Sunday, December 9, 2018

PETA's Animal Cliche Suggestions Are Basically Beating A Dead Horse

PETA doesn't want us to use cliches that seem mean to animals.
Their alternative suggestions need work, though. 
There's an amazing number of cliches out there that involve animals.

That's the elephant in the room. There's more than one way to skin a cat. That dog don't hunt. Don't let the cat out of the bag. One trick pony. The lion's share. Pig headed. The cat's meow. Dog days of summer.  

Well, PETA, the strident animal rights group, thinks we ought to change some of our animal cliches to not celebrate cruelty to animals. Never mind that people who use these cliches generally don't want to abuse animals.

But never mind.

PETA decrees that we must change the following cliches to the some non-cruel alternatives. So here we go:

"Kill two birds with one stone" must now be "Feed two birds with one scone." (I had no idea birds like scones. Go figure.)

"Be a guinea pig" should become "Be the test tube."

"Beat a dead horse." should turn into "Feed a fed horse."  If the horse has been fed, it's not hungry. Why would you want to force food this poor creature? That seems cruel, but whatever. Plus, the fed horse thing makes no sense.

"Bring home the bacon" needs to change to "Bring home the bagels."

"Take the bull by the horns" should  become "Take the flower by the thorns." Um, most flowers don't have thorns. And even if they do, why should anyone punish themselves by poking themselves wityh thorns. You CAN be careful.

Now, like most people, I'm really, really not into torturing animals. But as usual, don't you think PETA is taking things just a wee bit too far?

As you'd expect the Twttersphere is not having it.

@tryzick put in a dig in by saying: "Raising awareness and teaching us new phrases? That's killing two birds with one stone right there."

Another wag, Nick Wing, a reporter at Huffington Post, @nickpwing added this: "We should also addressthe 800-pound gorilla in the room who is the  perfect weight because we don't body shame here."

Wing also observed this truthism: "Few things unite the right and left like an opportunity to dunk on PETA." 

At least the organization is one of those great uniters, huh?

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