I wish The Onion weren't satirical and the Weather Channel was really opening a weather casino. If you win, you get a sunny day. You lose big? A dangerous, EF5 tornado. trashes your house.
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| An example of the wall decor in the new Weather Channel casino? |
Maybe you can put bets on which city you want destroyed in a hurricane. Does it rain or snow in the hotel rooms? Is there batting cages where you use baseball-sized hailstones to practice? Does the spa have lightning treatment to really give you a charge? Is the sauna just a one way flight to Houston in August?
Does the HVAC system in the hotel run on air from a Pheonix heat wave to warm the rooms and air from a winter Barrow, Alaska cold snap for the summer air conditioning?
Does Weather Channel meteorologist Jim Cantore get awe struck by lightning in the ballrooms as part of the casino's entertainment? Does Mike Bettes chase tornadoes down the hallways?
The best line of The Onion report comes at the end (spoiler alert!) of the Onion report when they talk about the deal with Celine Dion despite her fear of sleet.
You know, I don't usually feel a kinship to Celine Dion, but in this case I agree. I hate sleet, too.
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