only one stupid rumor on the internet? Now that's news."