Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Capitalism Killed Mars Civilization?

Thank Gawd for Hugo Chavez, the guy who runs Venezuela.

Hugo Chavez of Venezuela says capitalism
killed Martian civilization.
He's figured out why there is no life on Mars, proving that the guy is even smarter than most astronomers.

According to Chavez, the evils of capitalism wiped out civilization on Mars, says a report from Reuters. .

"I have always said, heard, that it would not be strange that there had been civilization on Mars, but maybe capitalism arrived there, imperialism arrived and finished off the planet," Chavez said  

Chavez has never been a big fan of capitalism. 

I wonder about his theory, though. You'd think  they would have found some artifact on Mars that proves these horrible capitalists plundered the planet. Maybe they even left some money behind. I think we should explore Mars further, just in case.

Chavez's theory makes me nervous about other ills. They say some day, zillions of years from now, the sun will explode, destroying earth. Will capitalists hasten that process? Maybe capitalists will go to the sun and mine it, causing it to explode?

Yes, I know the sun is pretty hot, and if you get too close, you'll get the ultimate sunburn. But those wily capitalists will find a way to withstand that, just you wait and see. 

So now Chavez has me worried. Maybe as we speak, Wall Street is plotting our collective doom by launching themselves toward the sun. 

Some would say we could only be so lucky. 

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