Thursday, January 15, 2015

Manhunt For Vermont's Washing Machine Pee Perp

Waterbury, Vermont police know who this
guy is, peeing into a washing machine at
a laundromat, thanks to lots of tipsters
who identified the peeing perp.  
We pick on Florida all the time for its,  um, creative criminals, but up here in Vermont, we have our own special breed of weirdos.  

Exhibit A this week is a guy named Steven Byrd who decided it would be fun recently to take a pee into a washing machine at Waterbury Laundry & Dry in Waterbury, Vermont.

Surveillance video shows Byrd stepping up on a chair, unzipping his pants, peeing into the machine, zipping his pants back up, and closing the washing machine lid.

He wiped his dick with his sleeve for good measure before finishing up. A real class act, that guy.

I guess he thought he was being hilarious. He and some friends had arrived at the unattended laundromat to throw things around. Again, because I guess it's fun to do that. Or something.

Vermonters, though, fight back against crime. Especially pee crime. Waterbury Police Chief Toby Feccia released the surveillance video of Byrd peeing into the washing machine. People then gleefully uploaded the video to YouTube.

The Waterbury, Vermont "Peeing Perp," Steven
Byrd, in his Facebook photo in which he
thinks he's a gangsta or something.  
Police know the peeing perp was Byrd because Feccia said he received "dozens of calls" from people identifying Byrd. On their Facebook page, the Waterbury Police Department said that within 28 hours of posting the video, it got 29,000 views, 255 shares and 64 comments.

It didn't help that Byrd was wearing the same goofy hat he posted on his Facebook page a couple days earlier when he peed in the washer.

His Facebook photo is a piece of work, too. It shows him crouching in front of a graffiti-smeared wall. Yeah, you're a real gangsta thug, Steven!

Authorities were still trying to find Byrd at last report, but when they do catch up with him, he'll be charged with vandalism.

And being a total moron.

Plus, he'll live on in Internet infamy. This story has been picked up all over the nation and the world, including in the New York Daily News, The Smoking Gun, The popular blog Nothing To Do With Arbroath and others.

His mother must be so proud.

Watch the surveillance video if you can stand it:

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