Monday, March 5, 2012

Million Moms' Marvelous Moves

I hope One Million Moms actually has one million members, because they'll need that many moms to keep up with the seemingly zillions of things they find objectionable. Even Liquid Plumr is a problem for this bunch.

The problem is we're drowning in all these vaguely distasteful and cheaply sexy advertisements, products and media out there. Thank Gawd One Million Moms is there to protect us from this onslaught.

However as Ellen Degeneres pointed out, One Million Moms has only maybe 30,000 members, so maybe they rounded up their membership numbers a little bit.  Degeneres, one of the group's many targets, says she gets that. In any event, the sinful things out there are going to be a handful for One Million Moms, because there are so many of them.
A woman gets some hot help with her drain clog
problems in a Liquid Plumr ad, to the
irritation of One Million Moms.

We had the Schweddy Ball crisis from Ben and Jerry's a couple months back.  There was the   aforementioned Degeneres for having the gall to be both gay and a spokeswoman for JC Penney, a Liquid Plumr commercial featuring two hot guys and some double entendres, Archie Comics because two guys got married to each other in Riverdale, where our buddy Archie lives;  Toys R Us because they sell Archie Comics, and a Carl's Jr.'s ad that features model Kate Upton getting wayyyyy too excited about the restaurant's food.

The poor One Million Moms have had to keep track of all these outrages and warn us to avoid these products. Go through their Web site, and seemingly every retailer in the world has done something wrong, or advertised on the wrong show, or has some sort of wrong corporate policy.  Pretty soon we'll have to boycott every single product and source of entertainment that's out there.  If we can't shop at any store whatsoever because they all support something morally wrong, what do we do?

Clothing for example. I need to go to a store to buy clothing.  Or else I would have to walk around naked, which believe me, NOBODY wants. And wouldn't One Million Moms think it's morally wrong to walk around naked. Not to mention cold, since I live in Vermont, after all.

What's worse for One Million Moms, the targets of their criticism are laughing all the way to the bank.  Nobody probably would have seen or cared about the Liquid Plumr ad until the media picked up on One Millon Moms' objection to it.

Now Liquid Plumr seems to be the unlikely hit of YouTube, with more than 1.3 million hits as of Sunday,  and those two hunk and the hot and bothered woman in the ad, have probably seen their careers take off.

Kate Upton might get more jobs, because so many frat boys had to be excited over her, um excitement, and might even go to Carl's Jr's  to celebrate.  Oh, and that Archie Comics gay marriage issue? Sorry, you can't have it. It's sold out.

So, maybe One Milion Moms failed at stopping all these moral outrages in the media, but they can take comfort in giving so much attention to these ads and whatnot. More people will be buying things, and maybe we should give One Million Moms credit for reviving the economy.

1 comment:

  1. golly, America laughs and moves on, and these azzholes have nothing better to do than worry about other people's bidness....