Tuesday, September 11, 2012

"Payback" on a 50th Birthday

Maybe I spoke too soon the other day when I said turning 50 is no big deal.
The dreaded banner placed across my driveway Sunday.

It turns out it can be a big deal when certain people in your life comically make it one.

Exhibit A is the vandalism that occured at my house in St. Albans, Vermont on Sunday as a way to mark my birthday.

As you can see by the pictures, my sister and brother in law, Lynn and Dave, seriously changed the look of my house while I was away for a few hours. 

Those Burma Shave signs along the road in front of my house encouraged people to honk for my birthday. They surely did.  It sounded like Midtown Manhattan at rush hour on a day when demonstrators are blocking streets.

A banner strung between two trees at the entrance of my driveway made things clear enough.  Sort of gave my property the the look of an Emergency Stock Reduction Sale at some mattress discounter.
The scene along the road in front of my house Sunday.

It got worse inside the house.

My loving husband Jeff claimed to have "forgotten" to lock the door to the house when he left for awhile Sunday morning, allowing Lynn and Dave to enter and do their handiwork. (Note to burglars: This is the only time I can remember Jeff neglecting to lock the doors.)

 The back deck railing was lined with 50 beer bottles.  Jeff said I could do my yard work out back and sing "50 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and guzzle as I do so.

Can you imagine what I'd be like as I get down below 40 bottles? As Jeff said, he'd have to say to one of the dogs, "Your dad's passed out again. Go get him for me, will ya?"

Jeff got home when Lynn and David went into my office to really cause a stir. Again, Jeff pleaded ignorance. "I had to vacuum the floor and didn't hear a thing. They closed the door to your office and I didn't even realize they were there."
My back deck had been seriously altered by the 50 bottles
of beer placed there. 


The office was a tangle of streamers and it was covered by dozens upon dozens of Post It Notes. There were post it notes noting my birthday on the soles of my sneakers that were left in the office. Photographs on the walls were covered. I opened my laptop and found Post It notes advertising the fake web site. www.mattturns50.com

Lynn and Dave brought steaks, veggies and a great chocolate cake to ease the sting of the vandalism.

We'd gotten used to the honking horns on the road as we talked, but then we heard HOOONK!! SCREECH!! Thud! out there.

Did our signs cause an accident?

Luckily for my homeowner's policy, the signs had nothing to do with it. One of my neighbors slowed down to turn into his driveway. The guy following the neighbor slowed down. The gal following the guy did not. THUD!
My home office got a little more, um, festive

The car crash produced  no serious injuries, and the hoopla from the fine St. Albans Police, Fire and Rescue response soon subsided.

All the vandalism, Lynn explained to me, was payback for similar defacing I've done to her property on some of her birthdays.

This war is going to escalate, let me tell you!

Monday morning, I frantically removed the beer bottles from the deck, lest the neighbors worry. The task almost made me late for work.  "Sorry I'm late boss. There were dozens of beer bottles scattered around my deck and I had to clean them up."

That would have impressed the supervisors, I'm sure.

At least I'm in beer for a long, long time.  And thanks everyone for the wonderful birthday wishes. They'll keep me going for the next 50 years.

1 comment:

  1. This is proof how much Lynn and Dave love you! BTW, the "OLD FART" sign made me laugh hysterically (yes, I'm still stuck in junior high).