That Damn Goldfish Ain't Narcing to No Copper!

There's an endless supply of dumb criminals out there, but what really disturbs me is they are getting even dumber. I thought that was impossible.

Exhibit A in this fear is a 16 year old burglar in Illinois who killed goldfish in the house he was looting because he didn't want to leave any witnesses to his crime, according to Daily Herald Web site

A dead goldfish, like the ones a 16-year-old killed in
Illinois so the fish wouldn't talk to cops.

He apparently poured hot sauce, mustard, ketchup and spices into the fish tank to kill all three of them.

What did the kid think the goldfish would do? I could see it now:

Detective: All right, just the facts, ma'am, I mean goldfish, What did ya see?
Goldfish: Oh, it was so scary. He was big, bigger than me.
Detective: Well, you are a little goldfish.
Goldfish, Yeah, I guess, but anyway, he was about six feet tall, skinny, wearing those saggy jeans. I thought they'd fall into my tank here and kill e. I was so scared."
Detective: Those saggy pants are scary. Here, have a Valium to calm down. What did he take:
Goldfish: (Sobbing) All of my fish food. And the little underwater palm tree and bridge I like to play around in. What am I going to do?
Detective: We'll get him. Don't worry.

The real person who investigating the burglary, Arlington Heights, Illinois Police Detective Mike Hernandez, apparently didn't interview the goldfish because 1. They were dead and 2. Is apparently sane and doesn't talk to fish.

Hernandez, according to the Daily Herald said the goldfish killing, and the reason for it, "is a little disturbing."

Police did not identify the goldfish murderer, because the case is being handled in juvenile court. Too bad, I'd love to know what the kid thought the goldfish would say.

Luckily the police caught the kid, so there's no goldfish serial killer out there, thank gawd.