Thursday, November 1, 2012

The Hurricane Sandy Wacko Brigade

Last week,  I mentioned those weird conspiracy theories about President Obama and how he somehow controlled the path of Hurricane Sandy.

This destruction in New Jersey was caused by gay people,
evidently. Photo by Tim Larsen, N.J. Governor's office
Huge storms like Sandy always bring out the wackiest of the wackos, saying the wackiest things to distract us from our worries about the storm, and more importantly, gain a tidy profit for themselves.

Now that the storm has passed, the blame game has begun.  Mostly gay people and those who insufficiently support Isreal caused all this death and destruction, we're told.

The always helpful Joe Jervis at the Joe.My.God blog has been cataloging some of the people who don't offer us some creative theories as to why Sandy caused such heartache and destruction and how we can prevent this in the future.

I'm sure storm victims are thinking the same thing I am: If these losers really want to help, they should just shut up. But, of course they won't.

We begin our exploration of our Hurricane Sandy wacko brigade with Cindy Jacobs, who instructed us before Sandy hit  on how to pray the storm away from the East Coast.

Jacobs had a lot of prayers up her sleeves that she thought would work, as quoted by Jervis:

"Rebuke this storm in Jesus' name. The authority of the believer is powerful enough to shift weather patterns! (Matthew 17:20). Declare that the Prince of Peace reigns over this hurricane, and that His peace will cause the storm to diminish. (Isaiah 9:6).  Pray that this storm will not disrupt our Reformation Day prayer initiatives in the eastern states. (Isaiah 54:17).  Pray that the Lord would protect every person on the eastern coast, and that there would be no fatalities or serious injuries. (Psalm 91; It would also be good to declare this passage of scripture over the eastern states.)  Worship God for his provision, protection, and peace in the midst of storms. (Psalm 59:16)."

Somehow, as we know now, her prayers didn't work. Maybe her prayer recipe went bad. Or she was praying to the wrong god. Or God was so annoyed by her he made the storm worse to spite her. I guess we'll never know.

Big storms are always gay peoples' fault.  Every time there's a bad storm, The Gays did it. As if God was going to kill perfectly nice and heterosexual people because other people on the other side of the country are minding their own business, but are gay.  Because the straight people should have worked harder to convert gay people to straight? Even though that's not even possible?

Predictably, a virulently anti-gay rabbi in New York, surrounded by residents of a city stunned and mourning over the damage to their area, said of course it was The Gays fault that the city and the surrounding region were trashed, Jervis noted yesterday.

Of course, the guy who was helping the rabbi perhaps the most in his efforts to overturn gay marriage in New York was a guy named Michael Long. Long's home was destroyed in the hurricane. It's terrible that happened, and I feel bad for the guy, but if God was mad at The Gays for everything, why did the hurricane destroy a home of sonebody who was supposedly on his side?

Another guy, somebody named Pastor John McTernan, really throws the kitchen sink at this issue and blames The Gays, and people who don't like Israel, or something in this incredibly dense  blog post he wrote

"Just last August, Hurricane Isaac hit New Orleans seven years later, on the exact day of Hurricane Katrina. Both hit during the week of the homosexual event called Southern Decadence in New Orleans! Hurricane Sandy is hitting 21 years to the day of the Perfect Storm of October 20, 1991.  America has been under God’s judgment since this event. Both of these hurricanes were cause by freakish weather patterns that came together to create. Twenty-one years breaks down to 7 x 3, which is a significant number with God. Three is perfection as the Godhead is three in one while seven is perfection. It appears that God gave America 21 years to repent of interfering with His prophetic plan for Israel; however, it has gotten worse under all the presidents and especially Obama. Obama is 100 percent behind the Muslim Brotherhood which has vowed to destroy Israel and take Jerusalem. Both candidates are pro-homosexual and are behind the homosexual agenda. America is under political judgment and the church does not know it!"

Whew! That's quite a spew of words, isn't it?   I can't follow it, either.

I love how he came up with those random numbers to explain why God wrought Hurricane Sandy on us  But anybody can make up their own number system. Here, I'll try:

My birth date is 9/9/62.  Hurricane Sandy hit on 10/29/12. There's two nines in my birth date, so the storm hit on the 29th, see, two nines. There's two twos in the date 10/29/12,  so that proves that I'm the one who created Hurricane Sandy and steered it into the East Coast.

Or not.

As it turns out, every hurricane to affect the United States apparently comes at moments when we are insufficiently pro-Israel, according to a lot of these wackos. They explain it all to us at World Net Daily:

The "Long Island Express" Hurricane of 1938 came as the Nazis were consolidating power and we should have stopped them then.

"The Perfect Storm" of 1991 came when then President George H.W Bush was at some conference at Madrid where he was being insufficiently pro-Israel, according to WND

Katrina in 2005 came for the same reason. Apparently, the president was congratulating Israel for evacuating Gaza or something.  So a minor day politically pissed off God so much he trashed an American city unrelated to Israeli politics. Makes perfect sense.

Now that we've established that The Gays and the not supportive enough of Isreal are causing bad weather, who's causing good weather?

1 comment:

  1. Colbert knows exactly how hurricanes are created and he explains it here:

    The good stuff starts about 1:25 in.