Monday, June 17, 2013

TSA Fashion Police: Please Dress Beautifully While We Molest You

News surfaced this week of a 15 year old girl who really, really displeased a TSA agent at a Los Angeles airport recently.

It shouldn't matter how she was dressed, but for the record, she had on  dark leggings, a tank top and an oversized checked shirt over the tank top. A pretty run of the mill outfit for a teenage girl.

The TSA agent barked that she should "cover herself" like the teen was some sort of slut or something. 

Plenty of other bloggers have already correctly weighed in on how this is an example of public shaming of a young woman for no good reason, that the TSA agent had no business commenting on what the girl or anybody else was wearing, and why does it matter what the girl was wearing anyway?
Is the TSA now demanding we be
fashionable if we dare set foot in
an airport terminal?

And why was the TSA agent saying such creepy things to the teen when clearly he had a problem and the girl didn't?

So I won 't re-answer those more serious questions. I'll leave that to people who are smarter than me.

My frivolous question is: The TSA are the fashion police, too?

You mean I have to be fashionable and oh-so-well put together when going through the airport.

This is a challenge, since the clothes I wear to the airport must be functional, so I can put shoes and belts on and off quickly, and so I don't strangle myself with constricting clothes as I try to squeeze myself into airplane seats that are too small for a toddler, much less a 200 pound, six foot tall guy.

What exactly is correct fashion, in the TSA's view of fashion police? Maybe we can get some TSA agents on Project Runway, to design the best clothes for dashing through an airport, and more importantly, clothes that are optimally pleasing to the TSA agents.

We wouldn't want to disappoint them and ruin their workday by wearing clothes that aren't the latest fashion, right?

Will Fashion Week in New York be given over to TSA agents? Anyone associated with airports and airlines probably like those teeny tiny skinny models anyway, since they're easier to frisk and fit better in those miniscule airplane seats that I've already referenced.

And will I have to go on a diet? Will the Fashion Police TSA demand we all look like those undernourished fashion models. Don't you have to ingest massive amounts of cocaine to get that skinny? And isn't cocaine frowned upon in airports? So how to I resolve this problem?

I hope the TSA agents all have adequate training, as their work load is increasing. After all, they have to make sure nobody brings a loaded gun, a bomb, or hair gel on a plane. Plus they have to make sure everyone is dressed perfectly.

I wonder what the federal  penalty is for dressing sloppily for that flight to Dubuque?

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