Sunday, December 23, 2018

No Platinum Mines In This Needed Feminist Update of "Santa, Baby" by Miley Cyrus

One of my least favorite Christmas season songs is the 1953 Eartha Kitt classic, "Santa, Baby."

In the song, Kitt purrs her way through a gift list she wants from Santa when he "comes down the chimney tonight. "

In the long list of expensive things she wants is  a car, specifically a nice 1954 convertible, light blue. Also, holiday decorations from Tiffany's, a sable (who wears real fur coats anymore?). big checks with lots of zeros after a first integer, a duplex (why a duplex, why not just a house?) and of all things, a platinum mine.

Who the hell would even think of asking for a platinum mine for Christmas? Who the hell would want one?

That old gold digging song needed a serious update. Most women I know don't pine for all that weird stuff anymore.  They especially don't wish for a platinum mine. Some women might want to shove a bad, lousy ex into a platinum mine, but that's another story.

Miley Cyrus recently appeared on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. There she was in a cute green and red Christmas outfit, lounged out on a couch. With an earnest smile that is apparently required whenever you sing a holiday song, she belts out "Santa, Baby."

But this Miley version is seriously updated.  Sables, checks, cars and platinum mines are out.  Cyrus's "Santa, Baby" now has a refreshing feminist twist. Sample lyric:

"Santa, baby, I've got a baller car of my own, no loan. I bought it all by myself, Santa baby, with zero help from Elf on the Shelf."

The rest of the song is definitely worth a watch and listen. Especially when she gets to what Santa and other men can do with their chimneys:

Here ya go!

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