Some papers are smaller than the one I work at, so they are able to fit in detailed police blotter columns, and strange little accidents to report on.
The news I normally deal with is usually interesting enough, but there are some days I wish I covered some of these other stories.
|Women's cole slaw wrestling on a day when no skydiver|
craashed into a nearby beer vendor.
Photo by Jacob Langston, Orlando Sentinel
I saw this headline somewhere on the Internet recently, that's supposedly from a legitimate small newspaper in Florida, I think. The headline was "Skydiver Lands on Beer Vendor at Women's Cole Slaw Wrestling Event."
I couldn't find a lot of details on the specifics of this story. Did the skydiver land on the beer vendor on purpose because he was thirsty? Did the skydiver want to join the cole slaw wrestlers? What kind of beer was it? Were the cole slaw wrestlers annoyed by this interloper? Inquiring minds want to know.
And who knew women's cole slaw wrestling was such a draw? They needed a beer vendor so I'm sure there was quite a crowd. We're so sheltered here in Vermont. I never knew women's cole slaw wrestling even existed.
Elsewhere, a Bozeman, Montana newspaper police blotter had this item: "Three drunken people were harassing and yelling at two bears near West Lincoln Street and South Willson Avenue at 1:06 a.m.."
Well, that sounds like quite a neighborhood. Again, details, please. Did the bears steal the drunks' booze? Or did the bears flee the drunks because, they well, don't like drunks. And what were the drunking people yelling? Did the bears understand? Did the drunks think the bears understood? Did the bears eventually come down out of the trees and attack the drunks? Or just have drinks with the drunks?
Yet another police blotter went as follows: "10:10 p.m.: Suspicious people were reportedly doing something with flashlights by the side of North Fifth Street at Custer. A deputy checked and found the people were not suspicious but merely Canadian. The out of towners were enjoying an evening stroll."
Those darn Canadians. Always coming to the United States to cause trouble. Walking with flashlight! Spreading terror in the hearts of, um, people who are afraid of people walking down the street.
I'm sure these news hits will keep coming. They're all important, so be assured I will keep you fully informed.